Man work?

Spent a bit of my evening sealing and sanding planks of wood that my dad will be using to build shelving and storage in his project house. 

It was fun. I like using paint brushes but I'm not particularly artistic so painting walls or sanding sealer on wood is perhaps the most fun I can have with them. I used a sander... I'm not sure if it was because it was my aunt's sander that it was just my size - most power tools aren't. This one was. More power tools should be me-sized. I'd probably get more involved in building/constructing stuff if they were.

It was the kind of work that my dad calls 'man work' - muscle work. Doing stuff with one's hands. I guess just because it's traditionally a man's job. 

I could absolutely do man work. I think maybe I'd like it much more than office work. While I was at Kripalu there was a week called 'shut-down week' - where the facility was shut down so maintenance and such could be done. It was one of my favourite weeks even though at the end of each day the only thing one wanted to do was shower and sleep. 

It may be something worth exploring. 

peace,

Ren

Poems and poetry...

"Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet believes to be interior and personal which the reader recognizes as his own." ~Salvatore Quasimodo

I haven't much written anything related to this month's NaBloPoMo theme of 'Poem' and have also said that I don't really write poetry... that may not necessarily be all true. At Kripalu I was part of a ... writing group... we met up maybe once a week, focused on a theme, wrote for maybe 10 minutes and then discussed or listened to what we'd written/what our thoughts were etc. Most of my writing during that time was... poetry... maybe I'll post it up here at some point.

I found this blog today: 'Is this Alt Lit?' - the writing is beautiful and resonates with me in ways that I can't explain. I'm looking forward to reading more from her.

The prompts for this month's NaBloPoMo are interesting but... well I find it difficult to write to prompts sometimes. A few answers though:

• Thursday, April 19, 2012 - What aspect of nature feels the most poetic? I find all of nature poetic... which aspect? Um. Maybe the waxing and waning of the moon? Changing seasons? Day into night? I have no response.
• Tuesday, April 17, 2012 - Are you more a haiku or an epic poem? Um... maybe both? A haiku one day... an epic poem the next?
• Wednesday, April 4, 2012 - What is the best romantic poem you've ever encountered? She walks in beauty (Lord Byron)

Happy Thursday all...

peace,

Ren

Finding peace in the mundane.

"Stillness, insight, and wisdom arise only when we can settle into being complete in this moment, without having to seek or hold on to or reject anything." ~Jon Kabat-Zinn 

Number of shirts ironed for male parent: 10

Epiphany (does it count if it occurs every time I iron?): Wrinkle-free shirts don't necessarily stay wrinkle-free.

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Found myself ironing shirts this evening because my dad forgot to tell me over the very long weekend that he was out of shirts. One day my dad will either learn to iron his own shirts... or be retired and no longer have the need to have ironed shirts... that day is not today though. There have been times in the past (and present) where I have been very grumpy about ironing... or doing other household stuff (not laundry - I've mentioned previously that we each do our own)... I'm trying to be less so. I'm finding it easier to be less grumpy.

The cute guy asked me recently what made me go off and become a volunteer at Kripalu. It was a combination of reasons that included just wanting to go there and work-stress and lack of direction and also that I was tired of taking care of people. This doesn't make me a bad person and shouldn't make me feel guilty... but it kinda does... cuz of course the people I'm talking about are my own family members. I think at the time I was reaching burnout and just needed space to breathe | recharge | reconnect... I think I found that or the beginnings of that at Kripalu. 

I've been taking care of/helping take care of my family since I was around 13. I know that there are people that have been in much worse situations... and I know that really, in some ways, I had it easy... This doesn't change the fact that I'm sometimes very tired of the feeling that I've been running (helping to run) a household forever. Groceries, breakfasts and lunches, school and work and exams and people needing to be ready on time, bills and oh no... is the house falling apart? I'm tired of that sometimes. It makes me feel as though I would like to live by myself for a while... and that's part of why I went off to Kripalu. 

Ironing today though and thinking bout this and realised that whilst it sometimes drives me crazy there is a certain peace to be found in doing the everyday, ordinary things. It's a feeling that I've had whilst washing dishes but... ironing? Today I think I just sank into the experience... being in the moment... breathing. There is also that bit of joy that comes with helping out others. It's something I need to be more aware of... try to experience more of. 

I know it's not always going to be easy - there are moments when I think that it's only my hands that are able to fill ice trays or take out the garbage or do any number of things - there are moments when I need to appreciate the brother's cooking or the father's handiness or the mother's presence. 

