There are men sexier than I am.

"I am not handsome or sexy. Of course, it's not like I am hopeless." ~Keanu Reeves 

I should clarify that title by saying that there are men that are sexier in a feminine way than I am. I've known this for years of course (I know guys that can rock super high heels *way* better than I can)... it's just a little bit unnerving. Surely as a female I should have some innate sense of sexy movements?

I don't. At all. My body does not know how to move in certain ways... or it's just that I'm sexy in a way that's not the norm. It occurs to me that I should look up the meaning of sexy since I seem to be using it a lot in this post... and so, as defined by dictionary.com,

sex·y

[sek-see]  

–adjective, sex·i·er, sex·i·est.

1. concerned predominantly or excessively with sex;  risqué: a sexy novel.

2. sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality: the sexiest professor on campus.

3. excitingly appealing; glamorous: a sexy new car.

So... hmm. Now I'm not sure that's the word I should be using... maybe sensual? seductive? Am not sure.

By now you're probably wondering why I'm rambling on about sexiness (or lack thereof) and it's simply that - I signed up for belly dancing... except it's a combined class which teaches both belly dancing and burlesque... Today was my first class and whilst I'm excited about the belly dancing (though my hips don't move by themselves - am a poor example of a Trini), the burlesque moves just make me want to giggle ... in a 'really? you want me to move like how now??' kind of way... if moves like the bend and snap can make me feel awkward then these moves... oh my word.  

Awkward in the extreme... and because I've got a fairly expressive face the whole class was aware of my level of discomfort... and the instructor - one very slim guy with way more moves than I could hope to have (and way better hair as well) just shook his head at me... in a 'oh-honey-you're-hopeless' type of way (at least that's what I interpreted it as). *sigh*

I'm told to practice, practice, practice. The thing is that I enjoy watching burlesque and belly dancers... I think they're most sensual and fabulous and just generally awesome... can I see myself in those moves? nope. Obviously I need to change my mindset... maybe then I'll get some moves.

night all,

Ren

Reflections on a Zumba class..

"Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person’s physical, emotional, and mental states." ~Carol Welch

I've mentioned in an earlier post that I've started taking a Zumba class... went to my third class yesterday - go me! It's still fun... and still leaves me feeling as though I've exercised. What is Zumba you wonder? According to the site: "It’s an exhilarating, effective, easy-to-follow, Latin-inspired, calorie-burning dance fitness-party™ that’s moving millions of people toward joy and health." This is only my third class but I've got some pointers for persons new to Zumba (or any majorly aerobic exercise really) like myself...

1. Go with someone you know... went by myself yesterday cuz the girl that introduced me to it couldn't make it... I guess it's the same as if you have to go to a gym? I'm one of those persons that like doing stuff by myself - I can absolutely eat anywhere by myself... shop by myself... go to the movies with myself - for zumba you need someone with you... to cheer you on when you're ready to drop or commiserate when you feel like hurting the instructor or help you work out your coordination - thankfully someone I did know showed up so I had that bit of company.
2. Following from the point above, don't feel bad if at some point you may want to hurt the instructor... maybe not in the beginning of the session when you're excited and not sweaty or tired, towards the middle to the end however... if the instructor says 'c'mon ... one more time...' you may want to hurt the instructor.
3. Drink lots of water... and then drink some more... and in between sets - drink some water. In fact - are you thinking about Zumba? Go drink some water.
4. Comfortable clothing + comfortable shoes... and a towel - I've never sweat so much in my entire life as I have when I'm doing zumba.
5. Have fun... stop if you need to (but keep moving... so maybe just slow down)... ultimately - have fun, feel sexy, move.



peace,

Ren

Birthday Bliss :)

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting; The soul that rises with us, our life's star, Hath had elsewhere its setting, And cometh from afar; Not in entire forgetfulness, And not in utter nakedness, But trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our home." ~William Wordsworth

A warning: this is going to be a long post... Just cuz... birthday = much stuff to talk about...

What do you do on your birthday? I've always wondered how people feel about their special day... Is it special? Scary? Do you look forward to it? Wish it would never come around? I've wondered...

I look forward to mine. I don't know why really just that there's a general sense of excitement... an energy rising. Perhaps my body, my soul remembers those moments of preparing for birth? From the beginning of April I start to feel... prickly... it's a different sensory experience. April has always been my favourite month - ultimately things go right for me in April... even if it's rainy (April showers bring May flowers :P) or if it's school-filled... or work-stressed... April is the best month for me. And as I've said... I look forward to my birthday so it's a month filled with that bit of excitement - my birthday's coming up!

This year I took two days off from work. Who wants to go to work on their birthday? Not I. Not at all. It's a little bit of deliciousness in itself - not having to go to work.. lol. And so.. on with this posting: what I did for my birthday... and d day after as well. I think next year I'll extend it to a week.. lol.

I got up at 4.00 am. Approximately. What's that you say? Why did I get up so early especially as I had the whole day to myself? Early morning blessings - that's why. Enough to last the day - enough to last the year... some positive vibes for my birthday. My mom and I went to the Blue Star. It's an ashram that we belong to. They're almost to the end of a forty day period of observance... My birthday is Day 34 ... we went to do (listen/sing) the Guru Gita and to listen to the talk... and to generally get birthday blessings... Did I get Happy Birthday sung to me before 8 am.. yup. Did I meet someone who was also celebrating her birthday? Yup... Happy Birthday to Petra (?) I should've found out more about you but...

