Things I'll be writing about this month:

"The intuitive mind will tell the thinking mind where to look next." ~Jonas Salk

It's the first of April and I'm going to try very hard to write each day. Every day. A post a day! What will I be writing on? Anything that strikes my fancy. This will include:

1. OMG the cute guy and I got engaged! Now we have to get married! And all the drama that happens when planning trying to plan a reception whether you want to have a reception or not. 
2. #100HappyDays - I'm participating in the 100 happy days challenge with a group of friends and also people I don't know. I realise today that this will be deeper and more involved than I expected as I had to google what "happy" meant before deciding on my first post.
3. Death, dying and my thoughts - Sunday 3rd will be 3 years since my mom's passing. We're having a free session at the studio talking about the yogic view of death and have invited someone to talk about palliative care. Death is so much a part of life that I think society needs to think about and talk about it more.
4. Yoga and being a business person. Do they go hand-in-hand? As much as any other occupation I suppose.
5. My CatChile & my parent - they are the two males I currently live with and thus I have many stories about the two.
6. Random other things I think up. 

For now, bedtime. We have an early class in the morning.

Night all!

peace,

Ren

Things to do in Trinidad.

"I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun." ~Katherine Hepburn

It always ticks me off, just a little bit, when I hear people say that there's nothing to do in Trinidad (and Tobago). I've said before that I don't understand the 'boredom' any more and so in a similar fashion - I don't understand 'there's nothing to do'. There is always something to do. This weekend I had to remind myself that I can only do a certain number of things, that I can't be everywhere. 

I missed Comicfest yesterday, as well as the Mad Hatter's Tea Party event held on San Fernando Hill... I had a meeting with a guy then went to the opening of a new store, had lunch with my brother, went out to see Captain America with the cute guy. Today I attended the reopening of RCOTT's off road track...

...and then went to Runway Shift 2014 as the assistant to the cute guy (he was hired to do event coverage).

There's always something to do if you just open yourself up to experiences. There's lots to see and do here. Lots of festivals, lots of holidays, lots of people with different interests... and if you don't want to do anything... there's lots of places to just be. To relax and lime. To have fun in whatever way you please.

peace,

Ren

Stories...

"This is all I ever wanted - to help students and artists see myth as a reflection of the one sublime adventure of life, and then to breathe new life into it." ~Joseph Campbell 

Every so often I ask the cute guy to tell me a story, a true story about something that has happened to him or that he has done. We take turns, so sometimes I tell my own stories. It's a good way to find out about each other and the bits and pieces that make up who we are. Sometime in the future I will start asking him to make up stories; spin a tale, weave a yarn. 

I've always been interested in stories and perhaps this is why I'm so much of a bookworm. Books provide never-ending access to all manner of stories. Ideas, thoughts, facts and culture... all these are passed on through story. From parent to child, family to family and onward. 

Today I'm going to see Captain America with the cute guy and his family. I think movies are an interesting way to tell stories - it's different from sinking into a book but just as easy to have one's imagination captured by what unfolds on screen. Then too, some people find it easier to relate to images and sounds than to words. 

I'm thinking about how I can share my own story. This blog is part of it... writing the moments as they come... there is more to be done though and I've been thinking of how to bring it into being. Perhaps not now, perhaps in the future, perhaps as I've been doing - bits and pieces as I go along.

Tell me a story?

peace,

Ren

The Wedding pt 1 - Shopping for clothes

"The more I know you, the more I want to know you more." ~Roy Lessin

My cousin is getting married in July. It is going to be a weekend of festivities with both Hindu and Christian ceremonies. It is going to be huge. It is going to be fun. We (I've got lots of family - aunts, uncles, cousins and more) are all excited. 

July is not that far away and so I've decided to get a move on with shopping for clothing for The Wedding. The cute guy and I went to look at Indian wear... saris and shalwars and the like. There is a lot of stuff to look at and try on. There should be a lot of haggling... but I'm not great at haggling. The cute guy is a giant and finding stuff in his size is a bit of a challenge. I'm fairly short and finding stuff in my size is a bit of a challenge. It's interesting that we seem to have the same amount of difficulty in finding proper fitting clothing and footwear. 