I'm trying though... and I guess that's the best anyone can do.

peace,

Ren

It's not that I'm obsessed with vaginas...

"When sleeping women wake, mountains move." ~Chinese Proverb 

It's just that I'm fully aware that I have one... as do perhaps half of the world's population. I find it very strange and somewhat disconcerting that, as my friend Shoeaholic has pointed out, men (and some women) cannot comfortably talk about what is only a natural part of the anatomy. 

Why is this really? Is it culture? Somehow related to religion? Why? I'm not in any way uncomfortable and in fact one of my earlier posts on this blog was about 'Vajazzling'.

My mom and I looked at the 2009 rom-com "It's Complicated" last evening... what struck me as most amusing and perhaps most relatable were the scenes where lead actress Meryl Streep interacted with her girlfriends - I can absolutely see my girl ppl and I in that same scenario as we've had (and will continue to have) group gatherings such as was seen on the film. One such scene was where they were discussing how a lack of sex could possibly lead to 'closure'... and the need for vaginoplasty.

Ladies, did you know that if you don't use it you'd lose it? Did you know that your vagina can fall out? Don't stress... read this article from Lissa Rankin on the "20 Things Every Woman Should Know About Her Vagina".

I'm a big fan of Lissa Rankin, founder of Owning Pink and perhaps The Coolest OB/GYN out there... I've posted on my personal facebook page, two of her articles which were what inspired someone (a male someone) to wonder whether I was vagina-obsessed. I'm not... I just believe in awareness and education and thus I'm posting the links here as well:

• 15 Crazy Things About Vaginas
• and in case you thought there were only 15, there are 15 More Crazy Things About Vaginas

They're both really good reads. So ladies (and gentlemen), educate yourselves... be aware of what is part of you (or your lady-friend). As Lissa says, 

"Remember, the more we know, the more we can learn to love, honour, and respect the part of our body that brings life into the world. Enjoy!"

 And... because I just find this wonderful in so many ways: 

peace,

Ren

Edited to add:
Lissa Rankin was at Kripalu recently - I'm both happy about that and somewhat sad that I missed it.

I'm having cravings... or A list of The Best Things I Ever Ate

“Enchant, stay beautiful and graceful, but do this, eat well. Bring the same consideration to the preparation of your food as you devote to your appearance. Let your dinner be a poem, like your dress.” ~ Charles Pierre Monselet

It's very strange really... I don't know why I'm having them. Is it hormones? Stress? Time of the year? The fact that I know people who are pregnant (can one have sympathy cravings... hmm)? The fact is though that I'm having food cravings - which come on very suddenly and very strongly. :( I don't know why ... is it because I'm slightly hungry? Aargh! What's worse is that I know exactly where to get what I'm craving... *sigh*

Last month I had a craving for vegetarian spring rolls from Kam Wah - I've only recently been introduced to this restaurant in Maraval - though I've known of its existence for years I'd never actually been - let me tell you: The Best Veg Spring Rolls... Ever! I was leaving Port-of-Spain after having to work the afternoon shift at the Energy Conference when suddenly I could taste and smell the fabulousness that is the spring roll. No, I did not get any... traffic and tiredness after work meant I drove straight home and ended up eating roti and some vegetable I can't remember right now.

After getting back from California in January I found myself craving broccoli-cheese soup. I love broccoli-cheese soup. I believe that craving came to the fore because I had a most excellent cup of it at Panera Bread, CA. I'd first tasted their soup in New Jersey last year. It be the most scrumptious soup... *sigh* There are no Panera Bread outlets in Trinidad and Tobago... and although Panera Bread has recipes on their website - they don't have the broccoli-cheese soup recipe up (WHY???)...

At the moment I'm craving singapore noodles. From a restaurant in Chaguanas called 'Passage to Asia' which means that I can actually get some. I know that there's food at home though... and I sorta am trying not to buy food when there is at home (or when there is stuff that I can make at home). Aargh! WHY do I want these noodles? :s

*sigh* This is a bit of a whiny post so I'm turning it around. Perhaps if I embrace the fact that I've had great food experiences these cravings will go away? One can hope.

