Saturday, June 15, 2013

Long week

Sometimes it seems as though time flies... sometimes it doesn't. I've felt as though I've been moving through molasses this whole week. Each day has been challenging in some way or other. I've decided that this month is not the month to do everyday blogging. I'm taking it easy, trying to get through the moments. There have been highs and lows this week and I'm just glad that I made it through. 

My mom has been on my mind. I've been going through her stuff and reliving moments in my mind. It leaves me feeling raw for a bit and then after a while it seems to settle and there is... peace. I've been going through things I've said and done, moments that I regret and wonder what I could have done differently. I've realised that what was done then was part of a growing up process. If I knew then what I know now, of course some things would have been different... but I didn't know and whatever happened has led me to knowing now... how to better relate to people and events. I cherish her always for being one of my strongest supporters. 

My manager has suggested that I take some time off... she 'senses that I'm a bit frustrated'. I am. I feel very tired with my workplace - everyone is stuck in old modes of being. There is no moving forward. I've been looking through vacancies listings and finding nothing that really applies to me. I'm tempted to resign from my job and go learn welding... or electrical installation... or something. I'm considering the time off but it takes a month to apply for it. Bah. Humbug.

My brother and my dad has had a falling out of epic proportions. I'm not sure that either one would agree with my assessment but... ah well. It's something that's been a long time coming and has only reached epic proportions because both refrained from saying anything major as they did not want to upset mom. Now that she's not here it's all coming to the fore. They are both so much alike and yet they can't see it. I'm trying to be supportive yet detached. Trying to stay centered and maintain my own equilibrium. 

It helps that I have so many people that I can talk to. I think that is one of the greatest things. Community. It provides support and solace. My advice to people: reach out... if you are sad, lonely, vexed or happy, enthusiastic, amazed... reach out to others and share those feelings. 

Been spending time with the cute guy... movie nights and a visit to the peace festival. I've created an Amazon store... a bookstore - I'd like to have one in real life sometime, with cozy couches and reading nooks. 

It's Saturday and the end of a long week. 

Happy weekend all.


peace,
Ren

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