Monday, September 6, 2010

Memory Lane Monday - Thoughts on Living and Dying

"You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die, or when. But you can decide how you’re going to live now." ~ Joan Baez 

So here's a true story... a silly story really... when I was younger - maybe 5 or 6 years old - I was very much in love with the Cyndi Lauper song 'True Colours' (colours with a 'u' because British English is my mother language)... I used to listen out for it on the radio and - the silly part - thought that whenever it played on the radio it would appear on the television as well... I'm not sure why I thought the radio and tv were so linked but there you go... That's what I remember when I hear the song now... how when I heard it on the radio I'd look to see if it was on the tv... 

I haven't written in some time... I'm taking it day by day though perhaps on Mondays I shall write stuff from my memories... I'm on a micro-mini break from school... work is hectic... my mom hasn't been feeling well... I haven't been feeling well... it's been a somewhat stressful time. 

I've been thinking about life and how persons go about living it... Are you aware of other persons? What do you believe in? What's the plan Stan? When I was younger I had constant flashes of Déjà vu... the feeling of been here before - did this already - don't I know you? Sometimes I wake up and expect to be somewhere else - another time, another place. Sometimes I go through the motions - this isn't my life - where am I supposed to be? What am I to be doing? Sometimes I am in the moment - I try to always be here. 

In a conversation with my mum and brother we were discussing how as we get older the time seems to move faster... Slower when one is younger and speeding up as the years pass... What will it look like if I live to be 100? I've always thought I'd die at 60-something... my mum's always been the one to want to live to 100... she hasn't been feeling so well though (cancer and all the complications it brings can do that to you) and she's said she'd like to revise her statement... she only wants to live to 100 if she's healthy - able to move around and do things for herself. I agree totally... who wants to hang around in this realm if the vessel is damaged?  Thoughts of life and death swirl around my head - who determines what will be? Is it all a part of me? 


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