Of anger and love.

"Love, also known as compassion, stems from a sense of universal being and the experiential understanding that all suffering is connected." ~Deepak Chopra

There are times when something that someone says resonates with you... when you think 'ah yes, that's exactly it'. I've had that experience many times and today one of them is relevant. I've mentioned before that Shoeaholic and I look at Oprah reruns during our lunch hour at work. Today's episode was 'The Color Purple Reunion' and one of the guest stars was Whoopi Goldberg... what struck me was that during part of the interview she was asked about how she stormed off the set of The View because of something guest star Bill O'Reilly said and her response was:

"[In my head,] I heard myself say something that would have cost me a great deal of money from the FCC," Whoopi says. "[I] knew that if I didn't get off the stage what was coming. I know Bill. I like Bill. I think he just got caught up in that moment and didn't realize that what he had said was too volatile."

I completely identify. Completely.

I don't get angry very often. I'm very even-tempered but there are times when incidents can cause me to lose my cool. Shoeaholic says that I remind her of her dad... direct quote (tweet): "you remind me of dad...cool for yrs but when time to erupt is like whoop aaa!" ... I always try to remove myself from the scene before the 'whoop aaa' comes out... and I try not to be around the people/circumstance that causes the eruption till I have time to settle down.

Anger is a very tiring emotion and is composed of many different (sub?)emotions. It is annoyances and discomfort caused by persons in charge being reactive, it is disbelief and  disappointment in people/events where they should really know better, it's disappointment in myself for expecting more from people than they can apparently give or are willing to give.

It's a mystery to me that people are content to just accept a negative situation and then try to convince others affected that they are not affected... 

You may not know what I'm talking about... but it's a work-related issue that has had me pissed-off-mad-as-hell all week... and that's why this post is so vague. Am mostly over it though. People will be people... not everyone is ready to be mature... the vast majority of the population is concerned with their own selves. Accept, shrug, move on... it makes no sense getting mad when they don't even realise what's there to be mad about.

Went out tonight with my closest girlfriends. It's a release of sorts.. a relaxing of all that is tense when you are in the company of persons that you'd trust with your.. everything. It's freeing to be able to tell persons every thought in your head and have them both respect and encourage your thinking. It is a sharing of sorrows and joys such that sorrows are spread out so that they don't weigh as much and joys are magnified exponentially. It is laughter and tears and love of a sort that is different from family blood bonds but that is necessary for the maintaining of a person's sanity.

Or at least my own sanity.

Cuz otherwise there'd be a build up of 'whoop aaa' ... and I'm not sure the world can handle the eruption from that. 

peace,

Ren

Flowers make me happy.

"All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today." ~Swedish Proverb

I haven't blogged in a bit and that's because I usually don't on weekends... and work has me crazy-busy-tired. I have any number of topics to write (complain) about... ranging from how some people apparently don't need clean air to breathe or room to move around... to the rainy weather that we have all day (but not all night)... to the misconception that women need to douche... to how some people can be annoying - without even trying/meaning to.

I'll write about happy stuff though... cuz otherwise I'd be depressed/grumpy/ready-to-turn-psycho. The world does not need that kind of drama. So...

I've started a flower garden. :D Please pray for me (and my flowers-to-be)... or if you're not into praying please send happy (growing) thoughts my way.

If you've read my 'about me' page (if you haven't that's fine) then you'll know that plants tend to die when I try to grow them... or get eaten... I had a pink rosebush when I was younger that made it to two years old before being eaten by ants.. or something. I usually satisfy my need for pretty growing things by taking photos... or looking at photos... or visiting gardens. I've been feeling the urge to grow stuff though... to get out into the green and plant. It's against my nature (dirt, soil, bugs.. ick) and yet apparently Taurus people are supposed to be natural gardeners. I guess sometimes we all need to be in nature and just grow or help stuff to grow...

This is my new garden:

Soon-to-be flowering! Yay!

It's smack in the middle... ok, not exactly the middle... of our lawn. It's an accomplishment on our part (my mom and I) cuz for YEARS my dad just wanted lawn... which is fine except when you have to cut/rake/sweep/carry. Also, lawn grass does not really come in colours other than green (as far as I know). I like colours... We now have some fruit trees... and my flower garden. I still have to find something to put in that empty section there.

