Looking.

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle." ~Steve Jobs

Tomorrow the cute guy and I are going to be signing a rental agreement - we've been looking for a space in which he can have his photography studio and, I'm not quite sure how I got involved but, I'll also be using the space as a yoga studio. We're sharing. It starts tomorrow. It's exciting and scary and... awesome. 

On Friday I had dinner with two women who I worked with at my old job - one moved on to other adventures some time back and one is still there. The conversation was interesting - catching up on where we were and what we're doing. How have we gotten to where we are now? It's something I've been thinking about a lot. When I was 13 we had to choose subjects - I ended up in the Business stream only because of the fact that I wanted to do Information Technology as one of my subjects; it was only offered in the Business stream or the Sciences stream and I definitely was not interested in pursuing strictly Science subjects. One decision that led to a BA in Business Administration, a job in an office and then an MBA because... progression? It served its purpose - I needed a job and I had one and now I'm moving on to find out what I really would love to do. My dad is unhappy because he thinks I'm going about it the wrong way - that I should have stayed at my old job or find a new job (which provides steady income) and pursue this - whatever this is right now - in my spare time. 

Pfft. I need to do this my way. Need to figure out, to find, to look for what will satisfy me.

Is it teaching yoga? I'm not sure - but I'm open to the possibility that it might be or, that this will eventually lead me to somewhere I want to be. Is it writing? Perhaps - this is something that's always in my mind and so I'm sure the time will come when I pursue it further. Is it taking one day at a time and enjoying each experience? Yes. 

What will be, will be. I'm looking forward to it.

peace,

Ren

On the way to figuring out the whole me... (warning: long post ahead)

'Each person comes into this world with a specific destiny--he has something to fulfil, some message has to be delivered, some work has to be completed. You are not here accidentally--you are here meaningfully. There is a purpose behind you. The whole intends to do something through you.' ~ Osho

When I first started blogging and up until the end of last year, I began each post with a quotation - something that in some way summed up my feelings or thoughts about what I was writing. I'm not sure why I stopped but apparently it's time that I started again. It's the first thing I thought of doing when I sat down to write - finding that perfect quote that speaks to what I want to say. 

What do you think of the above quote?

I've been thinking that for one to truly appreciate one's life, one must appreciate all the facets that make up our lives. All of the connections; we are more than the sum of our parts but I think that we need to know all of our parts to appreciate the sum and beyond.

I've been trying to figure out my parts. The different facets that make up my being. Perhaps in figuring this out I will come to realise what my message is - what I'm meant to bring to this world.

My purpose?

I'm going to quit my job and do the 200-hr yoga teacher training. There. I've said it to [some] people and now I've written it on the blog. I'm tired of my job - I don't know what the reason is for being there and it is both soul-sucking and energy-draining. I've been complaining about it since before I started this blog but have done nothing much about it. The main reasons for me staying there and keeping up with the grind no longer exist. Whilst I don't know that yoga teacher training can help me in any way... I do know that I'm excited about it. It's something that a part of me has wanted to do for a long time. 

My dad freaked out a bit when I told him but he's getting used to the idea I think. I know he's worried about me not having a job, about stuff like living expenses and what would happen if something happened to him and what am I doing with my life... I think I need this to figure out what I'm doing with my life. 

I'm looking at it as a jumping point. A beginning of sorts. Maybe I'll open my own studio? Maybe I'll privately teach people? Maybe I'll take the skills that I learn, fuse them with those I've already got and create something new and exciting?

It's a giant 'maybe' but it's a 'maybe' that I feel excited about... positive... happy. I feel that in other areas of my life I follow what makes me happy... and so in this area, the career/work area, I need to do the same. There is a part of me that feels a strong revulsion at the thought of continuing on in an 8 to 4 office job. Each day is more of a struggle to convince myself to get to work. Surely something isn't right here?

I'm figuring it out. Following the excitement and the happy in the hopes that it would lead into finding out my purpose.

Follow your happy (remind me that I'm committed to following mine).

peace,

Ren

Letting go of time...

My healing card for today says, 'let go of time'. I was much better at this when I was younger. There was no need to fill every moment with something, to be productive and get as much done as possible. Now there is that feeling... that moments pass and there is never enough time. 

