Sometimes...

"If women ruled the world and we all got massages, there would be no war." ~Carrie Snow 

Sometimes I think that Carrie Snow is on to something. The world would be better if ruled by women... and if we all got massages (I'm currently in desperate need of a good massage *sigh*).

Spent the weekend with some fabulous women... my girl group on Saturday - there was a beach house birthday lime at Manzanilla... total driving time (there and back with stops for people, food, snacks and gas) = a little bit more than 5 hours. Car discussions included: makeup, guys, directions, sleep attire, breasts, food, work, music and relationships. We played on the beach... there was a lot of laughing and running around and wild, crazy beach hair. Sometimes I forget that I need to be around them to balance myself - am always reminded when we spend time together. 

Spent Sunday evening with my mom and her girl group (I think we're both lucky that we have such awesome girl groups!). It was far less giggly and far more introspective. Older, wiser women. Perhaps this is what we'll be like as we get older. 

Sometimes I wonder at the relationships that guys have... do they have the same level of comfort with their friends? Can they share as we do? Talk it out, work it out, hug it out, bitch it out. Do guys do that? And... if they don't... what do they do? How do they manage with all the drama that can be a regular life? 

Sometimes I get very bogged down with the world - today there was a meeting where things were hinted at but not said... I wish people would just grow up ... today someone took offence because I couldn't pull up a smile and bother with conversation (mostly because it was such a grump-inducing day). 

Days like today I'm very grateful for the females I know... and I definitely think that Carrie Snow is right  - there'd be no war if the world was ruled by women... and everyone got massages... and also, I think, if everyone got their favourite dessert...

give thanks for your nearest and dearest...

peace,

Ren

My 'plus one'...

"... this strange state of affairs also presents an opportunity: as the economy evolves, it's time to embrace new ideas about romance and family - and to acknowledge the end of 'traditional' marriage as society's highest ideal." ~Kate Bolick

It's that time of year when there are dinners or lunches or some sort of event held to celebrate something (whether it be Christmas or something else that's being celebrated). Our office is having a 'Christmas Luncheon' and as is customary for these events we can bring along a guest. This is great for married people... or for people with significant others. Apparently it's not great for single people? I'm not exactly sure? I'm perfectly happy going to places/events by myself and, if I really wanted to go with someone, then I can call on my brother or any of my cousins (male or female) or even my girl people (that group of girls closest to my heart) - all of whom would be happy to go along with me if only to keep me company... all of whom would keep me entertained.  

Shoeaholic asked who'd be my 'plus one'. I said noone... then I said if I had to bring someone (which I don't) I'd ask my brother. She thought that was sad. I was thoroughly confused. I'm single after all. Am I supposed to hunt up someone to carry? And why?

I read this excellent article recently: 'All the Single Ladies'. It discusses the changing concept of marriage, changing family structures, gender parity, a 'crisis in gender', 'dating gaps', and a lot of theories and ideas about the male-female relationship and how that's changing. It's very thought-provoking... and resonates a lot with what I think about relationships and how they can be.  

I'm lucky I think in that I have strong relationships with both family and friends. I don't see the need at this time to hook up with some random guy... and I haven't really met any guy in recent times that I'd like to hook up with or partner with, or have a long-term relationship with. Maybe it's that I'm not allowing myself to or that I'm just not out and about meeting guys - whatever it is... I think I'm good at the moment. What will be will be. In the meantime I have any of a number of persons to choose from to act as a 'plus one' and if I didn't... I'm comfortable in my own company.

peace,

Ren

Girlfriends...

"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with." ~ Candace Bushnell

On Monday, after waiting around forever to get my driver's permit, I had lunch and sawine at the house of one of my close girlfriends. Talked about life and career and of course, men. 

On Tuesday, Shoeaholic and I escaped our workplace and had lunch elsewhere. Usually, if we don't have lunch, we buy whatever/wherever and then return to our workplace to have lunch in the lunch-room. Yesterday was not a day for that. It was a day to escape the craziness that is our workplace... a day where we could eat lunch and discuss whatever we wanted to which of course meant men, work and career and life in general... (see a trend here?).

Today, I met up with another close girlfriend after work to have dessert... and talk about men, and how we're growing older... it was mostly about men and relationships... and that perhaps lesbianism is the answer.

My girlfriends.. I love them, apparently I'm well-fed because of them, and I use them to work out stuff happening in my life.. as they do with me. 

I am blessed :)

night,

Ren

About Disney, romance novel men and the search for a mate...

