Peru...

It's one of the places I would like to go to at some point. 

It came to mind today as everyone's been talking about the $14 million LottoPlus Jackpot. What would you do if you had $14 million? I know what I'd do with any large sum of money... pay off debts, invest (invest! - money must make more money!) and travel. 

One of the places that I'd like to explore is Peru... even though it's hilly (this Taurus girl is made for flat lands... grounded... I need to be grounded) and, I'm sure, very cold in parts. 

I first began thinking of visiting Peru many (many, many...) years back, when my mom lent me the Celestine Prophesy to read. It seemed like a very mystical place... air and earth and years of history. 

Then I forgot about it and only started thinking about it after secondary school - that bit of time where one stops to think about what happens next. I went on to do my degree, then started working and then everyday life just took over.

The regular, the everyday can suck you in. Ah well. 

It's been a random thought in my head for years. Some time back I came across the Living Routes website. They currently offer two programmes in Peru... they're both something I may consider at some point. 

While I was in Massachusetts, we spent time daydreaming of the next thing we'd do. The next major soul-enriching thing... the thing that was just what the heart wanted to and not the head. Volunteer at another place? Kalani maybe? Skydiving lessons? Yoga or Yoga Dance certification? Travel... Peru was one of the places we dreamed about.  

There is something about Peru. I'd like to go on a Magical Journey - Cusco to the Sacred Valley to Machu Picchu? I'd love to do that. 

Maybe one day I will. 

Daydream with me... where would you go if you had the time and the funds? Where calls to you? 

I'd like to know.

peace,

Ren

Recommitment...

I haven't been on here in forever (a little over a month). There have been days when I've thought of things that I'd have liked to share, or would have liked to get a perspective on but I just didn't make it to the blog. I can't remember what those things are now... thoughts flow like water, whispers on the wind. I've been thinking that I should do something as my birthday nears... 30 years this year and I'm wondering what I've done with my life thus far and what I want to do with the rest of it.

A recommitment then... to the blog and to being present.

There's a lot going on in my life at the moment though I think perhaps it doesn't seem that way to the world outside. I'm not great with sharing thoughts, feelings and perspectives - at least not in person... at least I don't think I am. Will take this month to sort through what's going on with me and mine.

Tomorrow is 30 days to my 30th birthday. Countdown. I'm not sure what I'll write on - perhaps random thoughts, maybe I'll use some NaBloPoMo prompts, I may write on the 40 days, or I may draw a card (I've many decks to choose from) and blog on that. Whatever I choose to do, I plan on blogging every day till the birthday (and perhaps even till the end of April).

Come along with me?

peace,

Ren

My life, as it were...

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong because someday in your life you will have been all of these." ~George Washington Carver

I think my life is interesting... or perhaps it is that life is interesting and people don't take the time to appreciate it? There's always something happening... something to learn or see or do. Every moment brings a lesson if we're in tune enough to realise it... I know I'm not always tuned in... I don't always pay attention. Ah well.

I've been thinking about my parents and about growing older. My mom's birthday was last Sunday. I think she's been through a lot in her life... I am older now than she was when she got married and also when she had me. I'm wondering what lies ahead. New experiences and new relationships... Hmm. I think that people my age don't have enough awareness about what their parents have been and continue to go through. I may be wrong. I've spent this past week thinking about the fact that my parents were my age once... I've been hearing stories about what life once was and about stuff that they have done. I've been thinking about how they are now... and realising that there are things I'd like to have in place for them and for myself as we get older.

I've been thinking a lot. I'm much more of a 'thinker' than a 'doer'.

I've been grumpy with my country... or rather the people in my country that are supposed to be doing stuff/organising stuff/making the country [world] a better place. Should I really feel this way given that I don't know how I'd change any of it? Hmm.

I went to Mango Festival 2012 - it's the 4th one that's been held apparently. It was interesting, filled with mangoes and mango products. I could see that some persons were very earnest about getting information out about growing mangoes and sustainability and the benefits that may be obtained by investing in our agri sector. Overall a very good event to have. I wasn't quite satisfied with the execution of the event... Could have been more polished... could have taken much more advantage of the opportunities present. Did come away with photos of mangoes though...

