Perspective - Use it or Lose it...

"Our greatest joy and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others." ~Stephen R. Covey 

Currently trying to sort out some feelings. The title of this post comes to mind whenever I'm in this mood/space... it's from one of my favourite books: "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" - the part I remember, or try to remember anyway, is this:

"Perspective - Use It or Lose It. If you turned to this page, you're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality. Think about that.  Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place." 

I saw a bit of the movie 'Elizabethtown' this weekend. If you haven't seen it then this is a micro-spoiler... one of the main characters goes on a road trip with his father's ashes and at one point states that this was something they should have done years ago. I've been thinking of my relationships since... there are people I'd like to spend more time with, there are people I've spent time with, there are people I should or should not spend time with. 

How do you know who to give your time to? How do you accept when a person only wants to give so much of their time? How do you know when it's time for a relationship to end? How do you know when it is time to accept that another person may or may not want to spend time with you? How do you know what to do when one person can only give so much and the other wants (or seems to want)  more?

I received an email yesterday which says in no uncertain terms that I'm a mean person. It's shaken me up a bit because it's an email from someone that I've thought I had a fairly good relationship with. Is this what happens at the ending of a relationship? In the way of females I'm now trying to analyse every bit of whatever-the-xyz that email meant because really? Mean? Me? It's not a quality that I'd consider as part of my being. I'm not all sunshine and light but whatever darker aspects I've got are fully controlled. Mean? Seriously? Me? Part of me wants to be very vicious in a 'you think I'm mean? wait till you see how mean I can be' type of way. The greater part of me knows that won't accomplish anything and will most likely make me feel horrible... momentarily satisfied but eventually horrible.

Phone call today because apparently someone is missing home. It's a happy-sad-mad-mix of emotions when one tries to be an adult. Why go in the first place? Why make me call if there is nothing much to say? Why have me on the line when there are other calls coming through? It's all a tangled web with me trying to keep my ribbon safe in the weave.

Being female is hard. Being an adult is hard. Being an adult female? Oy. 

Trying to figure out the lessons of the situations. The core is love though it's all covered by situations and events that can make one forget. 

Was told to imagine hugs, chocolate cake and tea... was carried out for a movie and ice-cream. I've got a good life though it's crazy sometimes. Trying not to let the crazy affect other people though remembering that we all need people to lean on. 

2012 is already interesting for me ... how is it for you?

peace,

Ren

Fantasy, whimsy, violence.

"Sheldon: As I will not be engaging in this nonsense, my choice of beverage is moot but for the record I only drink hot chocolate in months with an R in them.

Howard: Why?

Sheldon: What's life without whimsy?"

~Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper / Simon Helberg as Howard Wolowitz - The Big Bang Theory

As a young girl I was very into fairy tales... fantasy stories of any kind really which to me was what was found in all the books I read (I freely admit to being a bookworm). I could at any time escape from the ordinary, everyday life into adventure, suspense, action and later on romance, drama, philosophy - the things I've learnt from books are innumerable as are the hours I've spent reading them. As an adult I'm still very much a bookworm and still very into fantasy stories of any kind (I got myself late for work yesterday because I was rereading Nora Robert's Entranced).

A friend of mine took a photo recently of a giant chess set... it brought to mind thoughts of Alice in Through the Looking Glass rather than Ron and Harry in the Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone. What is life but a game? What kind of game is life when the players don't play by the rules?  Who sets the rules? How do the players become aware of the rules? Sometimes I feel as though I'm going through my day and everything is so crystal clear that I can understand every little thing that makes up the mystery that is life. Other days there's the feeling of moving through... molasses? very sticky stuff... caught in slow motion and fog. 

There's been a lot of talk (news? discussions? information?) about violence in schools (and out). I wonder about the youth of today ... what do they think about? What do they fill their lives with? Who or what teaches them? I can't believe that their lives are filled with magic or whimsy if they're beating up each other... or engaging in decidedly non-childlike behaviour. I wonder about the parents of these children... the homes... the support systems - it takes a village to raise a child and I think in becoming more of a developed country we've lost that concept. 

