Reflecting

"I don't think we spend enough time in reflection and introspection. We don't know who we are as individuals in this culture any more." ~Naomi Judd

A lot has happened in the time that I have not written here. Lots to figure out and work through. I'm 31 now and it is a strange thing to hear myself say. Adulthood is strange. Owning a business is strange. Wondering about the meanings and origins of words as I write them is strange. 

I feel introspective and perhaps this is why I'm returning to the blog. Need some space in which to work out my thoughts. What am I thinking? I'm thinking that I need to make time to do more reading relevant to life and living. That the physical body has built-in phases of life... I'm currently thinking about the possibility of marriage and kids and it's freaking me out a bit as I know that not so long ago the thoughts of such would not have occurred to me at all or would not have lingered as long. Are we hard-wired to start thinking about such things? There are those who don't so I don't think we are but... it's a bit of a possibility.

I've been thinking that owning a business is fun and interesting and scary all at the same time. That I'm not sure I'm entrepreneurial at all or that I'm in any way interested in 'business' - somehow I've decided to do my own thing and am now where I am. I've been thinking that hopefully at some point all of the education I've had will resolve into knowing how to market this business and do my accounts properly, figure out what people want and be able to provide for them and myself. 

I've been thinking that money is an annoying thing to think about so I'm now thinking in terms of prosperity and abundance.

I've been thinking that there are a lot of people moving through their lives without giving thought to how they've come to be here or where they're going. Been thinking about relationships and interactions - about give and take and emotional investment. Have been thinking about past relationships and what they've taught me. 

What have you been thinking? Any thoughts on what I'm thinking? 

peace,

Ren

Moving forward

"Growth is a spiral process, doubling back on itself, reassessing and regrouping." ~Julia Margaret Cameron

Once more, writing. 

I've been busy since my last post and I've been mostly staying off my computer. Staying away from writing anything in any form or fashion. Over the past week or two though I've been thinking about this blog, about things that I could write, about things that are interesting. I've been thinking about future writings - I'm planning out a book in my head and feel that sometime soon I'll be sitting down to start working on that. 

Once more I am writing. 

Hello world, how have you been?

peace,

Ren

Should be asleep but...

"The great awareness comes slowly, piece by piece. The path of spiritual growth is a path of lifelong learning. The experience of spiritual power is basically a joyful one." ~M. Scott Peck

Sometimes it's hard to shut off your brain. Monkey mind... I have it tonight. Maybe it's a good thing as it's gotten me to come and write on the blog... writing is definitely one of the tools I use to settle. Come into the moment and breathe.

I've been annoyed with work yesterday, today, quite a while now. I feel being at my workplace is harder now that I've decided I want to do something else. I am ready to move on. I need to let go of the negative feelings surrounding my current workplace. How can I move on to something better if I'm carrying this baggage?

I've been missing my mom or rather, I've been missing conversations with my mom. Tomorrow's the Guru's birthday and I know it's something that is exciting for her. I know she'd have things to say about birthdays and life and about what my choices are. There are times when I feel her presence but I'm not quite to the point where I feel that she is always with me as guide and protector. My compass and shield. 

I'm thinking of writing a book... there are sentences and paragraphs and almost-chapters floating through my head. Something related to cancer and my experiences with it. Something that is part self-help, part memoir. Something that has me reading blogs like this one by David Fleming and books like Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson... One day I will make it a reality.   

In the meantime, I should sleep.

Good night world.

peace,

Ren

On the way to figuring out the whole me... (warning: long post ahead)

'Each person comes into this world with a specific destiny--he has something to fulfil, some message has to be delivered, some work has to be completed. You are not here accidentally--you are here meaningfully. There is a purpose behind you. The whole intends to do something through you.' ~ Osho

When I first started blogging and up until the end of last year, I began each post with a quotation - something that in some way summed up my feelings or thoughts about what I was writing. I'm not sure why I stopped but apparently it's time that I started again. It's the first thing I thought of doing when I sat down to write - finding that perfect quote that speaks to what I want to say. 

What do you think of the above quote?

I've been thinking that for one to truly appreciate one's life, one must appreciate all the facets that make up our lives. All of the connections; we are more than the sum of our parts but I think that we need to know all of our parts to appreciate the sum and beyond.

I've been trying to figure out my parts. The different facets that make up my being. Perhaps in figuring this out I will come to realise what my message is - what I'm meant to bring to this world.

