Vacation... Day 1.

Stream of consciousness writing for five minutes. That's what I'm doing at this moment and in this post. I'm on vacation! This doesn't mean that I have left home... that I'm travelling far and wide - though I'd like that. It just means that I had ten vacation days left for the year and when combined with casual and compensatory days the result is that I do not go back out to work till January 2nd.

January 2nd!

Three weeks of no work! I want to figure out what I want to do work-wise. At some point I'd like to be able to figure that out. I have no plan. No major career goal. There is nothing that I can particularly see myself doing. 

Is this how it is for everyone?

I've been snappish with the family. I'm out of sorts. The parents are getting older daily it seems. Suddenly, I look at them and they are old. I look in the mirror and I look the same but then older. Age is a funny thing. I think I read somewhere that it is only humans that measure time and thus only humans that live with the dread of the end. The End. 

The cute guy is adorably cute. Behind all cute that I have imagined guys can be. There are no words yet to describe what I think of all of this. Am content to just be in this space with him. 

I can write a lot in five minutes. 

It's Christmas time... mistletoe and wine... I've always wondered what it would be like if there were mistletoe in my country. If it were one of our customs. I do not like wine.... except for when it is used in cooking. 

Vacation Day 2 tomorrow.

Hope all is well with you world.... if it isn't or even if it is... all my love to you.

peace,

Ren

5 Minutes - stream of consciousness

"It’s exhilarating to be alive in a time of awakening consciousness; it can also be confusing, disorienting, and painful." ~Adrienne Rich

There's a song in my head that I heard on the radio today - every so often (few years or so) I hear it and I love it and I sing along to it and today I thought I'd find it and put it up here but... I'm not finding it. Granted I don't know the name of the song... but I'm not finding it even though I know the lyrics... Google... why aren't you helping me today? It's a song about love and peace and how happy we'd be if we see tomorrow through the eyes of a child... Ah well. 

It's the day after Valentine's Day... girls make much more of a fuss about it than guys do. At least the girls I know in real life and online. I'm not that fussed by it... I guess it would be nice to get a gift/surprise... but it also would be nice to get something on a random day as well... show me love - anyplace, anytime. Am I bummed that I don't have a special someone? Maybe? I'm not sure? Hmm. I am blessed with much love but there are things that one can only really share with a partner and I guess that's what I'm missing. 

My girl ppl want to go to a fete for Carnival... I've been successful in avoiding any and all thus far. Mwahaha ... and also... Ergh. Was told that Machel Monday was 'awesome' and that I should have been there. Crowds aren't my thing... I'd like to go dancing sometime with the girl ppl but a fete? Meh. 

Sometimes I feel much older than I really am. It's an old soul I have is what some would say. I'm not sure what others would say. 

I really would like to find that song. 

night all... peace,

Ren