There is enough. I can just be. Moment to moment, I am breathing. 

Was frustrated and annoyed at work today - so much to do, so much required and yet I was getting nowhere. There is only so much that can be done by one person. Around midday I was ready to grump at the world and then I remembered my card. I took my lunch hour to get a manicure. My hands were massaged, my nails look much more awesome than they usually do, my manicurist says my hands are like dolly hands. 

It was... refreshing. I've been spending a lot of lunch hours at my desk trying to get stuff done... Sometimes one needs to remember to step away. Step out of the grind. Just let go of time and the hurry and the pressure and just be.

Breathe. 

peace,

Ren

Time's up.

I'm supposed to go back out to work today - am allowed three days of bereavement leave and my days are now up. I'm not sure who came up with this number but it's not limited to Trinidad and Tobago. Is three days supposed to be enough time to get out of mourning and into work mode? Flip a mental switch and one's mind is supposed to switch streams from funeral planning/ organising/  saying goodbye to one's relative to meetings/ report writing/ work work work. 

I find that somewhat amazing. 

I feel tired... have not yet caught up on rest. There's still a lot going on... we're having mini-satsangs each night until next Monday when another part of the funeral rites will take place. 

Three days of leave don't quite allow for anything besides the actual funeral. I'm contemplating  taking a major amount of time off - no pay? sick leave? I'm not sure yet but I do know that I need time. 

Am in the process of figuring it all out.

peace,

Ren

Back out to work

Getting out of bed and out to work after a four-day weekend is perhaps one of the most difficult things. At least, it is for me. I suppose it would be different for someone who enjoyed their job or loved it or found some measure of satisfaction in it. I don't have that. I've been wanting to leave my job for... years. YEARS. Instead of doing that though, I've done a lot of complaining and made a lot of "I want a new job!" statements both here on the blog and elsewhere. 

I have reasons for not leaving the current job and they are as follows:

1. It is close to home - 8 minutes drive if there's no traffic, 30 minutes and more if there is. Close enough that if something were to happen at home, with the mother or otherwise, I can get there quickly. 
2. The pay is fairly reasonable - it's one of the few workplaces close to home that can offer such compensation without being in the energy industry, I don't think I'd mind working in that industry but... my dad left it for health reasons and I'd be just as concerned about my own health. 
3. There are times when the work is interesting - I sometimes feel as though my job is an extension of my dad's; he was a technical vocational teacher for over 30 years and I'm part of an agency that is responsible for technical vocational education and training (TVET) in my country. I firmly believe that TVET is just as important as academic education and training. Where would a society be without its craftspeople? 
4. They know my business - and by this, I mean that they know that my mom is not well... I can call in and say I'll be running a bit late on a morning and they sorta know why. I've been using my sick days on days when the mother isn't feeling well... or days when I've been up all night with her and need to get some amount of sleep. 
5. I don't know what I want to do otherwise - and that's the kicker isn't it? I do know I don't like having an 8 - 4 desk job. 

I've been asking myself the questions: 

1. What are my skills? My talents? 
2. What do I have to share with the world?
3. What would I do if I had a million dollars?
4. What would I do if I only had one year to live? 

I'm still stuck on the answers. I like reading and writing. I like travelling and exploring. I like food (though I'm vegetarian so I'll never be quite like Andrew Zimmern or Anthony Bourdain). I know how to take care of myself and others. I [sometimes] like talking to people. I would invest... funds and stocks and property then I'd travel. A year to live? Travel. Write. Take photos. Spend time with old friends, make new friends. 

How do I get all that to work for me? I'm trying to figure it out. In the meantime it's back out to work today.

peace,

Ren

Guys like pie...

I joked with the cute guy that I could do a post on "Guys like pie... and other things people should have taught us when we were younger". I'm sure I could come up with a few points but my mind keeps focusing on food so instead this post is about "Guys like pie... and other random food thoughts". 