I'd written much more to this post but ... I posted and it didn't show the rest... I guess it should be ended here.


peace,
Ren

The day before the birthday...

"We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. If we share with caring, lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance and joy for each other. And then this moment will have been worthwhile." ~Deepak Chopra 

A snapshot of events/convos that took place today. Times may be rounded off or approximated.

1.45 am - awakened by the mother because she's in pain. Cancer sucks ... I'm reminded of that constantly. It's somewhat heartbreaking to have someone you love in pain. Also felt somewhat guilty... because I'm sure I was a bit grumpy at that hour - surprisingly I was in a very deep sleep - the parent with cancer does not deserve being grumped at when she's in pain in the middle of the night. 

4.43 am - awakened by the Cat chile... he went off liming somewhere last night and didn't get home in time for food so we didn't put any out for him. He got home around 4.40ish and started yowling in front of my window... in a "OMG! I'm STARVING!" kind of tone. I tried to block him out. I pulled the pillow over my head... He's a hunter right? Is supposed to be able to hunt for food if he has none? Hmph. Of course I got up and gave him food. 

6.45 am - was told by the father that tomorrow is my birthday. :-|

8.25 am - was told by the parking guard that the reason I couldn't park in the parking lot was because my coworkers were insensitive, unreasonable and couldn't park... took one look at how the cars were parked and had to agree with him... apparently he's been trying all week to get people to park properly and today he gave up... ah well. People - be sensitive... that is all. 

8.36 am - was told that I should not be wasting my potential at current workplace. I am young and brilliant and should get a job that is going somewhere or that at least allows for me to make use of my skills!

9.20 am - got Happy Birthweek wishes from Mars

9.40 am - got Happy Birthday Eve wishes from Pix 

10.10 am - lost all interest in work... had an interesting discussion on Twitter about how soon is too soon to be having sex with someone.

10.30 am - flirted with the cute guy... cuz that's what cute guys are for. 

11.42 am - got kisses and birthday wishes from the lady that does my eyebrows... it always helps to develop relationships with people that work on your body with hot wax.

12.03 pm - got heckled (psst-ed) by guys in three different vehicles as I walked from parking lot to office building. Tip: If you want to attract attention wear red... or gym clothes.

12.22 pm - got a birthday gift from Shoeaholic! I had to resist the urge to read it all day... somewhat succeeded - only got to page 19 by the end of the workday.

Afternoon... somewhere between 1 and 4 pm... Felt sleepy... did paperwork so that next week (which I've taken off from work for my birthday and my sanity) I won't be called back to office to fill out anything. Office discussions about work/life/birthdays/cake/baby names/stalkers. 

4.45 pm - called the brother to find out if we needed anything at home... was told to buy bread... I swear bread is perhaps the foodstuff that we eat most.  

5.20 pm - got called a 'sweetheart' by an old lady. I guess I look like a sweetheart?

5.45 pm - talked with the mother about my grandma and my aunt (both from mom's side, both deceased)... she's been thinking about them all day... says that wherever they are she's sure they're thinking about me... talked about how happy people were when I was born (I think people forget that birthdays are also important times for mothers)... talked about having a good life and a good death. 

6.40 pm - the father told me that tomorrow is my birthday!

It's the little moments that make up a life I think... am off to play with/talk to the Cat chile... and try to get to bed before 12.

peace,

Ren

Interesting things: a list, a letter and a vid...

"Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music – the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself." ~Henry Miller 

It's already the first of February! Time - there's a topic that needs blogging about. I've been... introspective, moody, thoughtful. In my head for a bit and not particularly willing to open up to the world at this time. This phase will pass as it always does... ups and downs and everything-in-between. Thought I'd share these instead... a list, a letter and a video... they're all very thought-provoking - I guess they fit my mood. 

I've started following Lists of Note and Letters of Note on Twitter... there are so many interesting things that people have written and one of those things is this list: 
"Rescue Etiquette", written by Mark Twain, for the benefit of young gentlemen rescuing people from boarding house fires. It makes me wonder how many people needed rescuing... how many boarding houses had fires... how he came up with the order of importance of persons to be rescued. If I were in a boarding house fire, according to Mark Twain, I'd be 3rd on my brother's list. If I were someone's mother I wouldn't be on their list - mothers aren't listed but mothers-in-law are (though they are way down on the list... even further down the list than furniture)! I feel the need to make my own list of persons that I'd save from a burning building. 