We did find stuff though. I've bought myself a sari that I now have to carry to a seamstress to get sewn. The cute guy now has a kurta. We didn't go with the intention to buy anything but... since we found stuff that suited both of us we went ahead and bought them. He is fun to shop with and to be with. 

I have a date for The Wedding! We shall be beautifully dressed... at least for the Hindu ceremony... have yet to figure out the other outfit I'll wear.

peace,

Ren

Bewilderment and exhilaration

"Time has been transformed and we have changed; it has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration." ~Kahlil Gibran 

The photo I've taken for this week's project 52: 

Project 52: 8/52

It's our first lily of the year and it brings with it much joy with just a hint of sorrow. Joy because I love these flowers... the colour of it and how it blooms around this time of year. Sorrow because last year they bloomed in time and in such profusion for my mom's last month with us. This lily reminds me of how much time has passed, of how much changes I've made in my life, of how easy and yet strange it is to move from one phase to another. 

Last week I started teaching public yoga classes in our new studio space. It is exciting and exhilarating and scary and bewildering. It feels like stretching - my body and mind. I'm not yet quite confident with my teaching style... being in front of a group of people looking to me for direction... but, I will get there and in the meantime these experiences help my own practice. Helps me sink deeper and explore more of what I would like my life to be and what I would like to share. 

Yesterday I taught my first private class and it left both my client and I happy. I find it easier to interact and connect with one person than a group. I'm thinking that I need to hold the feelings that come up with private class in memory when I'm teaching public classes. 

On Friday the cute guy and I celebrate the anniversary of our first date. So much has happened since then and I am grateful for who he is and also for who I am when with him. It is very freeing. 

What is time and how do we measure it? Moment to moment, month to month. We move through our lives, changing with each experience, becoming or not becoming as the case may be. I'm in a good space right now. There are moments of uncertainty, as there will be when starting something new, but when I look at the core of it I find that I'm comfortable in my own skin. I am in a good space.

Wishing you find the same.

peace,

Ren

Svadhyaya ~ Self Study

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power." ~Lao Tzu

Who am I? This question keeps coming up. It's one that I have thought about over and over... approached from different angles over the years. As a child I didn't think about it much - I was just aware that there was more; more to me, more to life, more to where we are and when we are. I feel that children are truly more connected to themselves - at least until the everyday world starts pulling them in. 

Perhaps it is just that at this point in my life I really need to give attention to this question? Who am I? A woman who was just going along with the motions until something happened to shake it up? No plan, no rhyme or reason until recently. It feels weird to call myself a woman but, at thirty, 'woman' is more appropriate than 'girl' - even though I still consider myself a girl. 

During my yoga teacher training this question came up. I have it written in my notes, 'the inquiry of yoga begins with the question: who am I?'. We give ourselves permission to inquire into the nature and content of our own experiences. By dedicating ourselves to svadhyaya we reflect; look within and see what inspires us, what moves us and ask the question - who am I? I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one asking this question. 

On my return home I found myself in... limbo? Still didn't have a plan, still trying to figure out what I wanted to be doing. The cute guy was looking for a space for his studio and I was helping... I'm not sure at what point I decided to look for a space for myself as well but somewhere along the way the 'search for a space for him' turned into the 'search for a space we could both use'. In the third week of December I attended a Self-Mastery Intensive Workshop at the Blue Star. It wasn't something I had planned to do but was somewhat tricked by my brother into going. Ergh? Sometimes we need to be tricked into doing things that may be good for us.  The very first line of my notes from that workshop reads: 'I am: a soul having a human experience -> what does that mean for me?' What does that mean for me? I'm still working it out. I feel as though I will forever be working it out.

On the second day of the workshop we talked about recognition of who we are; that the journey never ends and that the moment we find ourselves asking this question - Who am I? - we become the Seeker. What am I seeking? Knowledge, understanding, inner peace? I think I'm currently seeking to know why I'm seeking. Would like to just sit back and let life be but apparently some part of me has shifted and I can't get back to being... complacent?

There are variations to the question. What am I? What is the All that I am? Is there more of me to be experienced? Am I experiencing all that I am? What else am I? What is the More that I am? What exists when the form is taken away?

