"Stillness, insight, and wisdom arise only when we can settle into being complete in this moment, without having to seek or hold on to or reject anything." ~Jon Kabat-Zinn
Number of shirts ironed for male parent: 10
Epiphany (does it count if it occurs every time I iron?): Wrinkle-free shirts don't necessarily stay wrinkle-free.
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Found myself ironing shirts this evening because my dad forgot to tell me over the very long weekend that he was out of shirts. One day my dad will either learn to iron his own shirts... or be retired and no longer have the need to have ironed shirts... that day is not today though. There have been times in the past (and present) where I have been very grumpy about ironing... or doing other household stuff (not laundry - I've mentioned previously that we each do our own)... I'm trying to be less so. I'm finding it easier to be less grumpy.
The cute guy asked me recently what made me go off and become a volunteer at Kripalu. It was a combination of reasons that included just wanting to go there and work-stress and lack of direction and also that I was tired of taking care of people. This doesn't make me a bad person and shouldn't make me feel guilty... but it kinda does... cuz of course the people I'm talking about are my own family members. I think at the time I was reaching burnout and just needed space to breathe | recharge | reconnect... I think I found that or the beginnings of that at Kripalu.
I've been taking care of/helping take care of my family since I was around 13. I know that there are people that have been in much worse situations... and I know that really, in some ways, I had it easy... This doesn't change the fact that I'm sometimes very tired of the feeling that I've been running (helping to run) a household forever. Groceries, breakfasts and lunches, school and work and exams and people needing to be ready on time, bills and oh no... is the house falling apart? I'm tired of that sometimes. It makes me feel as though I would like to live by myself for a while... and that's part of why I went off to Kripalu.
Ironing today though and thinking bout this and realised that whilst it sometimes drives me crazy there is a certain peace to be found in doing the everyday, ordinary things. It's a feeling that I've had whilst washing dishes but... ironing? Today I think I just sank into the experience... being in the moment... breathing. There is also that bit of joy that comes with helping out others. It's something I need to be more aware of... try to experience more of.
I know it's not always going to be easy - there are moments when I think that it's only my hands that are able to fill ice trays or take out the garbage or do any number of things - there are moments when I need to appreciate the brother's cooking or the father's handiness or the mother's presence.
I'm trying though... and I guess that's the best anyone can do.
peace,
Ren