I can be grateful that I had (still have) that support... not just from my parents but from the extended family (all the aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents that both mind my business and look out for me). I don't know how to go about promoting such a lifestyle... I've been in some of the secondary schools lately (work, work, work) and the attitudes/behaviour/thinking of these children are completely foreign to me. It's so very different from what I (and friends my age) grew up with. 

Where do we go from here? As a person, a community, a country, the world... It's going to be bad in the future if we do nothing now. What needs to be done? How can we improve?

There's always so many questions.

peace,

Ren

Edited to add:

Got home and found my mom reading this book which a friend of hers brought for her today:

  

Obviously, I must read it when she's done.

Also, if I ever have space for a garden... I'd like a giant chess set... and a labyrinth as well. :)

Traffic woes...

"Each year it seems to take less time to fly across the ocean and longer to drive to work."  ~Author Unknown

Amount of hours in the day: 24

Amount of hours spent in traffic today: 4

I know this may not seem like a lot of traffic time to some of you. It is for me. I know that on a really good day it would take me 8 minutes from my home to my workplace. Yes... 8 minutes (driving). I know this because I've timed it. Over the past few years this time has gradually (sometimes not-so-gradually) increased. On a really good day it now takes me approximately half an hour to get to work. On a really bad day? Hours (upon hours).

It is frustrating and tiring and gets on people's nerves. I live on an island. If you look us up on a map of the world we're basically a dot... If one wanted to see the island the drive would take at most two days (48 hours). To be stuck in traffic for hours then is something that we're generally not happy with. 

It's the price of progress I think. We've got more cars on the road... more people needing to move around... it's only natural that road works/improvements would be needed. What's not needed? Accidents... which is something else that causes traffic... either due to the accident having to be cleared up or due to everyone stopping to watch the accident being cleared up.   

I got to work late today... am really glad that I wasn't driving as I may have just turned around and gone back home. Perhaps the traffic is really a test from the Universe... how dedicated are you to get to work?? Anyway, my mom, my brother and I were in the car... some questions that came up:

Q: when does a 10 minute drive turn into 2.5 hours? 

A: when there's an accident/road works/random crazy driver...

&

Q: when does a pedestrian get somewhere faster than the flow of traffic?

A: see above.

&

Q: have you ever noticed how many mango trees there are on the way to work?

A: no mom, I usually focus on the road whilst driving to work. 

It is stuff like this that keeps me sane... as well as discussions on telecommuting proposals to my workplace... and videos like the one below (Mr. Bean is now an honorary Trini in my book after seeing this vid).

Safe travels all.

peace,

Ren

Role Models?

"Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so. If you assume there is no hope, you guarantee there will be no hope." ~Norm Chomsky

My work has taken me into the secondary schools this week. It's both the same as I remember it to be from when I was a student and yet very different in how the students interact... behave... just generally how they are - more aware of themselves yet less aware of their place in the world. As I sat in a classroom  yesterday listening to them speak amongst themselves and their teachers I wondered how they were going to be... what kind of persons they would grow up into... what kind of adults they would make. I wondered and still wonder those things about myself (even though I'm now an adult).

I know that I am who I am now because of my choices but also because of the examples I've had to follow, those persons around me and that I've been aware of. I wonder if in present times there are good examples to follow.

Allyson Hennessy passed away this Saturday. I'd consider her to be a role model. I remember her from television when I was very young... I think she contributed a lot to our country. She will be remembered as the article says,

"for her abiding love of her country, her abundant native spirit, affection for local culture and her overall zest for life. She showcased those attributes for a generation on CNMG’s prior State-owned media enterprise and at a time when a young Trinidad and Tobago nation was finding ways to express its identity, values and aspirations."

Dr. Mary King's Senatorial and Ministerial appointments have been revoked after it was found that she had familial ties to a software company which won a $100,000 contract to develop her Ministry's website. I guess more facts on that will surface - no one really knows what goes on in these situations - am hoping for transparency. In the meantime, with the information available, I'm very disappointed that this has happened.

It makes me wonder who will be the models for those coming up. The students I saw yesterday were unaware of Allyson Hennessy (she was apparently before their time... that makes me feel somewhat old). In this age where there is so much information on persons readily available - what is it that young people are looking at? Who do they look up too? Who do they model themselves after?

I hope that in being who I am and following the path which I want to follow I'm a 'good example'. I hope that persons think about what people looking at them see. Awareness of self is important.

peace,

Ren

Still adventuring...

