Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Magic.. Faith.. Belief..

"Whether we name divine presence synchronicity, serendipity, or graced moment matters little. What matters is the reality that our hearts have been understood. Nothing is as real as a healthy dose of magic which restores our spirits." ~Nancy Long 

I've got a red [faded red now] string tied around my left wrist. It's been there since the end of July last year and I just haven't gotten around to taking it off... the monk that put it on said it would wear off but it shows no signs of doing so... do I just leave it on? That's what I think, as it's a comfort now... a reminder of magic things. 

It amuses me [mostly... on a bad day I'm peeved] that here in Trinidad random people naturally assume that I'm Hindu. On one level... ok I get it ... our society is generally made up of Hindus, Muslims and Christians and of those major faiths it's only the Hindus [that I know of] that go around wearing red strings tied around their wrists. On another level... really? Do people not realise that there are other faiths out there that use the red string?

I got mine in a Buddhist ceremony I took part in last year... a Healing Chöd led by Dungse Rigdzin Dorje Rinpoche which was an overall amazing experience that I can't begin to put into words. Perhaps that is one of the reasons I don't want to part with my string... as I said... it's a bit of magic... protection against evil... a reminder of beautiful things. As is all things spiritual and faith-based I guess. Today is the fall equinox... time to reflect, renew, refresh... tomorrow is the full moon - full moon in September is the Harvest Moon - to me it all speaks of coming back to ourselves and connecting with the earth and sky and all that is inside and outside of us. 

It's a magic time. Miracles or what one can call miracles are happening. It's the end of a period of worship dedicated to Lord Ganesh and apparently Ganesh murtis are accepting the offerings of milk and water. While I'm not a full-fledged Hindu (all religions are equal in my book) my family does lean more towards Hinduism than other fates and thus... I'm a believer in miracles. Almost 15 years ago this same phenomenon known as the Hindu Milk Miracle on Wikipedia took place. Coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. 

It feels like a good time for some prayer though... and a card reading or two...    


Monday, September 20, 2010

Memory Lane Monday - threads that bind...

"There are times to cultivate and create when you nurture your world and give birth to new ideas and ventures. There are times of flourishing and abundance, when life feels in full bloom, energized and expanding. And there are times of fruition when things come to an end. They have reached their climax and must be harvested before they begin to fade. And finally of course, there are times that are cold, and cutting and empty, times when the spring of new beginnings seems like a distant dream. Those rhythms in life are natural events. They weave into one another as day follows night, bringing, not messages of hope and fear, but messages of how things are." ~Chogyam Trungpa 

A memory which surfaced today:
When I was younger (much younger) there was a children's show called 'The Littl' Bits' which I watched after school for months? years? I can't remember. It was essentially about the adventures of a race of little people living in the woods. And for you reader... (yay for youtube!) I found the intro:


It came to mind because I remember there was one episode where there was a weaving competition. Complete with looms and spinning yarn and whatnot. Why did weaving come to mind? I think I'd like to try out a loom sometime. Last July-August some friends started teaching me how to knit (I'm still on my 1st project - maybe it'll finish by the end of the year?) ... and like I do with most things I get interested in, I signed up for a bunch of yarn/knitting type e-newsletters. One appeared in my inbox today showing how to weave a blanket on a loom. I think I'd like to try that out sometime.

Memories made over this weekend:
  • A crazy lady (ok ... maybe she's not crazy) left a voicemail accusing 'Nicki' of going around with her husband and threatening 'Nicki' that if she doesn't leave the man alone (am guessing crazy lady = man's wife) she [nicki] would be on d receiving end of one cut-ass from crazy lady. Meep. My name's not Nicki. Am fully prepared to avoid all calls from that phone number now. 
  • Exercised via mirror neurons. Spent most of Saturday watching 'Women of Ninja Warrior' on G4... Those women rule. Seriously. :)
  • Contemplations of the fairness/unfairness of life and death. My mom's cousin died in an accident this weekend. Burnt to death inside the vehicle cuz they couldn't get her out. Fair? Unfair? If souls choose their moment of death why would a soul choose that type of death? Is it just a bit weird that I feel no sense of horror over this death? That's life... *shoulder shrug* people die every day and some in even worse ways. Jaded? Am I? Seen too much. Know too much. Maybe. What will be, will be. 
    Nite all,


    Tuesday, September 14, 2010

    Busy day tomorrow...

