It's something that we Trinis joke about - the amount of public holidays that we have in Trinidad and Tobago. The count for this year is 14, though that's only because two fall on the same day this year. These holidays celebrate our heritage. Trinidad and Tobago is known for being a melting pot of many cultures - each culture has their sacred days which are revered and then there are days that celebrate our nation as a whole.
This weekend is Easter Weekend. I'm not a Christian but I'm thankful for having the Friday and Monday (Good Friday/Easter Monday) as holidays. Rest is definitely needed. Yesterday (March 30th) was also Spiritual Baptist/Shouter Liberation Day. Today, members of the Hindu faith celebrated Phagwa... it isn't a public holiday and the actual date for the festival this year was March 27th but, as far as I know, temples and groups celebrated today.
Busy weekend. Spiritual weekend. Celebrations of light and love.
Do you have something to celebrate? To remember? Something that requires you to pause and give thanks for? I think it's the perfect time for that.
That's how I'm feeling at the moment. Fragile. Breakable. Hovering right at the edge of tears.
After seeing The Croods yesterday with the cute guy, I'd thought that for today's post I'd write something about family, parents and children and relationships. I can identify with some of the father-daughter drama - have had quite a lot of that myself.... and I expect that there will be more in my lifetime. The mother strongly reminded me of my own.
I can't manage it though... can't string together the words that would say all that I want to say. Spent the day taking care of the mother. Had a bit of a meltdown during bath time. I am part of the 'open face sandwich generation'. It is simultaneously the hardest and the easiest thing that I've done.
Hardest in that I sometimes feel as though there's no one around that understands what I'm going through. Intellectually, I know this isn't true but... parenting my parent... trying to understand what she's going through, dealing with her being bedridden (the cleaning and the feeding and the worry that she's not moving around enough) - it's difficult and is suddenly the most time-consuming part of my life. I'm finding it hard to get anything else to matter and I'm doing my best to remember that other relationships are just as important and need their own nurturing.
Easiest in that... this is my mother. She, who has taken care of me and been there for me at all moments, now needs my care. Of course I will step up and take care of her. There is no other option and there's a bit of simplicity in that fact - she has taken care of me and now I take care of her.
I must remember that I need to be taken care of as well. Some me-time. Self-care. Self-love. I feel fragile... but ultimately, I'm okay.
I joked with the cute guy that I could do a post on "Guys like pie... and other things people should have taught us when we were younger". I'm sure I could come up with a few points but my mind keeps focusing on food so instead this post is about "Guys like pie... and other random food thoughts".
Yesterday my workplace had an Easter Egg Hunt and Lunch event... or rather the 2nd floor (where my department is) had this event. Apart from cheering on coworkers who were hunting for eggs, my only contribution was pie - sweet potato pie. Savoury sweet potato pie. I'm usually the one that contributes plates or cups or sometimes salad, but this time, when asked what I could bring I said sweet potato pie.
It's just good pie... and for some reason I felt like making and sharing it.
It was extremely well-received, so much so that people were calling my phone to ask for the recipe and stopping me in the hallway to tell me how good it was. Then I tweeted about it and got this in response:
keep it up! Your future husband will be lucky! @renee_tandt: Made sweet potato pie for work lunch thing. got rave reviews. #PatsSelfOnBack — Haydn Dunn (@HaydnDunn) March 28, 2013
My future husband will be lucky because I can make pie? Because my pie gets rave reviews? Is it just that guys like pie? If pie equals guys then someone should have told me this sooner.
Note to self: ~make some pie for the cute guy~
All amusement aside, I've been thinking about why I was moved to share pie.
The workplace has been crazy lately... as it usually is. I've been feeling down about it but haven't been focusing on it as there's a lot of stuff at home that's overshadowing everything else. I keep thinking that things should be a certain way, that people should do what they're supposed to do, that the workplace is meant for work and getting stuff done.
