It's *my* birthday!

"Do not grow old, no matter how long you live. Never cease to stand like curious children before the Great Mystery into which we were born." ~Albert Einstein

It's been a good day. I took the day off (I have a firm policy - no working on birthdays). Didn't really do that much but still feel a measure of ... peace... calm... quiet... that I have not felt for some time. This might be due to the fact that I handed in all my MBA stuff on Tuesday (please Goddess... let me pass everything!)... or it might be that I went by the Ashram twice today... it might just be that today is my birthday. 

It feels like a return... circle around and this is where I am. I was born on a Thursday... it's why I particularly like Thursdays more than any other day. After all the craziness it feels like I'm at the right place at the right time. I am blessed. 

A run-down of stuff I did on my birthday:

• Got up at 4 am... went to Guru Gita at the Ashram. I didn't fall asleep during it but was somewhere in that hazy world between sleep and non-sleep. Got Happy Birthday sung to me before 7 am... Got told I've got a good brain... 
• Got three free apples from our market guy because it's my birthday... it's good when the market/grocery people know you.
• Played with the kitten
• Got presents! Books... 'Living in the Light' by Shakti Gawain- which I've already started reading, 'The White Queen' and 'The Red Queen' by Philippa Gregory - I received two of her books for Christmas and New Year's and she's now one of my favourite authors... historical-type-fiction which is amazingly written :)
• Did a tarot reading [see below] (Tarot.com gave me a free one ... because it's my birthday)... It looks like it's gonna be an interesting year..
• Did not have any falling out with my dad... It's only now that I realise this... there has been no strange drama this year... are we getting old? was he trying to be calm because of my having to hand in MBA stuff? There was no drama... wow
• My brother made risotto ... and carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. Thank the Goddess that my brother can cook.. and bake. I am blessed
• Took a nap
• Went to the Ashram (yes, again...) for discussion group otherwise known as "Sacred Conversations" ... most interesting topic for today... I admit I wondered what would be the topic today... Got told I'm a great critic... 
• Went out for dinner... Got free dessert... with a candle that would. not. out. seriously...
• Sang along with my brother to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody [Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me|(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo figaro...] during dinner... (a song which my mom has either never heard or just can't remember... yet my dad, brother and I love it... :s)
• Got a present! Earrings shaped like awareness ribbon... 
• Sang along to the Masquerade song from Phantom of the Opera on the drive back home
• Answered phone calls and messages... missed some... oops? Spent some time on-line responding to all the facebook messages of birthday greetings.. 

After all has been said and done, it was a day where I learned stuff, spent time with family, and had fun... not bad for a birthday :)  Many thanks to all who sent birthday greetings :)

love,

Ren

Thoughts about life, death and in-between...

"How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?" ~Satchel Paige 

I can't seem to get my mind to settle... birthday jitters? lack of sleep due to new kitten? hormones? I can't get my mind to settle. Tomorrow I have to hand in the last of the MBA stuff... I'm anxious about it - I just want it to BE OVER ALREADY! Perhaps tomorrow evening I'll be more at ease? Am [somewhat] hopeful.

The birthday's on Thursday. When I say how old I'll be out loud it sounds like a lot but I don't feel that it is (most times... other times I feel.. creaky). My brother has a theory (or maybe it's not his theory and is some random psychological something he picked up somewhere) that the older you get the shorter the day/month/year seems... because you have more life experience to compare your current life experience with and therefore the fraction would get tinier as you age... so that for a young person they'd feel as though their year was a long time because they wouldn't have much life experience to compare it too but for an older person a year would seem to be a shorter span of time because of the amount of life experience. It's an interesting theory. 

Our new kitten is about 2 months old - he has a lot of energy... he's somewhat needy (though I hear that's cuz he's a male...). It's interesting to see him discover the world... he's very curious - I wonder if I was the same. Was I needy? demanding? in need of constant attention? accepting? He's much less skittish than when we first got him. I feel slightly grumpy that I can't speak 'cat' as he's just leapt onto my lap, settled in and started talking... I know not what you say kitten. It makes me think about what we knew as a child... what we've learnt over the years... what we may have forgotten. 

Went to a wedding this weekend. A Hindu wedding of the sister of a friend. I got hit on by a guy that was maybe 8 - 10 years younger than me... apparently I look younger than him. Meh. I've always thought that I didn't want to get married or do the wedding thing (I think it's really more practical to spend money to buy a house than to spend it on having a wedding... if one can do both then that's amazing)... I find myself thinking now that I won't mind getting married. I find myself thinking whoa... why would I want to get married?! Is it that persons my age (and younger.. and older) are getting married? Is it a biological clock thing that has suddenly made an appearance? I won't mind being married (which is really not the same as I want to be married... just that I'm somewhat open to the idea now whereas 5 years ago... even 1 year ago... I'd have said no way... marriage + me = No). I find myself thinking of what a wedding (if I had to have one) would be like... It doesn't help that the Royal Wedding is the day after my birthday.. I'm happy for them as I'm happy for anyone that's taking such a step... it makes me think about myself though... is that a step I want for myself?

Read about (& heard about) two deaths this weekend... I think this is an interesting time for someone to die - Easter... resurrection... spring. Hmm.

The first death is known worldwide. Sathya Sai Baba has passed away... left this realm to move on to wherever. He left his body on April 24th (yesterday... Sunday) and his funeral is expected to be held on April 27th (Wednesday). It's a *very big thing*... on par I'd think with the passing of Christ or Muhammad... because of his reach and his followers. I think it's going to be interesting to see how his followers react as well as how the world reacts. 

The second death is that of Carib Queen Valentina Medina who passed away on April 23rd (Saturday)... the Caribs are one of the First Peoples of Trinidad & Tobago... they were here when Christopher Columbus came... that we still have some semblance of a community and that such culture still exists is something to be grateful for. A release from  one political party says that: 

"Queen Medina, queen for the past 11 years, represented the purity and soul of our First People. She worked assiduously to promote the philosophy and history of the great Carib community. Even though she was soft spoken she always made her passionate views heard. She epitomised the concept of religious and cultural diversity in Trinidad and Tobago, a feature for which she was well known,"

I wonder sometimes what people will say of me when I die.

I wonder what people say of me whilst I'm alive.

I wonder if it matters in any way.

Currently contemplating,

Ren