Almost a new year...

"Sit, be still and listen, because you're drunk and we're at the edge of the roof." ~Rumi

Today is the last day of 2013 and I couldn't let it go without returning here. I have sat down to write many times over the last two weeks but could not quite figure out what I wanted to say. Those posts will have to be written in the new year - reflections of past moments. Today I reflect on this year and years that have gone before. I am quietly contemplative; I suspect that all of us feel this way to some extent. 

This has been a year of change. As I look back, I can somewhat neatly block it off into thirds. During the first three months my mom was on a decline - my time was split between taking care of her and work and life as it is. I think we all knew that it would be her time soon and then she passed away on April 3rd. I blogged every day of that month and I feel that it helped clear my mind and ease my heart. At the end of April I had my 30th birthday. This is still a wonder to me... how have I gotten to be 30 years old? Where has the time gone? 

The second third of the year (May - August) was a time of processing. Raw feelings and figuring out the pieces of my life. At the beginning of August I made a decision - perhaps it was a decision that should have been made many months or years ago but everything has its time and I'm glad that the time came for it. The last third of the year was spent putting plans into motion and setting off on adventures. I quit my job, went travelling with the cute guy and got certified as a Nosara Yoga teacher. 

This last month has been a time of contemplation, questioning, inquiry. Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? Who am I? The cute guy and I are making business plans - I wonder how these would affect our current relationship. For the first time in... ever, I have been thinking about long term career/business goals. I'm planning and thinking that a new moon at the beginning of a New Year is an awesome thing. 

We're coming down to the last half hour of 2013 (here in Trinidad and Tobago). I'm off to meditate... There's been a lot of me-time this year and it's something that I hope to carry into the new year.

Some links that I've loved lately:

• The Best of Brain Pickings 2013 by Maria Popova
• A Revolution in Resolutions: Six steps to calling your deepest desires into life by Marylee Fairbanks
• 2014 New Years' blessings from religious leaders 

And this, because I find it appropriate: 

Wishing you all that you dream of and more...

peace,

Ren

In celebration of my brother...

"To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time." ~ Clara Ortega

There's a full moon in the sky tonight - go check it out if you can. On the full moon in this month Raksha Bandhan is celebrated. It is a day which celebrates the bond between brothers and sisters - and literally stands for 'a bond of protection' - the sister prays that her brother would be protected from evil and the brother promises that he would protect his sister from any harm or trouble.

I tied the rakhi for my brother today. It's a physical representation of a bond that's already very strong. He's younger than me though sometimes acts as though he's older than me. I didn't particularly like him in the very early years. That changed when I ran away from home (yes, I've run away from home - I didn't go very far)... when I returned home what hurt the most was the tears from my brother not the vexation/punishment from my parents. I'd never thought that he'd miss me or be worried just as I'd never thought that hearing him cry for me would be so heart-wrenching. It was... and so from that day on I've tried my best to take care of him. The boy, no matter how big of a man he grows to be, is my baby brother forever and always and I love him.

I used to pick him up from primary school and we'd walk home together.

We had our own secret game - which drove our mom crazy cuz she just didn't get it.

He was 8 when mom was diagnosed with cancer and so when she couldn't manage to take care of him/us I did.

He is exceptionally brilliant at anything that he puts his mind to.

He is my partner in dealing with the parents now... we've got a sort of good cop/bad cop vibe.

When I am peckish he makes me goodies - he's a far better baker than I am.  

Two years ago this weekend, he was in New Jersey and I was in Massachusetts - we took the weekend off and spent it in New York. We stayed at a hostel in Chelsea, stumbled across the Rubin Museum which had an awesome exhibit on mandalas, saw Phantom of the Opera, had dessert at Bryant Park, interesting conversation with a bartender at Von, the best French Toast at a diner, got taken for a ride in one of those bike-carts, and had an overall very fun time together. Precious - because I can't think of a time when it will be just the two of us with nothing to do but have fun.   

Giving thanks for my brother tonight... saying a prayer for his continued well-being... sending love his way always.

Peace,

Ren

Shout-outs :)

"Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond." ~Rumi 

I've been blogging for a year and some now and recently realised that I haven't given much thought to the readers of this blog... I've assumed that there are readers and I know that I've got at least three (I'm looking at you mom... and Shoeaholic... and Guaico... )... I've also added a flag counter and learnt that blogger has stats - both of which let me know which countries visitors come from.

I've just never thought that perhaps other persons regularly read my blog.. which in the grand scheme of things is kinda wonky since I regularly read a lot of blogs.

Ah well.. 

Just wanted to say thanks... for stopping by... for reading. 

If you got here from Flickr - hello, I am the person behind the photos...

If you got here from Twitter - hello, I guess the posts would be more insight into the person behind the tweets...

If you got here from Facebook - hello, you already know my business... this is just more of it.

If you got here from anywhere else - hello :) I hope you find what you're looking for or that you're informed or that you're entertained ;) 

My thanks to you readers...

Much blessings,

Ren