Thoughts on a Tuesday...

"Learning is movement from moment to moment." ~Krishnamurti

It's raining outside and I'm finding it very hard to focus on work today. Disruption of schedule, moods caused by the weather, lack of interest in work - it's all adding up to a somewhat unproductive workday.

Had to carry my car to the car-electrician-person today... it is overcharging (?)... reading of 15.2 instead of 13.8... my dad said it was the alternator. I had a mini-lesson in alternators (bearings, brushes, resistor, regulator)... I've found that my dad and I can bond over technical stuff - because though I'm not particularly interested in such stuff, he is... and I can listen if it is something I should know of or really just because he wants to talk about it. I think sometimes that it must be difficult for my dad living with us just because he has a different way of... being... operating? seeing the world. How we are with people and how we are with family can be completely different. Sometimes I think that we don't take as much care as we should with the people that are closest to us.

I've learnt today that my dad tells other people that he's proud of us. I'm proud of him too. I guess it's not that easy to say to each other.

Car-electrician-guy says that the regulator in the alternator is going bad. Too many car part words end in -or. I'm hoping that it's not going to be too expensive to replace.

Got to work just before 11 and perhaps it is that disruption to my regular workday (start at 8) that has me unfocused. It doesn't feel like a day for working.

I'm reading fanfiction. Have I mentioned before that I can get sucked into fanfiction? Stories upon stories and there are some really great writers out there. Found myself reading 'The Paladin Protocol' and thinking of 'Unforgiven' today.

I'm in a mood of sorts. Slightly headachy. Wishing that I had the skill to swirl the thoughts in my head into some sort of physical form. Sometimes words cannot capture it all.

Happy Tuesday world.

peace.

Ren

Of exhibitions and drama...

"In the degree that we remember and retell our stories and create new ones we become the authors, the authorities, of our own lives." ~Sam Keen

I'm a bit tired this morning - had a somewhat eventful evening yesterday. Thought about blogging about it last night, actually for part of the evening I was very excited about blogging and thinking of what I'd write... but, then there was drama. I needed time to settle.

Life is made up of all sorts of moments.

Yesterday, after work, I went out with some of my work colleagues. Yes, I complain about my workplace... and about management... but the people that I work closely with are fairly awesome. I'm lucky in that, apart from the usual liming that people do, they're willing to go on limes that include such activities as a science and technology exhibition.

Science and Technology Exhibitions are Most Interesting.

:)

NIHERST in collaboration with the National Council of Science Museums (NCSM) is currently hosting one of India's top science and technology exhibitions, "India: A Culture of Science", in Trinidad. I'm of the opinion that everyone in Trinidad and Tobago should visit, explore and be amazed by the exhibitions. The information is interesting, the exhibitions impressive, the interactive stuff most fun and the people (guides) are helpful. I had a good time... I'm going to visit again... and again... and encourage everyone I know to visit as well. 

Pretty good evening and then I got in my car and it wouldn't start. This has happened to me before (one time before) and it turned out to be a dead battery at that time. My work ppl were with me and we got other random people to help figure out if it was the battery or not. I called my dad ... a total of 5 times in an hour. Who does one call when one is in need? My first thought would be my dad... I'm thinking that thought needs to be reconsidered. He's very ... practical? Every female friend that I have if they were in a situation as the one I was in yesterday with a car unable to start would call their dad/parent/spouse and that person would waste no time in getting to person as quickly as possible. I call my dad and he's all 'did you try this?'... 'ask someone for jumper cables'... 'switch your car battery with someone else and see if that will start car'... 'why are you giving me attitude?'. I must admit that it's very frustrating trying to explain what's happening when there are a bunch of random men trying to be helpful (do this! try this! maybe it's this!) and two work ppl (one whose mom was wondering where she was) and somewhat no idea of what's happening with car (I did say it wasn't the battery and my dad apparently wasn't listening). *sigh*

Work person wondered why I didn't just call a wrecker... one of the random persons wondered why I didn't say 'sure, let's call the wrecker'. After maybe an hour and all options frustrated and the sky getting dark ... the fifth (5th!) call to my dad resulted in this: 'so... you want me to come then?'... It is very hard to try to sound calm when one wants to scream that of course I want him to come check car because otherwise I'd just stay where I was and do .. what? After an hour and a bit my dad showed up. Random person knew him apparently and said to me that he understood why I didn't want to call the wrecker cuz I'd never hear the end of it. Random person also said I should have told him that I was my dad's daughter... because of course I should tell random ppl who my parents are? I'm not quite sure how that would have helped...

