Sunday, May 1, 2011

About Disney, romance novel men and the search for a mate...

" A soul-mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul-mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul-mate is the one who makes life come to life." ~Richard Bach 

The Royal Wedding has come and gone... Catherine Middleton (am not sure she can be referred to as 'Kate' any more...) has found her prince and they shall now continue their journey together as a married couple. I confess to not getting up at 4 am to watch the wedding... I did look at the news coverage throughout the day though. It was a beautiful wedding - pomp and circumstance and throughout it all the newly-wedded couple did look ... in love - happy to be together... I wish them joy, patience and a lack of paparazzi.

As I mentioned in this post, I find myself thinking that I won't mind getting married. To do this however, I require a man.... unfortunately, there seems to be a shortage in Trinidad and Tobago of males my age that are single, employed and willing to be in a relationship. I guess I need to broaden my scope... persons older? younger? foreigners? *sigh*

Whilst I didn't think much about marriage and love and relationships while growing up... I thought (assumed) that it would be a fairly simple process. This assumption of course was based on Disney movies and on what I read in romance novels. It really did seem like the princess/heroine/female lead was able to find someone that suited her with a minimum of fuss... in fact sometimes there were two someones fighting for her attention. Of course there'd be drama - poverty or evil stepmothers or lack of adventure or parent having to go off to war... inevitably though the female lead would somehow meet the male lead and they would fall in love. The love of her life would know that she was the love of his life. He would listen to her / save her / battle dragons for her / be committed to her. Whilst there might be some struggle in their realisation of love ultimately once that love was found things went smoothly from there. Two became one and they'd work together for a happy ending. 

I guess it's the happy ending concept that's messed me up. I'm not sure I believe in it but there aren't that many Disney movies / romance novels that show real life. Romance novels tend to follow the same Disney trend... sometimes the women leads are amazingly powerful in their own right (they don't need saving thank you very much)... but in all books there's the crisis which is overcome either before or after they fall in love and then either they work to overcome the crisis (and in the process fall in love) or overcome the crisis (and realise how awesome they are so they fall in love). 

Real life is not like that at all. It's very messy... takes forever... and has a lot of drama. I've yet to meet a man that would really listen to me/ battle dragons for me/ be committed to me. In fact, a lot of the men I meet are somewhat shallow or caught up in themselves or just don't know what they want... where are the Disney men? where can I find these persons? Ok... I don't really want a Disney man... I understand that they are too perfect... too unreal... but... where are the men that would listen, respect and cherish me? Is that asking for much?

I wonder if it's that I'm not ready for any sort of committed relationship and that is why I'm not meeting someone... but then those persons I do meet are completely destroying my faith in men. So. What happens when I'm ready? I'm ready for some type of something Universe... really, I am. Yes, I've got baggage... trust issues and the like but .. doesn't everyone? I want someone. A male someone. Not necessarily for marriage (still don't know if I really want that...) but definitely some type of companionship that is more than friendly. One of the birthday blessings I received was the hope that I would receive everything I desire in the perfect way. I really hope that the perfect way doesn't take forever.



Anonymous said...

Pity, I am a female someone. who also wants someone. but someone female..


How many men have you had relationships with?

I will say, none. I knew I was gay since like 15. Dream was the beach wedding with a lovely red head.

acer said...

"I've yet to meet a man that would really listen to me/ battle dragons for me/ be committed to me. In fact, a lot of the men I meet are somewhat shallow or caught up in themselves or just don't know what they want..." you want to know where are those men, I would would like to know where are the women who would take the chance to get to know a guy who isn't rich or a pretty boy. what about liking him for who he is and not what he has. you never get what you really want out of life, (no expectation no disappointment).

Unknown said...

I think that just like the men I hope to find.. the women are out there.

I know that for myself it doesn't matter if the guy is rich as long as he's interested and involved in his own development and can support himself.

As for 'pretty boys'... 'pretty' is subjective... my idea of pretty is different from my other girlfriends so...

acer said...

well when i said pretty boy i was talking in general , you know the more popular ppl who into the the latest fashion and so on.

lately i started to belive that love is a myth and probably not worth going though all the complications and hurt to get to that point. some people experience love so easily while others have to go through so much pain and hurt before they able to be loved, where is the fairness? as a guy i'm not ashamed to admit that i really liked this particular post, it really brought up some old memories and feelings that i tried so hard to forget.

do you remember me from flickr?

Unknown said...

Love is what we think it is. Ideas and perceptions and feelings all wrapped up into one main emotion. Idk..

Yes. All is well?