My purpose?

I'm going to quit my job and do the 200-hr yoga teacher training. There. I've said it to [some] people and now I've written it on the blog. I'm tired of my job - I don't know what the reason is for being there and it is both soul-sucking and energy-draining. I've been complaining about it since before I started this blog but have done nothing much about it. The main reasons for me staying there and keeping up with the grind no longer exist. Whilst I don't know that yoga teacher training can help me in any way... I do know that I'm excited about it. It's something that a part of me has wanted to do for a long time. 

My dad freaked out a bit when I told him but he's getting used to the idea I think. I know he's worried about me not having a job, about stuff like living expenses and what would happen if something happened to him and what am I doing with my life... I think I need this to figure out what I'm doing with my life. 

I'm looking at it as a jumping point. A beginning of sorts. Maybe I'll open my own studio? Maybe I'll privately teach people? Maybe I'll take the skills that I learn, fuse them with those I've already got and create something new and exciting?

It's a giant 'maybe' but it's a 'maybe' that I feel excited about... positive... happy. I feel that in other areas of my life I follow what makes me happy... and so in this area, the career/work area, I need to do the same. There is a part of me that feels a strong revulsion at the thought of continuing on in an 8 to 4 office job. Each day is more of a struggle to convince myself to get to work. Surely something isn't right here?

I'm figuring it out. Following the excitement and the happy in the hopes that it would lead into finding out my purpose.

Follow your happy (remind me that I'm committed to following mine).

peace,

Ren

Thursday's tale...

"The Universe is made up of stories, not atoms." ~Muriel Rukeyser

Woke up this morning and did not want to go to work. It was cold and rainy... and it's not fun being the only one that has to get up and leave home to go to work. I did though - not just because I don't really have any more days off that I can call in sick - but because, despite the fact that I don't really like it, it's my job. There are things that need to be done and I have to do some of them. 

I don't understand how people can get contracted/hired to do a job and then do it halfway (or less than that even). Is there no pride? No sense of accomplishment? No shared sense of responsibility?

I don't understand it at all. 

I don't like hearing people say that there are no jobs available in our country when I know that there are. I have heard directly from persons that people they hire don't want to do what they're hired to do... or find the jobs too tedious... or below them... or feel entitled to more than what they're working for. 

A puzzle is made up of many pieces. Tradespeople are just as important as academics. If everyone wants to hold a certain position then how will we maintain where we are? How will we build? How will we grow?

I've found myself seriously contemplating learning a trade or two. I can lay tiles. My dad's got electrical skills. An understanding of plumbing can only come in handy in the future. 

I wonder how many people are thinking of the future. 

peace,
Ren

Wordy Wednesday...

"The power of the word is real whether or not you are conscious of it ." ~Sonia Choquette

I am tired. This may not be very wordy but the following are all words that came to mind today with regards to my workplace. 

It doesn't look good. 

I am tired. 

peace,
Ren

Thoughts on a Tuesday...

"Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive - the risk to be alive and express what we really are." ~ Miguel Ángel Ruiz

Thoughts about family and life and myself... 

I think we're different from a lot of families out there - but then each individual is unique so I guess it would hold that each family unit is unique. 

I've had very few times in which I was annoyed/mad/pissed off with my sibling - earlier today I experienced such a time. We disagree on how best to handle the mother ... the parents really. I don't think if he were in her position that he'd appreciate someone yelling at him. 

I don't see that yelling is particularly necessary to getting one's point across... though I do understand and have had my own moments where one feels that the only way to get someone to listen is to speak louder. The male parent has never really quarreled, at least in his eyes, because he never raises his voice. A quarrel can take many different forms.

I'm not sure that the male parent knows what he's doing with his life... this startles me somewhat... I've always thought that he knows exactly what is happening and why and when stuff must be done. 

Sometimes I feel sorry for both parents and I think that perhaps I don't try hard enough (and perhaps everyone doesn't try hard enough) to spend time understanding parents. 

Sometimes I feel as though I'm the parent.

I think women don't get enough credit for all the things that we do. I think that some of the things we do would not even occur to men as stuff that needs to be done. 

Blood is very red. Sometimes, each month, I wonder if there will come a day when I won't stop bleeding. Blood does not make me squeamish ... I don't see how any girl can be really...

Blood is thicker than... ?

peace,

Ren

Monday musings...

