Wrong side of the bed.

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." ~Benjamin Disraeli

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Nevermind the fact that there's just one side to wake up on. As an aside.. did you know that for good feng shui one's bed should have a good supporting wall behind the bed and that one should be able to approach the bed from both sides? I've been reading up on it.

Maybe that's one of the reasons I woke up in a somewhat grumpy mood... or maybe it's that I woke up earlier than expected and just lay there annoyed that I should have been sleeping. Or that it's that time of month when it feels as though my insides are being carved out with rusty pickaxes. Or that I couldn't figure out what I wanted for lunch and ended up bringing a sandwich which means that I'll have to probably get something else for lunch. Or that sometimes it feels as though I have to organise a lot of stuff in my house... not physical stuff.. just stuff.. there are times (like today) when there's a snarky voice in my head saying 'what am I? An errand runner?'

And then I feel guilty... and also I snarked at  my mom a bit (not that much [I think] cuz I know when I'm in a bad mood and try to minimize interaction)... so there was more guilt. Really, sometimes I just need to be left alone.

Then I couldn't find a radio station to settle on and the car driving in front of me was driving at 20 km/hr and there was no way to pass him. So.

I forced myself to listen to the Guru Gita... or as much of it as I could on the way to work... because my workplace can cause a bad mood all by itself - bringing one to work could result in drama of proportions I don't want/need.

Taking some time to soak in some soothing music... and read articles totally unrelated to work and instead related to creativity, names for breasts, dancing and love. 

Hope you have a good day...

peace,

Ren

Memory keepers...

"Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us."  ~Oscar Wilde

I broke my mom's earring this morning. I feel most guilty though it was totally by accident. She lent it to me because it matches the shirt I'd chosen to wear to work today. Did I mention I feel guilty? Ergh. It slipped out of my hand, fell to the floor and broke cleanly in half (it's made of pottery). You know how people talk about time stopping and starting back? That's what it was like... ergh. I picked it up and looked at it then looked up at my brother as he came into the room ... and we both stared at it - frozen in an 'oh no - how do we fix this?' moment... then he started laughing hysterically because my mom came into the room at that time (no time to fix/hide anything - in moments of crisis we sometimes fall back on hysterical laughter) ergh. I'm *really* sorry mom.

Why so much fuss about an earring? For one, it's jewellery (yes... jewellery - I speak [and therefore write] British English not American English)... For another, my mom and I collect earrings from places that we visit. It's a tangible reminder of a special moment/place. This particular earring was from the Hoadley Gallery in Lenox... she bought it in 2009 while she was with me in Massachusetts. *Sigh*

I should let this go... breathe out and let go of guilty feelings because it was an accident. Am sure mom is not fixated on the fact that I broke her earring (I hope? maybe? I'm sorry mom!). Ergh.

On a totally un-related note... every time I hear/think about the word 'memory' I always continue it with 'all alone in the moonlight...' - which is of course the result of another memory of a moment in time (way back in Primary School our teacher taught us this song... am thinking now that she really thought a lot of us if she expected us to carry out this song well...). In case you don't know the song Memory from the musical Cats, this is it:

Hope you all have a happy Friday... go out and make some memories ;)

peace,

Ren