November 1st

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." ~Alan Watts

November and I find myself thinking that it's been just over a year since I left my job. It's been just over a year and a half since my mom passed away. Nine months since I've started my own business. Time passes so quickly and we don't even realise that it is doing so. We are caught up in living and I think that maybe that is a good way for time to pass. 

What is time passing? Moments that flow from one to the other. Seconds into minutes into days into months into a year and more. I am different now than I was before. You are a different person than the one you were when you opened up this site and started to read. I think it is interesting how we choose to spend our time. What do we give our attention to? Who do we stay with? What do we want to do most? 

I think there aren't enough people in my country thinking about what to give their attention to. Not enough people thinking about what is important for our country - if we were to still be around twenty years from now, what kind of world will we be living in?

Perhaps there are people, perhaps not. This month I think about me - who I am, what I'm doing, where I want to go. It's important I think.

peace,

Ren

Mental Health Break (MHB).

A search on Google has led to many links to sites advocating that people should take 'mental health breaks' - time away from the busy everyday to let our minds relax and recuperate. Suggested break activities include: journalling, stretching, yoga (or some such activity), breathing, laughing and napping. I'm going to do all of these activities and more. 

I've decided I will take some time away from work - give myself some room to breathe. In a previous post I mentioned that my manager had suggested some time away from work. She's not the only one to have done so. Since there are a few people who keep telling me I need time away - I'm taking it as a sign. Perhaps the Universe wants me to rest? Recover. Reflect. 

Perhaps. 

I'm going to spend some time trying to figure out what I'd like to do with my life... and with the time I have left.

peace,

Ren

Letting go of time...

My healing card for today says, 'let go of time'. I was much better at this when I was younger. There was no need to fill every moment with something, to be productive and get as much done as possible. Now there is that feeling... that moments pass and there is never enough time. 

There is enough. I can just be. Moment to moment, I am breathing. 

Was frustrated and annoyed at work today - so much to do, so much required and yet I was getting nowhere. There is only so much that can be done by one person. Around midday I was ready to grump at the world and then I remembered my card. I took my lunch hour to get a manicure. My hands were massaged, my nails look much more awesome than they usually do, my manicurist says my hands are like dolly hands. 

It was... refreshing. I've been spending a lot of lunch hours at my desk trying to get stuff done... Sometimes one needs to remember to step away. Step out of the grind. Just let go of time and the hurry and the pressure and just be.

Breathe. 

peace,

Ren

The day before the birthday...

"We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. If we share with caring, lightheartedness, and love, we will create abundance and joy for each other. And then this moment will have been worthwhile." ~Deepak Chopra 

A snapshot of events/convos that took place today. Times may be rounded off or approximated.

1.45 am - awakened by the mother because she's in pain. Cancer sucks ... I'm reminded of that constantly. It's somewhat heartbreaking to have someone you love in pain. Also felt somewhat guilty... because I'm sure I was a bit grumpy at that hour - surprisingly I was in a very deep sleep - the parent with cancer does not deserve being grumped at when she's in pain in the middle of the night. 

4.43 am - awakened by the Cat chile... he went off liming somewhere last night and didn't get home in time for food so we didn't put any out for him. He got home around 4.40ish and started yowling in front of my window... in a "OMG! I'm STARVING!" kind of tone. I tried to block him out. I pulled the pillow over my head... He's a hunter right? Is supposed to be able to hunt for food if he has none? Hmph. Of course I got up and gave him food. 

6.45 am - was told by the father that tomorrow is my birthday. :-|

8.25 am - was told by the parking guard that the reason I couldn't park in the parking lot was because my coworkers were insensitive, unreasonable and couldn't park... took one look at how the cars were parked and had to agree with him... apparently he's been trying all week to get people to park properly and today he gave up... ah well. People - be sensitive... that is all. 

8.36 am - was told that I should not be wasting my potential at current workplace. I am young and brilliant and should get a job that is going somewhere or that at least allows for me to make use of my skills!

9.20 am - got Happy Birthweek wishes from Mars

9.40 am - got Happy Birthday Eve wishes from Pix 

10.10 am - lost all interest in work... had an interesting discussion on Twitter about how soon is too soon to be having sex with someone.

10.30 am - flirted with the cute guy... cuz that's what cute guys are for. 

11.42 am - got kisses and birthday wishes from the lady that does my eyebrows... it always helps to develop relationships with people that work on your body with hot wax.

12.03 pm - got heckled (psst-ed) by guys in three different vehicles as I walked from parking lot to office building. Tip: If you want to attract attention wear red... or gym clothes.

12.22 pm - got a birthday gift from Shoeaholic! I had to resist the urge to read it all day... somewhat succeeded - only got to page 19 by the end of the workday.

Afternoon... somewhere between 1 and 4 pm... Felt sleepy... did paperwork so that next week (which I've taken off from work for my birthday and my sanity) I won't be called back to office to fill out anything. Office discussions about work/life/birthdays/cake/baby names/stalkers. 

4.45 pm - called the brother to find out if we needed anything at home... was told to buy bread... I swear bread is perhaps the foodstuff that we eat most.  

5.20 pm - got called a 'sweetheart' by an old lady. I guess I look like a sweetheart?