So there. Soon I shall have flowers of my own... in colours of yellow, orange, red-ish orange, pink, purple and white. Yay me!

peace,

Ren

Edited to add:
Pics of flowers.. taken with my phone.. lol...

Marigold

Not sure what's the name.. Got a white, a pink and a purple though...

I am showing off...

"All achievements, all earned riches, have their beginning in an idea." ~Napoleon Hill

I just want to state that upfront.. This is a post wherein I just show off or bask in the achievements and happiness and overall excitement of my people... Remember how I said that my cousin and dad are two of the happiest persons in Trinidad and Tobago? You can totally see that shocked/stunned/excited/happy look in the official video of the first Red Bull Flugtag event in the Caribbean... See that winning team? Those are my people... I'm most happy for them :) There's been a lot of talk since the event about the competitors and how lame some of the crafts were... but I know the amount of thought and effort and labour that went into that winning craft. So. Yay! and congratulations... and people you did well :)

Happy Thursday!

peace,
Ren

I don't understand the concept of 'boredom' anymore...

"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." ~Ellen Parr 

I haven't really used the term for years in fact (ah to be a teenager...). It just doesn't apply... and I find myself puzzled by people that are bored or complain that they 'have nothing to do'. Really? Nothing?? Wow. Perhaps it's only me that's got so much to do? Except that on some days I do hardly anything at all. It's a puzzle.  

I wonder about the lives that people have - much different from mine? Similar? Am just very curious as to what people do and when they do it. Over the past week apart from working and being at home (doing home stuff) I've experienced the following:

• Defeat - at the hands of a 12/13 year old. I'd just like to say that once upon a time I had the skills to defeat other players - because Chun Li and Cami were my girls from Street Fighter whilst Kitana, Sindel and Sonya Blade were my girls from Mortal Kombat and therefore I ruled. Not having played in years has affected my skills though... *sigh*
• Lots of ole-talking - on different days, because I've got lots of cousins of varying ages and there's always something going on. 

• Lunch with a new friend and an old one... with conversation topics such as 'sparky thing vs. sparkly things'.

• Movies with my mom - sappy, romantic mush that I can't remember the names of but do remember that I thought they were good... hmm...

• Tried to find space for a stack of books in my room... it's current location is on my bed... I need more shelf space...  

• Took part in a photowalk around part of the Queen's Park Savannah - met new people, got some exercise, took lots of photos :) 

•  After-work lime with a newly-wedded girlfriend - taught her how to read instructions and how to install batteries in various house stuff. Listened to tales of newly-wedded bliss. Somewhat horrified that marriage is starting to sound appealing.

• Read books... not those in the stack pictured here... from another stack. Ergh... need more shelf space...

• Entertained the kitten... cuz he is apparently my chile... who follows me around and has a particular cry that I can't tune out. Evolution thou art a heartless thing. 

• Tried to out-manoeuvre the Cancer Bus... went with my mom to St. James hospital today for checkup/blood test/x-rays... got stuck in traffic *behind* the Cancer Bus. We always try to reach the hospital before the Cancer Bus cuz then we get through quicker... luckily, though we didn't make it before the Bus, we did get through fairly quickly. 

I've got no time to be bored really. Too many things to do/see/talk about/take part in. Life is an adventure... while I'm not particularly adventurous I do try to make the most of it :)

peace,

Ren

'Sparky thing' vs. 'Sparkly things'

"I suspect the secret of personal attraction is locked up in our unique imperfections, flaws and frailties." ~Hugh Mackay

***

Title and inspiration for this post comes from Shoeaholic and Kramtt with whom I shared a most fun lunch hour filled with good food and ...interesting conversation. Thanks people :)

***

You might not realise on looking at the title of this post that they were referring to chemistry... or sexual chemistry rather. I am here to let you know that when Kramtt says 'sparky thing' and Shoeaholic says 'sparkly things' ... they're both referring to the same thing. Apparently, Kramtt is given to adding on '-y thing' to words (such as spark in this instance) and Shoeaholic either didn't hear that initial comment properly or was somewhat distracted such that she thought what he said was 'sparkly thing'. In this instance I am inclined to agree with Kramtt, chemistry is usally referred to as that 'spark' of attraction between persons, 'sparkly things' brings to mind (to my mind anyway) images of vampire characters from the Twilight saga. Sorry Shoeaholic - perhaps you can blog about why 'sparkly things'?

