Complete me.

"In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself." ~Krishnamurti

Last week I toyed with the idea of writing a post titled 'Dark side of the Moon'... because it was new moon, because I've been feeling.. antsy.. for lack of a better word - not quite comfortable in my own skin. I was thinking about the shadow side... and the different aspects of me. I didn't write the post then and I think it's because it needed a week of thought before it could fully come into being (and make some sort of sense).

There are many different aspects of personality that make up the complete me. As, I assume, there are many different aspects of your personality. I am simultaneously and in turns, a daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend, coworker, classmate and any number of other beings. In the 'about me' section of this blog (which needs updating but .. meh) I state that: "I tend to compartmentalize my life... though am trying [as of this year] to integrate all areas." I think that perhaps all persons do this to some extent... I know I do it a lot... what my parents know of me is different from what my closest girlfriends know of me which is different from what my coworkers know of me. As I get older I've been trying to... integrate.. these different sides of me but I admit it can be a challenge. I came across this article though.. and it, along with my thoughts from last week, have inspired this post.

I don't talk about sex and anything related to sex with my parents (re: mom)... Am not quite sure how our relationship evolved this way but I've never at any point felt comfortable doing so. My dad jokes about random stuff sometimes but to say that either one of them know my thoughts, feelings and (oh dear goddess I'm putting this in a blog post! :s) desires on this subject would be very far off. That being said, I consider myself to be fairly open about sex (at least with people that are not my family). Perhaps it is that I am curious... perhaps it is that I believe one should enjoy themselves fully in the satisfaction of oneself. I haven't been having sex though... who would I have it with? I'm not the type of person to pick up some random person and I'm not with anyone at the moment. I satisfy whatever needs I have by myself and somewhat voyeuristically through the life of others... e.g. Kit (not her real name... she's got her own secret blog - am mildly jealous/intrigued) at BloggingDangerously or Jenny Lawson - The Bloggess or the folks at Toy With Me who have such wonderful articles like this one.

 

I'm fairly spiritual... which is partly responsible for me not being with anyone. I'd like to be able to talk to my significant other about enlightenment... or the possibility thereof, or of divination and astrology, of the world and our place in it.

I can be callous (so I've been told) ... I prefer to think of it as practical. Perhaps it's that I can be hard? BS is not acceptable at all times is all. One must come good or not at all. Mediocrity not accepted.

I am me... you may not know all my parts but that's ok... I think that for me to be completely happy with myself I need to accept/acknowledge all parts of me... the 'good' and the 'not-so-good' and the 'just plain weird' bits of myself.

I'm a work in progress.

peace,

Ren

Mother's Day 2011...

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us when adversity takes the place of prosperity when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavour by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts." ~Washington Irving 

Moments in time never turn out quite how you expect them too. My mom and I planned to go to the Ashram this morning for Guru Gita... we didn't.. slept through it and were only awakened by the loud, panicked cries of the Kitten. Early morning - grumpily sleepily awakened- a serious lapse in judgement during an attempted Kitten rescue - and then I fell off a table (nothing broken - am just very achy - can't even say I'm very bruised... where my cousins turn spectacularly blue-purple at the hint of a bump I turn mildly red and then back to normal... yay?). My mom had a meltdown ... it's really not fun (in fact it is somewhat heartbreaking) to have your mom crying on Mother's Day (sad tears... if it's happy tears then that's ok). She's blogged a bit about her take on today so you can read about that here.

The day itself turned out ok... we went out... spent some time together... ole-talk and got some rest. She is my mama and though she sometimes drives me crazy - I love her immeasurably. 

Finished reading 'The White Queen' and 'The Red Queen' this week. They were both a good lead-up to mother's day as they were both about mothers who wanted the best for their children. The 'White Queen' - Elizabeth Woodville, Queen Consort of  King Edward IV of England, was the first commoner (way before Catherine Duchess of Cambridge) to marry an English sovereign. History is unclear of what became of her sons, Edward V of England and Richard of Shrewsbury, who became known as the Princes in the Tower... what is clear is that she conspired to save the lives and fortunes of her children. The 'Red Queen' - Lady Margaret Beaufort, was the mother of King Henry VII and grandmother of King Henry VIII. The 'Red Queen' is the alternate tale of the 'White Queen'... where Elizabeth Woodville was a commoner, Lady Margaret was a noble, both had heirs with claims to the throne of England. The books are an incredible weaving of facts and fiction to tell their stories from their perspectives. I love the history of it... and that it's told from the women's perspectives. It helps me to understand more of not only what may have happened but what is happening now ... both in the outer world and in my own inner world. 

Mothering I think is an amazing aspect of womanhood. Something to be celebrated and appreciated. Got this article in my inbox. I enjoyed the vids from StoryCorps... most insightful. Sent out this prayer to my loved ones via Facebook. We may not always remember to be thankful for our mothers... we may not always feel the need to be thankful but I think ultimately the fact that we're here to make those decisions shows that we were in some way thought of. 

Hope all mothers and mothers-to-be had a blessed day. Continue doing what you do - the world is better for it. 

Love,

Ren

Edited to add:

• This fabulous Mother's Day post from Kit at BloggingDangerously
• Paulo Coelho's Character of the Week: The Mother