Goodbye 2014!

"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instil in us." ~Hal Borland

It's the end of the year and I haven't been on here as much as I would have liked. I've been busy with yoga business. I tell people right now it's a lot more work doing the business side than the yoga - everyone seems to be, 'oh it must be tiring doing all that yoga!'. It's the business side of it that is most tiring, that requires a lot of mental power. Perhaps one day I shall write about the yoga of business. 

It's been a happy year - a year of figuring out what I can do, how I can improve, what I can contribute to the world at large. It's been a stressful year - figuring out finances and trying to manifest abundance. It's been a really good year with the cute guy. It's been an up and down year with the parent. It's been about the same with my brother. 

Lots to look forward to in 2015. I've got lots of plans - just need to figure out how to bring them into being. 

Wish you all the best for 2015! May it be a year of growth and abundance, of love and family. 

peace,

Ren

When opportunity knocks...

"Every door is another passage, another boundary we have to go beyond." ~Rumi

This week I'll be attending a four-day Mediation Skills Training Workshop. I'm not yet sure why. I'm sure at some point in the future I'll figure it out. For now, I have the opportunity to do it and why waste an opportunity?

I am excited - because I like learning new things. Nervous - because I do not like being in front of people. Optimistic - because surely this can only lead to positive things. Anxious - because I will not be home for four days; hopefully the brother, parent and Cat Chile get along well. Aggravated - because I had to find four outfits of a business-suit nature and after just over a year of not wearing such it's a bit frustrating. 

What are you up to this week?

peace,

Ren

November 1st

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." ~Alan Watts

November and I find myself thinking that it's been just over a year since I left my job. It's been just over a year and a half since my mom passed away. Nine months since I've started my own business. Time passes so quickly and we don't even realise that it is doing so. We are caught up in living and I think that maybe that is a good way for time to pass. 

What is time passing? Moments that flow from one to the other. Seconds into minutes into days into months into a year and more. I am different now than I was before. You are a different person than the one you were when you opened up this site and started to read. I think it is interesting how we choose to spend our time. What do we give our attention to? Who do we stay with? What do we want to do most? 

I think there aren't enough people in my country thinking about what to give their attention to. Not enough people thinking about what is important for our country - if we were to still be around twenty years from now, what kind of world will we be living in?

Perhaps there are people, perhaps not. This month I think about me - who I am, what I'm doing, where I want to go. It's important I think.

peace,

Ren

Reflecting

"I don't think we spend enough time in reflection and introspection. We don't know who we are as individuals in this culture any more." ~Naomi Judd

A lot has happened in the time that I have not written here. Lots to figure out and work through. I'm 31 now and it is a strange thing to hear myself say. Adulthood is strange. Owning a business is strange. Wondering about the meanings and origins of words as I write them is strange. 

I feel introspective and perhaps this is why I'm returning to the blog. Need some space in which to work out my thoughts. What am I thinking? I'm thinking that I need to make time to do more reading relevant to life and living. That the physical body has built-in phases of life... I'm currently thinking about the possibility of marriage and kids and it's freaking me out a bit as I know that not so long ago the thoughts of such would not have occurred to me at all or would not have lingered as long. Are we hard-wired to start thinking about such things? There are those who don't so I don't think we are but... it's a bit of a possibility.

I've been thinking that owning a business is fun and interesting and scary all at the same time. That I'm not sure I'm entrepreneurial at all or that I'm in any way interested in 'business' - somehow I've decided to do my own thing and am now where I am. I've been thinking that hopefully at some point all of the education I've had will resolve into knowing how to market this business and do my accounts properly, figure out what people want and be able to provide for them and myself. 

I've been thinking that money is an annoying thing to think about so I'm now thinking in terms of prosperity and abundance.

I've been thinking that there are a lot of people moving through their lives without giving thought to how they've come to be here or where they're going. Been thinking about relationships and interactions - about give and take and emotional investment. Have been thinking about past relationships and what they've taught me. 

What have you been thinking? Any thoughts on what I'm thinking? 

peace,

Ren

Moving forward

"Growth is a spiral process, doubling back on itself, reassessing and regrouping." ~Julia Margaret Cameron

Once more, writing. 

I've been busy since my last post and I've been mostly staying off my computer. Staying away from writing anything in any form or fashion. Over the past week or two though I've been thinking about this blog, about things that I could write, about things that are interesting. I've been thinking about future writings - I'm planning out a book in my head and feel that sometime soon I'll be sitting down to start working on that. 

Once more I am writing. 

Hello world, how have you been?

peace,

Ren

A post about not being able to post...

"Vision is not enough, it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs." ~Václav Havel

Sometimes I sit to write a post and words flow from my fingers. Sometimes I go through a day with thoughts and bits of phrases floating through my head that I know will eventually end up here on the blog as some sort of post and in some sort of comprehensive fashion. Sometimes I begin writing and am interrupted so many times that it's hard to figure out how to weave the words together. Sometimes I just stare at a blank screen because there's so much that I want to write that I don't know where to start. Sometimes I stare at a blank screen with a mind that is completely blank and then some minutes later I find myself wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. 

Most times the words are within reach... but, sometimes they're not, and that's when it's hardest to post.   

peace,

Ren

A complaint...

"All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." ~Charles M. Schulz

It's Easter Monday and I haven't had any sort of chocolate. Something is not quite right here. Yes, I did go looking for chocolate eggs very late this year (as in yesterday) and so perhaps all the Easter chocolate is sold out? Or something? I've had very excellent cheesecake, and ice cream with chocolate in it, but no specifically Easter chocolate. 

I feel a bit grumpy about this. 

Ah well. Happy Easter Monday!

peace,

Ren

Reading, reading and more reading...

"Books are a uniquely portable magic." ~Stephen King

Long weekend here in Trinidad and I've spent most of it with my Kindle. Sometimes one just needs to get lost in a book... or three. That's the number for this weekend - three books. Read and done... though I may reread again and again as I tend to do. Two of them I've read to know what they're about - my younger cousin was gifted with a Kindle and in trying to find books for her I just added these two as they were on the Young Adult's Best Seller's list. One I read as I discovered it on my Kindle... I'm sure I put it there - I'm just not sure when. 

The first: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. It's listed as fantasy and that's always been one of my favourite genres. There's a hero's journey, a search into the past and family, the discovery of secrets which aren't secrets and photographs which were collected by the author and apparently inspired the book. It's a really good read.

The second: The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. I cried through most of this book. I may need to reread perhaps a few years from now. It's about a teenager who has cancer and a who-knows-how-long life expectancy who meets and falls in love with a boy. I'm not going to write spoilers. The details in the novel are very well-written - the cancer patients, their parents and the world around them. It's a beautiful book but perhaps I need time and space before trying to reread.

The third: The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton. At first I wasn't sure why I was reading this, then I found that I couldn't put it down, then I was sad that it was over. I would recommend to anyone. Plot twists and mysteries abound. It's also about a daughter searching into her mother's past... Perhaps there's been a trend all along with these books. History and parents and understanding of a sort.  

I love reading... I feel that it helps to open us up to experiences we could never imagine and allows us to relate to and further explore situations we have already been through.

Go read something...

peace,

Ren

Remembering

"Yesterday is but today's memory, and tomorrow is today's dream." ~Kahlil Gibran

It's Easter weekend and although the dates are not the same as last year I keep thinking of how the weekend before my mom's passing was Easter weekend. There are special times of the year I believe. Days that are good for coming into and leaving this world. Days for growing and harvesting. Days that have their own energy depending on where the stars are in the sky and how the people are on this Earth. I'm sure there are other factors. 

Last year when my mom was definitely coming towards her end I had thought that Easter was a good time to move on. It's a time of new beginnings... I've always thought that death is not the end of us. Just a phase. Transition. It's a good transition period. 