My dad came. We checked the battery, the starter (healthy tumbling = good starter), the fuel lines, oil/gas/fluids, spark plugs, air filter, random other belt things... all was fine. Finally, we disconnected the battery for a bit - apparently the computer (?) in the car sometimes needs resetting - car started when we reconnected the battery. I guess it was having a moment? Didn't want to leave the exhibition? The Universe wanted me to bond with random ppl about 'cars these days'... or be frustrated with parent. I don't know. 

Got home safely (car started on first try this morning!) and one of the first things my mom said to me was.. 'so you had an experience of being an adult'... I wonder how that sounds to other persons. At that time of night and after the frustration that I'd been feeling it was perhaps one of the most poorly timed comments (sidenote - my mom is known for poorly timed comments... with me at least). I'm 29 years old and have been (in some form or another) helping to take care of my family since I was 13. I've had my share of 'adult' experiences. I keep telling myself that it wasn't meant in any way negative - it doesn't change the fact that even thinking about the comment now makes me grumpy. 

I got over it. The mother and I bonded over America's Next Top Model (this show is not as great as it used to be) and talking about my dad and my brother (who is very much like my dad though apparently neither one of them can see that). 

Life is made up of moments... fun and adventure and frustration and exasperation. I'm learning to deal with them as best as I can. 

Happy Thursday all.

peace,

Ren     

Interesting Reads/Stuff I've been reading:

"Innovation is fostered by information gathered from new connections; from insights gained by journeys into other disciplines or places; from active, collegial networks and fluid, open boundaries. Innovation arises form ongoing circles of exchange, where information is not just accumulated or stored, but created. Knowledge is generated anew from connections that weren’t there before." ~Margaret J. Wheatley

One thing people should know about me is that I like reading any and everything. Another thing people should know? I'm online a lot... and there's just so much stuff to read online. I figured I'd share some of what I've been reading... feel free to share your thoughts. 

• The Neuroscience of Effort -  'At any given moment there's a tug of war unfolding in our head, determining whether or not we're willing to put in the effort' - work? play? I do think it's much easier to do what we want to do... it's something I've been thinking about recently... doing what we want to do versus doing what we have to do. What makes us do what we have to? This doesn't explain it but helps to understand how one chooses to do or not do. 
• A Message To Girls About Religious Men Who Fear You - This is one of the most powerful messages I've read recently. Perhaps because I'm female? The links contained within are heartbreaking... the message itself? Empowering. 'If you were not powerful, they would not take you so seriously and they take you very, very seriously. You should, too. You can set the world on fire'. Yes. That is all. 
• The Mysteries of Love and How to Decode Them - When people talk about 'love' - what are they referring to? I think I manage well with love between friends (they are my people)... and family (blood... blood is thicker than water? my family is extremely important to me) and I generally have good vibes towards the world at large. There's now the cute guy though... I've been thinking thoughts I haven't thought before and rereading stuff I've written before (this, and this, and even this) and somewhat freaking myself out in the process. Um. Heh.
• The Oatmeal's Tesla comic, the criticism of the Oatmeal's Tesla comic and the response to that criticism - I found it educational... and amusing... and I'm a bit of a Tesla fan myself.  Lol...
• Recent sky changes - 'Work with your imagination and your creative muse. Explore new things. Take on an artistic and creative project. Simply put apply creativity to anything you are working to get into form'. The sun has moved into Gemini. There's a new moon in Gemini. There was a solar eclipse. It's a time for opening up oneself to one's creativity and whatever ideas the mind comes up with. Breathe. Have fun.

Share some stuff with me? 