Sexual chemistry, as defined by askmen.com (because I can't find a better definition/reference), is:

"a natural, mutual romantic attraction between two people that results from a mixture of physical attraction and natural, mutual personality-based rapport"

According to COSMOS (the science magazine.. not Cosmo/Cosmopolitan the women's magazine), sexual chemistry is:

"the product of millions of years of evolution all focussed on one idea: successfully passing your genes on to the next generation. And the whole dating scene is really just people assessing the reproductive potential of prospective mates." 

To me, chemistry is one aspect of a relationship. Part of our lunch discussion was whether sparks fly instantly or whether they can be developed over time... I'm thinking both. Sometimes when one meets someone one can be instantly attracted and that can form the basis of a relationship... sometimes one can be friends with someone a long time and then slowly realise aspects of the other that will create sparks. I think it's a personal thing.... dependent on the instincts and awareness of each individual.

Found these two blog posts on the subject:

1. Chemistry
2. Natural Chemistry: The Mystery of Love

Interesting viewpoints both... similarities abound. What's your take on chemistry? Instant attraction? Developed over time? Mysterious combination of both? Sparky thing? Sparkly things?

 

I'd love to know :)

 

peace,

Ren

Shout-outs :)

"Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond." ~Rumi 

I've been blogging for a year and some now and recently realised that I haven't given much thought to the readers of this blog... I've assumed that there are readers and I know that I've got at least three (I'm looking at you mom... and Shoeaholic... and Guaico... )... I've also added a flag counter and learnt that blogger has stats - both of which let me know which countries visitors come from.

I've just never thought that perhaps other persons regularly read my blog.. which in the grand scheme of things is kinda wonky since I regularly read a lot of blogs.

Ah well.. 

Just wanted to say thanks... for stopping by... for reading. 

If you got here from Flickr - hello, I am the person behind the photos...

If you got here from Twitter - hello, I guess the posts would be more insight into the person behind the tweets...

If you got here from Facebook - hello, you already know my business... this is just more of it.

If you got here from anywhere else - hello :) I hope you find what you're looking for or that you're informed or that you're entertained ;) 

My thanks to you readers...

Much blessings,

Ren

Thoughts on marriage...

"Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner." ~Amy Bloom

Every lunchtime when we're at work... and we're able to get to the kitchen/lunchroom between the hours of 12.10 - 1.10... and we're able to snag the remote, Shoeaholic and I try to watch Oprah. Of course, as the world knows, there is no more Oprah... just Oprah reruns which is fine for me since I haven't seen all the episodes (I'm not as dedicated a fan as Shoeaholic).

 

Today's rerun was the show that aired on January 28th this year - Love, Marriage, Betrayal: Our Most Memorable Couples Return and whilst we didn't see the entire episode we did see that part which featured David and Elizabeth Weinlick. Apparently David, at age 28, decided that it was time to be married... he set a date, bought rings and picked a location ... then asked his friends to find him a bride, which they did and so he got married. David and Elizabeth Weinlick are still together, have four children and looked fairly happy (though I don't know whether that was cuz they are happy or cuz they were on Oprah).

 

David Weinlick (and yes, that surname makes me smirk a bit) has real balls... and by that I mean that he has real belly... and if you still don't know what I mean - David Weinlick is pretty darn brave...

 

I don't think I can do that... I'd like to say that I have faith and full trust in the workings of the Universe. I'd like to say that yes, I can put it out there that I want a husband and that I'll get one. I'm not quite there yet. In fact... the thought of marriage scares me a bit. I don't personally know that many happily-married-people. I'm also not sure that I could live happily-ever-after with one person... I'm just not sure of the whole marriage thing... I can see myself in a relationship... and I know that if I ever decide to have children that I'd want a male person there for them... but marriage. Wow. Idk.

