Friday, June 29, 2012

In one word: moody

"There is nothing of which we are more ashamed than of not being ourselves. And there is nothing which brings us greater joy and happiness than to think, feel, and say what is ours." ~Erich Fromm

This isn't exactly a negative I think. I'm just having a variety of experiences and my moods are a reflection of them. 

The mother is home. Since I last wrote (a mere week ago) she's had five sessions of radiation. She stayed at the St. James Medical Complex simply because she was in a lot of pain -  was just easier as there was less moving around for her and people to take care of her that knew what they were doing. 

My family is managing but I don't always think we know what we're doing. Sometimes, you just have to wing it. 

I've been sad and tired and trying to be hopeful and such. I got mad because of the extended family - the aunts and uncles who are the siblings of my mother. I know they're concerned... I'm just annoyed that now is when they choose to show it. One does not need extra drama when one already has to deal with stuff at home. I'm also somewhat mad that they appear to be fairly clueless... mom has had cancer since I was 13 - I'm almost 30 (and maybe I can do my own mini-movie of 13 going on 30?)... this is not the worst it has been - why freak out about it now and wonder if we need help now? *grump* There's also a part of me that thinks I'm overreacting about that but... oh well.

I've been grateful... for the brother and the girl ppl and the cute guy. I only realise my age when I look at my brother and see how grown up/mature he is. An adult... my baby brother is an adult... and sometimes (sometimes - not all the time) and in some ways better at being an adult than I am. Whoa.

The girl ppl are awesome... I've been mostly in touch with them via text and email recently (I'm not much for phone-talking). Our emails are full of ole-talk and discussion and snippets of advice and somewhat bawdy jokes. They keep me sane... I think it's somewhat important for persons to have a support system of ppl that know just about all that's important to know (and some that's not important) about each other. 

The cute guy... oy. Cute - in personality and in looks. He's very fun to be around. He's very interesting. He seems to find me interesting. He has me thinking of all sorts of things that I've never really thought of or thought I'd want to think about. Oy.

Moody - that's what I am... in a sad/happy/grumpy/excited/mellow way...

I'm happy that it's Friday.

Happy Weekend to you.

peace,
Ren

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