:)

peace,

Ren

Where can I get my honey?

"I think the environment should be put in the category of our national security. Defense of our resources is just as important as defense abroad. Otherwise what is there to defend?" ~Robert Redford

Something I've noticed that I'm not particularly happy about is that there seems to be a honey shortage. I don't have any particular research to support this apart from my own inability to find honey to buy at local groceries. There's also the fact that one branch of our local fast food chains told me there'd be no honey mustard anymore because they can't get any honey.

I love honey. There was a time when I didn't but that was a very long time ago. It tastes good... and is most healing. I'd like to be able to buy a bottle at my grocery but.. alas. I'm currently trying to ration the bottle that I'm using at home. Cute guy and I bought it on the way to Sangre Grande in March... I don't want to have to always be searching for my bottle of honey.

Prices have been increasing as well. I should have started stockpiling when the price of honey started rising.

Got this article in my email: The Staggering Plight of the Honeybee... eep? Is this happening in Trinidad and Tobago as well? Must do research. Must find out what's happening.

I want more honey!

peace,

Ren

Less than 3.

"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation." ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Thinking thoughts and feeling feelings and then I realised that Venus has gone retrogade. This makes sense to me. Currently internalizing and reviewing... trying to figure out what I want and what is best and whether they are all one and the same. Examining all my relationships... it's the time for it. What have I learnt and what do I need to learn?

Hmm.

peace,

Ren

3 a.m.

I've been waking up around 3 a.m. all week. Side effect of antibiotics? The results of getting enough sleep? I think I've read somewhere that our natural sleeping rhythm is early bedtime then awake for an hour or two or three before another bit of sleeping - we've just evolved out of that due to regular workdays and the evolution of nighttime entertainment. This is perhaps not something I should be concerned about or is perhaps the least of my worries.

Am a bit concerned about this infection - humans should have the built-in abilities to heal themselves... Somewhat like how Christine Feehan's Carpathians can - to become energy and seek out and repair what is wrong with our bodies. Yes, I know one can visualize... It's kinda what I've been doing... But I'd like concrete proof that it's working... I'd really like to start feeling better now.

There is pain in waves that crash over me. Shatter. I am undone. I can't help but wonder if this is a smidgen of what my mom feels everyday. There are conversations and discussions that need to happen soon. Some things are better said in person even though I'd prefer writing. Today I'm supposed to attend a baby shower. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It's a very female weekend I'm going to be having. Trying to keep the spirits up and not worry those around me.

Happy Saturday all... Hope your weekend is blessed.

Peace,

Ren

Check-ups and checking in...

"We're all stumbling toward the light with varying degrees of grace at any given moment." ~Bo Lozoff

Thought that today would be a good day to start back writing... it's a Tuesday after all... last day I wrote was a Monday... a week has passed.

I would like to say that I took a period of me-time... avoidance of the Internet and all major distractions. I didn't though - apparently the Universe (or my Internet Service Provider) thought that my family could use the off-line time. Positive = We're getting a refund. Negative = We are disconnected from the world! We've been going kinda crazy... every person in my house uses the Internet for some reason or other.

I'm back out to work though... so...  sneaking in this post whilst I can.

Had to visit my doctor this morning... am now on antibiotics. Meh. Nothing major ... at least hopefully it won't develop into anything major. I'm really not a fan of doctor's visits. Send me healing vibes world... positive thoughts and healing vibes...

A snapshot of things I've done whilst offline: hung out with the family (idk if they'd agree that's what I did), hung out with the cute guy (who just keeps getting cuter... oy), cut my hair... trimmed really - I'm so bad at maintaining the hair in any kind of way (was told that if I want bangs I *must* return in 3 weeks), saw The Avengers (one word: AWESOME!), got slept on by the Cat and postponed stuff I wanted to do but just wasn't feeling up to doing. 

Just being with myself for the moment. 

Something that has made me thoughtful today: article on 'a life in exile bliss' - the title was fairly attention-grabbing.. further, this blog post: 'Who Could Hire Me' is definitely an interesting read.

Hmm.

peace,

Ren