The workplace is also made of people. People living their own lives and going through their own dramas just as I am. I think that offering to make and then making pie is just my way of reminding myself of that and being thankful that they are trying as well.
One must be present when cooking/baking. One must think positive thoughts so that food is filled with positive energy. One must offer and share. I truly believe that it is in the giving of oneself - of time, energy and feelings, that we receive.
Break bread together and commune with those around you.
I haven't been on here in forever (a little over a month). There have been days when I've thought of things that I'd have liked to share, or would have liked to get a perspective on but I just didn't make it to the blog. I can't remember what those things are now... thoughts flow like water, whispers on the wind. I've been thinking that I should do something as my birthday nears... 30 years this year and I'm wondering what I've done with my life thus far and what I want to do with the rest of it.
A recommitment then... to the blog and to being present.
There's a lot going on in my life at the moment though I think perhaps it doesn't seem that way to the world outside. I'm not great with sharing thoughts, feelings and perspectives - at least not in person... at least I don't think I am. Will take this month to sort through what's going on with me and mine.
Tomorrow is 30 days to my 30th birthday. Countdown. I'm not sure what I'll write on - perhaps random thoughts, maybe I'll use some NaBloPoMo prompts, I may write on the 40 days, or I may draw a card (I've many decks to choose from) and blog on that. Whatever I choose to do, I plan on blogging every day till the birthday (and perhaps even till the end of April).
"Stretching can apply to so many different areas of our lives. Not only should we literally stretch our bodies so that things are less likely to snap off, we should also stretch our minds." ~Ellen DeGeneres
Was walking by the bookstore yesterday and saw this sign:
Sale!!!
Of course I had planned to go into the bookstore before I saw the sign... as long as I'm near a bookstore I will try to visit. This sign though? Temptation. I tried to resist but... Sale. On books. Oy... I even tweeted about the temptation that is a book sale and got the following tweet in response:
"girl! You don't pass a book sale straight! WTH. GO IN NOW. BUY BOOKS!"
I had to buy books. Because I love books... and they were on sale! These four came home with me:
When a Girl Is Born - I read it last night... it's extremely interesting and makes me want to research China's history and makes me think of women and our place in the world.
Seriously...I'm Kidding - Started reading this today... I love Ellen... She has such a similar worldview I think... reading her book is somewhat like exploring my own mind (though in a funnier, more relaxed way).
The Chalice Project (Island Young Adult Fiction) - picked this up mostly because of the cover art... but was then intrigued by the fact that it's written by a local: Lisa Allen-Agostini (I've not read much local work apart from those books that were on the reading lists at school - shame on me)... am looking forward to finding out what it's about.
I believe I've said before just how much I love reading. Books are my way of stretching my mind... opening myself up to different thoughts and ideas and perspectives. I also find it fun.
How do you stretch your mind? Books? Movies? Discussions? Music? Do you need input? Or do you sink into yourself? Stretch through some sort of creative endeavour?
"The word 'enlightenment' conjures up the idea of some superhuman accomplishment, and the ego likes to keep it that way, but it is simply your natural state of felt oneness with Being." ~Eckhart Tolle
It's my blog's birthday today... two years... wow. I haven't been writing much - been hiding from my computer when I'm not at work. Today is a day for writing though... if only because it's my blog's birthday!
This was the first post... and this, the one-year post. I find it interesting to read about what I've been doing and what space I was in at those points. I know that I've grown, changed, matured. I feel differently. My thoughts and emotions are more... settled? I guess I'm entering into a new stage of being... Age + experience + who knows what else.
My brother has started his own blog... you can find it here. It's... far more serious than anything I write as it's based on his perspectives and analysis of the Blue Star's forty day observances. I think he's more serious about transformation and enlightenment and such than I am. I'm content to move through my days experiencing what there is to experience.
