Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Interesting read...

Inside 'Inception': Could Christopher Nolan's Dream World Exist in Real Life? - ABC News

Cuz I was talking to a friend about Inception earlier and now the thoughts are stuck in my head...

peace,
Ren

Apathy & Inertia...

"Without knowing what I am and why I am here, life is impossible." ~ Leo Tolstoy

 
Ever wondered what people think about you? What do they see when they look at you? How do they feel when they interact with you? I've spent some time wondering. I don't quite know the answer. To some, I come across as mature-responsible-adult... or as fun-friendly-happy... or as capable-aware-knowledgable... or as gloomy-sad-tired. Different aspects of myself are exposed in different situations I guess. Different projections as it were.

I've been feeling grumpy about the world at large. Last week I had to work a career day at a prestigious all-boys school. The students (boys from age 11ish - 18ish) did not particularly care about what we were there to tell them. There was no hint of interest... nothing beyond the want of 'free ting' (promotional items from my company: pencils, lanyards and the most popular - a combo measuring tape/led flashlight). Was I like that at that age? I don't think so (I sincerely hope not) - how can they not think about what they should be doing, where they should be going, what exists around them? If this is our future people then I am .. concerned.

I went to the University of the West Indies Food Fest Exhibition (in celebration of World Food Day) this weekend. Whilst I was only there for a short period of time I thought that there was a significant lack of persons attending. Although it is heartening to see the amount of effort put out by the University and the Ministry of Food Production, Land and Marine Affairs in presenting this exhibition - I thought that more persons should have come out to see and learn about what is essentially seeing about a basic need (we do all need food right? - no breatharians yet). It's a largely apathetic society we're living in - while I'm sure there must be something I should be doing to help persons get out of this rut I don't know what it is.

And speaking of ruts... my dissertation is not going anywhere. I've gotten advice from family and friends about writing and planning and laying it all out - I can't seem to get myself to care about it... or do anything remotely related to it. Is it inertia as so many suggest? Is it my higher self saying why are you doing this? Again I don't know.

All I know in this moment is that I've got to find my way somehow. That's about it.

peace,

Ren



Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A tale of two knives...

"If a story is in you, it has got to come out." ~William Faulkner 

I sliced off a bit of my finger yesterday. Thankfully it is already healing or this would have been a very cranky post... one can't necessarily type well when there is finger pain. How did I damage myself? As I said to a friend - one must not try to please people at early hours of the morning. 

The story: It was somewhere between 5 and 6 am and I was chopping up some garlic to chunkay my pot of dhal when my dad came into the kitchen. I generally don't like people in the kitchen (this trait is shared by my brother - it is his kitchen when he's cooking) - it messes with my flow - I know when, how, what, why and where I'm doing things... I don't need other people there with me. My dad especially is not someone you want in the kitchen with you - he pokes around... gets in the way... generally starts talking about all sorts of things... argh. On this particular occasion he was not happy cuz I was using the mini-chopper (knife?) that I've been using to chop stuff since I was... young (since I learnt to cook? maybe)... This chopper belonged to my dad's parents - am not quite sure how it made its way to our house but it did and it is my official chopper. It fits perfectly in my hand unlike most other things. There's a sense of familiarity and many great meals cooked with it. It just is my chopper. As I said though - my dad was not pleased. He gave us a knife set for Divali you see... a Ginsu Stainless Steel 2 Piece Santoku Set of which the 5" blade is apparently mine to be used. It is admittedly a gorgeous knife - all stainless steel, serrated, double-edged blade. It can cut through anything. Really. So he starts to complain that I'm using my chopper which can't do the job as fabulously as the new knife and I give in. Sometimes it is far easier to just go along with something than to argue about it. And in perhaps less than 5 minutes of using the fabulous new knife - I slice off the tip of my left index finger. Remember I said it could cut through anything? I didn't even realise my finger was in the way until I saw the blood welling up (who knew fingers could bleed so much?)... all I can say is .. OW! I'm really glad it's on its way to being healed. 

Whilst I'm sure at some point in the future I'll be using the new knife for now I'll be sticking to my old chopper. Really, one should not try to use new knives at early hours... just as one should not try to please people (or just try to get them to be quiet already) instead of sticking with what one knows.


peace,

Ren

Monday, November 8, 2010

Mouth open story jump out...

"Telling stories is as basic to human beings as eating. More so, in fact, for while food makes us live, stories are what make our lives worth living." ~Richard Kearney

Caught your attention with that title didn't I? lol... it's apparently a Trini saying - I'd never heard it before last week. My uncle shared it in an email  response to one I'd sent. My family is made of storytellers I think. There are some who are able to weave words into songs or poems or stories and perhaps I'm one of them (or will one day grow to be).

