Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Perspective - Use it or Lose it...

"Our greatest joy and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others." ~Stephen R. Covey 

Currently trying to sort out some feelings. The title of this post comes to mind whenever I'm in this mood/space... it's from one of my favourite books: "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" - the part I remember, or try to remember anyway, is this:
"Perspective - Use It or Lose It. If you turned to this page, you're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality. Think about that.  Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place.
I saw a bit of the movie 'Elizabethtown' this weekend. If you haven't seen it then this is a micro-spoiler... one of the main characters goes on a road trip with his father's ashes and at one point states that this was something they should have done years ago. I've been thinking of my relationships since... there are people I'd like to spend more time with, there are people I've spent time with, there are people I should or should not spend time with. 

How do you know who to give your time to? How do you accept when a person only wants to give so much of their time? How do you know when it's time for a relationship to end? How do you know when it is time to accept that another person may or may not want to spend time with you? How do you know what to do when one person can only give so much and the other wants (or seems to want)  more?

I received an email yesterday which says in no uncertain terms that I'm a mean person. It's shaken me up a bit because it's an email from someone that I've thought I had a fairly good relationship with. Is this what happens at the ending of a relationship? In the way of females I'm now trying to analyse every bit of whatever-the-xyz that email meant because really? Mean? Me? It's not a quality that I'd consider as part of my being. I'm not all sunshine and light but whatever darker aspects I've got are fully controlled. Mean? Seriously? Me? Part of me wants to be very vicious in a 'you think I'm mean? wait till you see how mean I can be' type of way. The greater part of me knows that won't accomplish anything and will most likely make me feel horrible... momentarily satisfied but eventually horrible.

Phone call today because apparently someone is missing home. It's a happy-sad-mad-mix of emotions when one tries to be an adult. Why go in the first place? Why make me call if there is nothing much to say? Why have me on the line when there are other calls coming through? It's all a tangled web with me trying to keep my ribbon safe in the weave.

Being female is hard. Being an adult is hard. Being an adult female? Oy. 

Trying to figure out the lessons of the situations. The core is love though it's all covered by situations and events that can make one forget. 

Was told to imagine hugs, chocolate cake and tea... was carried out for a movie and ice-cream. I've got a good life though it's crazy sometimes. Trying not to let the crazy affect other people though remembering that we all need people to lean on. 

2012 is already interesting for me ... how is it for you?

peace,
Ren

No comments: