Time spent with my dad today

Almost a year ago I mentioned that my dad was talking about a house in Mayaro. I'm calling it his 'project house' - something that he's working on now that he's retired. It's tiny... 12 x 24 feet? I guess it can be called a 'studio apartment'. 

My dad likes to do things for himself. He's a qualified electrician so he's involved with the electrics. He and his brother have been installing the plumbing. He's been trying to figure out storage and how best the house and land can be used.

He's been gloomy that my brother has shown no interest. He's been grumpy that I hadn't been to visit the project house in months - of course I did tell him that I wasn't going to be far from mom while she wasn't well (Mayaro is a 2 hour drive one-way). Now that she's no longer with us I don't mind going and spending time with him while he's doing whatever. 

That's why I went Mayaro today. 

I learnt that I'm too short to reach the ceiling to putty even when standing on a step-stool (ladders - they are my friends). That when cutting porcelain tiles the dust goes *everywhere*. That my dad, somewhere between the ages of 17 and 25,  maintained the electrical equipment of three saw mills. That hammocks truly are made to sleep in.

I didn't do that much in my opinion... but I did get a 'glad you went with me today' email when we got back home. 

I'm glad I went as well. There's a lot we don't know about our parents, I've always felt that I know more about my mom and who she was as a person, than my dad. 

I'm glad that I like spending time with him as well. 

peace,

Ren

Fragile.

That's how I'm feeling at the moment. Fragile. Breakable. Hovering right at the edge of tears. 

After seeing The Croods yesterday with the cute guy, I'd thought that for today's post I'd write something about family, parents and children and relationships. I can identify with some of the father-daughter drama - have had quite a lot of that myself.... and I expect that there will be more in my lifetime. The mother strongly reminded  me of my own.

I can't manage it though... can't string together the words that would say all that I want to say. Spent the day taking care of the mother. Had a bit of a meltdown during bath time. I am part of the 'open face sandwich generation'. It is simultaneously the hardest and the easiest thing that I've done.

Hardest in that I sometimes feel as though there's no one around that understands what I'm going through. Intellectually, I know this isn't true but... parenting my parent... trying to understand what she's going through, dealing with her being bedridden (the cleaning and the feeding and the worry that she's not moving around enough) - it's difficult and is suddenly the most time-consuming part of my life. I'm finding it hard to get anything else to matter and I'm doing my best to remember that other relationships are just as important and need their own nurturing.  

Easiest in that... this is my mother. She, who has taken care of me and been there for me at all moments, now needs my care. Of course I will step up and take care of her. There is no other option and there's a bit of simplicity in that fact - she has taken care of me and now I take care of her.

I must remember that I need to be taken care of as well. Some me-time. Self-care. Self-love. I feel fragile... but ultimately, I'm okay. 

peace,

Ren

Vacation... Day 1.

Stream of consciousness writing for five minutes. That's what I'm doing at this moment and in this post. I'm on vacation! This doesn't mean that I have left home... that I'm travelling far and wide - though I'd like that. It just means that I had ten vacation days left for the year and when combined with casual and compensatory days the result is that I do not go back out to work till January 2nd.

January 2nd!

Three weeks of no work! I want to figure out what I want to do work-wise. At some point I'd like to be able to figure that out. I have no plan. No major career goal. There is nothing that I can particularly see myself doing. 

Is this how it is for everyone?

I've been snappish with the family. I'm out of sorts. The parents are getting older daily it seems. Suddenly, I look at them and they are old. I look in the mirror and I look the same but then older. Age is a funny thing. I think I read somewhere that it is only humans that measure time and thus only humans that live with the dread of the end. The End. 

The cute guy is adorably cute. Behind all cute that I have imagined guys can be. There are no words yet to describe what I think of all of this. Am content to just be in this space with him. 

I can write a lot in five minutes. 

It's Christmas time... mistletoe and wine... I've always wondered what it would be like if there were mistletoe in my country. If it were one of our customs. I do not like wine.... except for when it is used in cooking. 

Vacation Day 2 tomorrow.

Hope all is well with you world.... if it isn't or even if it is... all my love to you.

peace,

Ren

My life, as it were...

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong because someday in your life you will have been all of these." ~George Washington Carver

I think my life is interesting... or perhaps it is that life is interesting and people don't take the time to appreciate it? There's always something happening... something to learn or see or do. Every moment brings a lesson if we're in tune enough to realise it... I know I'm not always tuned in... I don't always pay attention. Ah well.

I've been thinking about my parents and about growing older. My mom's birthday was last Sunday. I think she's been through a lot in her life... I am older now than she was when she got married and also when she had me. I'm wondering what lies ahead. New experiences and new relationships... Hmm. I think that people my age don't have enough awareness about what their parents have been and continue to go through. I may be wrong. I've spent this past week thinking about the fact that my parents were my age once... I've been hearing stories about what life once was and about stuff that they have done. I've been thinking about how they are now... and realising that there are things I'd like to have in place for them and for myself as we get older.

I've been thinking a lot. I'm much more of a 'thinker' than a 'doer'.

I've been grumpy with my country... or rather the people in my country that are supposed to be doing stuff/organising stuff/making the country [world] a better place. Should I really feel this way given that I don't know how I'd change any of it? Hmm.

I went to Mango Festival 2012 - it's the 4th one that's been held apparently. It was interesting, filled with mangoes and mango products. I could see that some persons were very earnest about getting information out about growing mangoes and sustainability and the benefits that may be obtained by investing in our agri sector. Overall a very good event to have. I wasn't quite satisfied with the execution of the event... Could have been more polished... could have taken much more advantage of the opportunities present. Did come away with photos of mangoes though...

I'd written much more to this post but ... I posted and it didn't show the rest... I guess it should be ended here.


peace,
Ren

Of exhibitions and drama...

"In the degree that we remember and retell our stories and create new ones we become the authors, the authorities, of our own lives." ~Sam Keen

I'm a bit tired this morning - had a somewhat eventful evening yesterday. Thought about blogging about it last night, actually for part of the evening I was very excited about blogging and thinking of what I'd write... but, then there was drama. I needed time to settle.

Life is made up of all sorts of moments.

Yesterday, after work, I went out with some of my work colleagues. Yes, I complain about my workplace... and about management... but the people that I work closely with are fairly awesome. I'm lucky in that, apart from the usual liming that people do, they're willing to go on limes that include such activities as a science and technology exhibition.

Science and Technology Exhibitions are Most Interesting.

:)

NIHERST in collaboration with the National Council of Science Museums (NCSM) is currently hosting one of India's top science and technology exhibitions, "India: A Culture of Science", in Trinidad. I'm of the opinion that everyone in Trinidad and Tobago should visit, explore and be amazed by the exhibitions. The information is interesting, the exhibitions impressive, the interactive stuff most fun and the people (guides) are helpful. I had a good time... I'm going to visit again... and again... and encourage everyone I know to visit as well. 

Pretty good evening and then I got in my car and it wouldn't start. This has happened to me before (one time before) and it turned out to be a dead battery at that time. My work ppl were with me and we got other random people to help figure out if it was the battery or not. I called my dad ... a total of 5 times in an hour. Who does one call when one is in need? My first thought would be my dad... I'm thinking that thought needs to be reconsidered. He's very ... practical? Every female friend that I have if they were in a situation as the one I was in yesterday with a car unable to start would call their dad/parent/spouse and that person would waste no time in getting to person as quickly as possible. I call my dad and he's all 'did you try this?'... 'ask someone for jumper cables'... 'switch your car battery with someone else and see if that will start car'... 'why are you giving me attitude?'. I must admit that it's very frustrating trying to explain what's happening when there are a bunch of random men trying to be helpful (do this! try this! maybe it's this!) and two work ppl (one whose mom was wondering where she was) and somewhat no idea of what's happening with car (I did say it wasn't the battery and my dad apparently wasn't listening). *sigh*

Work person wondered why I didn't just call a wrecker... one of the random persons wondered why I didn't say 'sure, let's call the wrecker'. After maybe an hour and all options frustrated and the sky getting dark ... the fifth (5th!) call to my dad resulted in this: 'so... you want me to come then?'... It is very hard to try to sound calm when one wants to scream that of course I want him to come check car because otherwise I'd just stay where I was and do .. what? After an hour and a bit my dad showed up. Random person knew him apparently and said to me that he understood why I didn't want to call the wrecker cuz I'd never hear the end of it. Random person also said I should have told him that I was my dad's daughter... because of course I should tell random ppl who my parents are? I'm not quite sure how that would have helped...

My dad came. We checked the battery, the starter (healthy tumbling = good starter), the fuel lines, oil/gas/fluids, spark plugs, air filter, random other belt things... all was fine. Finally, we disconnected the battery for a bit - apparently the computer (?) in the car sometimes needs resetting - car started when we reconnected the battery. I guess it was having a moment? Didn't want to leave the exhibition? The Universe wanted me to bond with random ppl about 'cars these days'... or be frustrated with parent. I don't know. 

Got home safely (car started on first try this morning!) and one of the first things my mom said to me was.. 'so you had an experience of being an adult'... I wonder how that sounds to other persons. At that time of night and after the frustration that I'd been feeling it was perhaps one of the most poorly timed comments (sidenote - my mom is known for poorly timed comments... with me at least). I'm 29 years old and have been (in some form or another) helping to take care of my family since I was 13. I've had my share of 'adult' experiences. I keep telling myself that it wasn't meant in any way negative - it doesn't change the fact that even thinking about the comment now makes me grumpy. 

I got over it. The mother and I bonded over America's Next Top Model (this show is not as great as it used to be) and talking about my dad and my brother (who is very much like my dad though apparently neither one of them can see that). 

Life is made up of moments... fun and adventure and frustration and exasperation. I'm learning to deal with them as best as I can. 

Happy Thursday all.

peace,

Ren     

Check-ups and checking in...

"We're all stumbling toward the light with varying degrees of grace at any given moment." ~Bo Lozoff

Thought that today would be a good day to start back writing... it's a Tuesday after all... last day I wrote was a Monday... a week has passed.

I would like to say that I took a period of me-time... avoidance of the Internet and all major distractions. I didn't though - apparently the Universe (or my Internet Service Provider) thought that my family could use the off-line time. Positive = We're getting a refund. Negative = We are disconnected from the world! We've been going kinda crazy... every person in my house uses the Internet for some reason or other.

I'm back out to work though... so...  sneaking in this post whilst I can.

Had to visit my doctor this morning... am now on antibiotics. Meh. Nothing major ... at least hopefully it won't develop into anything major. I'm really not a fan of doctor's visits. Send me healing vibes world... positive thoughts and healing vibes...

A snapshot of things I've done whilst offline: hung out with the family (idk if they'd agree that's what I did), hung out with the cute guy (who just keeps getting cuter... oy), cut my hair... trimmed really - I'm so bad at maintaining the hair in any kind of way (was told that if I want bangs I *must* return in 3 weeks), saw The Avengers (one word: AWESOME!), got slept on by the Cat and postponed stuff I wanted to do but just wasn't feeling up to doing. 

Just being with myself for the moment. 

Something that has made me thoughtful today: article on 'a life in exile bliss' - the title was fairly attention-grabbing.. further, this blog post: 'Who Could Hire Me' is definitely an interesting read.

Hmm.

peace,

Ren

Today, I...

"Each moment is a place you've never been." ~Mark Strand

...continued on my quest for Total Room Domination (translation - I'm trying to clean my room before my birthday). 

...thought to myself that it's hard to give enough time to everything that I'd like to give time to. Right now it's my parents. Hmm.

...got slept on, kneaded and gnawed by the Cat. 

...went to a lime with my mom and brother - with my mom's girl people to discuss the current 40 days... and the messages and our take on them and... just general ole talk as well. 

...went for ice-cream/dessert with the brother and his girlfriend. Was joined by the cute guy... am somewhat curious to hear the brother's (and his gf's) thoughts on the cute guy.

...went to Palmiste Park with the cute guy... met up with another friend. Limed. Ole-talked. 

...came to the realisation that most of my days are fairly good days. 

Hope your days are good as well.

peace,

Ren

Edited to add:
...today I got posted! Or I guess I should say, 'today my photo got posted!'... to TriniLikeSalt's 'A Thousand Faces' blog that I've mentioned here. It made me smile. 

Can you change who you are?

"You can’t be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet." ~Hal Borland 

It's December. Where did the year go? I'm busy with multiple projects in work (just call me Super Woman) and with Christmas (shopping, friends, family!). I love this time of year though - December is my second favourite month of the year. It just seems that everyone is more happy. Or it could be that I'm more happy around December what with all the music and the food and the shopping and the liming. December is awesome. 

What's not-so-awesome? Family squabbles. I guess they happen in every family/household when things need doing and aren't getting done (or aren't being done properly). People respond differently to emotional drama. Emotions can hijack us and leave us a weepy mess... or they can cause us to withdraw into our very best impression of a stone statue. Emotions are tricky things and we all deal with them differently. This is something I must remember. It's not just my way or the highway. 

Can you change who you are?

There are things about ourselves that we can change. On Friday I went rock wall climbing. It was scary (I'm afraid of heights - there's a reason I'm short and that is because I'm supposed to be close to the ground)... and yet it was also exhilarating. Scary because well... whoa - I was up very high. Exhilarating because my fear is not the boss of me, I am the boss of my fear. This is something I've been telling myself often - it seems to be working because a few years back there was no way anyone was going to get me up that wall. 

There are things about ourselves that we cannot change. We cannot change how something may affect us - there will always be situations that will tug at our heartstrings or punch us in the gut or overwhelm us with some emotion or other. What we can change is how we react, how we respond and I think part of that is realising how others may react/respond.

My parents (in my mind at least) have always been opposites - heart-oriented vs head-oriented... the emotional vs the logical. As I've gotten older I've seen them become more balanced but still stay true to their .. orientation. It's something I can't change in them and something I'm working on in myself. Finding the balance. I don't want to be more of one than the other but there lies the question... can I change who I am? If one is inherently more of one than the other ... will it always be so?

I'm thoughtful tonight... If you have thoughts or ideas feel free to share...

peace,

Ren

A tribute, a wish and a (very mini) rant..

"We should so provide for old age that it may have no urgent wants of this world to absorb it from meditation on the next." ~Pearl S. Buck

Steve Jobs died yesterday. During his lifetime he's been described as a visionary, a genius... a pioneer in the fields of technology, innovation and design. Much of what he has conceptualised and created is in use today.. and will further be developed as the world changes. He was one of those few that can look at our world, envision something so different from the norm and then bring it into being. The news of his passing brought with it a wave of sorrow, for a life that is gone, and appreciation, for one that was well-lived. We must now strive to discover what we can contribute and in what ways we can change the world as he has.

I learnt of his death through Twitter (using the Twitter for iPhone app) and was able to share the news with my parents instantly. My dad has to admit now that there are some advantages to my constantly being on the phone. Both of my parents are older than Steve Jobs... and one of them has cancer. Whilst we know of persons that have passed on that were younger than my parents, it's always a bit of a shock... a realisation that any time may be their time. It may be that my time to die comes before theirs but somehow I think we expect that as they are older they would pass on before my brother and I. Whatever time they have left here I wish that it's filled with joy... good times... less pain, more happiness. Beauty and wonder and reverence. Easing in to a time of life where they can maybe slow down and appreciate and experience whatever they missed out on when they were younger... working hard... raising us... I would just like their lives to be filled with happy... in whatever form that takes. 

I'd like to think that other children want the same for their parents/persons-that-raised-them/elders. I'd like to think that knowing that one day we'll be in their positions would make one appreciate or at least try to understand what they're going through. It's hard to hold on to those thoughts when faced with the reality of the systems we currently have in place. Did you know that to receive a government pension you must let them (the Treasury) know that you're alive? Twice a year - April and October. As far as I know the only place one can do this is in Port-of-Spain (if anyone knows better - please share!)... Did you know that to get to the building in which one must state that one is still alive one has to manoeuvre the lack of parking space, uneven side-walk and steps into the building? Now picture an elderly person... not-sprightly at all... having to do this. Or a non-elderly but somewhat physically challenged individual. It's a bit frustrating... as is the fact that a lot of buildings, where the elderly/challenged people may have to do business, do not have the infrastructure that would allow for an easy time. It's not just physical infrastructure... it's a whole system that needs to be adjusted. 

Am hopeful for the future. There may be new inventions that may help with all sorts of things. People may realise that it's not just about the inventions but the people behind them that are important. Just like Steve Jobs, each one of us leaves behind our own legacy... made up of moments of discovery, creation and joy. Am hopeful. 

peace,

Ren

Thoughts after a busy weekend..

"If you nurture your mind, body, and spirit, your time will expand. You will gain a new perspective that will allow you to accomplish more." ~Brian Koslow

I'm one of those people that wishes, with all my heart and soul, that weekends (whether they're after Friday... or somewhere in the middle if you don't work Monday to Friday) would last for three days. I've always found myself extremely busy on weekends. In fact I haven't had one weekend since sometime in early May that I've not been busy. I would like a three-day weekend to have that extra day to recuperate. Please? I'm just saying it would be great. 

It could be said of course that I'm the one making myself busy... but I'm filling those two days with everything that can't be done during the rest of the week... like attend weddings (because most people have their weddings on the weekend), coordinate/attend limes, like house stuff (cooking/cleaning/shopping.. yes, shopping)... weekends are just generally very busy. 

Interesting points this weekend? 

Crazy, Stupid, Love - funny, sad, happy film .. with Steve Carell (who is fun), Ryan Gosling (and according to one of my girl people: Ryan Gosling's abs - they deserved their own credit), Emma Stone (who I'm developing a big like for and who was most excellent in Easy A), Julianne Moore and Kevin Bacon. Saw it with my girl people... thought it was most excellent in a makes-you-think kinda way.

Bridal Registry Shopping - I've never done it for a local (re: Trinidad and Tobago) wedding ... I usually buy personal-type gifts but this one was on behalf of the family and etcetera so bridal registry shopping at Excellent Stores (I'm sorry if you click on the link and get startled by the music... it happened to me - it could happen to you). It's nothing like bridal registry shopping in foreign (re: not Trinidad and Tobago) where one can go on-line, see the gift list, select gift, include card and pay. Nope. One has to go to the store, obtain a list from a CSR, hope that the item which you select from the list is available (I went through six items - being told each time that they were out of stock [what was actually said was 'no, we doh have dat' or 'it finish']), finally select an item, find it wherever it is in the store and bring it back to the Bridal Gift Registry counter where you can then fill out a card, and get told to go pay for it by the cashier. Fun times. 

Went to a cooking night with my dad. I'm not usually one to go to weddings and related wedding events unless I have to.. found myself there because my dad did not want to go by himself (he was the main person invited - it was his work colleague's son that was getting married). Apparently (according to my dad) when you have children they're supposed to do whatever you want them to because if you bring them into the world then you can take them out of it (I must remember this if I ever have children). Tassa music was good, food was good, dancing was entertaining. I realised that digital cameras are Very Popular... every Tom, Dick and Harrylal has one. I have one. I'm picky about what I take photos of though... am not going to take photos of what-was-once-sacred-but-now-I'm-not-quite-so-sure wedding rituals. Not everyone has that issue.

Had breakfast today at Woodford Cafe (Price Plaza) - it was excellent - I recommend. I now have an MBA.. perhaps I should have done a post on that all by itself? I'm still processing.. official results came out earlier this week and my facebook status a few days ago read: "Has an MBA... now what?" ... because really.. now what? one phase ends and another to begin. Overwhelming feeling of relief that it's over. Had breakfast with my group of MBA people... because one's flying off to Dubai tomorrow and another is 8 months pregnant and who knows when we'll get to meet up (graduation?) and say 'Yay! We did it!'... today was that day and over breakfast and 3.5 hours we discussed our classes and whew, that's over!, what we want to do now - PMP certification? I'm thinking YTT certification, the state of the country and where it's going, the state of our lives... and where we're going. I'm processing, they are as well.. and it helps to meet up as a group to do it. 

Went to a wedding this evening with my mom. Was tired and it was LOUD. I've never understood why people seem to think that very loud = good... If I can't hear myself speak then a place is too loud. That's not good for your health - I'm sure. My mom initially wanted to go, then did not want to go, then I convinced her to go (cuz it's family [pumpkin-vine but still family] and also friends), then she said okay but we'd stay only a little while. We ended up staying about 5 hours... FIVE(-ish)... coming down to the end I left and went by my cousin (who lives 4 houses away from the wedding house - could still hear the music CLEARLY) to ole-talk/sleep/wait on my mother. Oy. The bride was beautiful, the place was lovely, the food was good. My cousin asked if I'm seeing anyone (no? I haven't found anyone to 'see'..), what I plan to do now (um... ) and other such questions. It's a day to think about life and marriage and career and just what I want to do apparently. 

I have vague inklings of a clue. I think I shall start making lists tomorrow. 

Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

peace,

Ren

Birthday Bliss :)

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting; The soul that rises with us, our life's star, Hath had elsewhere its setting, And cometh from afar; Not in entire forgetfulness, And not in utter nakedness, But trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our home." ~William Wordsworth

A warning: this is going to be a long post... Just cuz... birthday = much stuff to talk about...

What do you do on your birthday? I've always wondered how people feel about their special day... Is it special? Scary? Do you look forward to it? Wish it would never come around? I've wondered...

I look forward to mine. I don't know why really just that there's a general sense of excitement... an energy rising. Perhaps my body, my soul remembers those moments of preparing for birth? From the beginning of April I start to feel... prickly... it's a different sensory experience. April has always been my favourite month - ultimately things go right for me in April... even if it's rainy (April showers bring May flowers :P) or if it's school-filled... or work-stressed... April is the best month for me. And as I've said... I look forward to my birthday so it's a month filled with that bit of excitement - my birthday's coming up!

This year I took two days off from work. Who wants to go to work on their birthday? Not I. Not at all. It's a little bit of deliciousness in itself - not having to go to work.. lol. And so.. on with this posting: what I did for my birthday... and d day after as well. I think next year I'll extend it to a week.. lol.

I got up at 4.00 am. Approximately. What's that you say? Why did I get up so early especially as I had the whole day to myself? Early morning blessings - that's why. Enough to last the day - enough to last the year... some positive vibes for my birthday. My mom and I went to the Blue Star. It's an ashram that we belong to. They're almost to the end of a forty day period of observance... My birthday is Day 34 ... we went to do (listen/sing) the Guru Gita and to listen to the talk... and to generally get birthday blessings... Did I get Happy Birthday sung to me before 8 am.. yup. Did I meet someone who was also celebrating her birthday? Yup... Happy Birthday to Petra (?) I should've found out more about you but...

I was starving. I'm not one of those people that can skip breakfast. According to my mom... as soon as mih eye open I must get food. This is not true but also not too far off. I *must* have breakfast... food... sustenance. Otherwise I'll be generally grumpy and headachy and not happy. So... off we went for breakfast. Yay!

I like spending time with my family. We're all interesting people and though we drive each other crazy at times... and quarrel at times... and can be generally cranky with each other at times... overall we're good. Spending time with my parents on my birthday might sound weird to you... to me it's... comforting on a certain level.

Spending time with my mom - I get to hear the same stories... every year... lol... we laugh about it and talk about it and generally hang out. Did you know for instance that my birth date was supposed to be a week later on May 5th? You didn't... but I'm telling you now. Why was I born a week early? My aunt took my mom for a haircut... in her Suzuki Jimny... the roads in T&T are not the smoothest now and am quite sure they weren't then either. The very next day I was born... hmm. I love you mom - at least you had great hair in d hospital.

When we got home my dad and I had a falling out... vexness all d way. We have some serious karma to work out. It seems to me that every year around my birthday my dad gets all gloomy and grumpy. It's a cycle that hopefully this year has been broken. Fingers crossed... don't want any negative birthday drama next year. My mom says it's cuz we're so similar. I don't know what it is... sometimes you're so into a situation that you can't see what others can. Anyway... this year I think was better... drama didn't last long and in fact we ended up trying to fix d microwave together. Yes, I know we shouldn't even be using a microwave - but we have one and it's a timesaver when it's working.. A fuse blew (if you're wondering what was wrong with it)... and my dad being d skilled electrical-type guy he is has of course replacement fuses ready to be installed... Then we realised... the button to close the door was broken. Can't use microwave if door can't open/close... It's a sign from the Universe it is.

My mom and I went shopping... No mention shall be made of all the horrible traffic... or the heat in the car (mih a/c not working properly)... We bought dresses ... and they're pretty fabulous ones too :)  No pics of those here... look for them in May as they're going to be worn at my brother's graduation (my brother's *graduating*!).

The three of us went out to dinner... Missed you brother mine - good thing you call mih - when I getting mih present? *Ahem* we went out for dinner... my dad chose the place... that should have been a warning. A warning? Yes. My dad doesn't like eating out generally... Though he will if we want to go out to restaurants and such... We have found out however that he likes Indian food... as in real Indian food not the Trini version of Indian food... I don't... not really... can barely manage. He carried us to Palki's - an authentic Indian restaurant. *sigh* Sometimes I wonder if my dad just doesn't pay attention. Long story short... his plate was clean in under 10 minutes... I was wishing we'd ordered some naan to hide all my food under. The upside? He'd told them it was my birthday... after our dishes were cleared away and whilst I was talking to my bro on mih phone... Happy Birthday starts to play on the soundsystem... Loudly. I got a slice of chocolate cake layered with chocolate something... with a sparkler and a candle... Excitement + Cake + Sparkler shooting sparks higher than me! I stuffed myself with cake... who needs dinner anyway?

That night I answered FB birthday greetings... so many... I love you all... it's great to be remembered and thought of and sent good wishes and I went to bed .. earlyish... It was a foreign feeling... Early nights aren't that common when you're working/studying.

Day two of my birthday celebrating... hmm. It was a learning day. What did I learn? Stuff to feed my soul... and make me feel goddess-like... cuz ... well why not?

My mom and I had a private dance class at home... with Sabita from Symbolic Dance Academy of T&T... what type of dance? Belly dance... lol ... Fun? Yes. Fabulous? Yes. Goddess-Inspiring? Definitely... There is something to be said about snake arms and shimmies. Sabita was a pretty great teacher too in that way that persons who love what they're doing and know what they're doing can be. Perhaps I'll be doing more belly dancing in the future.

What did I learn next? That I'm an adult and can successfully deal with tyre rim repair people. Who knew cars were so much trouble? (my dad tells me I does hardly get trouble - ha! i say)... Anyway... it's strange going to car places... getting to be more normal but still for the while strange... The thought I keep in my head? "Fake it till you make it" - Of course I know what's wrong with my tyre rim AND I know what you have to do with it tyre rim repairman! *sigh* 

The last thing I learnt for the day... how to do my own makeup. I'm a girl... I wear makeup sometimes... I go through phases where I like and don't like lipstick/lipgloss/eyeshadow/eyeliner/mascara/foundation/powder... But... I'm 27 now... I should at least know how the professionals (makeup artistes... just so we're clear) do it. And so I signed up for a class at Sacha's Image Centre in Chaguanas.  Oy. If I had to do that whole process every day I'd go nutters. At least now I know which brush does what... and that cream-to-powder is the best type of foundation stuff for my skin. It was ... a learning experience and at the end I looked made up... lol. And so to end this post cuz I think it's going on a bit... here are pics...well.. more pics really... i think this is the post with the most pics to date...

Once upon a time...

Present day: 

I should've maybe done something with my hair before taking pics... oh well... 

Here I am at 27. Feels strange... I look almost the same as I did 5 years ago? 10 years? Physically I haven't changed significantly... It is the experiences... the day-to-day happenings, thoughts, feelings, ideas that have changed. A dear friend has told me that my writings remind her of this quote from Rilke: 

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions”

It resonates. Sun in Taurus and Moon in Scorpio. Am a spiritual being having a human experience. Another year has passed.  

peace,

Rtr