"To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I plan to write every day this week... Monday to Friday... we'll see how successful I'll be. I've been thinking more and more about writing and thoughts that I'd like to share and thoughts that I'd like to see in print. There's a difference (for me anyway) between words that are online and words that one can read in a book or paper. Though I spend a lot of time online reading and writing, I really prefer hard copy - give me a book over an e-reader any day. 

I'm not sure what I want to write in this post. Random stuff maybe. It's always just a bit difficult to get back in the flow of things. Perhaps, just thoughts that I'll expand on over the course of this week?

I'm going to use bullet points. I may have a love of list-making that a lot of people don't know about...

• Stuff about my country - there's a lot to talk about really... Olympic wins and disaster areas and skill sets and poor work ethic. Hmm. 
• Stuff outside of my country - such as... I think if I lived in the U.S.A. I'd be a democrat (I'm actually wondering if I should even state that here... ergh?). Pussy Riot. Three cups of tea. 
• Stuff about me - the usual? Family, cute guy, pets, work. 
• Dessert - I'm writing this in between bites of chocolate cake and strawberries... I've had the good fortune to have had some rather spectacular desserts yesterday - I feel the need to gush about them. 
• Random randoms - who knows what may cross my mind that in the moment I may feel the need to document? 

It's my bedtime now - I feel somewhat accomplished - yay me for getting back into the blogging groove!

Night all.

peace,

Ren

Inspiration...

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." ~Louisa May Alcott

August already and that means that seven months have already gone by. 

Whoa. 

I'm not writing as much as I thought I would.

I'm thinking of writing a book. 

I'm thinking of travelling (near and far). 

I'm procrastinating in the name of taking things moment by moment.

*sigh*

Some inspiration/good reads/meditations for the week/month/rest of year:

• 20 Instructions for life from the Dalai Lama
• Striking Truths - a manifesto a day...
• Cathay
• Meditation Rooms
• This is what you get for falling in love

peace,

Ren

Working it out...

"Life is a conspiracy to shower you with a non-stop feast of interesting experiences, all of which are designed to help you grow your intelligence, shed your pretensions, and master the art of ingenious love."
Rob Brezsny

I'm in a bit of a funk. First step to getting back to 'normal' is admittance right? It's hard to reign in the more ..caustic.. side of my personality when I'm in this mood.. hard to play nice, hard to be 'nice'. I don't particularly like this side of me but... well - I can be bitchy - every one has moments. 

Time to breathe it out, write it out, work it out.

Trinidad and Tobago is in a State of Emergency... It does not impress me much (flash to Shania and *facepalm* she does not belong in this post). I'm also unimpressed by the reactions of the population at large:

• the country has issues - the Government does nothing - *bitch bitch bitch*
• the country has issues - the Government does something - *bitch bitch bitch*

Honestly? If I ruled/were in power there would not be a democracy ... this is perhaps partly why I won't go into politics. If you'd like to know more about the State of Emergency here are some links to what people are saying: 

• Globewriter has the text of the first press statement with regards to the State of Emergency
• Global Voices - 'Trinidad and Tobago debating a State of Emergency'
• KRamtt has been blogging about it - Parts 1 and 2 are up... Part 3 to follow 
• Sasha Doll has also been blogging about it - 'Thoughts on the Limited State of Emergency' 

I'm glad something is being done... I'm not quite sure that what's being done is appropriate. 

I feel that this should matter a lot more than it seems to at the moment. I've got my own bits of drama though... not quite up to letting that go or adding to it by freaking out at what's happening in the country. 

My mom's got cancer - yet again.. it's still called breast cancer even though it's now shady spots of something in her lungs.. even though it has been shady spots of something on her spine. I've lost track of how many times it has recurred... more than 5 times... over the past 15 years. A friend of hers calls her the 'Miracle Lady' - because of how many times she's had to face chemo/radiation/whatever-other-side-effects and yet she still tries to have as normal a life as could be. 

I am tired of it. I'm sure she is as well. I sound like a whiny brat inside my head. I am sure she's tired of it - I can do whatever I want to do physically and she can't. I know she misses her independence just as I know she hates the mood-swings as much as I do.   Last Friday she had a mini-meltdown - mini.. My family does not do major meltdowns... I think perhaps that this blog post counts as my own version of a meltdown. Her mini-meltdown? She does not want to hold us (my brother and I) back... Oy. Is it guilt on her part? Am not quite sure why she'd think we'd prefer to not have her around. Am wondering if it's because we prefer having her around that she's been willing herself to live through whatever trauma this cancer is. Should anyone here be guilty? Oy. 