 

Last month one of my best girlfriends got married... she's always known that she wanted to be married... most of my girl friends know with all their heart that they want to be married. I don't. What is 'marriage' anyway? I'm happy for my friends when they get married simply because I know that's what they want.. and weddings are pretty...

 

Incidentally, last week Friday during breakfast my mom looked at my dad* and said "I think we should find a boy for Renee to get married to"... both my dad and I were like: O_o WHAT??? because this isn't something that my family pushes for... it's accepted that my brother and I will do whatever we want to do in our own timing. There's been no push for marriage, or grandbabies, or .. well that's it really. It turns out my mom wants something to look forward to (wedding planning for a wedding)... which is a different thing entirely from wanting me to get married right?

 

In any case... who would I get married to? Perhaps it's that I'm not looking but at the same time I'm not exactly seeing/meeting/finding any males that want to get married... and I think if I married a woman my mom would freak out just a little bit (and then accept my wife? into the fold)... of course I'm not sure if I can marry a woman in T&T... I like men more anyway.

 

Marriage. Just the thought of it is scary...

 

peace,

Ren

* Yes, I live at home with my parents.. as do most persons my age..

Went to the cinema...

"Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater."  ~Roman Polanski 

I have now seen Transformers: Dark of the Moon. I thought it was good - which means to the rest of the world that it wasn't bad or that I'm easily entertained - the action was good, the graphics/animations were excellent, the plot was... ok. I'm not now nor have I ever been a major movie-watcher like Shoeaholic (my new source of everything entertainment-oriented) - it takes a lot for me to convince myself to either stay out or leave home and go to the cinema. When I get there I like minimum fuss.. my ticket, my popcorn, my seat in the middle of the room - I don't like lines or waiting on people or having to decide what film to see - If I'm at the cinema it's because I know why I'm there.  

I thought it interesting that on one of the days I'd decided to go to the cinema this article, by Express columnist Sheila Rampersad, ran in the papers.  Interesting because each time I go to (or know that I'm going to) either MovieTowne or Caribbean Cinemas 8 I find myself reminiscing on the older cinemas - most especially Globe Cinema on Market Street, Chaguanas. I'm not sure whether it's still in operation as a number of factors (ok .. maybe just two?) led to my turning to the named multiplexes above to fulfil  my film-watching needs.

Every July-August holidays (note not summer - we don't have 'summer') once my brother and I were old enough to handle ourselves we chose the movies we wanted to see and went to Globe. We had a system. We'd arrive early - and lime on the stairs waiting for them to open the cinema itself... we'd split up - I'd get tickets whilst he got snacks... we'd then go in and find The Perfect Seats (though not like this) in House. Our system ensured that we got through quickly with ticket-and-snack purchases... and that we got the seats we wanted. Arriving early let us check out the crowd... and enjoy the general atmosphere found when any group of Trinis gather in one space. As you can read in this fabulous article from Outlish.com, House was where all the action was... running commentary was available (whether you wanted it or not) on the movie. Our system was so perfect that we used it every year until my brother went away to college (and then I lost my movie-buddy). We also got to be pretty well-known by Globe's operators - there was one instance (just one) where we ran late... the guy that guarded the entrance to the theater told us he was worried when he didn't see us.

A friend and I were talking about our experiences and, in truth, in those days that is what it was... it was not just an outing to see a movie, it was a total experience - interactions with people, double-features, a lot of snacks with just a $20 bill. Whilst I appreciate the cleanliness, the huge screens, the more-comfortable seating, the improved sound and 3D capabilities there are times when I really miss those days and that old cinema. 

Price of progress I guess...

Does anyone else miss it? 

peace,

Ren

Cancer in T&T ...

