Thursday, September 9, 2010

Tidbit Thursday...

Time: 2:38 am
Mood: alert

There are days when I take my time with waking up but that requires conscious decision that.. No. I do not need to get up just yet... Usually I go from asleep to awake in under 2 minutes.

I awake today to the sound of rain pounding on the roof. I lie awake listening to it for some minutes but then the thought crosses my mind - maybe I should take a video? - so I can share with the non-tropical world what a thunderstorm really sounds like... Alas, I'm too lazy at this hour to put on my light and get out my camera - just know world that it sounds like a muted roar sorta like what you'd think 40 nights and days or rain would sound like. Occasional flashes of lightening and I wait for the thunder but maybe it's too far away to hear it?

I wish I could lie here but I'm not built like that - must check to see that all is well before I can allow myself that luxury. I find myself hovering outside my brother's closed bedroom door - is all well? How can one tell through a closed door? No sound from inside and one must go on faith... Make my way on silent feet to my mom's room - I can walk silently if I have to though now all footsteps or soft sounds are drowned out by the falling rain. Hover by my mom's bedside and wait to see the comforting rise and fall of her chest as she sleeps - I've done this more times with her than other family members... Just because. One more to check on but first a detour to look through the windows at the pouring rain. Turning around am almost shocked by the sight of another person - no worries, just dad - and now you know I'm not the only one that does these checks (I imagine it must be frustrating for him now that my brother and I close our bedroom doors to sleep).

We go to look out the back windows... Can't see the river in the dark... Quick prayer that it's not on the rise though the rain has been falling heavily for some time. Soft discussion about the quantity of water coming through the spouting - our drains weren't built to hold so much water...travelling plans for the day...general plans for the day. I see the curtains move in the house across the street - we're not the only ones awake. It's mildly ironic that our weatherman said there was only 10% chance of bad weather... The national hurricane has us ready for storm watch but the weatherman wasn't sure why...

Time to go back to bed and I think I'll leave my door open for the rest of the night...just because.


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Time: 3:36 pm
Mood: drowsy

Perhaps I need a siesta? Am at work - as I have been since 8: 10 this am... As soon as I got here I was ready to go back home. There was flood and traffic and was just really glad I wasn't the one driving. Got dropped to work by my dad cuz my brother has to carry mum for radiation. Ergh.

Am not sure how I feel about that. Strong tests by the Universe for all of us I guess. I just want her to be well. I think unless persons have been in similar situations they won't know all the drama that comes with having a family member with a serious (considered serious) illness. There's a lot of up and down emotions happening for me which I'm trying to level off. Positive thoughts needed.

I wanna go home. My computer at work is not working (I'm on someone else's right now) but yet I have so much work to do! It's an additional hassle that is not needed. Buck up IT... have spare parts... Geez. My head hurts.

Am being kidnapped after work though am a willing victim. Am bumming a ride you see (don't have my car remember?) and so we're going to have either indian or thai or chinese food after work. Yay! food! lol...

It's still not time to leave. Argh! Back to work for me...


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Time: 11:38 pm
Mood: Contemplative

I should have gone to bed earlier. Came home and checked on mum. Day 1/5 of radiation treatment for cancer in her spine... day-am-not-sure-what of side effects caused by cancer treatments. One day the cure for cancer shall be simple and pain-free. Hopefully that day will come sooner than later. 

I've got to go to school on Saturday... to find out whether my dissertation proposal has been approved or not. I feel... no enthusiasm... am going through the motions... why am I doing this again? I must remind myself constantly. Personally, I don't think it's worth the hassle. 

Tomorrow is Eid-ul-Fitr - have been invited by one of my girlfriends. I've always found it interesting that the end of the year has so many celebrations... Eid, Divali, Christmas... that's what we've got here... all equally celebrated. It's a spiritual time I think... a coming back to ourselves... reaffirm... realign. 

I need to go to bed. 

Nite all...

peace,
Ren

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