I think that two years after the start of this blog I'm almost where I want to be with regards to living in the moment. Being present. Appreciating and celebrating the little things. There are moments of frazzled craziness... and sadness... and gloom... but... even within these moments I think in my core that I am centred.
Something that needs to be remembered. I'm feeling very awesome these days...
"If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth." ~Mitsugi Saotome
My calendar says it's Spring. It's supposed to be dry season here in Trinidad and Tobago but ... there's been lots of rainy days. I haven't been on the blog... I haven't been on my computer. I've been internalizing... and spending time with family and friends (Shoeaholic's birthday was last week!) and a cute guy.
I'm reading what I wrote around this time last year... and reading an email that says "expect sweet surprises in your love life this year"...
I've been thinking about relationships and communication and trust and honesty and how much a person (myself... this is all based on me) can change over the course of time. There are things that I think and feel and want and expect that are very different now than they were a year... or five years... or ten years ago.
I'm somewhat amused and somewhat wary of the reactions of family members to the cute guy. Actually... I'm somewhat amused and wary of my own reactions to the cute guy.
I have a crazy day of work tomorrow. I'm trying to be positive from now... good vibes and calm, cool professionalism... that is how tomorrow shall be. I'm very conscious of the fact that I gave myself a deadline and I'm not sure I can stick to it. Purpose and passion and possibilities... all things I'm thinking about.
What are you thinking about? Life? Travels? Friends, family, lovers? Work, career, purpose?
"A traveler am I, and a navigator, and every day I discover a new region within my soul." ~Kahlil Gibran
Sick - in a dizzy-when-I-stand, world-swirling, fever, chills, coughs and sneezes type of way... I'm almost better now.
Mostly with my family - though that's nothing new really. My mother likes it when we're all together. I like that too - it is a comfort and we all relate well but... sometimes I feel stifled... which makes me cranky... it's not that I don't love them but that space is needed and sometimes wanting that space makes me feel guilty. Family. Oy.
Chatting up a guy - cuz he's interesting... and cute. Ergh? I'm kinda freaking myself out over that. Hmm.
Happy Friday all... will write actual paragraphs sometime soon...
"I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright." ~Henry David Thoreau
Received the following email from different friends - thought I'd share - I'll be saying a prayer... sending my thoughts - it's our choice to help in whatever way we can.
--------------------
To All People Around the World
Please send your prayers of love and gratitude to water at the nuclear plants in Fukushima, Japan!
By the massive earthquakes of Magnitude 9 and surreal massive tsunamis, more than 10,000 people are still missing…even now… It has been 16 days already since the disaster happened. What makes it worse is that water at the reactors of Fukushima Nuclear Plants started to leak, and it’s contaminating the ocean, air and water molecule of surrounding areas.
Human wisdom has not been able to do much to solve the problem, but we are only trying to cool down the anger of radioactive materials in the reactors by discharging water to them.
Is there really nothing else to do?
I think there is. During over twenty year research of hado measuring and water crystal photographic technology, I have been witnessing that water can turn positive when it receives pure vibration of human prayer no matter how far away it is.
Energy formula of Albert Einstein, E=MC2 really means that Energy = number of people and the square of people’s consciousness.
Now is the time to understand the true meaning. Let us all join the prayer ceremony as fellow citizens of the planet earth. I would like to ask all people, not just in Japan, but all around the world to please help us to find a way out the crisis of this planet!!
The prayer procedure is as follows.
Name of ceremony:
“Let’s send our thoughts of love and gratitude to all water in the nuclear plants in Fukushima”
Day and Time:
March 31st, 2011 (Thursday)
12:00 noon in each time zone
Please say the following phrase:
“The water of Fukushima Nuclear Plant, we are sorry to make you suffer. Please forgive us. We thank you, and we love you.”
Please say it aloud or in your mind. Repeat it three times as you put your hands together in a prayer position.