"No alibi will save you from accepting the responsibility." ~Napoleon Hill

Lead headline in today's newspapers:

• 223 cancer patients in radiation mistake - PAHO ~Trinidad & Tobago Guardian Online
• CANCER SHOCKER Health Minister confirms radiation overdose on 223 patients at Brian Lara Centre ~Trinidad Express Newspapers

• 223 patients at risk ~Trinidad & Tobago's Newsd@y 

I usually don't write about news or major happenings in T&T but this one has me somewhat upset. I've written before that my mom is a cancer survivor. My family knows a lot more about cancer in our country than we did 15 years ago mainly through our own experiences and involvement. I always tell people that if you don't know someone with cancer then you really don't know what it's like - the treatments, the awareness of death, the constant need to be positive. I never realised how prevalent cancer was till my mom was diagnosed with it and then it seemed as though every family had someone with cancer. Blame it on stress, or the founder effect, effects of industrialisation, bad karma (or good - depending on how you look at it)... whatever - there are a lot of people with cancer... 

What they don't need is to find out "that there was a miscalibration of a linear accelerator over a period of approximately 12 months, ranging from approximately four per cent to 20 per cent of over-radiation" according to the Guardian's article. To further learn that the centre was aware of calibration discrepancies and did nothing about it just causes me even more vexation. That's just playing with peoples' lives.

Not right. Not right at all - am waiting to see what comes of this... and fully support any of those affected patients that are pursuing or would want to pursue legal action.

seeking peace today,

Ren

Of Flugtags, birthdays and a lack of kisses.

"Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is." ~Mary Anne Radmacher 

This is the longest I've been away from the blog in a while I think... needed some time to just be as first I was work-busy, then fun & family-busy, then needed some time to be me-busy. It's been very eventful since I last posted - my cousin's team won the Redbull Flugtag Trinidad and Tobago, my mom's birthday was last Friday and today is the International Kissing Day (or World Kiss Day.. whichever).. am sure if I did some research I'd find that there was a lot more going on than this though. 

My dad and cousin are probably two of the happiest persons in Trinidad and Tobago at this moment because ... we won. Team Obi-WANted flew 52 feet, earned 142.5 points and, according to one of our local newspapers, had one of the most original crafts at the event. I've read a lot of bashing of the event on TriniTuner.com but I've also read some good reviews of people that had fun. I can tell you that it was fun, and a lot of hard work. 

Once upon a time when I was much younger than I am now, my dad built a satellite dish all by himself (with some reluctant assistance from my mom) because he wanted to and he thought he could (and that's why I was stuck on Sailor Moon for years... satellite tv ftw). It's been interesting seeing him involved with the conceptualisation, designing and building of the craft. He has this ability to visualise how something would work if put together in certain ways... I don't have that ability - it takes time for me to figure out how things work or could work. He's disciplined, dedicated and detail-oriented - again... qualities I don't really think I possess... this is why perhaps I admire them in him. Above all that though... I think he just likes to create - I'd say a big part of his happiness at the moment does not necessarily lie in the fact that they won but that something he'd helped create turned out so well that it surpassed other crafts built by teams with more experience, more assistance, more funding ... just more. We won. 

Weeks of planning, designing, building and squabbling led to Saturday and a day filled with scrambling to get everything together. Of course I was there with my dad... got baked in the sun.... soaked by the rain... flooded out a bit... took photos of anything I pleased and was generally around (in case I was needed for anything). Sunday we had an early start to the day and I'm beyond grateful that we stayed over in the area as there was a lot of traffic. I have a lot of respect for all the teams which competed - while some may have been there in a serious way... and some there just to be part of the event and the lime - it takes a lot of effort and work to put together something and to further jump off a 20 ft ramp with that something. We won though and that makes up for whatever drama we had to go through.  

The other event which occurred was my mom's birthday (and a new moon in Cancer). Our Guru told her that she'd live to see grandchildren (I feel somewhat pressured now... who am I supposed to have children with??? I joked with my brother that I'd just multiply... a la Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory)... we had a lime with her best girlfriends. We had lots of lasagna and lots of ice cream... and equally lots of ole talking... Hope you had a wonderful birthday mom of mine. 

It's International Kissing Day today... I've only gotten virtual ones (who am I supposed to have children with??!)... Spending some time reflecting on my parents - who they've been, where they've come from and what they are now. It's helping me figure out who I am and what I want to be in the grand scheme of things.

What do you want to be? Where do you want to go? If there was one thing you could do at this moment with no repercussions ... what would it be? 

peace,

Ren