Almost a new year...

"Sit, be still and listen, because you're drunk and we're at the edge of the roof." ~Rumi

Today is the last day of 2013 and I couldn't let it go without returning here. I have sat down to write many times over the last two weeks but could not quite figure out what I wanted to say. Those posts will have to be written in the new year - reflections of past moments. Today I reflect on this year and years that have gone before. I am quietly contemplative; I suspect that all of us feel this way to some extent. 

This has been a year of change. As I look back, I can somewhat neatly block it off into thirds. During the first three months my mom was on a decline - my time was split between taking care of her and work and life as it is. I think we all knew that it would be her time soon and then she passed away on April 3rd. I blogged every day of that month and I feel that it helped clear my mind and ease my heart. At the end of April I had my 30th birthday. This is still a wonder to me... how have I gotten to be 30 years old? Where has the time gone? 

The second third of the year (May - August) was a time of processing. Raw feelings and figuring out the pieces of my life. At the beginning of August I made a decision - perhaps it was a decision that should have been made many months or years ago but everything has its time and I'm glad that the time came for it. The last third of the year was spent putting plans into motion and setting off on adventures. I quit my job, went travelling with the cute guy and got certified as a Nosara Yoga teacher. 

This last month has been a time of contemplation, questioning, inquiry. Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? Who am I? The cute guy and I are making business plans - I wonder how these would affect our current relationship. For the first time in... ever, I have been thinking about long term career/business goals. I'm planning and thinking that a new moon at the beginning of a New Year is an awesome thing. 

We're coming down to the last half hour of 2013 (here in Trinidad and Tobago). I'm off to meditate... There's been a lot of me-time this year and it's something that I hope to carry into the new year.

Some links that I've loved lately:

• The Best of Brain Pickings 2013 by Maria Popova
• A Revolution in Resolutions: Six steps to calling your deepest desires into life by Marylee Fairbanks
• 2014 New Years' blessings from religious leaders 

And this, because I find it appropriate: 

Wishing you all that you dream of and more...

peace,

Ren

What's ahead in 2012?

"Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity." ~Gilda Radner

Happy New Year to you (and you, and you, and you)! 

How did you welcome in 2012? Snap, crackle, pop? Friends and family? Party or prayer? I had a quiet night - family and prayer and an interesting book and a movie I love. Thoughts of intentions and possible-resolutions and what I want in the year ahead. 

What do I want? 

This is the second year I'm welcoming in with the blog - am amazed and proud that I've kept it up thus far. Skimming through posts tonight to see how I've changed or grown (have I changed? have I grown? I think so): the very first post, the last post of 2010, the 'Happy New Year!' post of 2011 (as compared to the grumpy first post of 2011). My thoughts flow easier through my fingers than my mouth. 

I think 2011 was a good year for me. I'm happier with myself. More content, more accepting, more understanding. Perhaps it's age? Perhaps it's experience? Who I am now is different from who I was yesterday or a year ago or 10 years ago. I'm happier with myself though there are still moments of crazy and moments of doubt but... well, I'm human aren't I? It was a good year. I tried new things, visited new places, made new friends. I finally finished the MBA (yes - it didn't take very long but in my mind it was taking *forever*). I paid off some major bills. Overall, I'd just like to say that I rule. And that, apparently, I only cut my hair in late December-early January. 

There's a lot that's been happening in my country and in the world... and a lot that is still to happen. I read this article by Ira Mathur - it's somewhat heartbreaking and somewhat hopeful and represents to me exactly what is the issue with Trinidad and Tobago. There are protests happening all around the globe. I think we're in a time of accelerated change... discovery, transformation. It will be an interesting year.

What do you want for 2012? What thoughts and dreams would you like to bring into being? What do you want to change? What do you want to happen?

I always think that the beginning of the calendar year is a time for figuring out how one would like the year to unfold. 

What do you think?

All the best for 2012... peace, love, health and joy...

Ren

Out with the old...

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson 

2010 is almost over. It seems as though the older I get the faster the years pass. I keep thinking 2010 was a buss year. What does that mean? I feel as though I've been grumpy and whiny for most of it. Even now as the year comes to a close - I feel unwell. Swollen tonsils, body aches, fever/chills... this is not what I need right now. Nor do I feel the need for the stress of having to finish this dissertation in time for January 4th. Am still stuck on 'why am I doing this MBA again?' - I feel like giving it all up - going off somewhere and doing non-academic type work. What's preventing me from doing this? Money - or the lack thereof... am too practical-minded or maybe I don't have enough faith - I need to know that there is a steady income coming from somewhere - this might be because I'm a Taurus... or it might be the influence of my dad who is Very Practical and Real World. One cannot live on dreams alone (though I'd wither away without them). 

2011 is almost here. I want it to be filled with joy. I want a good year. I want to travel and experience new experiences. I don't want to have to worry about money or health (of myself and my family) or what I should be doing. I want freedom and a job which allows for some creative expression. Lately I've been thinking I want a partner - I haven't been too impressed with what's on offer around me though. I want to be finished with this MBA. Argh! *sigh* 

My mom tagged me in a post from Paulo Coelho Did you walk a path that wasn't yours? I don't know? Maybe. I hope that whatever I've done has some purpose to it... some contribution to the future me. How does one know one's path? I'd like to have a clue in 2011. 

Wishing you a peaceful ending to 2010 and all that you dream of for 2011. 

love,

Ren

Tomorrow is my birthday...

"Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened." ~ Cora Harvey Armstrong

This quote is *so* appropriate. I'm going to be 27 tomorrow. When did this happen? How? Am I supposed to feel differently? It's a bit muddled inside my head as it usually is pre-birthday. This should clear up by tomorrow after all the birthday wishes... contemplations... cake... and other indulgences...

I admit I've started early on the indulgences... Oh Chocolate Éclair how you tempted me! I've also taken the following two days off from work. Who needs to go to work on their birthday? Once upon a time I might have... but that time was years ago and ended around when I turned 16 and had CXC Spanish Orals for my birthday.

As it is... I'm contemplative... lots of thoughts about who I am... what am I doing here... what's my part in the play... and so... I'll take the time to get some blessings... learn something new... and just be with myself...

There's a full moon in Scorpio tomorrow night...

Happy Almost-Birthday to me!

peace,

Rtr