    "Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words." ~Rainer Maria Rilke 

    Tomorrow is set to be a busy day... Am trying to think it easy from now... I shall not be stressed. I will get there when I get there. I will talk to whoever I'm supposed to talk too. I will do whatever I must do. 
    I really should be in bed at the moment... Am gonna be up @ 4 am... out of my house around @ 6.30 am... not back in till nightime... 8 pm? 9? 

    I'll be working shifts at:

    Yay? Hopefully... 

    Will be at the office after that... and then classes after that... why am I studying again? who has time to study? 

    Life is hectic at the moment... am trying to be still... 



    Thursday, September 9, 2010

    Tidbit Thursday...

    Time: 2:38 am
    Mood: alert

    There are days when I take my time with waking up but that requires conscious decision that.. No. I do not need to get up just yet... Usually I go from asleep to awake in under 2 minutes.

    I awake today to the sound of rain pounding on the roof. I lie awake listening to it for some minutes but then the thought crosses my mind - maybe I should take a video? - so I can share with the non-tropical world what a thunderstorm really sounds like... Alas, I'm too lazy at this hour to put on my light and get out my camera - just know world that it sounds like a muted roar sorta like what you'd think 40 nights and days or rain would sound like. Occasional flashes of lightening and I wait for the thunder but maybe it's too far away to hear it?

    I wish I could lie here but I'm not built like that - must check to see that all is well before I can allow myself that luxury. I find myself hovering outside my brother's closed bedroom door - is all well? How can one tell through a closed door? No sound from inside and one must go on faith... Make my way on silent feet to my mom's room - I can walk silently if I have to though now all footsteps or soft sounds are drowned out by the falling rain. Hover by my mom's bedside and wait to see the comforting rise and fall of her chest as she sleeps - I've done this more times with her than other family members... Just because. One more to check on but first a detour to look through the windows at the pouring rain. Turning around am almost shocked by the sight of another person - no worries, just dad - and now you know I'm not the only one that does these checks (I imagine it must be frustrating for him now that my brother and I close our bedroom doors to sleep).

    We go to look out the back windows... Can't see the river in the dark... Quick prayer that it's not on the rise though the rain has been falling heavily for some time. Soft discussion about the quantity of water coming through the spouting - our drains weren't built to hold so much water...travelling plans for the day...general plans for the day. I see the curtains move in the house across the street - we're not the only ones awake. It's mildly ironic that our weatherman said there was only 10% chance of bad weather... The national hurricane has us ready for storm watch but the weatherman wasn't sure why...

    Time to go back to bed and I think I'll leave my door open for the rest of the night...just because.


    Time: 3:36 pm
    Mood: drowsy

    Perhaps I need a siesta? Am at work - as I have been since 8: 10 this am... As soon as I got here I was ready to go back home. There was flood and traffic and was just really glad I wasn't the one driving. Got dropped to work by my dad cuz my brother has to carry mum for radiation. Ergh.

    Am not sure how I feel about that. Strong tests by the Universe for all of us I guess. I just want her to be well. I think unless persons have been in similar situations they won't know all the drama that comes with having a family member with a serious (considered serious) illness. There's a lot of up and down emotions happening for me which I'm trying to level off. Positive thoughts needed.

    I wanna go home. My computer at work is not working (I'm on someone else's right now) but yet I have so much work to do! It's an additional hassle that is not needed. Buck up IT... have spare parts... Geez. My head hurts.

    Am being kidnapped after work though am a willing victim. Am bumming a ride you see (don't have my car remember?) and so we're going to have either indian or thai or chinese food after work. Yay! food! lol...

    It's still not time to leave. Argh! Back to work for me...


    Time: 11:38 pm
    Mood: Contemplative

    I should have gone to bed earlier. Came home and checked on mum. Day 1/5 of radiation treatment for cancer in her spine... day-am-not-sure-what of side effects caused by cancer treatments. One day the cure for cancer shall be simple and pain-free. Hopefully that day will come sooner than later. 

    I've got to go to school on Saturday... to find out whether my dissertation proposal has been approved or not. I feel... no enthusiasm... am going through the motions... why am I doing this again? I must remind myself constantly. Personally, I don't think it's worth the hassle. 

    Tomorrow is Eid-ul-Fitr - have been invited by one of my girlfriends. I've always found it interesting that the end of the year has so many celebrations... Eid, Divali, Christmas... that's what we've got here... all equally celebrated. It's a spiritual time I think... a coming back to ourselves... reaffirm... realign. 

    I need to go to bed. 

    Nite all...


    Tuesday, September 7, 2010

    Timed Post Tuesday! (idk what it will be about yet...)