“Climate change is the greatest human induced crisis facing our world today. It is totally indiscriminate of race, culture, class, nationality or religious belief. It affects every living organism on the planet – including all of us”. ~ Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu
Earth Hour is a global grass-roots movement encouraging individuals, businesses and governments around the world to take positive actions for the environment, and celebrating their commitment to the planet by switching off their lights for one designated hour.
Earth Hour 2011 aims to show the actions that people, businesses and governments world-wide are taking to reduce their environmental impact. Thereby establishing and encouraging others to join an interconnected global community engaged in dialogue and resource sharing that generates real solutions to environmental challenges.
"As one gets older one sees many more paths that could be taken. Artists sense within their own work that kind of swelling of possibilities, which may seem a freedom or a confusion." ~Jasper Johns
Happy birthday to my blog! Am somewhat amazed... somewhat thrilled that I've made a year - yes there have been periods of inactivity but I believe it's been balanced out... my blog is a year old today.
I'm not sure what I've learned. Am I more patient? Kind? Knowledgeable? Skilled in some special way? More sane? Less muddled? I'd say yes.. and no.. to all those questions... I'm still in the process of growing into myself. Still trying to figure out my place in the world (anyone with hints/suggestions/ideas - please leave a comment or contact me forthwith).
It's almost my birthday (be warned - if you read this blog regularly this line will be showing up often). It's also the beginning (the first day) of a forty day period observed by an organisation I belong too (actually I'm not sure whether or not 'belong' is the right word ... but... I do have karma with the Blue Star). I've always thought it interesting that this period ends on May 5th - the day the doctor said I'd be born... If you would like to follow it or just see what it's about you can check out the two links above or Chanmadhavi's blog. The theme for this year's period is 'Secrets to True Well-Being - Tap into the Transforming Power of Consciousness' - sounds interesting yes? I'm gonna try to follow some sort of discipline (or at least read/listen to the messages).
It's been a crazy week - am looking forward to a transformational month and another year of blogging.
"Water is life's mater and matrix, mother and medium. There is no life without water." ~ Albert von Szent-Györgyi de Nagyrápolt
It's World Water Day today - a day that has been celebrated annually since 1993. This year's theme focuses on Water for Cities – responding to the urban challenge. The objective of this year's Water Day is to focus attention on the impact of rapid urban population growth, industrialization and uncertainties caused by climate change, conflicts and nautral disasters on urban water systems. If you'd like to know how it's being celebrated in the Caribbean, I found this post on a really good blog site about sustainable development in the Caribbean.
What will you do today to celebrate/participate? I admit to taking a very abbreviated version of my regular shower today - though that was mostly because I didn't sleep well and then woke up so late that speed was definitely needed in order to reach to work on time. In fact, I wouldn't have known it was World Water Day (shame on me?) if I hadn't heard it on the news this morning - unless an event/important day is clearly marked out on a calendar the chances of me remembering that it's a recurring event is pretty slim. Is there a calendar available with days like this marked off? Hmm.
Water is an important element and worldwide there's currently a crisis... What can you do? Be aware. Educate yourself. Be present when performing tasks where water is involved.
Something else I found that appeals to me (and so maybe to you)...
~ Water teaches ebb and flow, changing pace according to the type of water flowing. Sometimes water is calm and clear and other times it is wild and rushing, or any other possible kind of flow in-between. For greater creation capacity, learn to go with the flow and surrender into the current pace.
~ Water is a highly programmable element that magnetizes to it the same vibration it holds. Pay attention to what you are drawing into your life and adjust your water’s program where needed.
~ Water is the only element you can see yourself in. Use water’s capacity to mirror your feelings and beliefs back to you by noticing what you are experiencing and clearing what is no longer needed.
~ You wash your body, clothes, dishes, and home with water. It is the element you clean with externally and internally. When old emotional energy gets held in the body it often needs water to help it to clear and move. Tears are one way water clears and cleans energy, so watch a movie that helps you cry or schedule a clearing session when old emotional energy needs to move or when you feel blocked.
