Walked into a bookstore...

...and came out with three (3) books. Books are one of my weaknesses. I love them and I love places where they are found. Bookstores? Yes, in fact I find book stores to be very calming... they are a comfort place. Library? Obviously. Especially older ones. Large ones. Libraries with some sort of history behind them. Bookmobiles? Definitely... and I wish Trinidad had more of those. Perhaps I should look into getting one of my own. 

Today was my first day back at work - it was... fairly uninteresting work-wise, a bit emotionally exhausting otherwise. It was the reason I found myself in the bookstore. I bought these three books: 

They each caught my eye while I was browsing the shelves. 

I've mentioned previously that one of my favourite books is by Richard Bach. I've always thought about getting other works that he's written but never managed to until today. Today I found "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" and knew that it was coming home with me. I confess that I've already read it out... my brother is going to be reading it soon. It talks about life and the quest for self-perfection. It's a really good book. 

Some weeks ago I came across the video of Randy Pausch's Last Lecture. A professor who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, Randy gave the lecture as a way to teach his children about life and living. Entitled "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" - it spoke to me... but, I couldn't find the time to look at the video (though now I probably will be able to). When I saw the book that is based on this video I thought that I'd definitely be able to read the book... and that's why it came home with me. The video:

The last book I bought should have been bought *weeks* ago... but I didn't see it then. It seems as though it's a new book in the bookstore and so this is the time to buy it. I've only skimmed it thus far but it's essentially a realistic, practical, humorous approach to preparing for death. I'd have lent it to my mom who probably would not have read it since she was not into the practical side of preparing for her passing. I'd have lent it to the family that is now grumpy at us for reasons beyond my knowledge. I'd have read it because I believe in being prepared and knowing the practical side of things. Am somewhat horrified by that last line as it sounds like something my dad would say. Ergh. The mango does not fall far from the tree as my mom used to say. 

So. Yay! Books! What's your latest book purchase? Read anything interesting lately? If not, go out and browse your bookstore... or library.

peace,

Ren

The Hunger Games...

"If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats". ~Richard Bach

Saw the first movie of the Hunger Games trilogy last night. I'm fairly sure that the book will be better... have denied myself the pleasure of reading the books just so that I won't be disappointed (as I usually am by films made from books) but... after seeing the movie I'm sure the book will be better. 

Plot... I need some back-story. 

It's a somewhat disturbing story... I'm not giving spoilers here am I? A kill or be killed type story. Sacrifice. Entertainment. Cruelty. Triumph? I'm not quite sure. 

A part of me was horrified at the killing and the crowd reaction. A part of me completely understood the setup... the kill or be killed mentality, the punishment and warning system. 

There is a part of me that thrills at swords and blades and bows and arrows and battle. In this day and age though the greater part of my makeup would not allow for violence... 

I'm curious about other people's reactions to the books/movie.

peace,

Ren

Perspective - Use it or Lose it...

"Our greatest joy and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others." ~Stephen R. Covey 

Currently trying to sort out some feelings. The title of this post comes to mind whenever I'm in this mood/space... it's from one of my favourite books: "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" - the part I remember, or try to remember anyway, is this:

"Perspective - Use It or Lose It. If you turned to this page, you're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality. Think about that.  Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place." 

I saw a bit of the movie 'Elizabethtown' this weekend. If you haven't seen it then this is a micro-spoiler... one of the main characters goes on a road trip with his father's ashes and at one point states that this was something they should have done years ago. I've been thinking of my relationships since... there are people I'd like to spend more time with, there are people I've spent time with, there are people I should or should not spend time with. 

How do you know who to give your time to? How do you accept when a person only wants to give so much of their time? How do you know when it's time for a relationship to end? How do you know when it is time to accept that another person may or may not want to spend time with you? How do you know what to do when one person can only give so much and the other wants (or seems to want)  more?