A list then ... of The Best Things I Ever Ate! (in no particular order... in fact I'm sure I'll probably miss a few):

• Vegetarian Spring Rolls (Kam Wah)
• Broccoli-Cheese Soup (Panera Bread)
• Very Berry Bread Pudding (The Red Lion Inn) - my mom and I spent a night here last year - we both thought it was totally yum :)
• Aged Cheddar Baked Macaroni & Cheese (B. B. King Blues Club & Grill) - took my mom to a buffet brunch to see Strawberry Fields (a look-a-like, sound-a-like Beatles tribute)
• Carrot Cake (Bryant Park Cafe) - my brother and I spent a weekend in NYC in 2009... it's an expensive place - we only bought dessert ;)
• Spanakopita (Kripalu) - I spent time here in 2009 - overall the food is amazing. I must add: poached egg over braised vegetables, buckwheat pancakes, olive bread, goat cheese balls (don't knock it till you've tried it) and cheesecake...
• Callaloo - as made by my mom.
• Dhal - as made by me (original recipe provided by dad - not sure where he got the measurements from as he does not cook)
• Crepes / Pancakes / any breakfast-ish item - as made by my brother (who is amazing in the kitchen)
• French Toast - from a diner somewhere in Chelsea, NY - made with challah bread - simply divine... I can probably find the actual address somewhere...
• Carrot muffins - from a supermarket in Canada - my mom, brother and I visited Canada in 2001 - my aunt brought these home from the supermarket - I ate most of them and she went back to find more... lol...

I think that's it for now... can't think of anymore at the moment though I'm sure there are many... and surprisingly - I'm no longer craving singapore noodles...

Yay!

peace,

Ren

An After-Valentine's-Day post...

"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile." ~Elizabeth Browning

It's the day after Valentine's day. How was yours? Everything you thought it would be? Everything you wanted to avoid? I think a lot of people tend to focus on valentine's as a romantic occasion - a between-me-and-my-lover type of occasion... and in fact, I have found myself focusing on that aspect (or rather the total lack of that aspect).

When I reflect on it today though I wish that aspect wasn't the only one that is [forced] into our consciousness... I had a good day yesterday... I had ole-talk and laughs with my family, cake [and cheesecake - what? it was *Valentine's Day*] with a girlfriend, and ended it all by going to see Black Swan (a most excellent yet somewhat creepy movie) with a couple of my long-time girl-ppl [and one new one]... I got chocolates from a work-colleague... a rose from my girl-ppl... and makeup from my brother's girlfriend [my brother says I should be offended in a 'what exactly are you trying to hint at by giving me makeup Zar?' type of way - doesn't he realise I'm just happy to get gifts? pfft].

It was overall a really good day and so... that's all I'm saying. I didn't know what to write really about V-day... there is a lot of stuff out there already...  and so here's what I've found:

♥ Two great personal Trini blog posts (one by a girlfriend of mine, one by a blogger I've recently started following):

• Ahhhh Valentines again!
• Too Much Of Anything Is Too Much: Relationships

♥ Tips for making peace with Valentine's Day

♥ The Single Girl's Valentine's Day - Ideas (from Cosmpolitan!)

♥ Dr. Eva Selhub's "The Love Response" page - In 2009, I attended her workshop at Kripalu - it was all about using love to heal yourself and others and is, in my opinion, an interesting concept.

Hope you all had a good day and if you didn't then I hope you have a new view on V-day...

much love to u,

Ren

Finding rhythm...

"To live is to be musical, starting with the blood dancing in your veins. Everything living has a rhythm. Do you feel your music?" ~Michael Jackson

Today is the anniversary of the death of Michael Jackson... his death day... I don't think he needs any type of introduction really... He was one of the greatest entertainers of his time - the King of Pop - and contributed to music, dance and fashion. Taking a moment here to remember him.

 

I've been learning to play tassa - in the bit of spare time I've got... lol. It's fun and it's with my my girlfriends and it's for the wedding of one of our group. We'll only be playing perhaps a 2-minute rhythm (details aren't finalised yet) and then the actual tassa group will be playing. It's meant as a sorta-gift... we're her bridesmaids you see. It's pretty cool. 

The problem is... I can't seem to find my rhythm. It's a bit of an issue as I'm the 'fulley' - am supposed to hold a steady rhythm for the group. Ergh. lol.. Ah well... I've been feeling tense lately... bit stifled... bit claustrophobic...  which could be the reason of course... Just have to figure out how to get through it.  

Saw the movie Fame (the 2009 version) on Sunday with my family... Kinda wish there was a performing arts school to go to - even though I know that in my own teenage years I was even more shy and non-participative than I am now. I feel like dancing and singing and such though - there should be somewhere Trini people can go to with a large space and wooden floors and fabulous acoustics... I miss the yoga room at Hill House at Kripalu though while I was there I didn't make that much use of it.