Yesterday my workplace had an Easter Egg Hunt and Lunch event... or rather the 2nd floor (where my department is) had this event. Apart from cheering on coworkers who were hunting for eggs, my only contribution was pie - sweet potato pie. Savoury sweet potato pie. I'm usually the one that contributes plates or cups or sometimes salad, but this time, when asked what I could bring I said sweet potato pie. 

It's just good pie... and for some reason I felt like making and sharing it. 

It was extremely well-received, so much so that people were calling my phone to ask for the recipe and stopping me in the hallway to tell me how good it was. Then I tweeted about it and got this in response:

keep it up! Your future husband will be lucky! @renee_tandt: Made sweet potato pie for work lunch thing. got rave reviews. #PatsSelfOnBack
— Haydn Dunn (@HaydnDunn) March 28, 2013

My future husband will be lucky because I can make pie? Because my pie gets rave reviews? Is it just that guys like pie? If pie equals guys then someone should have told me this sooner. 

Note to self: ~make some pie for the cute guy~

All amusement aside, I've been thinking about why I was moved to share pie.

The workplace has been crazy lately... as it usually is. I've been feeling down about it but haven't been focusing on it as there's a lot of stuff at home that's overshadowing everything else. I keep thinking that things should be a certain way, that people should do what they're supposed to do, that the workplace is meant for work and getting stuff done. 

The workplace is also made of people. People living their own lives and going through their own dramas just as I am. I think that offering to make and then making pie is just my way of reminding myself of that and being thankful that they are trying as well. 

One must be present when cooking/baking. One must think positive thoughts so that food is filled with positive energy. One must offer and share. I truly believe that it is in the giving of oneself - of time, energy and feelings, that we receive. 

Break bread together and commune with those around you.

Everybody loves pie. 

peace,

Ren

All of the negative...

This week I've been: 

- Tired. My mom really wasn't feeling so well last Sunday and so I was up most of the night with her. Awake so much so that I took the day off on Monday because I *really needed sleep*. It's been a rough week for her health-wise... and so, it's also been a rough week for us. I think illness of any kind affects not just the person who has it but the family unit or whoever is in their immediate circle. 

-Sad. There have been times over the past seventeen years or so when I thought that maybe, perhaps, it might have been my mom's time to pass. There have been scary moments and sad moments and the like but I think that this time is the first time that I truly feel her time might be near. I don't know that I'm ready to face the death of a parent. 

My other parent is officially, as of yesterday, retired. This is a good thing I'm sure... but it's also a reminder of how time is passing and a part of me wishes it would just freeze.

-Irritable. Perhaps because of lack of sleep this week. I haven't been nearly as patient with people as I can be. Small things have been bugging me at home and at work and with ... just about everybody. There are crazy drivers, for example. I'm usually fairly tolerant but this week I've been irritated enough to want to come on the blog and list in detail all the stupid things that goes on the roads of Trinidad. Obviously I haven't... I complained about them to my work people instead.

The workplace has been annoying me - I'm not sure how some people got to be where they are when they can't do what they're supposed to do. Actually, I do know... nepotism screws things up. All positions should be earned by merit... or people should at least show competency of some kind before being selected to a post. My entire country is being mismanaged at all levels and truly one of the main reasons is nepotism by past and present governments. 

I think the family thinks that I'm always grumpy at them - the thing is that to get things done around my home (that I can't do for myself) people need to be continuously reminded... or something? It annoys me that people won't do stuff if they see/know that it needs to be done. I also know that I'm a bit of a procrastinator so can I really be mad at my people for that?

-Feeling like a nag. Everything is all related... This week I feel as though I've been nagging the family people, the cute guy, the work people. Ugh. I don't like it. I don't like having to constantly mention the same thing over and over... and yet if I don't I feel as though a) nothing will get done, b) there will be missed opportunities and c) the world will come to an end. I know the world is not ending... but really? Oy. People need to do what they should be doing. 

-Crazy, insanely jealous. I still kinda continue to be. Ergh. This is something I need to talk about with the girl people but since my Whatsapp no longer works it's kinda hard to reach out and get all their views. Bleh. A note to the cheaters out there. All you persons that cannot or will not stay true to your partners - You Mess Up Everything. 

