Pages

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Fragile.

That's how I'm feeling at the moment. Fragile. Breakable. Hovering right at the edge of tears. 

After seeing The Croods yesterday with the cute guy, I'd thought that for today's post I'd write something about family, parents and children and relationships. I can identify with some of the father-daughter drama - have had quite a lot of that myself.... and I expect that there will be more in my lifetime. The mother strongly reminded  me of my own.

I can't manage it though... can't string together the words that would say all that I want to say. Spent the day taking care of the mother. Had a bit of a meltdown during bath time. I am part of the 'open face sandwich generation'. It is simultaneously the hardest and the easiest thing that I've done.

Hardest in that I sometimes feel as though there's no one around that understands what I'm going through. Intellectually, I know this isn't true but... parenting my parent... trying to understand what she's going through, dealing with her being bedridden (the cleaning and the feeding and the worry that she's not moving around enough) - it's difficult and is suddenly the most time-consuming part of my life. I'm finding it hard to get anything else to matter and I'm doing my best to remember that other relationships are just as important and need their own nurturing.  

Easiest in that... this is my mother. She, who has taken care of me and been there for me at all moments, now needs my care. Of course I will step up and take care of her. There is no other option and there's a bit of simplicity in that fact - she has taken care of me and now I take care of her.

I must remember that I need to be taken care of as well. Some me-time. Self-care. Self-love. I feel fragile... but ultimately, I'm okay. 

peace,
Ren

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are mighty! Sending strength and energy your way.

Anonymous said...

Sending a big hug to you.

You write so beautifully that it is compelling to read. Have you thought of writing a book in the style of "Tuesdays with Morrie"?

Remember you are never alone.. your Angels and Guides support you at every turn. In doing this work you are fulfilling the purpose for which you were born and learning and teaching lots.

Love you Ren...

Renee R. said...

Thanks to you both for the love and support :)

I have thought about writing a book but I'm not sure yet on content or layout or anything really... it's just a vague idea thus far. I'm not very confident in my writing or that others would want to read. The cute guy has been encouraging in that area.

Now I'm going to reread 'Tuesdays with Morrie' - we have it around here somewhere.

peace,
Ren

Anonymous said...


I asked Reena to co author a book with me based on her experiences of living with cancer.... in the format of "Chicken soup for the Soul". Her response was that she wanted to do this work with you, Ren.
I am sure lots of people can relate to and learn from your family adventures and mis-adventures supporting your Mom in her challenges.
I think your writing style and sense of humour would make for an interesting book.
Love you lots...
xox

Renee R. said...

Ahh... I asked her about it and she doesn't remember :( Her mind wanders these days. We've talked about writing and books but never really got around to it.

Email me? I'm open to ideas :)