Gotta figure it out - get into a groove... maybe channel MJ at our tassa practice today. Isn't it funny that my I Ching hexagram for today is "containment of potential"? Focused attention is required it says... Hmm...

peace,
Rtr

Still adventuring...

"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love." ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I think perhaps I may have lived in the Berkshires in a past life. How else can I explain the sense of homecoming I feel on my return here? Yes, one can say that I've been here before (last year - Kripalu experience) but even at that time there was an unexplainable sense of ..belonging. My heart is fuller.. my lungs breathe deeper. There is  a strange sort of peace. 

Since my last postings I have visited two Botanical Gardens.. laid my head down in completely different types of lodgings and immersed myself in the artsy spirituality that is this area of the world.

The first Garden to be visited was in NJ on Sunday... mom & I encouraged my brother to take us... Skylands - the New Jersey Botanical Gardens is simply gorgeous. It brings to mind weddings and garden parties and large family gatherings. Perhaps it is the Taurean in me that is pleased with all the green space, flowering plants and moving water. Taurus is an earth sign - we're supposed to be known for our green thumbs... I don't know why but my thumbs (or any other digits) totally missed that astrological influence. Plants die when I try to take care of them. Plants stay healthy (safe) if I let them be. I love looking at them though... and just being in such a space can be incredibly uplifting and energizing. 

The next day my mom and I were on our way to Massachusetts. Due to some unforeseen circumstances we arrived later than scheduled and thus booked the night at the Red Lion Inn, Stockbridge, MA. I think my mom has karma with this Inn that maybe she's worked out now. Last year when I was a volunteer at Kripalu and mom came by me she got off at the wrong bus stop which incidentally was the one at the Red Lion Inn. Since then she's always talked about how nice they were and such. When we found ourselves needing a place to stay urgently it seemed that the best idea would be to stay at the Red Lion (the bus stops there after all). The Red Lion Inn has major history as it dates back almost two centuries. It's New England charm at its best. We travelled to the 2nd floor via an old-fashioned cage elevator... We counted teapots in the dining room... We were generally charmed by the entire place... 

The Red Lion Inn is in Stockbridge, MA. Totally worth visiting. We did a walking tour... stuffed our suitcases into the rental car and wandered around like the tourists we were. Feasted our eyes at the Schantz Gallery: contemporary glass sculptures at its best. Contemplated going to the Library but knew we'd end up spending the day there...

Got into our rental car and headed to our main place of abode during our mini-week in the Berkshires... the GPS couldn't find it. Luckily we (female Trinis) have a semi-developed sense of direction.. we're in the midst of the state forest..


Day after... designated Kripalu day... much love to you people who I did see and who I didn't... it was great being back... soaking in the atmosphere... so different yet so much the same. Energy flow and grow... A piece of my heart resides there... Questions: how long am I back for? Will I come again? What am I doing now? Am I using what I learnt? Am I? Hmm... Still in processing ... hold on all the questions. One truth: I want to travel to places such as this. Keeping an eye out for the road to Mexico. Cloud coverage over MA... Heaviness in the atmosphere. 

Last full day in the Berkshires: weather: sunny - hardly a cloud in the sky. Plan to be out early... end up staying in till the afternoon. I love you my mama.. and I worry. Visit to the Norman Rockwell Museum... did you know he spent the last 25 years of his life in Stockbridge?  Have new found appreciation for both his art and his life. 

Visit to the second Garden: the Berkshire Botanical Gardens... beauty.. form.. nature. They've got a Hogwarts garden! Inspired by Harry Potter and filled with plants and herbs for the witch and wizard... lol... Yes, I do like some fantasy mixed in with my reality.. Thank you. 

Feel a bit lost ... am I really leaving tomorrow? Yes. Sneak into Kripalu and pay a last visit to the Labyrinth... Contemplation. Where am I now... what do I need to be doing... what's holding me back... 

We drive through Undermountain... my mom no longer holds on to the seat though the road is narrower... who needs a GPS? I don't. Forest. Mountain. Beauty. There is a bit of me that aches when I think about leaving. Living in the moment... still hard to do... will it one day be easier? Breathe. 


Late night and I'm closing here. We take a bus to NY today/tomorrow/early morning and that signals the return leg of this journey. It's my brother's birthday today. Time moves but is there really time? Questions and answers and I'm in a strange mood tonight...


May we find what we seek... guidance on our path... 


peace,
Rtr

Kripalu...

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain 

Today is May 4th... I've been feeling out-of-sorts all day with part of myself remembering the past, part of myself trying to stay focused on the present and part of myself wandering off into the future. What's important about May 4th you ask? 