Cheating is something I can't comprehend. There can be no good reason for it - it's either you're happy and satisfied with your partner... or you're not. I have major trust issues that start with the fact that my dad has cheated on my mom and continue with the fact that I've been cheated on as well. 

I don't think the cute guy is one that would cheat but there is a part of me that doubts. That part of me that has seen and experienced cheating - that has been through the whole 'am I not enough?' experience. He has close female friends he's known for years upon years... years of history and experiences I don't know about... I've known him for just about one year. I feel small and petty and horrible for thinking such thoughts... and yet when he mentions spending time with close friends I want to snarl. 

*sigh*

Woke up in tears this morning and thought I'd try to figure out why. This is a very gloomy post. There have been positive moments and happy moments but ... I guess I needed to get out all of the dark before feeling alright. 

peace,

Ren

Gearing up for a girl night...

Lime with the girl people tonight and it is much needed. I feel tired and somewhat low on energy. It's been a long week with rather tedious work that I realise is in no way fulfilling. There have been moments where I've realised that both parents are older... less vital in a way that they have never been before. I think both work and family life need a boost of positive energy at the moment.

Sometimes the perfect thing to recharge one's batteries is a night spent with people that you've known for ages doing silly stuff and eating comfort food (cheesecake - I've heard that there will be cheesecake!).

Happy Friday all.

peace,

Ren

2013!

First day of the year!

I met a lot of people...

I'm thinking about moving this blog and building a website of some sort that provides... something. 

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I think that says a lot about the job I'm currently in. 

I realize I feel guilty about leaving the parents home and doing my own thing... I realize that they encourage the guilty feelings. I'm not sure how to get out of that. 

I think I need to be more firm with the brother. More physical world responsibility needed.

I love the cute guy... there has yet to be a moment that is not in some way fun, or thought-provoking, or peaceful.

Hello 2013.

peace,

Ren

Thursday's tale...

"The Universe is made up of stories, not atoms." ~Muriel Rukeyser

Woke up this morning and did not want to go to work. It was cold and rainy... and it's not fun being the only one that has to get up and leave home to go to work. I did though - not just because I don't really have any more days off that I can call in sick - but because, despite the fact that I don't really like it, it's my job. There are things that need to be done and I have to do some of them. 

I don't understand how people can get contracted/hired to do a job and then do it halfway (or less than that even). Is there no pride? No sense of accomplishment? No shared sense of responsibility?

I don't understand it at all. 

I don't like hearing people say that there are no jobs available in our country when I know that there are. I have heard directly from persons that people they hire don't want to do what they're hired to do... or find the jobs too tedious... or below them... or feel entitled to more than what they're working for. 

A puzzle is made up of many pieces. Tradespeople are just as important as academics. If everyone wants to hold a certain position then how will we maintain where we are? How will we build? How will we grow?

I've found myself seriously contemplating learning a trade or two. I can lay tiles. My dad's got electrical skills. An understanding of plumbing can only come in handy in the future. 

I wonder how many people are thinking of the future. 

peace,
Ren

Wordy Wednesday...

"The power of the word is real whether or not you are conscious of it ." ~Sonia Choquette

I am tired. This may not be very wordy but the following are all words that came to mind today with regards to my workplace. 

It doesn't look good. 

I am tired. 

peace,
Ren

Solstice...

"Life is like an ever-shifting kaleidoscope, - a slight change, and all patterns alter." ~ Sharon Salzberg

Solstice today and I'm so very tired. Change is in the air. Cycles starting over... coming around again.

I'm grumpy and achy and have I mentioned tired? 

The mother is not doing that well... Sudden decline and we're now helping out much more than I ever thought we'd have to and I'm reading sites such as caring.com and agingcare.com. I'm thinking if I ever have my own space I'll outfit it such that when I'm older there won't be any drama if I need wheelchairs/lifts/easy access showers/whatever. I've realised that although the mother has gotten fairly scrawny (she's lost a *lot* of weight) she's still heavy for me...  my back aches like wow. I need to do some strength training. Lifting with the knees and whatever is not helping me in this case. 