These are the steps I have written:

Observe (witness without being carried away) -> Be non-judgemental (be open, operate without judgement) -> Be curious (explore each dimension) -> Desire the adventure -> Adventure! (trust in the Universe and know that there is better to come)

I'm trying to keep them in mind.

It's almost the end of January and I find myself preparing a space in which I can teach yoga - asana? meditation? breathing? Yoga. My brother says he is not sure I can teach anyone as he does not think I have been practising enough. What should I be practising more of? I find myself examining even more the Who am I. What do I want to offer people? What is my purpose for establishing this space? 

The word that comes to mind the most is space. Sacred space. Sharing sacred space. A space where people can come for a moment of time and just be. Reconnect. Stretch. Breathe.

I think I'm okay with that.

Who am I? A Seeker... one who does not know how far she has to go but is fine with that.

What am I? In this moment, content... and sleepy.

Good night all.

peace,

Ren

Looking.

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle." ~Steve Jobs

Tomorrow the cute guy and I are going to be signing a rental agreement - we've been looking for a space in which he can have his photography studio and, I'm not quite sure how I got involved but, I'll also be using the space as a yoga studio. We're sharing. It starts tomorrow. It's exciting and scary and... awesome. 

On Friday I had dinner with two women who I worked with at my old job - one moved on to other adventures some time back and one is still there. The conversation was interesting - catching up on where we were and what we're doing. How have we gotten to where we are now? It's something I've been thinking about a lot. When I was 13 we had to choose subjects - I ended up in the Business stream only because of the fact that I wanted to do Information Technology as one of my subjects; it was only offered in the Business stream or the Sciences stream and I definitely was not interested in pursuing strictly Science subjects. One decision that led to a BA in Business Administration, a job in an office and then an MBA because... progression? It served its purpose - I needed a job and I had one and now I'm moving on to find out what I really would love to do. My dad is unhappy because he thinks I'm going about it the wrong way - that I should have stayed at my old job or find a new job (which provides steady income) and pursue this - whatever this is right now - in my spare time. 

Pfft. I need to do this my way. Need to figure out, to find, to look for what will satisfy me.

Is it teaching yoga? I'm not sure - but I'm open to the possibility that it might be or, that this will eventually lead me to somewhere I want to be. Is it writing? Perhaps - this is something that's always in my mind and so I'm sure the time will come when I pursue it further. Is it taking one day at a time and enjoying each experience? Yes. 

What will be, will be. I'm looking forward to it.

peace,

Ren

Almost a new year...

"Sit, be still and listen, because you're drunk and we're at the edge of the roof." ~Rumi

Today is the last day of 2013 and I couldn't let it go without returning here. I have sat down to write many times over the last two weeks but could not quite figure out what I wanted to say. Those posts will have to be written in the new year - reflections of past moments. Today I reflect on this year and years that have gone before. I am quietly contemplative; I suspect that all of us feel this way to some extent. 

This has been a year of change. As I look back, I can somewhat neatly block it off into thirds. During the first three months my mom was on a decline - my time was split between taking care of her and work and life as it is. I think we all knew that it would be her time soon and then she passed away on April 3rd. I blogged every day of that month and I feel that it helped clear my mind and ease my heart. At the end of April I had my 30th birthday. This is still a wonder to me... how have I gotten to be 30 years old? Where has the time gone? 

The second third of the year (May - August) was a time of processing. Raw feelings and figuring out the pieces of my life. At the beginning of August I made a decision - perhaps it was a decision that should have been made many months or years ago but everything has its time and I'm glad that the time came for it. The last third of the year was spent putting plans into motion and setting off on adventures. I quit my job, went travelling with the cute guy and got certified as a Nosara Yoga teacher. 

This last month has been a time of contemplation, questioning, inquiry. Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? Who am I? The cute guy and I are making business plans - I wonder how these would affect our current relationship. For the first time in... ever, I have been thinking about long term career/business goals. I'm planning and thinking that a new moon at the beginning of a New Year is an awesome thing. 

We're coming down to the last half hour of 2013 (here in Trinidad and Tobago). I'm off to meditate... There's been a lot of me-time this year and it's something that I hope to carry into the new year.