The letter I'd like to share comes from the Letters of Note site and was written by H.L. Mencken in response to Will Durant's question which essentially asked, "what is the meaning of life?". The full text of his response can be found here: "On the Meaning of Life". This is something I ask myself often... what's my purpose? What am I doing? What should I be doing?


*sigh*


The last thing to share tonight is this TEDx video by Shawn Anchor. My brother posted it on my FB wall - it's something I think that everyone should consider. 

What do you think?


peace,
Ren

I fell off the planet.

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." ~Alfred D’Souza 

Seriously. 

I've been in this weird space of exhaustion caused by crazy work, crazy people, crazy times - it takes a while to get back up again. It's not all been bad.. just tiring. I've not written much.. no NaNoWriMo.. no 750words... I've just been avoiding being on the computer a lot. There's a lot that has happened since I last wrote though and so... 

Remember my last post? She won... as in Trinidad and Tobago's own Anya Ayoung-Chee won Project Runway... *insert excited shrieking here* or just watch this video: 

Apart from that, there's been a skills expo, T&T may be on 'the brink of a watershed moment in the history of our local media' (something that's desperately needed), I found out 5 ways in which my brain may be messing with my head, we're no longer under curfew (it's been lifted), and an asteroid passed us by. 

And that's just *some* of the stuff that's been happening. I'm sure there's so much more. 

There's a full moon in Taurus tomorrow night. End of a period. Something coming to fullness but I don't know what it is. 

I'll be writing soon. 

peace,

Ren

There aren't enough hours in the day...

"Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time." ~Charles M. Schulz 

A bit of free-writing because I'm tired and not up to thinking in paragraphs...

I often think that the hours in a weekend day (whenever your weekend is) should be longer.. or move slower.. or something such that it just *lasts longer*... because it always goes by so quickly and then the week comes around and you're stuck in the grind again. Woke up today feeling queasy and head-achy and generally not in a mood or feeling to move. Looked at shows on the Food Network and HGTV... those are our tv's default stations... when there's nothing to watch or we're bored and must watch something those are the channels we land on. Aarti is always very happy.. and bubbly and I like that the name of her show rhymes and reflects her essence. Am trying to convince my dad that when he retires he should do something along the lines of HGTV's All American Handyman series... not successful yet but who knows. Worked myself up to make lunch - it's funny that sometimes I really like cooking and sometimes I don't... today was one of those days when I felt like cooking - rice and dhal and bhagi and curried soya... all of which tasted most excellent. Yay me :) Looked at a very predictable movie on Syfy... I prefer the old channel name of Sci Fi... Went out with my dad - TriniTuner's 4x4 event - we did not make it to the King of the Hill bit but we did make it to the Mud Hog event .. (there are some pics on Flickr)... I wonder if my dad would ever want to take part in these events... or if at some time he has wanted to. I know that I prefer to be a spectator (and a photo-take-outer)... those people that took part? They're very brave - or they're really into their stuff. It was fun to watch. Got home and my dad made dinner... it's taken him over 27 years but he's started to get involved with food and the making of breakfast or lunch or dinner. Been lazing around since then... spent some time looking at photos/talking about photos and photo-taking... Finally remembered that I needed to blog. :) Here, I am. 

Hope your Saturday went well... hope there are enough hours for you...

peace,

Ren

Thoughts about life, death and in-between...

"How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?" ~Satchel Paige 

I can't seem to get my mind to settle... birthday jitters? lack of sleep due to new kitten? hormones? I can't get my mind to settle. Tomorrow I have to hand in the last of the MBA stuff... I'm anxious about it - I just want it to BE OVER ALREADY! Perhaps tomorrow evening I'll be more at ease? Am [somewhat] hopeful.

The birthday's on Thursday. When I say how old I'll be out loud it sounds like a lot but I don't feel that it is (most times... other times I feel.. creaky). My brother has a theory (or maybe it's not his theory and is some random psychological something he picked up somewhere) that the older you get the shorter the day/month/year seems... because you have more life experience to compare your current life experience with and therefore the fraction would get tinier as you age... so that for a young person they'd feel as though their year was a long time because they wouldn't have much life experience to compare it too but for an older person a year would seem to be a shorter span of time because of the amount of life experience. It's an interesting theory. 