I was starving. I'm not one of those people that can skip breakfast. According to my mom... as soon as mih eye open I must get food. This is not true but also not too far off. I *must* have breakfast... food... sustenance. Otherwise I'll be generally grumpy and headachy and not happy. So... off we went for breakfast. Yay!

I like spending time with my family. We're all interesting people and though we drive each other crazy at times... and quarrel at times... and can be generally cranky with each other at times... overall we're good. Spending time with my parents on my birthday might sound weird to you... to me it's... comforting on a certain level.

Spending time with my mom - I get to hear the same stories... every year... lol... we laugh about it and talk about it and generally hang out. Did you know for instance that my birth date was supposed to be a week later on May 5th? You didn't... but I'm telling you now. Why was I born a week early? My aunt took my mom for a haircut... in her Suzuki Jimny... the roads in T&T are not the smoothest now and am quite sure they weren't then either. The very next day I was born... hmm. I love you mom - at least you had great hair in d hospital.

When we got home my dad and I had a falling out... vexness all d way. We have some serious karma to work out. It seems to me that every year around my birthday my dad gets all gloomy and grumpy. It's a cycle that hopefully this year has been broken. Fingers crossed... don't want any negative birthday drama next year. My mom says it's cuz we're so similar. I don't know what it is... sometimes you're so into a situation that you can't see what others can. Anyway... this year I think was better... drama didn't last long and in fact we ended up trying to fix d microwave together. Yes, I know we shouldn't even be using a microwave - but we have one and it's a timesaver when it's working.. A fuse blew (if you're wondering what was wrong with it)... and my dad being d skilled electrical-type guy he is has of course replacement fuses ready to be installed... Then we realised... the button to close the door was broken. Can't use microwave if door can't open/close... It's a sign from the Universe it is.

My mom and I went shopping... No mention shall be made of all the horrible traffic... or the heat in the car (mih a/c not working properly)... We bought dresses ... and they're pretty fabulous ones too :)  No pics of those here... look for them in May as they're going to be worn at my brother's graduation (my brother's *graduating*!).

The three of us went out to dinner... Missed you brother mine - good thing you call mih - when I getting mih present? *Ahem* we went out for dinner... my dad chose the place... that should have been a warning. A warning? Yes. My dad doesn't like eating out generally... Though he will if we want to go out to restaurants and such... We have found out however that he likes Indian food... as in real Indian food not the Trini version of Indian food... I don't... not really... can barely manage. He carried us to Palki's - an authentic Indian restaurant. *sigh* Sometimes I wonder if my dad just doesn't pay attention. Long story short... his plate was clean in under 10 minutes... I was wishing we'd ordered some naan to hide all my food under. The upside? He'd told them it was my birthday... after our dishes were cleared away and whilst I was talking to my bro on mih phone... Happy Birthday starts to play on the soundsystem... Loudly. I got a slice of chocolate cake layered with chocolate something... with a sparkler and a candle... Excitement + Cake + Sparkler shooting sparks higher than me! I stuffed myself with cake... who needs dinner anyway?

That night I answered FB birthday greetings... so many... I love you all... it's great to be remembered and thought of and sent good wishes and I went to bed .. earlyish... It was a foreign feeling... Early nights aren't that common when you're working/studying.

Day two of my birthday celebrating... hmm. It was a learning day. What did I learn? Stuff to feed my soul... and make me feel goddess-like... cuz ... well why not?

My mom and I had a private dance class at home... with Sabita from Symbolic Dance Academy of T&T... what type of dance? Belly dance... lol ... Fun? Yes. Fabulous? Yes. Goddess-Inspiring? Definitely... There is something to be said about snake arms and shimmies. Sabita was a pretty great teacher too in that way that persons who love what they're doing and know what they're doing can be. Perhaps I'll be doing more belly dancing in the future.

What did I learn next? That I'm an adult and can successfully deal with tyre rim repair people. Who knew cars were so much trouble? (my dad tells me I does hardly get trouble - ha! i say)... Anyway... it's strange going to car places... getting to be more normal but still for the while strange... The thought I keep in my head? "Fake it till you make it" - Of course I know what's wrong with my tyre rim AND I know what you have to do with it tyre rim repairman! *sigh* 

The last thing I learnt for the day... how to do my own makeup. I'm a girl... I wear makeup sometimes... I go through phases where I like and don't like lipstick/lipgloss/eyeshadow/eyeliner/mascara/foundation/powder... But... I'm 27 now... I should at least know how the professionals (makeup artistes... just so we're clear) do it. And so I signed up for a class at Sacha's Image Centre in Chaguanas.  Oy. If I had to do that whole process every day I'd go nutters. At least now I know which brush does what... and that cream-to-powder is the best type of foundation stuff for my skin. It was ... a learning experience and at the end I looked made up... lol. And so to end this post cuz I think it's going on a bit... here are pics...well.. more pics really... i think this is the post with the most pics to date...

Once upon a time...

Present day: 

I should've maybe done something with my hair before taking pics... oh well... 

Here I am at 27. Feels strange... I look almost the same as I did 5 years ago? 10 years? Physically I haven't changed significantly... It is the experiences... the day-to-day happenings, thoughts, feelings, ideas that have changed. A dear friend has told me that my writings remind her of this quote from Rilke: 

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions”

It resonates. Sun in Taurus and Moon in Scorpio. Am a spiritual being having a human experience. Another year has passed.  

peace,

Rtr