Some links that I've loved lately:

• The Best of Brain Pickings 2013 by Maria Popova
• A Revolution in Resolutions: Six steps to calling your deepest desires into life by Marylee Fairbanks
• 2014 New Years' blessings from religious leaders 

And this, because I find it appropriate: 

Wishing you all that you dream of and more...

peace,

Ren

I like going to different places.

"Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart, and I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again." ~Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Today I saw an article on CNN.com: 11 places to go in 2014. Number 7 on that list is Costa Rica; specifically Playas de Nosara on the Nicoya Peninsula because of the area's 'officially approved beaches'. I just got back home from there and can tell you that yes, the area is beautiful - just be sure to carry your bug repellent (and umbrella if you're visiting during the rainy season). 

I love travelling whether it is going to new places or revisiting places I've been. I love city spaces and country spaces. I love beaches and mountains (though am afraid of heights... but they're so pretty). I love travelling. Finding myself in a new space and becoming acquainted with the pulse of it; the people and their movements. 

I spent two weeks in Florida with the cute guy. It was a bit of an adventure. I'd never travelled with anyone other than family before and am really happy that we got along so well. I guess it helps that we like each other? Mark Twain once said, 'I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them'. Perhaps the stress of travelling brings out stuff in people? We had fun. He's been to Florida before and so was showing me around. For me it was a  complete tourist experience because... I like being a tourist. Went to Epcot for their Food and Wine Festival - Epcot is amazing. Went to Magic Kingdom - we both love Disney. We stayed by some of his friends and went to Butterfly World and shopping malls. We had fun the entire time... right up until the end, the almost last day, when I got annoyed with him while shopping - but then, I don't think men and women are really made to shop together. 

After the two weeks in Florida he left to come home and I went on to Costa Rica for my Yoga Teacher Training at Nosara Yoga Institute. Have I mentioned that I love travelling? Costa Rica is beautiful. It felt very similar to home yet completely different. There was jungle and beaches and lots of biting insects. There was a lot of rain as it was almost-but-not-quite the end of the rainy season. I didn't do that much adventuring... mostly stayed in the area as I wanted to focus on the YTT and my reasons for being there. Perhaps I will go back sometime to explore the different areas. Perhaps I shall take the cute guy with me. Perhaps I will never go back but will always carry with me memories of rain in the jungle, sunsets on the beach, the sound of howler monkeys and the feel of dusty roadways. Perhaps I will just have a sense of community - one cannot share a space with a group of people for a month without having some shared sense of belonging. 

I have many memories to treasure. I have many photos to sort through.This is what I gather when travelling. What do you gather? Where do you want to go? Travelling need not be very far but can be as close as adventuring in your own neighbourhood or as far as the other side of... the world.

Go places. Adventure!

Playa Guiones, Nosara, Costa Rica - Photo taken almost at sunset...

peace,

Ren

Not enough time...

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you." ~Khalil Gibran 

I missed posting yesterday because I was so caught up in activities that I couldn't sit long enough to write the thoughts in my head. I'm somewhat happy that it happened that way though as yesterday's thoughts tie in with those of today. Yesterday I attended the Blue Star Preschool's Christmas programme. My brother has become greatly involved with the preschool; he's been assisting with the classes, teaching the kids yoga and just generally helping out where he can. It's interesting seeing him interact with these kids as I don't recall him being so good at it and now he likes kids and they like him. For this Christmas programme he helped with the organisation and planning, with teaching the kids their parts in the Christmas skit and songs that would be performed. He sewed costumes. It is amazing.

The kids were also amazing. They are very adorable. Attentive and clever and lovable. Cute. In the same way that I am amazed at how well my brother has been interacting with these youngsters; I'm amazed at how much fun I find them to be. I guess some people like children and with others it just takes some time.

Last night I went to a company's Christmas function with the cute guy. It ended at a very late hour and I couldn't help but wonder about the families of those who stayed till the end. Did some of them have children? Were they single? Newly coupled? I've been thinking that parenting is something that becomes an integral part of one's life. If one becomes a parent then even when the children are old enough to take care of themselves the parent is still concerned about their well-being (or at least that is how I think it should be). That is how it has been with my parents and if I ever decide to become a parent this is how I will be. 