Our new kitten is about 2 months old - he has a lot of energy... he's somewhat needy (though I hear that's cuz he's a male...). It's interesting to see him discover the world... he's very curious - I wonder if I was the same. Was I needy? demanding? in need of constant attention? accepting? He's much less skittish than when we first got him. I feel slightly grumpy that I can't speak 'cat' as he's just leapt onto my lap, settled in and started talking... I know not what you say kitten. It makes me think about what we knew as a child... what we've learnt over the years... what we may have forgotten. 

Went to a wedding this weekend. A Hindu wedding of the sister of a friend. I got hit on by a guy that was maybe 8 - 10 years younger than me... apparently I look younger than him. Meh. I've always thought that I didn't want to get married or do the wedding thing (I think it's really more practical to spend money to buy a house than to spend it on having a wedding... if one can do both then that's amazing)... I find myself thinking now that I won't mind getting married. I find myself thinking whoa... why would I want to get married?! Is it that persons my age (and younger.. and older) are getting married? Is it a biological clock thing that has suddenly made an appearance? I won't mind being married (which is really not the same as I want to be married... just that I'm somewhat open to the idea now whereas 5 years ago... even 1 year ago... I'd have said no way... marriage + me = No). I find myself thinking of what a wedding (if I had to have one) would be like... It doesn't help that the Royal Wedding is the day after my birthday.. I'm happy for them as I'm happy for anyone that's taking such a step... it makes me think about myself though... is that a step I want for myself?

Read about (& heard about) two deaths this weekend... I think this is an interesting time for someone to die - Easter... resurrection... spring. Hmm.

The first death is known worldwide. Sathya Sai Baba has passed away... left this realm to move on to wherever. He left his body on April 24th (yesterday... Sunday) and his funeral is expected to be held on April 27th (Wednesday). It's a *very big thing*... on par I'd think with the passing of Christ or Muhammad... because of his reach and his followers. I think it's going to be interesting to see how his followers react as well as how the world reacts. 

The second death is that of Carib Queen Valentina Medina who passed away on April 23rd (Saturday)... the Caribs are one of the First Peoples of Trinidad & Tobago... they were here when Christopher Columbus came... that we still have some semblance of a community and that such culture still exists is something to be grateful for. A release from  one political party says that: 

"Queen Medina, queen for the past 11 years, represented the purity and soul of our First People. She worked assiduously to promote the philosophy and history of the great Carib community. Even though she was soft spoken she always made her passionate views heard. She epitomised the concept of religious and cultural diversity in Trinidad and Tobago, a feature for which she was well known,"

I wonder sometimes what people will say of me when I die.

I wonder what people say of me whilst I'm alive.

I wonder if it matters in any way.

Currently contemplating,

Ren

Putting together the puzzle pieces...

"Listen to the clues. The next time you feel real joy, stop and think. Pay attention. Because joy is the universe’s way of knocking on your mind’s door. Hello in there. Is anyone home? Can I leave a message? Yes? Good! The message is that you are happy, and that means that you are in touch with your purpose." ~Steve Chandler

It's Holy Thursday today... It's a week before my birthday. It's a different feeling this year... less excitement... more tired and what's the point really? I took the day off from work today... got some rest (am almost fully healthy!)... did some school work (it will end soon... it will)... continued making puzzle with my mom... tried to find doubles with my dad (failure... apparently all doubles vendors have been replaced by gyro vendors)... it was a good day really. 

I just keep feeling that I'm missing something. What's my purpose really? I look at the quote above and think that he got it wrong... I feel real joy... you can't make a living out of a lot of things that bring real joy (can one make money out of making puzzles? let me know if one can...) ... is it that I'm practical (too much so?) ... is it that I don't have faith (how much is too little?).

Perhaps one day this blog will have a post reflecting my enlightenment... my found purpose... until such time I continue to try putting puzzle pieces together... figuring out life day by day... moment by moment. 