It's a reminder to me that we should not just focus on the physical. Wishing you a happy world water day 2011!
"Five hundred twenty-five thousand, Six hundred minutes!| Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan. | Five hundred twenty-five thousand, Six hundred minutes | How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?" ~Joanne: Seasons of Love: Soundtrack for Rent
We're coming off of a very high-energy weekend... do you breathe easier? think clearer? focus stronger? feel more grounded? I'd never really noticed how many new beginnings one can have until I started blogging... I'd always been aware of the various points of celebration but never really focused on the fact that this beginning period lasts so long - we've had the New Year... and the Chinese New Year thus far. It's another beginning as of yesterday though - time for celebrating the astrological new year - hello Spring (or I guess for those of us in this area of the world - hello Dry Season - you really should be here now). There was also a fabulous full moon this Saturday - according to Tarot.com this full moon joins Uranus in Aries to catalyze sudden change and awareness.
I've been busy this weekend - I find that weekends go by so quickly. Have been trying to be present. What's the point of knowing all that I know about energy shifts and yet not putting it to use? So, whilst doing the mundane - the everyday things such as carrying my car to get the window fixed... or shopping for groceries... or making lunch, I give thanks for what I have and what I'm able to do. I accomplished a lot I think.. and then yesterday I went to see Rent with a friend to celebrate her birthday... new experiences... new people...
It's almost my birthday (and by 'almost' I mean there's still over a month to go)... I'm excited and, as is usual at this time of the year, evaluating myself and my circumstances... what I want to do, be, contribute. The world is entering a phase of change and transformation and so am I.
"Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us." ~Oscar Wilde
I broke my mom's earring this morning. I feel most guilty though it was totally by accident. She lent it to me because it matches the shirt I'd chosen to wear to work today. Did I mention I feel guilty? Ergh. It slipped out of my hand, fell to the floor and broke cleanly in half (it's made of pottery). You know how people talk about time stopping and starting back? That's what it was like... ergh. I picked it up and looked at it then looked up at my brother as he came into the room ... and we both stared at it - frozen in an 'oh no - how do we fix this?' moment... then he started laughing hysterically because my mom came into the room at that time (no time to fix/hide anything - in moments of crisis we sometimes fall back on hysterical laughter) ergh. I'm *really* sorry mom.
Why so much fuss about an earring? For one, it's jewellery (yes... jewellery - I speak [and therefore write] British English not American English)... For another, my mom and I collect earrings from places that we visit. It's a tangible reminder of a special moment/place. This particular earring was from the Hoadley Gallery in Lenox... she bought it in 2009 while she was with me in Massachusetts. *Sigh*
I should let this go... breathe out and let go of guilty feelings because it was an accident. Am sure mom is not fixated on the fact that I broke her earring (I hope? maybe? I'm sorry mom!). Ergh.
On a totally un-related note... every time I hear/think about the word 'memory' I always continue it with 'all alone in the moonlight...' - which is of course the result of another memory of a moment in time (way back in Primary School our teacher taught us this song... am thinking now that she really thought a lot of us if she expected us to carry out this song well...). In case you don't know the song Memory from the musical Cats, this is it:
Hope you all have a happy Friday... go out and make some memories ;)
"Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly." ~Epictetus
I'm talking skirt lengths today. Why? Because there's been a lot of debate amongst some of my guy friends and girl friends. In my opinion, it depends on a lot of factors ranging from the wearer's height/body type to the event/circumstance andresearch has shown that a lot of people think so as well. I like them at all lengths... it's about choosing what's best for the occasion that makes you feel fabulous.
Harper's Bazaar and eHow both have age appropriate guidelines for one's hemline along with various other articles about style, fit and what's in at the moment. For a quick reference then:
Teens: Can get away with denim, unstructured miniskirt, but please watch the shortness of the skirt.