The father is concerned and probably feeling his own mortality. He also seems to not realise that I'm doing as much in a day as he is... and with less sleep. I have been snappish with him tonight... some guilt cuz yes is my dad but... I'm tired. That should be capitalised. TIRED. I can't bring myself to feel overly bad about being snappish cuz in my opinion I was provoked. Meh. 

The brother is a rock... without him around I'd be much more snappish and also much more tired. We deal as well as we could. 

The workplace is ... Well, it just is. I'm gearing up for another round of quarrels because really? Enough. I'm tired... and dealing with somewhat incompetent people is not helping my energy level at all. 

The cute guy is... so much cuter. Oy. Bright spot. He makes me smile. Cute. Seriously cute. Oy. Too cute to be in such a grumpy post. 

I know I should talk to the girl ppl... or just talk to people. But. Meh. 

I want chocolate and hugs (especially from the cute guy but really all hugs are welcome) and a vacation... I'm gonna settle for a good cry and a hot water bottle and hopefully some hours of sleep. 

peace,

Ren

Thoughts on a Tuesday...

"Learning is movement from moment to moment." ~Krishnamurti

It's raining outside and I'm finding it very hard to focus on work today. Disruption of schedule, moods caused by the weather, lack of interest in work - it's all adding up to a somewhat unproductive workday.

Had to carry my car to the car-electrician-person today... it is overcharging (?)... reading of 15.2 instead of 13.8... my dad said it was the alternator. I had a mini-lesson in alternators (bearings, brushes, resistor, regulator)... I've found that my dad and I can bond over technical stuff - because though I'm not particularly interested in such stuff, he is... and I can listen if it is something I should know of or really just because he wants to talk about it. I think sometimes that it must be difficult for my dad living with us just because he has a different way of... being... operating? seeing the world. How we are with people and how we are with family can be completely different. Sometimes I think that we don't take as much care as we should with the people that are closest to us.

I've learnt today that my dad tells other people that he's proud of us. I'm proud of him too. I guess it's not that easy to say to each other.

Car-electrician-guy says that the regulator in the alternator is going bad. Too many car part words end in -or. I'm hoping that it's not going to be too expensive to replace.

Got to work just before 11 and perhaps it is that disruption to my regular workday (start at 8) that has me unfocused. It doesn't feel like a day for working.

I'm reading fanfiction. Have I mentioned before that I can get sucked into fanfiction? Stories upon stories and there are some really great writers out there. Found myself reading 'The Paladin Protocol' and thinking of 'Unforgiven' today.

I'm in a mood of sorts. Slightly headachy. Wishing that I had the skill to swirl the thoughts in my head into some sort of physical form. Sometimes words cannot capture it all.

Happy Tuesday world.

peace.

Ren

I have words...

"I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime." ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross 

Guaico left a comment on Saturday's blog post saying that she had no words about this. The newspaper reports that "ninety-one (91) or 40.8% of the 223 cancer patients over-radiated by the Brian Lara Cancer Treatment Center (BLCTC) are dead". I have words... a few of them are: 

My feelings about that incident are somewhat skewed towards the negative. I think today is for speaking of incidents that disturb me. The fact that this could happen... that such an error could be made and not swiftly corrected and not communicated to those that it would be most important to... that something like this would be hidden and not investigated thoroughly and in a timely fashion...  that I may not even know half of what's going on or what's true or not true about the whole situation because of lack of transparency and reporting... it is all horrible. 

Another situation that has me... gloomy. Sad, in a what's-going-on-with-the-world kind of way? This. The family is friends of my family. I remember going there with my mom as a little girl for satsang (my brother and I would both fall asleep during and wake up at the end)... Small things come back to you when you reflect on how you know someone and for someone to disrupt their lives in such a way... Heartbreaking. That's the word that comes to mind. 

Something that has me annoyed. Vexed. Grumpy in a way that I'm not usually. Work... of course. Of course. I wish that people would stop wasting my time... that those in higher management would actually figure out what they can and can't do. That they'd acknowledge whether or not they are able to fulfill their responsibilities... that they'd remove themselves from the equation if they can't.

I think tonight's word is responsibility... something that I believe we all need to look at. What are we responsible for? What impact do our choices make? Whose world do we shatter? Whose future do we build?