"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love." ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I think perhaps I may have lived in the Berkshires in a past life. How else can I explain the sense of homecoming I feel on my return here? Yes, one can say that I've been here before (last year - Kripalu experience) but even at that time there was an unexplainable sense of ..belonging. My heart is fuller.. my lungs breathe deeper. There is  a strange sort of peace. 

Since my last postings I have visited two Botanical Gardens.. laid my head down in completely different types of lodgings and immersed myself in the artsy spirituality that is this area of the world.

The first Garden to be visited was in NJ on Sunday... mom & I encouraged my brother to take us... Skylands - the New Jersey Botanical Gardens is simply gorgeous. It brings to mind weddings and garden parties and large family gatherings. Perhaps it is the Taurean in me that is pleased with all the green space, flowering plants and moving water. Taurus is an earth sign - we're supposed to be known for our green thumbs... I don't know why but my thumbs (or any other digits) totally missed that astrological influence. Plants die when I try to take care of them. Plants stay healthy (safe) if I let them be. I love looking at them though... and just being in such a space can be incredibly uplifting and energizing. 

The next day my mom and I were on our way to Massachusetts. Due to some unforeseen circumstances we arrived later than scheduled and thus booked the night at the Red Lion Inn, Stockbridge, MA. I think my mom has karma with this Inn that maybe she's worked out now. Last year when I was a volunteer at Kripalu and mom came by me she got off at the wrong bus stop which incidentally was the one at the Red Lion Inn. Since then she's always talked about how nice they were and such. When we found ourselves needing a place to stay urgently it seemed that the best idea would be to stay at the Red Lion (the bus stops there after all). The Red Lion Inn has major history as it dates back almost two centuries. It's New England charm at its best. We travelled to the 2nd floor via an old-fashioned cage elevator... We counted teapots in the dining room... We were generally charmed by the entire place... 

The Red Lion Inn is in Stockbridge, MA. Totally worth visiting. We did a walking tour... stuffed our suitcases into the rental car and wandered around like the tourists we were. Feasted our eyes at the Schantz Gallery: contemporary glass sculptures at its best. Contemplated going to the Library but knew we'd end up spending the day there...

Got into our rental car and headed to our main place of abode during our mini-week in the Berkshires... the GPS couldn't find it. Luckily we (female Trinis) have a semi-developed sense of direction.. we're in the midst of the state forest..


Day after... designated Kripalu day... much love to you people who I did see and who I didn't... it was great being back... soaking in the atmosphere... so different yet so much the same. Energy flow and grow... A piece of my heart resides there... Questions: how long am I back for? Will I come again? What am I doing now? Am I using what I learnt? Am I? Hmm... Still in processing ... hold on all the questions. One truth: I want to travel to places such as this. Keeping an eye out for the road to Mexico. Cloud coverage over MA... Heaviness in the atmosphere. 

Last full day in the Berkshires: weather: sunny - hardly a cloud in the sky. Plan to be out early... end up staying in till the afternoon. I love you my mama.. and I worry. Visit to the Norman Rockwell Museum... did you know he spent the last 25 years of his life in Stockbridge?  Have new found appreciation for both his art and his life. 

Visit to the second Garden: the Berkshire Botanical Gardens... beauty.. form.. nature. They've got a Hogwarts garden! Inspired by Harry Potter and filled with plants and herbs for the witch and wizard... lol... Yes, I do like some fantasy mixed in with my reality.. Thank you. 

Feel a bit lost ... am I really leaving tomorrow? Yes. Sneak into Kripalu and pay a last visit to the Labyrinth... Contemplation. Where am I now... what do I need to be doing... what's holding me back... 

We drive through Undermountain... my mom no longer holds on to the seat though the road is narrower... who needs a GPS? I don't. Forest. Mountain. Beauty. There is a bit of me that aches when I think about leaving. Living in the moment... still hard to do... will it one day be easier? Breathe. 


Late night and I'm closing here. We take a bus to NY today/tomorrow/early morning and that signals the return leg of this journey. It's my brother's birthday today. Time moves but is there really time? Questions and answers and I'm in a strange mood tonight...


May we find what we seek... guidance on our path... 


peace,
Rtr