I started on an adventure. In actuality the complete adventuring process started months before with planning and filling out of forms and talking to people (family, friends, work). The date that I realised I was adventuring though was - May 4th 2009. On that day I became a volunteer at the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health. 

I know that there were a lot of people (family, friends, work.. lol) wondering what the xyz I was doing. I admit... I myself was wondering the same thing... On May 4th 2009 however, I found myself in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts after having taken a flight to NYC and then a bus to Lenox, Massachusetts. These trips did not happen consecutively so there was some time to wonder what I was getting myself into. 

There aren't many people I know that would take a period of no-pay leave to go off to another country and be a volunteer for four months at a Yoga Center. That's what I did... and why did I do it? For me. Cuz I was feeling lost and claustrophobic and wondering if there was nothing more to life than the ordinary. There are many stories about how persons get to Kripalu... or go on any kind of spiritual quest really. In my case it was a longing to experience .. something .. that you know is out there but just haven't had yet. I'd known about the place for .. years. And I knew that I'd get there eventually though I didn't think it would have been as a volunteer. Towards the end of 2008 however I found myself wanting to scream. It felt like I'd been giving and giving of myself with nothing being renewed... and it was then I knew I had to do something or I'd turn into a crazy loon (ok.. maybe a crazy b*tch).  And so, I applied... and I was interviewed... and I was accepted. I don't think I ever told all you who supported me and helped convince me and said of course that's what I should do thanks... so. Thanks. Much love and blessings to you.

The Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health is a nonprofit educational organization dedicated to promoting the art and science of yoga to produce thriving and health in individuals and society. Their volunteer program seeks to cultivate the practice of work as an avenue of self-discovery. It isn't all sunshine and bliss. The volunteers make up a major part of the workforce of the Center - you'll find volunteers working in just about every aspect of the daily running of the Center. It's hard work but at the same time... it's work approached from a different angle. There's a lot of talk about self-inquiry and development. Energy awareness and how is this sitting with you now? Stretch, Breathe, Flow, Release. 

Each person's experience is unique and rightly so as each individual is unique and travelling on their own path. A year from when I began I'm still processing the experience. BRFWA - breathe, relax, feel, watch and allow... How am I feeling in this moment? Thankful... for the experience. Happy... that I went through with it and didn't allow doubts of what am I doing.. where am I going.. why am I here.. to cloud my focus. Grateful... for the community that I was a part of... the friends I made... the people I interacted with. Grown up-Mature in a way that I can't explain. Wistful... cuz it was a whole world apart from the regular world and in some ways is an example of how I'd like the world to be. Calm... what will be will be... que será será.

And so to close this post I leave you with a lil bit ah memories that aren't in any particular order. If you were there... I know you can picture it... If you weren't and you want to see pics - I've got them.. but really... I advise a visit... it doesn't have to be a four-month-as-a-volunteer visit but Kripalu... it's a place you'd want to check out. 

Bus ride. Spilled coffee. Traveller on the Appalachian trail. Lenox. Shuttle rides. Volunteer badges. Hill House. Work schedule. Program choices. Yoga. Breakfast, lunch and dinner oh my! Raw granola. Avocados. Volunteer table. Dance. Blindfold dance. Taking-over-the-Tavern dance. YogaDance. Off-the-Mat. Smudging. Creating. Writing. Om. Walks to Hill House... to Shadowbrook... to Lenox. Baby blue bicycle. Shut down week. Tanglewood. Jacob's Pillow. Coffee. Workroom. True Blood. Elevator convos. Late night convos. Talk talk talk. Feel. Break down. BRFWA. Movie night. Writing workshop. Kombucha. Shiva Rea. Dinabandhu. Birthdays. Cards. Birthday cards. Parties. Kundalini Yoga - I never got there .. oy. Full Moon Fire Ceremony. Monks and nuns. Music. Stretch. Move. Magic Show. YTT. Strawberries. Laughter. Cuddle puddles.

Thanks Universe for guiding me where I need to go. Look out Kripalu - I'll be visiting in two weeks or so. 

love,

Rtr

Edited to add some perspective: I'm linking to posts from two of my fellow volunteers about their experiences at Kripalu. I remember when I was researching it how excited I was to find the blog of someone who had been volunteering there as well... so... if you like this post... check out these as well:

• 
  
  Ready to talk about Mastodons and Elephants. (inspired by weekly share)
• 
  
  Spend a year living at a yoga center

peace,

Rtr