It is my belief that in sharing our experiences and thoughts we also share our happiness and sorrows... we record our memories... we provide food for thought... and so this post is just that... a mini collection of memories old and new.

I went to the Divali Nagar last Wednesday all by myself. It is a combination of Indian cultural exhibitions and bazaar and is usually held in the week leading up to Divali here in Trinidad and Tobago. I can't remember when last I was there but it was sometime when I was still in school... secondary school? tertiary? I don't remember. What I do remember is that whenever we (my mum, my brother and I) would visit  we'd (my brother & I) get balloons. Helium-filled balloons in odd colours that we'd then tie on to our wrists. They had a purpose of course. I'm fairly short you see... (at 12 I was one of the tallest girls in my class - I didn't know at the time that that would be my final height) and my brother was also somewhat short (not having hit his growth spurt yet)... and so the balloons helped us to keep track of each other... We'd get separated in the throngs of ppl and then stop to look for a familiar balloon rising above the crowds... lol and so when I went by myself I missed it... there was no balloon to look for... except that I looked up at one point and saw one floating away. Perhaps some other pair of siblings had just lost their location markers? Perhaps some child had just grown tired of holding on to the ribbon. It was familiar and yet not and I found myself caught up in feelings of nostalgia as I wandered around by myself.

This weekend was Divali... we celebrated in a small way... just us at home and my brother's girlfriend. My brother cooked everything - quite obviously we've brought him up well - lol... Didn't have much to do besides organise house... My mum wasn't so well... She overexerts herself without realising it. Her doctor recommended that she do a session of chemo so we'll see how that goes... to do or not to do - that is her question. It hurts to see her so frail and sad-looking when I know what a vibrantly alive person she is. I ask myself if I could be as strong as she is if I were in her situation and I find that I have no answers. Who can say what they will and won't do in a situation unless they are placed in it? For now I know we're spending time in prayer... building up the healing vibes and such. Divali 2010... already come and gone.


peace,
Ren

Monday, November 1, 2010

Return to the Blogosphere...

"When you feel that you have reached the end and that you cannot go one step further, when life seems to be drained of all purpose; what a wonderful opportunity to start all over again, to turn over a new page." ~ Eileen Caddy

It's been awhile since I've been on here. I'll admit to starting posts and not finishing them (I've deleted those drafts... ah well) and also to having random ideas for blog posts pop into my head at odd moments. It hasn't felt right to actually write anything till now though. Perhaps I needed time away from the computer. As I've said before, between work & school I tend to spend a LOT of time on computers... it can be tiring.

I also was going through a down period (depression is too harsh a word really) - it just felt for a while like I didn't know what I was doing or why ... fuzzy really. It could be that I got put on the pill or it could just be overwork or it could have been any number of factors occuring in everyday life.

I'm back though.. or at least I feel more upbeat than I have in some time. It's that time of year given to focus on darkness and light and the veil between worlds. Whether you believe in it or not I think most people are drawn into the energy that builds at this time. Yesterday was Halloween - a holiday that is totally American in the making and one that is making its way into Trinbagonian culture. It annoys me when persons don't learn about things they want to participate in - please look at the History channel people... witches and black cats and etcetera were not originally bringers of creepy, scary things. It also annoys me that persons wanting to participate in Halloween in Trinidad and Tobago would prefer to wear scanty underthings instead of incorporating the local folkore - we have our own scary legends and folklore after all. *sigh* Perhaps I need to be more tolerant. My family (along with just about all the Hindus in T&T and around the world) is preparing for the festival of Divali on Friday... Right now is a time of cleansing, reflection and celebration ... to be followed by Christmas which should really be about the same. Prayerful times ahead.

And so I leave you now with a recap of the last month or so...
  • I went to a rally with my dad... saw a LOT of mud... and some pretty good driving too:
  • There was family bonding (on my mum's side) ... some family members died. it was the anniversary of the death of my aunt. there were birthdays... this is where we come from (my cousins, our parents and I):


  • There was bonding with my friends... celebrating birthdays and the acquisition of new living spaces and the fact that we're still friends after all this time....
  • There was awareness of breast cancer activities (October is breast cancer awareness month) - I took part in Boobiethon 2010 and generally tried to be supportive of whatever activities were happening.
  • I read innumerable text books online. Oy. Leadership. Oy.
  • We missed getting hit by Tropical Storm (now hurricane) Tomas.
What did you do with your September/October? What plans do you have for the rest of the year?

peace,

Ren