    "If you nurture your mind, body, and spirit, your time will expand. You will gain a new perspective that will allow you to accomplish more." ~Brian Koslow 

    I've been thinking of doing a timed post... what is it? It's where you time yourself... maybe 5 minutes... or 10 (or more) and just write... No censoring... just transferring what's in your head to paper... or in this case a blog post. So. I'm giving myself 10 minutes to see what comes out. Ready? Set. Go!


    It's 11.17 and I just killed a mosquito... except that it isn't dead cuz it just flew away again. Super Mosquito? Am sure that I squashed it. This is not what I want to be writing about. Perhaps I'll start over... it's 11.17 and some more seconds and I initially thought I'd start blogging at 11. Except that I was watching Chopped Champions on the Food Network and was distracted - Food Network can take up a lot of my time if I'm not careful. I don't agree with the winning decision - Pnina should have won. Oh well and letting it go now. For some reason I ended up on the Food Network Chopped page and look! there's a twitter feed! and Aarti Sequeira is on Twitter... AARTI!!! For those of you that don't know about Aarti and her Paarti I shall provide the link...after I'm done with this timing. You see? Food Network can be distracting not just from tv viewing but because of their website and twitter feeds and facebook pages and such. Sometimes I think we have too much technology going on. Surely one day we'll hit overload? Or maybe we'll just evolve such that our brains .. senses.. can absorb data at lightning speeds... 

    My brother told me today about a creature (is it a snake? lizard? - ergh I can't remember) that scientists have found to be evolving... apparently the creature lives on the slopes of a mountain so that there are some in the valley and some higher up the mountain... those at the base lay eggs but those higher up have evolved such that they now don't lay eggs... the young grow inside like with us. Evolution... it's happening all around. 

    It's New Moon in Virgo today I believe... an earth sign and I read a really great article about Spider Woman - she's a Goddess though I can't remember which religion... Native American maybe? It's interesting for me cuz it speaks about weaving webs and linkages. I've always thought that people - humans - souls weave webs... spin dreams out of nothing - into the past and into the future and there are all these connections between people, places, things (I remember a game called 'boy, girl, place, thing' - that's neither here nor there at the moment). I just find it interesting. New moon means setting intentions... earthy new moon means grounding and strengthening and building intentions. 

    Am still trying to figure out what my intentions are. There's the mosquito again! and it's 11.27. 


    So I think I ramble... but perhaps not. A timed post is cleansing in its own way... Maybe I should have given myself 15 minutes. Or maybe I'll do another timed post on Thursday! :D 

    Here are the links to what I was thinking/talking about:

    Chopped: Food Network

    good night all!


    ETA: New Moon was on the 8th (Wednesday)

    Monday, September 6, 2010

    Memory Lane Monday - Thoughts on Living and Dying

    "You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die, or when. But you can decide how you’re going to live now." ~ Joan Baez 

    So here's a true story... a silly story really... when I was younger - maybe 5 or 6 years old - I was very much in love with the Cyndi Lauper song 'True Colours' (colours with a 'u' because British English is my mother language)... I used to listen out for it on the radio and - the silly part - thought that whenever it played on the radio it would appear on the television as well... I'm not sure why I thought the radio and tv were so linked but there you go... That's what I remember when I hear the song now... how when I heard it on the radio I'd look to see if it was on the tv... 

    I haven't written in some time... I'm taking it day by day though perhaps on Mondays I shall write stuff from my memories... I'm on a micro-mini break from school... work is hectic... my mom hasn't been feeling well... I haven't been feeling well... it's been a somewhat stressful time. 

    I've been thinking about life and how persons go about living it... Are you aware of other persons? What do you believe in? What's the plan Stan? When I was younger I had constant flashes of Déjà vu... the feeling of been here before - did this already - don't I know you? Sometimes I wake up and expect to be somewhere else - another time, another place. Sometimes I go through the motions - this isn't my life - where am I supposed to be? What am I to be doing? Sometimes I am in the moment - I try to always be here. 

    In a conversation with my mum and brother we were discussing how as we get older the time seems to move faster... Slower when one is younger and speeding up as the years pass... What will it look like if I live to be 100? I've always thought I'd die at 60-something... my mum's always been the one to want to live to 100... she hasn't been feeling so well though (cancer and all the complications it brings can do that to you) and she's said she'd like to revise her statement... she only wants to live to 100 if she's healthy - able to move around and do things for herself. I agree totally... who wants to hang around in this realm if the vessel is damaged?  Thoughts of life and death swirl around my head - who determines what will be? Is it all a part of me?