Monday, December 31, 2012

The last day - MMXII

It's a weird day where I feel claustrophobic but don't want to move out of my space... or see people... or get dressed... or whatever. It's actually been a weird month in that respect. Almost back out to work for me... end of the year is also equal to end of vacation. End of vacation is equal to end of lazing around time with family and with the cute guy though I find that I haven't really done much of either... perhaps they find so as well. 

It's been an interesting year... ups and downs - the highest up being the cute guy, the lowest down being the health of my mom. The in-between mix of friendship and career and life purpose. In 2013 I shall be 30... I'm not sure I've accomplished what I want to accomplish by the time I'm 30 but then I've never really known what I want to accomplish. Perhaps I need to figure out that vision instead of waiting for things to fall into place - things will happen as they may, events will unfold as they will... I think I may have inklings of the direction I'd like them to follow. 

What do you wish for in 2013? What do you let go of from 2012? What do you want to remain? What have you learnt? 

It's a period of questioning for me. 

Some things that I've looked at recently that have made me thoughtful, made me laugh and filled me with...wonder:
Enjoy the rest of 2012! All the best for 2013!

peace,
Ren 

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Vacation.... Days 3 & 4...

Work, work, work... 

Oh wait... I'm on vacation. 

*sigh* It seems as though I took vacation to stay at home, clean house and take care of people. Of course it only seems that way. I'm just grumpy cuz my back aches and I'm feeling creaky. 

In reality I took vacation to spend time with the mother... the family... the cute guy... and that's what I've been doing. 

It is both harder and at the same time easier than expected.

peace,
Ren

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Vacation...Day 2.

Vacation Day 2... I think I'll be doing free writing for the rest of this vacation. Five minutes of writing each day. It's something I can do.

Sometimes though it's just easier to do things without planning... that's what today has taught me. Things don't always go according to plan, perhaps sometimes it's just better not to have a plan. It's unfortunate that I like planning (lack of career planning aside) what I want to do. Day by day I think it's best to know what one is going to do for the day. 

That hasn't really been working out for me though. I really need to just let go and go with the flow. What will be, will be.

The mother isn't feeling so fabulous... so, instead of a day of pampering, today turned into a day of cleaning. I guess it's a different kind of pampering? We do not have pretty nails but my mom now has a squeaky clean bedside table and dresser. 

I've learnt that whatever hoarding vibes I have came from my mother. Weird reversal of roles today. I have memories of her cleaning my room and me complaining about her throwing out stuff... today I was cleaning her room and she was complaining about me throwing out stuff :s Ergh?

Tonight the cute guy and I are invited to a Christmas... thing? Shoeaholic's mom's workplace is having an event and invited us. Then we're going to a tweetup at a sushi place. Yay. 

Plans... some change, some stay the same (hopefully). 

peace,
Ren

Monday, December 10, 2012

Vacation... Day 1.

Stream of consciousness writing for five minutes. That's what I'm doing at this moment and in this post. I'm on vacation! This doesn't mean that I have left home... that I'm travelling far and wide - though I'd like that. It just means that I had ten vacation days left for the year and when combined with casual and compensatory days the result is that I do not go back out to work till January 2nd.

January 2nd!

Three weeks of no work! I want to figure out what I want to do work-wise. At some point I'd like to be able to figure that out. I have no plan. No major career goal. There is nothing that I can particularly see myself doing. 

Is this how it is for everyone?

I've been snappish with the family. I'm out of sorts. The parents are getting older daily it seems. Suddenly, I look at them and they are old. I look in the mirror and I look the same but then older. Age is a funny thing. I think I read somewhere that it is only humans that measure time and thus only humans that live with the dread of the end. The End. 

The cute guy is adorably cute. Behind all cute that I have imagined guys can be. There are no words yet to describe what I think of all of this. Am content to just be in this space with him. 

I can write a lot in five minutes. 

It's Christmas time... mistletoe and wine... I've always wondered what it would be like if there were mistletoe in my country. If it were one of our customs. I do not like wine.... except for when it is used in cooking. 

Vacation Day 2 tomorrow.

Hope all is well with you world.... if it isn't or even if it is... all my love to you.

peace,

Ren