Read this post by the bloggess... it sort of triggered this post that I've now written. Cuz I'm still asking myself why she'd think she was 'holding us back' and this line from that post resonated with me: “It might be easier, but it wouldn’t be better.” Cuz of course life would be easier - of course there are things that I'd like to do that if it were myself alone I'd probably leave and go off and do... but would life be better? Without my mom? No. Who would I talk to? Or share ideas with? Or be encouraged by? Or get annoyed with? Or be comforted by?

I am tired. And weepy. And it is now 1.05 am which means that I shall be somewhat zombiefied in work later.

*sigh*

Dear Cancer 

(and by now you should know that it's you, the Disease.. and not you, the Astrological Sign, that I'm talking to), 

I am tired of you. Fed Up. Exhausted and Annoyed at your effects on people that I love. 

Go Away Now.

Seriously.

Please?

night,

Ren

Becoming a driver has made me into a panicky passenger...

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive." ~Author Unknown

*This post can also be titled, "Oh dear Goddess... am I becoming my MOTHER???!"*

The drive from home to work today was a harrowing experience... and I wasn't even the driver. In fact, the driver (my brother) probably considered it to be a regular driving experience. For me the drive was filled with thoughts of, 'why is he driving so fast?!' and 'why is he going so close to that car?!' and 'why didn't that crazy driver INDICATE before swerving in front of us/those other cars?!'.. there was a lot of holding on to the car seat/door handle... until I realised that I was freaking out. Then, the thought that filled my brain was simply, 'Oh dear Goddess, am I becoming mom?'.

My mom is an amazing woman but she's a very poor passenger. Very distracting. She will freak out at the slightest move of a crazy [Trini] driver. Trini drivers aren't known for being the most reasonable on the road. NYC taxi drivers have nothing on Trini drivers (trust me on this - I've been driven by both). My brother and I have often had to tell her to calm down... to stop 'mashing brakes' while she's in the passenger seat... to 'just breathe mom.. breathe'. I do not want to be such a passenger.

I've never been that way...until now, now that I have my own car and am a driver. For most of my life I've been a passenger - I didn't seriously start driving till 2009. I've been perfectly calm through car rides with crazy Trini taxi drivers, cousins learning how to drive, friends that race cars as sport and therfore like to race cars generally... I've never flinched.

Now though? Different story completely... Is it that I now know what it's like to be a driver? The need for constant awareness of what's happening around you, the fact that you're in a mechanical device that may or may not be having a good day, the fact that there are all sorts of things that can affect one and therefore one's driving...

Oy.

I must remember to breathe.

Be safe on the roads...

 

peace,

Ren

Stirring up some magic...

"Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen" ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Sometimes I think I could. Past life experiences? Fanciful thoughts? Either way it makes me smile.

I remember this movie:

and then this.. which I've seen recently: 

something to think about...

peace,

Ren

In celebration of my brother...

"To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time." ~ Clara Ortega

There's a full moon in the sky tonight - go check it out if you can. On the full moon in this month Raksha Bandhan is celebrated. It is a day which celebrates the bond between brothers and sisters - and literally stands for 'a bond of protection' - the sister prays that her brother would be protected from evil and the brother promises that he would protect his sister from any harm or trouble.

I tied the rakhi for my brother today. It's a physical representation of a bond that's already very strong. He's younger than me though sometimes acts as though he's older than me. I didn't particularly like him in the very early years. That changed when I ran away from home (yes, I've run away from home - I didn't go very far)... when I returned home what hurt the most was the tears from my brother not the vexation/punishment from my parents. I'd never thought that he'd miss me or be worried just as I'd never thought that hearing him cry for me would be so heart-wrenching. It was... and so from that day on I've tried my best to take care of him. The boy, no matter how big of a man he grows to be, is my baby brother forever and always and I love him.

I used to pick him up from primary school and we'd walk home together.

We had our own secret game - which drove our mom crazy cuz she just didn't get it.

He was 8 when mom was diagnosed with cancer and so when she couldn't manage to take care of him/us I did.

He is exceptionally brilliant at anything that he puts his mind to.