I have words. I hope that, in some way, they make an impact.

peace,

Ren

Finding peace in the mundane.

"Stillness, insight, and wisdom arise only when we can settle into being complete in this moment, without having to seek or hold on to or reject anything." ~Jon Kabat-Zinn 

Number of shirts ironed for male parent: 10

Epiphany (does it count if it occurs every time I iron?): Wrinkle-free shirts don't necessarily stay wrinkle-free.

----------

Found myself ironing shirts this evening because my dad forgot to tell me over the very long weekend that he was out of shirts. One day my dad will either learn to iron his own shirts... or be retired and no longer have the need to have ironed shirts... that day is not today though. There have been times in the past (and present) where I have been very grumpy about ironing... or doing other household stuff (not laundry - I've mentioned previously that we each do our own)... I'm trying to be less so. I'm finding it easier to be less grumpy.

The cute guy asked me recently what made me go off and become a volunteer at Kripalu. It was a combination of reasons that included just wanting to go there and work-stress and lack of direction and also that I was tired of taking care of people. This doesn't make me a bad person and shouldn't make me feel guilty... but it kinda does... cuz of course the people I'm talking about are my own family members. I think at the time I was reaching burnout and just needed space to breathe | recharge | reconnect... I think I found that or the beginnings of that at Kripalu. 

I've been taking care of/helping take care of my family since I was around 13. I know that there are people that have been in much worse situations... and I know that really, in some ways, I had it easy... This doesn't change the fact that I'm sometimes very tired of the feeling that I've been running (helping to run) a household forever. Groceries, breakfasts and lunches, school and work and exams and people needing to be ready on time, bills and oh no... is the house falling apart? I'm tired of that sometimes. It makes me feel as though I would like to live by myself for a while... and that's part of why I went off to Kripalu. 

Ironing today though and thinking bout this and realised that whilst it sometimes drives me crazy there is a certain peace to be found in doing the everyday, ordinary things. It's a feeling that I've had whilst washing dishes but... ironing? Today I think I just sank into the experience... being in the moment... breathing. There is also that bit of joy that comes with helping out others. It's something I need to be more aware of... try to experience more of. 

I know it's not always going to be easy - there are moments when I think that it's only my hands that are able to fill ice trays or take out the garbage or do any number of things - there are moments when I need to appreciate the brother's cooking or the father's handiness or the mother's presence. 

I'm trying though... and I guess that's the best anyone can do.

peace,

Ren

Spring...

"If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth." ~Mitsugi Saotome 

My calendar says it's Spring. It's supposed to be dry season here in Trinidad and Tobago but ... there's been lots of rainy days. I haven't been on the blog... I haven't been on my computer. I've been internalizing... and spending time with family and friends (Shoeaholic's birthday was last week!) and a cute guy. 

I'm reading what I wrote around this time last year... and reading an email that says "expect sweet surprises in your love life this year"...  

I've been thinking about relationships and communication and trust and honesty and how much a person (myself... this is all based on me) can change over the course of time. There are things that I think and feel and want and expect that are very different now than they were a year... or five years... or ten years ago.    

I'm somewhat amused and somewhat wary of the reactions of family members to the cute guy. Actually... I'm somewhat amused and wary of my own reactions to the cute guy.

I have a crazy day of work tomorrow. I'm trying to be positive from now... good vibes and calm, cool professionalism... that is how tomorrow shall be. I'm very conscious of the fact that I gave myself a deadline and I'm not sure I can stick to it. Purpose and passion and possibilities... all things I'm thinking about.

What are you thinking about? Life? Travels? Friends, family, lovers? Work, career, purpose? 

These may be helpful: 

• 15 ways to live, and not merely exist...
• 25 beautifully illustrated thought-provoking questions... 

Wishing you a good week :)

peace,

Ren

Days like today...

"Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow." ~Anthony J. D'Angelo 

It's days like the one I had today and probably will have tomorrow that remind me what I love about my job. It's the sharing and the ideas and the potential for something to happen. Today I met with persons from Canada, Barbados, Jamaica, St. Lucia, St. Kitts & Nevis, Antigua and Barbuda, Guyana... and others I may not be remembering. Although my insides cringe at meeting new people and being in new settings it's fun to interact and learn and talk about stuff. Stuff like technical vocational training, labour market information, best practices and models, demand and supply. Years from now will we be able to look back and say we saw this coming, we planned for it and here we are?