Today I went to a wedding with the cute guy and picked up a young friend. She gave me flowers which I put in my hair. She and her little sister kept coming around me and talked to me a few times. Anyone can be an example to a child I think... it's something we must be conscious of - that at any moment whether we know it or recognise it or not, someone's child may be looking at us and forming his/her own ideas of the world. 

Perhaps that will be enough for me? Setting examples of how to be in this space without having my own? I've mentioned before that when I was little I used to say that I would never want kids and that that statement made my mom most unhappy. That statement has gradually changed as I become easier with being around children. It is a possibility. It makes me think of time though as, of course, women have to be conscious of our internal clock. I don't know that there is enough time to figure out myself and to also start raising someone. I'm thirty now... it's not that late in the whole scheme of things but there is still the awareness of time passing. 

What do you think? There is the saying that 'it takes a village to raise a child'... perhaps it would be okay to have a child later on in life if there is the support to take care of it. I feel that I have that support with my brother and younger cousins and even those friends I have at the Blue Star. So. It's all a possibility.

I'm just noticing that recently I've been more aware of kids. How they interact with the world, how they relate to people. It's just something I'm paying attention to in this time where my friends are wondering whether they should have or not have kids. What're your thoughts?

peace,

Ren

Memory-making and photo-taking.

"All photographs are memento mori. To take a photograph is to participate in another person's (or thing's) mortality, vulnerability, mutability. Precisely by slicing out this moment and freezing it, all photographs testify to time's relentless melt." ~Susan Sontag

Today the cute guy came over to help me paint walls. It's Christmas time and painting is something that a lot of Trinis do to prepare for the season. My family doesn't do it that often - there are some families who paint their homes every year, the inside and outside or maybe a wall or two... we do it when we can, or when I decide I want to as I'm mostly the one that pushes to get painting done. 

I'm making new memories. There once was a green wall in my living room - an accent wall - which my mom and I did when my dad and brother were out of the country. Prior to this green wall the only room with any major colour was mine, a sheer lilac, because my dad likes clean white (or some shade of white) at least that's the reason that I know. That Christmas when we were both home alone we decided to make one wall an accent wall and so we went to the paint store and bought a deep forest green. I painted the wall. Then, I stamped white spirals on it. It was amazing (and made my brother and my dad speechless when they saw it - my dad's been trying to get me to paint it white ever since). 

I say 'once was' because I've painted over it. It's time for new memories. Every day is a day in which I think of my mom,  of things that we've done together and things that she's said and taught me. They are cherished thoughts and memories but I know that she wouldn't want me to always be in the past. Part of going to Costa Rica was to help figure out my future... what I want to be in it, what I'd like to do. Painting over a wall is also part of the process; part of moving on and making new memories. 

After painting we looked at photos - I have had a digital camera since (at least) 2008 - I have so many photos that I've taken from 2008 to present. These photos capture moments that I'd like to remember; people, events, places - the essence of where I've been, what I've been up to and who I've shared these experiences with. When he left I started downloading all the photos I took on our trip together and on my trip to Costa Rica (I now have over 2500+ photos to sort through [help?!]). I'll continue to take photos - perhaps my new accent wall will feature in some of them as my green wall once did. 

How do you capture your memories? Do you take photos? Journal or draw? Record an audio clip or a video clip? It's important, I think, to have some way to capture them so that we can then access them when we need more than our own thoughts and memories. 

peace,

Ren

Once more... writing.

"What things there are to write, if one could only write them! My mind is full of gleaming thoughts; gay moods and mysterious, moth-like meditations hover in my imagination, fanning their painted wings. But always the rarest, those streaked with azure and the deepest crimson, flutter away beyond my reach." ~Logan Pearsall Smith

It is almost a month since I've written in this space. It's almost two weeks since I graduated Yoga Teacher Training. There are a lot of thoughts in my head, a lot of things I want to write, a lot of possibilities swirling around. I have been making excuses... I was busy - asana practice and designing my own flow and teaching my first class, I was travelling, my dad was travelling, my house has not been cleaned in what seems like forever, my Cat child needs me! I have not been writing even though there are things that I do want to write to sort out stuff. I have not sent out emails that I've already halfway composed in my head. 