He is my partner in dealing with the parents now... we've got a sort of good cop/bad cop vibe.

When I am peckish he makes me goodies - he's a far better baker than I am.  

Two years ago this weekend, he was in New Jersey and I was in Massachusetts - we took the weekend off and spent it in New York. We stayed at a hostel in Chelsea, stumbled across the Rubin Museum which had an awesome exhibit on mandalas, saw Phantom of the Opera, had dessert at Bryant Park, interesting conversation with a bartender at Von, the best French Toast at a diner, got taken for a ride in one of those bike-carts, and had an overall very fun time together. Precious - because I can't think of a time when it will be just the two of us with nothing to do but have fun.   

Giving thanks for my brother tonight... saying a prayer for his continued well-being... sending love his way always.

Peace,

Ren

Contemplations and list-making.

"Goals help focus you on areas in both your personal and professional life that are important and meaningful, rather than being guided by what other people want you to be, do, or accomplish." ~Catherine Pulsifer

I freely admit to watching Friends reruns often. That is/was a fabulous show and is, I believe, the basis for a lot of other shows, which have  their own storylines and quirks but are essentially about friends coming together, such as my other faves: The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother... Yesterday's rerun was the episode 'The One Where They All Turn Thirty' in which Rachel celebrates her 30th birthday and there are flashbacks to the other Friends' birthdays... both Phoebe and Rachel have lists/plans to which they refer in this episode.. of things they'd like to achieve by a certain birthday. It reminded me that I'm supposed to be list-making - I have been - just in my head... thought I'd write it out here so you all could support me, in some way or the other, in getting through it.

In no particular order (though at some point I'd like to have an order).. things I'd like to do in my life:

• Get certified... I've got the MBA - I confess that I still don't quite know what to do with it and that the only reason I did it was because of parental pressure (in fact my dad is now claiming it as his MBA because of all the "WHY am I doing this?! I don't need this stress! I'm only doing it cuz YOU wanted me to do it" drama)... the certifications I really want?
• YTT  - yes, I'd like to do Yoga Teacher Training.. and I know where I want to do it... I'd like to do this 200-hour YTT and follow it with training on teaching yoga to children and seniors... then I'd like to come back home and teach.
• Certified Integral Qigong and Tai Chi™ Teacher - Way back when I was 16/17 I started doing Tai Chi and Qigong... it's amazing. I'm out of practice now but .. in 2009 I had a weekend workshop with Dr. Roger Jahnke and was re-inspired... I've wanted to do this training since then... then I'd like to come back home and teach the elderly.   
• Become a spy - not a killing-people-spy.. but a sexy-badass-spy - through the Stiletto Spy School - one of my best girl people had her birthday yesterday - we were trying to find something fun/exciting/daring to do as a girl group (epic fail that was..) ... If we were all in either NYC or Las Vegas... I'd have suggested that we become spies... because it is something that I want to do and it looks like so much fun! .. In fact maybe that should be the 30th b'day event. I've already got a spy-name and everything - courtesy of a fellow Kripalu volunteer... though I'm not about to divulge it yet :)
• Visit Findhorn... and maybe England and Ireland while I'm in that area... yes, there will be photo-taking. Actually... I'd like to travel here, there and everywhere.
• Learn to properly/fluently speak a foreign language. I've done Spanish at CXC... I've done Spanish for business courses... I can't remember much of it. Immersion may be necessary... so... live in a place where a foreign language is spoken (it doesn't have to be Spanish).
• Learn to sew... I can do embroidery... I can do chain-stitch and cross-stitch and various other pretty stitches... I have a fond memory of my (maternal)  grandma and I sewing together. I'd like to actually be able to make a garment though.. am somewhat inspired by our own Anya Ayoung-Chee and the fact that my (paternal) grandma was a bit of a seamstress... I should be able to sew.
• Clean my room... aka de-clutter... I'm sure my family would be happy to read this... and happier when it actually happens.. this should probably be at the top of my list.. meh.   
• Go on a cruise. I don't care where... wait - I do care. Go on a cruise somewhere warm. Alaska you are out.
• Change the world.. for the better.. I'm not sure how yet though I'm sure whatever I'm doing now is also helping.

That's all I can think of at the moment. Gonna work my way through this and think of other things along the way...  

peace,

Ren

Thoughts after a busy weekend..

