Thoughts on a Tuesday...

"Learning is movement from moment to moment." ~Krishnamurti

It's raining outside and I'm finding it very hard to focus on work today. Disruption of schedule, moods caused by the weather, lack of interest in work - it's all adding up to a somewhat unproductive workday.

Had to carry my car to the car-electrician-person today... it is overcharging (?)... reading of 15.2 instead of 13.8... my dad said it was the alternator. I had a mini-lesson in alternators (bearings, brushes, resistor, regulator)... I've found that my dad and I can bond over technical stuff - because though I'm not particularly interested in such stuff, he is... and I can listen if it is something I should know of or really just because he wants to talk about it. I think sometimes that it must be difficult for my dad living with us just because he has a different way of... being... operating? seeing the world. How we are with people and how we are with family can be completely different. Sometimes I think that we don't take as much care as we should with the people that are closest to us.

I've learnt today that my dad tells other people that he's proud of us. I'm proud of him too. I guess it's not that easy to say to each other.

Car-electrician-guy says that the regulator in the alternator is going bad. Too many car part words end in -or. I'm hoping that it's not going to be too expensive to replace.

Got to work just before 11 and perhaps it is that disruption to my regular workday (start at 8) that has me unfocused. It doesn't feel like a day for working.

I'm reading fanfiction. Have I mentioned before that I can get sucked into fanfiction? Stories upon stories and there are some really great writers out there. Found myself reading 'The Paladin Protocol' and thinking of 'Unforgiven' today.

I'm in a mood of sorts. Slightly headachy. Wishing that I had the skill to swirl the thoughts in my head into some sort of physical form. Sometimes words cannot capture it all.

Happy Tuesday world.

peace.

Ren

Complete me.

"In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself." ~Krishnamurti

Last week I toyed with the idea of writing a post titled 'Dark side of the Moon'... because it was new moon, because I've been feeling.. antsy.. for lack of a better word - not quite comfortable in my own skin. I was thinking about the shadow side... and the different aspects of me. I didn't write the post then and I think it's because it needed a week of thought before it could fully come into being (and make some sort of sense).

There are many different aspects of personality that make up the complete me. As, I assume, there are many different aspects of your personality. I am simultaneously and in turns, a daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend, coworker, classmate and any number of other beings. In the 'about me' section of this blog (which needs updating but .. meh) I state that: "I tend to compartmentalize my life... though am trying [as of this year] to integrate all areas." I think that perhaps all persons do this to some extent... I know I do it a lot... what my parents know of me is different from what my closest girlfriends know of me which is different from what my coworkers know of me. As I get older I've been trying to... integrate.. these different sides of me but I admit it can be a challenge. I came across this article though.. and it, along with my thoughts from last week, have inspired this post.

I don't talk about sex and anything related to sex with my parents (re: mom)... Am not quite sure how our relationship evolved this way but I've never at any point felt comfortable doing so. My dad jokes about random stuff sometimes but to say that either one of them know my thoughts, feelings and (oh dear goddess I'm putting this in a blog post! :s) desires on this subject would be very far off. That being said, I consider myself to be fairly open about sex (at least with people that are not my family). Perhaps it is that I am curious... perhaps it is that I believe one should enjoy themselves fully in the satisfaction of oneself. I haven't been having sex though... who would I have it with? I'm not the type of person to pick up some random person and I'm not with anyone at the moment. I satisfy whatever needs I have by myself and somewhat voyeuristically through the life of others... e.g. Kit (not her real name... she's got her own secret blog - am mildly jealous/intrigued) at BloggingDangerously or Jenny Lawson - The Bloggess or the folks at Toy With Me who have such wonderful articles like this one.

 

I'm fairly spiritual... which is partly responsible for me not being with anyone. I'd like to be able to talk to my significant other about enlightenment... or the possibility thereof, or of divination and astrology, of the world and our place in it.

I can be callous (so I've been told) ... I prefer to think of it as practical. Perhaps it's that I can be hard? BS is not acceptable at all times is all. One must come good or not at all. Mediocrity not accepted.

I am me... you may not know all my parts but that's ok... I think that for me to be completely happy with myself I need to accept/acknowledge all parts of me... the 'good' and the 'not-so-good' and the 'just plain weird' bits of myself.

I'm a work in progress.

peace,

Ren

Life has suddenly gotten very busy...

"Learning is movement from moment to moment." ~Krishnamurti

I'm still here... didn't get taken up in any Rapture - have just been tremendously busy. Sometimes I think there aren't enough hours in the day... and then again sometimes I think that there are too many. These past few days have not had enough hours... there's been very little time for me to sit and actually get down to blogging - I'm stealing a few moments here to do so.

On Sunday I went to a Women's Business Conference hosted by W.O.M.E.N. the Women Owned and Managed Enterprise Network (Trinidad). I had issues with the organisation or lack thereof of the Conference. I had no issues with the presenters who were all very well-spoken and had a wealth of information to share... I encourage you to check them out (more on the conference can be found on the W.O.M.E.N.'s facebook site):

• Janice Learmond-Criqui - Life Coach and Motivational Speaker... she had us dancing!
• Onika Henry - sexual health and pure romance consultant
• Georgina Terry - business and career coach
• Zaf Rahaman - website designer & developer

On Monday I went to my second Zumba class... it's extremely fun... and also exhausting... and you feel like you've exercised (especially if you haven't been exercising).

On Tuesday I had to visit a school in Fyzabad. I'm learning the country thanks to my job... Also went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 4 - Johnny Depp is yum :) and I love pirates... and mermaids... and the whole storyline... so yay me! If you're into any of the above then go see the movie.

Today is a crazy work day... had to go to a school in Princes Town. Got back to work only to find everyone extremely busy (I soon became extremely busy as well) as we've got a Major Work Event tomorrow... which means tomorrow is another crazy work day. 

Going to spend the evening doing absolutely nothing. Hopefully.

peace,

Ren