20's: You are old enough to take the mini to the extreme look for skirts with style and flair; don't just stick with the denim because you can.
30's: Look for a skirt with structure, such as an A-line mini or one of the new high waisted styles.
40's: Drop the length of the skirt to below mid-thigh.
50's: Go for skirts that are a bit more conservative and career like. The skirt should probably only be a few inches above the knee.
I'd just like to point out that I'm in my 20's. I can absolutely wear skirts with style and flair... lol...
There are other considerations of course. This site provides tests by which one can determine the most appropriate hemline. I have two main tests - one test which - now that I've checked out other sites - I realise is fairly common. Simply, if I'm standing and my arms are flat at my side then my shortest skirt will be maybe an inch above my middle finger. A comfortable length for me? An inch below my middle finger. The other test? If my dad makes no comment - my dad's a guy right? If he doesn't have a problem then really it should be fine.
Another aspect of our discussion about skirt lengths touches on that last sentence. Do guys think you're easy if you wear a short skirt? Do I think guys are easy when they're topless or wearing shorts or whatever? I wear short skirts. If my skirt is short then my top half is covered appropriately (and vice versa - if I'm showing cleavage etc then my bottom half is covered appropriately). My skirts cover all my essential bits such that I can sit, stand and bend over without anyone getting an eyeful (or even a glimpse of an eyeful). Not my fault if I've got great legs and want to wear a skirt that show them off guys... if you're thinking I'm easy then your mind is dutty. It annoys me a bit that girls get judged on what we wear. I admit that there are girls that go to the extreme (and probably are easy) but the vast majority? Just happy in the clothes we wear and the feeling that we look fabulous.
What do you think?
peace,
Ren
Edited (March 17th) to add:
I've gotten some feedback on this post so thought I'd stick in a comment or two here:
apparently the writer of this post (moi) is biased (towards short skirt lengths)... so says one of the guys referred to in the 1st paragraph... MEH. My blog - My opinion. If you'd like to leave your comment on any matter here feel free to voice your own opinion in the comments section.
forgot to include one test used by this same group of persons - if a girl sits in a chair (without legs crossed) and can raise her arms without the world seeing France (or any underpants) then the skirt is judged to be sufficiently long enough... am not sure how common this test is though :)
"We still do not know one-thousandth of one percent of what nature has revealed to us." ~ Albert Einstein
I haven't blogged since Friday. I have however, spent time with my family, gone to satsang, gone to a tea party (held in honour of my girl cousin's 13th birthday) and gone to Tobago. I've been going about with my own life. In the back of my mind though is the awareness of what is happening in Japan and in the world. The quake which hit Japan on Friday is one of the largest to hit since 1900 (different sites give different stats so I'm not sure whether it's the fourth or fifth largest quake). It has moved the island of Honshu 8 feet to the east and has sped up the earth's rotation by 1.6 microseconds. The tsunamis triggered by this quake has caused damage to Japan, Hawaii and California (am not sure of anywhere else). There is now the threat of a nuclear disaster in Japan. It all boggles the mind. Surreal.
What can one single individual do to help others going through this trauma? I hold you in my thoughts and prayers. I will donate to relief funds. I will talk about what is happening-what has happened-what can still happen in the hopes that persons I talk to can improve on building codes, warning systems, evacuation procedures in my country and elsewhere. I will appreciate what's around me and try to show gratitude and appreiciation just a little bit more.
There is a part of me that wonders if we bring this trauma on ourselves. We have grown so fast, taken up so much space, used up so much resources ... it makes me wonder. Where are we going as a people? What are we meant to do? We cannot expect that everything will remain the same but we can try to ensure that it's somewhat better. This article featured in the Huffington Post speaks about the opportunities that can arise from this devastation. I'm sure there are many persons thinking like the author and hope that they continue to inform and discuss ideas like these. I'm also hopeful that we will try to create these opportunities ourselves - to come up with new ways of doing, creating and living.
