Saturday, November 16, 2013

Witnessing and being easy with self

"The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realise that all the things that truly matter - beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace - arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken." ~Eckhart Tolle 

Today is the last day of the second week of yoga teacher training. We've been talking and learning about focusing, witness consciousness, meditation and the various asanas - physical poses and how we can assist with them. Apart from the actual physical practice it is all stuff that I have heard before. I have been introduced to these ideas and thoughts from an early age and as long as I've been involved with the Blue Star, awareness of such has been a part of me.  

This week I have been sad and gloomy, thinking about my mom and just overall missing her... Then we had a conscious listening class in which I said what I was feeling and cried and then later I talked about it with the roommates and cried some more. I think sometimes for us to acknowledge stuff we need to speak it... let the words come into form and be released into the world for us to hear what's going on in our own heads.

I was sick the next day... flu-like symptoms. Perhaps it was a release of sorts because after that I felt so much better. I am missing my mom and that's ok. Her spirit is forever with me and instead of thinking of her absence, I  shall think of her presence and share with her as I have always done. 

The participants of the teacher training programme are amazing. We each come to this space with our own stories and ideas and learn from each other. As is normal with me it has taken some time for me to warm up to people... or open up... loosen up? I have three roommates who are wonderful and a few others who I feel a true connection with. Perhaps it is to be expected that for something like this there will be people who are searching in their own deeper way?

I've always thought that there's a reason we find ourselves in certain times and spaces with certain people. I have wanted to come to Costa Rica for this programme since 2010... I am now here. It is the perfect moment for whatever I need right now.

I was frustrated with myself last night... there was a group sharing session and although I strongly feel that there is much I could share in terms of thoughts and experiences I have not yet been able to bring myself to speak in front of such a large group. Am sitting with that feeling. When the time is right I shall say what I feel like saying and if the time does not come then that's alright. 

I'm being easy with myself. It is very freeing. 

Sending love to you all, and the wish that you go easy with your self as well. We all need care and the best person to provide that care is ourself. 


Monday, November 11, 2013

Now the Inquiry...

"We make our work significant by the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers". ~Carl Sagan

I've been in Costa Rica at the Nosara Yoga Institute for a little over a week. It's slowly sinking in that I'm not home, that I'm not in my comfort space, that I'm not surrounded by people I care about. It's an experience.

Costa Rica is beautiful, there is jungle and beach and friendly people who speak Spanish (whilst I do not). The yoga teacher training is filled with people from around the world. I'm learning a lot about yoga, about myself, about who I want to be and maybe even a little bit about what I want to do. 

I am missing my mom. Grief is still something that I am working through. There is a mother-daughter pair in our yoga classes and I am somewhat envious of the time and the togetherness that they get to spend with each other. 

I am talking every day with my dad... our relationship has deepened since my mom's passing as we try to fill in the spaces. I am talking every day with the cute guy who is still as adorable as I first found him. Luckily travelling with him was a wonderful experience.

I am asking questions and seeking answers in the work I'm doing and in the space I'm in. We shall see what I shall find.