Why is that? I'm not sure. Then, I read this article: 'Move, Meditate, Write: The Yoga of Writing' and found it to be the push that I needed.  

A commitment then... every day for at least a week I shall write something here - I shall write about travelling with the cute guy and travelling by myself, of adventures in new places, of making new friends and discovering or rediscovering parts of myself. I shall write about the ordinary and the extraordinary. I will also send out at least one email (per day) that I've been meaning to send out. 

Hello World, I've missed you.

peace,

Ren 

Now the Inquiry...

"We make our work significant by the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers". ~Carl Sagan

I've been in Costa Rica at the Nosara Yoga Institute for a little over a week. It's slowly sinking in that I'm not home, that I'm not in my comfort space, that I'm not surrounded by people I care about. It's an experience.

Costa Rica is beautiful, there is jungle and beach and friendly people who speak Spanish (whilst I do not). The yoga teacher training is filled with people from around the world. I'm learning a lot about yoga, about myself, about who I want to be and maybe even a little bit about what I want to do. 

I am missing my mom. Grief is still something that I am working through. There is a mother-daughter pair in our yoga classes and I am somewhat envious of the time and the togetherness that they get to spend with each other. 

I am talking every day with my dad... our relationship has deepened since my mom's passing as we try to fill in the spaces. I am talking every day with the cute guy who is still as adorable as I first found him. Luckily travelling with him was a wonderful experience.

I am asking questions and seeking answers in the work I'm doing and in the space I'm in. We shall see what I shall find.

peace,

Ren

Checking in... 1st week of vacation.

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page." ~Saint Augustine

In one week, I have flown across the sea, tasted my way around the world, met princesses and old friends and have overall had a magical time. The only thing not-so-great is the fact that I feel as though I've been walking forever... oh my weary feet! I'm enjoying each moment, the cute guy makes a wonderful travelling partner (it's interesting travelling with someone who is not a family member), I'm freezing in hot, sunny weather and definitely having a good time.

Sharing my joy with you... xoxo

peace,

Ren

This is a test...

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." ~Jawaharlal Nehru

On Monday the cute guy and I are flying off to adventures both anticipated and unknown. I am excited - I love travelling and seeing and experiencing new places. I am anxious - because of the unknown and because of separation from the male parent (our relationship has been changing to accommodate the loss of the female parent... He'll be fine by himself... I hope) and separation from the Cat child who seems to know that I'm leaving home soon and keeps trying (and often-times succeeding) in sitting on me for long periods of time. I am happy... Lighter in a way I have not felt for quite some time.

Looking forward to new adventures and so this post is a test... Can I post from my phone? Hopefully the answer is yes.

Peace,

Ren

Thoughts on marriage, relationships and the sum of its parts...

"The important thing is not to think much, but to love much; and so, do that which best stirs you to love." ~Saint Teresa of Avila

I think that one of the best things about writing in a journal or on a blog is that there is a record of one's thoughts and feelings at various times in one's life. I've been rereading those posts I've done that mention marriage, relationships and thoughts on being single/not single. There are a fair number of them and I'm somewhat pleased that my thoughts on the subject are consistent with and yet a prelude to the thoughts I'm having now. 

A lot of people have been asking me about marriage and talking about that 'phase in life'. These people range from my very own girl people to the Guru to random people that I do not share my life story with. Too many people have brought up the subject and while I may be able to casually dismiss a few... it's been much more than 'a few'. I'm feeling somewhat as though the Universe is ganging up on me. 

What is the big deal with marriage? Why does everyone seem to want me to marry? Grr. I know I have a block of some sort... I'm a bit freaked out by the thought of marriage and I kinda mentioned that in this post. I seem to have spent a lot of time in 2011 thinking about what I'd like in a mate and becoming open to the possibility of marriage. In 2012 I started dating the cute guy (perhaps one day I'll do a post just on the cute guy). It is now 2013 and I find myself happily in a relationship that is empowering and supportive and fun and just lots of good stuff. I feel as though if I start thinking random thoughts on marriage that might mess this up. I'm not quite sure why I think that but... there you go. 