I received an email yesterday which says in no uncertain terms that I'm a mean person. It's shaken me up a bit because it's an email from someone that I've thought I had a fairly good relationship with. Is this what happens at the ending of a relationship? In the way of females I'm now trying to analyse every bit of whatever-the-xyz that email meant because really? Mean? Me? It's not a quality that I'd consider as part of my being. I'm not all sunshine and light but whatever darker aspects I've got are fully controlled. Mean? Seriously? Me? Part of me wants to be very vicious in a 'you think I'm mean? wait till you see how mean I can be' type of way. The greater part of me knows that won't accomplish anything and will most likely make me feel horrible... momentarily satisfied but eventually horrible.

Phone call today because apparently someone is missing home. It's a happy-sad-mad-mix of emotions when one tries to be an adult. Why go in the first place? Why make me call if there is nothing much to say? Why have me on the line when there are other calls coming through? It's all a tangled web with me trying to keep my ribbon safe in the weave.

Being female is hard. Being an adult is hard. Being an adult female? Oy. 

Trying to figure out the lessons of the situations. The core is love though it's all covered by situations and events that can make one forget. 

Was told to imagine hugs, chocolate cake and tea... was carried out for a movie and ice-cream. I've got a good life though it's crazy sometimes. Trying not to let the crazy affect other people though remembering that we all need people to lean on. 

2012 is already interesting for me ... how is it for you?

peace,

Ren

About Disney, romance novel men and the search for a mate...

" A soul-mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul-mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul-mate is the one who makes life come to life." ~Richard Bach 

The Royal Wedding has come and gone... Catherine Middleton (am not sure she can be referred to as 'Kate' any more...) has found her prince and they shall now continue their journey together as a married couple. I confess to not getting up at 4 am to watch the wedding... I did look at the news coverage throughout the day though. It was a beautiful wedding - pomp and circumstance and throughout it all the newly-wedded couple did look ... in love - happy to be together... I wish them joy, patience and a lack of paparazzi.

As I mentioned in this post, I find myself thinking that I won't mind getting married. To do this however, I require a man.... unfortunately, there seems to be a shortage in Trinidad and Tobago of males my age that are single, employed and willing to be in a relationship. I guess I need to broaden my scope... persons older? younger? foreigners? *sigh*

Whilst I didn't think much about marriage and love and relationships while growing up... I thought (assumed) that it would be a fairly simple process. This assumption of course was based on Disney movies and on what I read in romance novels. It really did seem like the princess/heroine/female lead was able to find someone that suited her with a minimum of fuss... in fact sometimes there were two someones fighting for her attention. Of course there'd be drama - poverty or evil stepmothers or lack of adventure or parent having to go off to war... inevitably though the female lead would somehow meet the male lead and they would fall in love. The love of her life would know that she was the love of his life. He would listen to her / save her / battle dragons for her / be committed to her. Whilst there might be some struggle in their realisation of love ultimately once that love was found things went smoothly from there. Two became one and they'd work together for a happy ending. 

I guess it's the happy ending concept that's messed me up. I'm not sure I believe in it but there aren't that many Disney movies / romance novels that show real life. Romance novels tend to follow the same Disney trend... sometimes the women leads are amazingly powerful in their own right (they don't need saving thank you very much)... but in all books there's the crisis which is overcome either before or after they fall in love and then either they work to overcome the crisis (and in the process fall in love) or overcome the crisis (and realise how awesome they are so they fall in love). 

Real life is not like that at all. It's very messy... takes forever... and has a lot of drama. I've yet to meet a man that would really listen to me/ battle dragons for me/ be committed to me. In fact, a lot of the men I meet are somewhat shallow or caught up in themselves or just don't know what they want... where are the Disney men? where can I find these persons? Ok... I don't really want a Disney man... I understand that they are too perfect... too unreal... but... where are the men that would listen, respect and cherish me? Is that asking for much?

I wonder if it's that I'm not ready for any sort of committed relationship and that is why I'm not meeting someone... but then those persons I do meet are completely destroying my faith in men. So. What happens when I'm ready? I'm ready for some type of something Universe... really, I am. Yes, I've got baggage... trust issues and the like but .. doesn't everyone? I want someone. A male someone. Not necessarily for marriage (still don't know if I really want that...) but definitely some type of companionship that is more than friendly. One of the birthday blessings I received was the hope that I would receive everything I desire in the perfect way. I really hope that the perfect way doesn't take forever.

peace,

Ren