"If you nurture your mind, body, and spirit, your time will expand. You will gain a new perspective that will allow you to accomplish more." ~Brian Koslow

I'm one of those people that wishes, with all my heart and soul, that weekends (whether they're after Friday... or somewhere in the middle if you don't work Monday to Friday) would last for three days. I've always found myself extremely busy on weekends. In fact I haven't had one weekend since sometime in early May that I've not been busy. I would like a three-day weekend to have that extra day to recuperate. Please? I'm just saying it would be great. 

It could be said of course that I'm the one making myself busy... but I'm filling those two days with everything that can't be done during the rest of the week... like attend weddings (because most people have their weddings on the weekend), coordinate/attend limes, like house stuff (cooking/cleaning/shopping.. yes, shopping)... weekends are just generally very busy. 

Interesting points this weekend? 

Crazy, Stupid, Love - funny, sad, happy film .. with Steve Carell (who is fun), Ryan Gosling (and according to one of my girl people: Ryan Gosling's abs - they deserved their own credit), Emma Stone (who I'm developing a big like for and who was most excellent in Easy A), Julianne Moore and Kevin Bacon. Saw it with my girl people... thought it was most excellent in a makes-you-think kinda way.

Bridal Registry Shopping - I've never done it for a local (re: Trinidad and Tobago) wedding ... I usually buy personal-type gifts but this one was on behalf of the family and etcetera so bridal registry shopping at Excellent Stores (I'm sorry if you click on the link and get startled by the music... it happened to me - it could happen to you). It's nothing like bridal registry shopping in foreign (re: not Trinidad and Tobago) where one can go on-line, see the gift list, select gift, include card and pay. Nope. One has to go to the store, obtain a list from a CSR, hope that the item which you select from the list is available (I went through six items - being told each time that they were out of stock [what was actually said was 'no, we doh have dat' or 'it finish']), finally select an item, find it wherever it is in the store and bring it back to the Bridal Gift Registry counter where you can then fill out a card, and get told to go pay for it by the cashier. Fun times. 

Went to a cooking night with my dad. I'm not usually one to go to weddings and related wedding events unless I have to.. found myself there because my dad did not want to go by himself (he was the main person invited - it was his work colleague's son that was getting married). Apparently (according to my dad) when you have children they're supposed to do whatever you want them to because if you bring them into the world then you can take them out of it (I must remember this if I ever have children). Tassa music was good, food was good, dancing was entertaining. I realised that digital cameras are Very Popular... every Tom, Dick and Harrylal has one. I have one. I'm picky about what I take photos of though... am not going to take photos of what-was-once-sacred-but-now-I'm-not-quite-so-sure wedding rituals. Not everyone has that issue.

Had breakfast today at Woodford Cafe (Price Plaza) - it was excellent - I recommend. I now have an MBA.. perhaps I should have done a post on that all by itself? I'm still processing.. official results came out earlier this week and my facebook status a few days ago read: "Has an MBA... now what?" ... because really.. now what? one phase ends and another to begin. Overwhelming feeling of relief that it's over. Had breakfast with my group of MBA people... because one's flying off to Dubai tomorrow and another is 8 months pregnant and who knows when we'll get to meet up (graduation?) and say 'Yay! We did it!'... today was that day and over breakfast and 3.5 hours we discussed our classes and whew, that's over!, what we want to do now - PMP certification? I'm thinking YTT certification, the state of the country and where it's going, the state of our lives... and where we're going. I'm processing, they are as well.. and it helps to meet up as a group to do it. 

Went to a wedding this evening with my mom. Was tired and it was LOUD. I've never understood why people seem to think that very loud = good... If I can't hear myself speak then a place is too loud. That's not good for your health - I'm sure. My mom initially wanted to go, then did not want to go, then I convinced her to go (cuz it's family [pumpkin-vine but still family] and also friends), then she said okay but we'd stay only a little while. We ended up staying about 5 hours... FIVE(-ish)... coming down to the end I left and went by my cousin (who lives 4 houses away from the wedding house - could still hear the music CLEARLY) to ole-talk/sleep/wait on my mother. Oy. The bride was beautiful, the place was lovely, the food was good. My cousin asked if I'm seeing anyone (no? I haven't found anyone to 'see'..), what I plan to do now (um... ) and other such questions. It's a day to think about life and marriage and career and just what I want to do apparently. 

I have vague inklings of a clue. I think I shall start making lists tomorrow. 

Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

peace,

Ren