I am in a relationship with a guy that I'm perfectly happy with. I'm happy with the cute guy. I'm happy with the relationship as a whole. I'm not quite sure what the next step is here... so I'm thinking I just enjoy the moments. 

I'm not sure how marriage would make things better. I'm sure there are reasons lots of people are advocates of marriage. I wish I knew, in a deep knowing way and not just in an intellectual way, what those reasons were.

*sigh*

peace,

Ren

p.s. Any thoughts? Advice on marriage? Yay or nay? Yay? Nay? 

Sick.

"Everything that happens to you is stored and reflected in your body. Your body knows; your body tells. The relationship of yourself to your body is indivisible, inescapable, unavoidable." ~Gabrielle Roth

I have been recovering from the flu... cold... virus? I'm never quite sure what it is - it started off with a sore throat early last week, turned into body aches, sneezing and a slightly scary temperature and is ending up with tired eyes and an overall feeling of almost-but-not-quite-better.

I took today off from work because my eyes would not allow me to leave home. I've mentioned this before on the blog (I think)... my eyes become super-light-sensitive when I'm ill. So much so that the barest hint of sunlight produces streams of tears. I've been in darkness most of this weekend. It may be because of my eyes that I find darkness to be soothing.

The cute guy seems to be in the beginning stages of whatever illness I'm recovering from. Is this part of being in a relationship? Is there a 50-50 rule? If I have an illness, there's a 50-50 possibility that he may or may not get it from me? Healing vibes to him because I know I've been miserable these past few days.

I've been thinking of my grandparents and my parents. As a little girl, whenever I got sick I'd be sent to my grandparents during the day... my sick days form the majority of the memories I have of my grandparents. Been thinking of my mom and how she handled her illness... and of my dad and how he's been handling mine.

I've been dreaming... it hardly ever happens or I rarely remember when I do. When I'm unwell it happens often. Day time dreams and night time dreams; vivid dreams that melt into wisps of dreams when my eyes open. 

It's time for more dreams for me.

Good night world, I've missed talking to you.

peace,

Ren

Spiral

I've been thinking of spirals these past few days. Thought this would work for tonight's post. 

Happy weekend all!

peace,

Ren

Perhaps I can go into event management?

Last week I received an email inviting me and a guest to an information session about Event Management Certification at the ALJ Graduate School of Business. I'm not sure how I came to be on that mailing list but... event management is something I have thought I may be interested in so I decided to attend. I also encouraged the cute guy, Cupcake Wench and her hubby to attend as well. 

Today we attended the information session - it was not as informative as I had thought it might be. I am as unsure about pursuing such certification as I was before attending that session. All they did was verbalise the information I had gathered online. Ah well. 

Event Management - I have thought about pursuing it because: 

• I like planning
• I like organising pretty things
• I like bringing people together in a space

Are these reasons enough? Do I want to pursue this particular certification?

I am reflecting.

peace,

Ren

Introvert

I've been reading Susan Cain's book (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking) and have looked at her TED talk on the advice of a friend. It's interesting to me because I've known for years that I'm an introvert and I'm always interested in what the world has to say about that.

There are many definitions available online that speaks to what is introversion, what is extroversion and what is the in-between (ambiversion). You can find out which you are by taking the test on Susan Cain's website or any other that can be found. Every test that I've ever taken has said that I'm an introvert. 

Inwardly focused is what I am. I like my own company, I don't like large crowds of people. I like to take the time to figure out what I'm thinking and feeling.   

Thinking about this tonight partly because I've been reading the book but also partly because I went out with the cute guy and his cousins. Man of Steel - ftw. I'm not particularly fond of large groups of new people and, although I've been out with them a few times already, I still feel that they're a new group of people. I feel awkward and shy and would really prefer if it were just the two of us. 

Ah well. The cute guy is more of an extrovert than I am. I'm thinking this means we may balance each other out. Good teams are made of extroverts and introverts as can be seen in this brilliant RSA short: 

They're talking about work teams but I think it would apply to any kind of team. I'm also amused/pleased that they chose to use a dog/cat to illustrate extroverts/introverts.

Do you know which way you would lean? Are you comfortable with that? It's taken me awhile but I think I've reached a point where I'm fine with the fact that I may need more physical and mental space than others to maintain my balance. 

peace,

Ren