Saturday, January 12, 2013

Almost tears and tears.

"I want to cry", said the mother to me earlier today. She was sitting on her bed, all fragile-looking and in no way resembling the very vital woman that is the image I have of her. Cancer, and the toll it can take on one's body, sucks. It is hard seeing her not able to do things that she wants to do... or having conversations and having to wait for her to make the connections that were once so easy for her to make. At times like these I wonder how she has managed to stay with us for so long. She was first diagnosed when I was 13... I'm going to be 30 this year. It's been rough on all of us but, of course, on her most of all. I am unsure if I could do the same. 

I gave her a hug and told her she'd be alright and that if she wanted to cry then she should. She didn't. Just pulled herself together and then we had lunch. 

After lunch I had my own mini-meltdown and burst into tears. Frustration, sadness, tiredness... a bit of vexation due to my dad and brother. There was a time when I wouldn't cry for anything... at all. I'm not sure what changed... it seems that as I get older my emotions run deeper. 

Or something. 

I've realized that it's far easier to cry and release the emotions than it is to let it build and stress me out. 

Do you need to cry today?

peace,
Ren

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