5.45 pm - talked with the mother about my grandma and my aunt (both from mom's side, both deceased)... she's been thinking about them all day... says that wherever they are she's sure they're thinking about me... talked about how happy people were when I was born (I think people forget that birthdays are also important times for mothers)... talked about having a good life and a good death. 

6.40 pm - the father told me that tomorrow is my birthday!

It's the little moments that make up a life I think... am off to play with/talk to the Cat chile... and try to get to bed before 12.

peace,

Ren

Timed Post Tuesday! (idk what it will be about yet...)

"If you nurture your mind, body, and spirit, your time will expand. You will gain a new perspective that will allow you to accomplish more." ~Brian Koslow 

I've been thinking of doing a timed post... what is it? It's where you time yourself... maybe 5 minutes... or 10 (or more) and just write... No censoring... just transferring what's in your head to paper... or in this case a blog post. So. I'm giving myself 10 minutes to see what comes out. Ready? Set. Go!

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It's 11.17 and I just killed a mosquito... except that it isn't dead cuz it just flew away again. Super Mosquito? Am sure that I squashed it. This is not what I want to be writing about. Perhaps I'll start over... it's 11.17 and some more seconds and I initially thought I'd start blogging at 11. Except that I was watching Chopped Champions on the Food Network and was distracted - Food Network can take up a lot of my time if I'm not careful. I don't agree with the winning decision - Pnina should have won. Oh well and letting it go now. For some reason I ended up on the Food Network Chopped page and look! there's a twitter feed! and Aarti Sequeira is on Twitter... AARTI!!! For those of you that don't know about Aarti and her Paarti I shall provide the link...after I'm done with this timing. You see? Food Network can be distracting not just from tv viewing but because of their website and twitter feeds and facebook pages and such. Sometimes I think we have too much technology going on. Surely one day we'll hit overload? Or maybe we'll just evolve such that our brains .. senses.. can absorb data at lightning speeds... 

My brother told me today about a creature (is it a snake? lizard? - ergh I can't remember) that scientists have found to be evolving... apparently the creature lives on the slopes of a mountain so that there are some in the valley and some higher up the mountain... those at the base lay eggs but those higher up have evolved such that they now don't lay eggs... the young grow inside like with us. Evolution... it's happening all around. 

It's New Moon in Virgo today I believe... an earth sign and I read a really great article about Spider Woman - she's a Goddess though I can't remember which religion... Native American maybe? It's interesting for me cuz it speaks about weaving webs and linkages. I've always thought that people - humans - souls weave webs... spin dreams out of nothing - into the past and into the future and there are all these connections between people, places, things (I remember a game called 'boy, girl, place, thing' - that's neither here nor there at the moment). I just find it interesting. New moon means setting intentions... earthy new moon means grounding and strengthening and building intentions. 

Am still trying to figure out what my intentions are. There's the mosquito again! and it's 11.27. 

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So I think I ramble... but perhaps not. A timed post is cleansing in its own way... Maybe I should have given myself 15 minutes. Or maybe I'll do another timed post on Thursday! :D 

Here are the links to what I was thinking/talking about:

Chopped: Food Network

Aarti Paarti!: Blog  & Twitter & Aarti on Food Network

Spider Woman and the Virgo New Moon

good night all!

peace,

Rtr

ETA: New Moon was on the 8th (Wednesday)

Timely thoughts.. or thoughts about time...

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead." ~Mark Twain 

Friday night. Day that should have been a holiday (workdays sandwiched between public holidays and weekends of no work should be a holiday!). Thoughts swirling as they are wont to do. Age. Time. Maturity. What are they really? 

Passing comments - I sound like mom and think like dad. Really?! Consideration. Contemplation. Realisation. Situations of feeling so... old. Situations of feeling so... young. A memory of a passage in a book where the author said she felt like she was all ages wrapped up in one.. 2, 12, 22... (What book was that again?) 

Sitting down to watch Friends and noticing I'm at the age they play in the show... remembering when I was not (When was that? oh.. right.. 10 years ago)... Identifying with the show so much more... I really am getting older... Family... Friends... Work... Relationships... What happens now? What's my purpose?

Time passes... Moments. Memories. 

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" How does one know when one has "grown up"? 

"One day you'll understand" Is it that day? I understand some now... some is fuzzy... some is so far off... one day I'll understand.

Amusement - a person I'm following has just tweeted: "Procrastination is the thief of time. - Edward Young" - How does this sit with me? (Is there something I'm forgetting? Procrastinating? I do it all the time...) 

High heels and short skirts. Flip flops and baggy jeans. Boots. 

Hair - up, down, braids, plait, ribbons - bows - clips, shag... no no no ... layers darling. 

Chubby fingers that turn to piano fingers. Curly hair to no hair to baby soft all new hair. Electrician-plumber-carpenter-auto mechanic-jack-of-all-trades. Teacher. TeacherS... plural... with an 'S'.

Wonder where this post is going? Points on a spiral. Déjà vu? Been here before ... am here now... will be here again. Time is a funny thing. Linear? Maybe not. Step outside the box and look in. 

For now, rest. 

Rtr