Maybe.

Maybe not. It's the 'maybe not' that's part of why I don't like my job... because there is so much possibility and yet there is so much poor management, politics and bureaucracy and ego. 

There is a part of me that wishes that I could rip it all apart and put it back together. Systems and models and ways in which the world could work. Went to the movies yesterday with a new friend to see Chronicle... it's such a guy movie and I thought it ended abruptly yet there were very good plot points... I've been thinking about it. At the end of the trailer for that movie the question is asked: "What are you capable of?" 

Dark side and light side and either way that's a very interesting question. 

When I was maybe 12 or so I remember reading a book (Dream something? something dream? - it sucks that I can't remember the *name* of the book) where everyone in the society were exposed to different skills/tasks till they found their true calling.. that one thing (or more than one thing) that they were meant to do for the society to function at its best. 

I wonder about what it would take to have our present society functioning at its best.

I've got another day of workshops tomorrow... Yay me! :)

night,

Ren

p.s. Happy Leap Day!

Checking in...

"Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know." ~Pema Chodron

Been absent from the blog for most of this week so thought I'd say hello. Hope you are all having a good week...

I'm tired... my eyes have been protesting my frequent computer use, my throat has been trying to decide if it wants to be sore or not. I did some quarrelling at work - some positive results but we'll see what the ultimate end is.

Taking a day at a time for the while.

Today is my workplace Carnival-event/lime/idk what to call it... I wore party earrings. Yay me :)

Happy weekend all,

peace,

Ren



Two informative videos...

"Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." ~Malcolm Forbes

These are related to events happening in the world and in my life. I'm not up to writing about them but I probably will at some point... in the meantime? Videos... yay!

The first: a short documentary explaining what is SOPA and PIPA

If you were on the Internet yesterday you may have come across lots of sites/people talking about this... I'd have liked it if one of our local tech persons had talked about it (maybe someone did and I missed it?)... 

The second: Health at Work... 

I'm thinking the management people at my workplace should look at this video. Still having issues. Stayed home today... staying home tomorrow... looking at job vacancies. Really need to figure out what I'd like to be doing. 

Happy Thursday all...

peace,

Ren

It's a mystery. (Updated!)

"Mystery creates wonder and wonder is the basis of man’s desire to understand." ~Neil Armstrong 

I could blog about how very vexed I was in work today (so much so that I felt like using some *very* bad words). 

I could blog about the fact that I've been scanning vacancy ads and I'm either over-qualified, under-qualified or don't have enough years experience in the area. 

Instead, I shall blog about a recent mystery... because there's only so much grumpiness I can take in myself and... I really don't want to spread it. 

It is *insert mystery music here* the Mystery of Newbeary Plaza:

I bought a puzzle for my mom for Christmas. This puzzle: 

It's a very beautiful looking puzzle of a white dragon - we (my brother and I) are very into dragons... my mom's into puzzle-making... it was a perfect gift!

Except that when my mom opened the sealed box and then the sealed bag, the puzzle pieces didn't look as though they'd make anything remotely dragon-looking. 

I'm assuming there must have been some mix-up early on? Wrong puzzle pieces for the box? 

Anyway... we could have returned it... but what fun would that be? Are we not puzzle-makers? It's a challenge is what it is - the making of a puzzle without the picture. We're very curious as to what it will be... there are shop signs and sky and trees and flowers... This is what it looked like on Friday:

Mystery Puzzle: Newbeary Plaza?

This is the cover of the box that it came in:

Cover of box that was supposed to contain fabulous dragon puzzle... 

See how the dragon puzzle does not have fences or flowers? 

*sigh*

It's a mystery... I'm looking forward to seeing the finished picture :)

Would you build a puzzle without the picture?

Hmm... try it sometime ;)

peace,

Ren 


Update:
Finished the puzzle last Friday (the 20th) ... It's pretty :) This is it: 

Newbeary Plaza!