Night all,

Ren

Memory Lane Monday - threads that bind...

"There are times to cultivate and create when you nurture your world and give birth to new ideas and ventures. There are times of flourishing and abundance, when life feels in full bloom, energized and expanding. And there are times of fruition when things come to an end. They have reached their climax and must be harvested before they begin to fade. And finally of course, there are times that are cold, and cutting and empty, times when the spring of new beginnings seems like a distant dream. Those rhythms in life are natural events. They weave into one another as day follows night, bringing, not messages of hope and fear, but messages of how things are." ~Chogyam Trungpa 

A memory which surfaced today:

When I was younger (much younger) there was a children's show called 'The Littl' Bits' which I watched after school for months? years? I can't remember. It was essentially about the adventures of a race of little people living in the woods. And for you reader... (yay for youtube!) I found the intro:

 

It came to mind because I remember there was one episode where there was a weaving competition. Complete with looms and spinning yarn and whatnot. Why did weaving come to mind? I think I'd like to try out a loom sometime. Last July-August some friends started teaching me how to knit (I'm still on my 1st project - maybe it'll finish by the end of the year?) ... and like I do with most things I get interested in, I signed up for a bunch of yarn/knitting type e-newsletters. One appeared in my inbox today showing how to weave a blanket on a loom. I think I'd like to try that out sometime.

Memories made over this weekend:

• A crazy lady (ok ... maybe she's not crazy) left a voicemail accusing 'Nicki' of going around with her husband and threatening 'Nicki' that if she doesn't leave the man alone (am guessing crazy lady = man's wife) she [nicki] would be on d receiving end of one cut-ass from crazy lady. Meep. My name's not Nicki. Am fully prepared to avoid all calls from that phone number now. 
• Exercised via mirror neurons. Spent most of Saturday watching 'Women of Ninja Warrior' on G4... Those women rule. Seriously. :)
• Contemplations of the fairness/unfairness of life and death. My mom's cousin died in an accident this weekend. Burnt to death inside the vehicle cuz they couldn't get her out. Fair? Unfair? If souls choose their moment of death why would a soul choose that type of death? Is it just a bit weird that I feel no sense of horror over this death? That's life... *shoulder shrug* people die every day and some in even worse ways. Jaded? Am I? Seen too much. Know too much. Maybe. What will be, will be. 
 

Nite all,

peace,

Ren

Memory Lane Monday - Thoughts on Living and Dying

"You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die, or when. But you can decide how you’re going to live now." ~ Joan Baez 

So here's a true story... a silly story really... when I was younger - maybe 5 or 6 years old - I was very much in love with the Cyndi Lauper song 'True Colours' (colours with a 'u' because British English is my mother language)... I used to listen out for it on the radio and - the silly part - thought that whenever it played on the radio it would appear on the television as well... I'm not sure why I thought the radio and tv were so linked but there you go... That's what I remember when I hear the song now... how when I heard it on the radio I'd look to see if it was on the tv... 

I haven't written in some time... I'm taking it day by day though perhaps on Mondays I shall write stuff from my memories... I'm on a micro-mini break from school... work is hectic... my mom hasn't been feeling well... I haven't been feeling well... it's been a somewhat stressful time. 

I've been thinking about life and how persons go about living it... Are you aware of other persons? What do you believe in? What's the plan Stan? When I was younger I had constant flashes of Déjà vu... the feeling of been here before - did this already - don't I know you? Sometimes I wake up and expect to be somewhere else - another time, another place. Sometimes I go through the motions - this isn't my life - where am I supposed to be? What am I to be doing? Sometimes I am in the moment - I try to always be here. 

In a conversation with my mum and brother we were discussing how as we get older the time seems to move faster... Slower when one is younger and speeding up as the years pass... What will it look like if I live to be 100? I've always thought I'd die at 60-something... my mum's always been the one to want to live to 100... she hasn't been feeling so well though (cancer and all the complications it brings can do that to you) and she's said she'd like to revise her statement... she only wants to live to 100 if she's healthy - able to move around and do things for herself. I agree totally... who wants to hang around in this realm if the vessel is damaged?  Thoughts of life and death swirl around my head - who determines what will be? Is it all a part of me? 

peace,

Rtr