Thursday, May 2, 2013

Physically fine. Emotionally down.

Feeling a bit down cuz of a few things: 

  1. My dad and brother are ready to pack away/give away/get rid of my mom's stuff. I am not. In fact it makes me both sad and angry. I wondered if it's a girl thing... but no. Have been reading online (of course - when in doubt, I read. Found this, this and this - I'm sure there's lots more to find)... everybody has their own timing when dealing with death of someone. I'm not sure what happens when  there are a few persons in a household and different people are ready to do stuff at different times. I understand the practicality of it... I'm just not ready to go through and let go of her stuff. The day after my mom died a lot of people came to our house to be with us and help us and whatnot. My brother told my mom's best girl ppl to go ahead and straighten up her room. It gave me... a moment of pause. On the one hand it was needed, to organise and clean and now it should be easier to go through her stuff cuz it's boxed away and such. On the other hand. I don't know. My dad wanted her dressing table cleared of her stuff so that he could use it... I put all the lotions, perfumes, hair stuff in the basin I used to give her bed baths with and it is now in my room on the floor. Because I remember the feel of her hands in mine, the smell and feel of the lotion as I rubbed it on her skin and the softness of her hair as I brush it. 
  2. I'm not quite sure what I want to do with my life but I feel as though my job is stifling me. I've complained a lot on this blog about my job and how much I want another. I just don't know what other direction to take. 
  3. Car woes... oy. 
Tonight I'm going to La Cantina. I'm wearing a dress and cute guy is wearing a shirt and we're meeting up friends for a post-birthday lime. There is pizza and cake in my future. The evening is looking up. 

I just feel a bit down at the moment.

peace,
Ren

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