" A soul-mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul-mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul-mate is the one who makes life come to life." ~Richard Bach 

The Royal Wedding has come and gone... Catherine Middleton (am not sure she can be referred to as 'Kate' any more...) has found her prince and they shall now continue their journey together as a married couple. I confess to not getting up at 4 am to watch the wedding... I did look at the news coverage throughout the day though. It was a beautiful wedding - pomp and circumstance and throughout it all the newly-wedded couple did look ... in love - happy to be together... I wish them joy, patience and a lack of paparazzi.

As I mentioned in this post, I find myself thinking that I won't mind getting married. To do this however, I require a man.... unfortunately, there seems to be a shortage in Trinidad and Tobago of males my age that are single, employed and willing to be in a relationship. I guess I need to broaden my scope... persons older? younger? foreigners? *sigh*

Whilst I didn't think much about marriage and love and relationships while growing up... I thought (assumed) that it would be a fairly simple process. This assumption of course was based on Disney movies and on what I read in romance novels. It really did seem like the princess/heroine/female lead was able to find someone that suited her with a minimum of fuss... in fact sometimes there were two someones fighting for her attention. Of course there'd be drama - poverty or evil stepmothers or lack of adventure or parent having to go off to war... inevitably though the female lead would somehow meet the male lead and they would fall in love. The love of her life would know that she was the love of his life. He would listen to her / save her / battle dragons for her / be committed to her. Whilst there might be some struggle in their realisation of love ultimately once that love was found things went smoothly from there. Two became one and they'd work together for a happy ending. 

I guess it's the happy ending concept that's messed me up. I'm not sure I believe in it but there aren't that many Disney movies / romance novels that show real life. Romance novels tend to follow the same Disney trend... sometimes the women leads are amazingly powerful in their own right (they don't need saving thank you very much)... but in all books there's the crisis which is overcome either before or after they fall in love and then either they work to overcome the crisis (and in the process fall in love) or overcome the crisis (and realise how awesome they are so they fall in love). 

Real life is not like that at all. It's very messy... takes forever... and has a lot of drama. I've yet to meet a man that would really listen to me/ battle dragons for me/ be committed to me. In fact, a lot of the men I meet are somewhat shallow or caught up in themselves or just don't know what they want... where are the Disney men? where can I find these persons? Ok... I don't really want a Disney man... I understand that they are too perfect... too unreal... but... where are the men that would listen, respect and cherish me? Is that asking for much?

I wonder if it's that I'm not ready for any sort of committed relationship and that is why I'm not meeting someone... but then those persons I do meet are completely destroying my faith in men. So. What happens when I'm ready? I'm ready for some type of something Universe... really, I am. Yes, I've got baggage... trust issues and the like but .. doesn't everyone? I want someone. A male someone. Not necessarily for marriage (still don't know if I really want that...) but definitely some type of companionship that is more than friendly. One of the birthday blessings I received was the hope that I would receive everything I desire in the perfect way. I really hope that the perfect way doesn't take forever.

peace,

Ren

The Power of the Group...

"We must remember that one determined person can make a significant difference, and that a small group of determined people can change the course of history." ~Sonia Johnson 

I've been thinking about people coming together... it seems that now more than ever it's easy to form groups according to our likes, dislikes, principles, beliefs, choice of entertainment, choice of food... anything really. It's so easy to become a part of something or to speak up about something without actively getting out and about. I'm an on-line activist - I sign petitions with Avaaz.org, Greenpeace, WWF and miscellaneous Care2 petitions that I take an interest in. It makes me feel like a part of something - gives me the assurance that even in my everyday life I can make a difference through my signature and contributions. 

One organised event struck me this week: SlutWalk Toronto - which took place yesterday (April 3rd). This event was organised in response to an officer of the Toronto Police Force suggesting that 'women can avoid sexual assault by not dressing like a “slut.”' I'm in full support of any event like this - it should not matter in any way how a woman is dressed and in fact this reminds me a bit of my short skirt post... What struck me from the event page? These paragraphs below - clearly a call to action and clearly showing what is needed:

"We are a movement demanding that our voices be heard. We are here to call foul on our Police Force and demand change. We want Toronto Police Services to take serious steps to regain our trust. We want to feel that we will be respected and protected should we ever need them, but more importantly be certain that those charged with our safety have a true understanding of what it is to be a survivor of sexual assault — slut or otherwise.

We are tired of speeches filled with lip service and the apologies that accompany them. What we want is meaningful dialogue and we are doing something about it: WE ARE COMING TOGETHER. As people from all gender expressions and orientations, all walks of life, levels of employment and education, all races, ages, abilities, and backgrounds, from all points of this city and elsewhere."

I guess it struck home for me. People (men and women) need to know where they stand on issues such as this and then it can follow that further issues can be discussed and developed. 

peace,

Ren