Yesterday I did the egg white in the glass thing. 

What patterns do the egg white make?

My brother does not know of this tradition which I found somewhat strange... but then I have no memory of him doing it with us. Just mom and I in the early morning before the sun came up, setting up to see our future. We have different memories of our parents; different amounts of time spent with them and different ways of relating to them. I'm only just realising this though I've known intellectually that this was so. 

I am remembering my past and thinking of my future. It's a good time to do so. 

peace,

Ren

Good Friday / The Wedding pt 2

"How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterwards." ~Spanish Proverb

It's been a very lazy day for me. I've rested and napped and overall did not do all that many productive things. Sometimes I think the best thing one can do is nothing. Or something that does not take much effort or is enjoyable or is unrelated to whatever you've been working on for some time. 

I did go with my aunt by her seamstress who will be sewing the slip and blouse and pleats of our saris for The Wedding. I'm fairly pleased that I won't have to think about clothes coming up to The Wedding because they would already be ready. It's interesting that now we've moved into a time where instead of wrapping our own saris and making our own blouses/slips we can pass that on to a seamstress who will do just as good a job... and who will sew the saris such that they are easy to put on and wrap. The seamstress seems to have her own specific ideas of how our saris should be and I'm fine letting her figure it out - I just want to be comfortable wearing it when I have to. 

It's been a good day... restful - which is definitely something I needed. 

Happy Good Friday world!

peace,

Ren

So so sleepy...

"We are such stuff that dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep." ~William Shakespeare

Once upon a time, not many years ago, I could fall asleep anywhere, any time of day and be fully functional always. Now it seems as though I need definite periods of sleep. Now I can't fall asleep the moment I close my eyes. Now I find myself short of rest.

Was awakened this morning by parent moving around - this is normal, I've always been somewhat of a light sleeper. What is not normal, or is becoming the new normal, is that I couldn't fall back asleep. Then parent wanted me to do stuff with him. Parent always wants me to be far more involved with his activities than I want to be... or that I have time for... or etc. I tell myself that one day parent will no longer be here and I will regret time not spent helping or being with him but... there must be balance. 

I need sleep. More of it. It might be nap time fairly soon. 

Get some rest world.

peace,

Ren

Be curious.

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvellous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity." ~Albert Einstein 

Sometimes I share things I see on Facebook without first fact checking simply because I'm curious about it or interested in what it says or that it makes me think. I consider my Facebook timeline to be something of a bookmark/note-taker... when I see stuff others have shared that I want to check up on I share it to my timeline. I really need to stop doing this... or find a better way of saving such things.

Today I shared this: 

I didn't say anything about it which I realised I should have done after people started commenting on it. I had previously read about Ishtar and have my own thoughts about her. I'd also recently read American Gods by Neil Gaiman in which he makes mention of Easter and the forgotten goddess behind the holiday. I thought it interesting that this then showed up on my timeline and so I shared it. I think when people see something they should be curious about it... whether it's true or not or feels right for them. Be curious. Explore. Discover. There's so much we don't know or do know but have yet to realise. 

Tonight, I did some card readings... it's something I like doing around the full moon and today still falls in that full moon bracket. I shuffled and shuffled and drew this card from my deck of Goddess cards:

  

Now what?

peace,

Ren

Finding the photo

"At any moment you have a choice that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it." ~Thich Nhat Hanh

It's the fifteenth week of 2014 and I know this because today I've posted my fifteenth photo for my project 52. Some weeks I know just what I want to post and I work towards getting a photo of that. Some weeks I have no idea till I see something that I immediately think would be perfect for my project. I'm not sure that the project is working out as I'd hoped - where I steadily improve on different aspects of photo-taking but I'm enjoying taking photos... as I always do. 

This week's photo is of Sri Ganesh and was taken after tea with some friends. Ganesh is honoured as the remover of obstacles, the Lord of letters and learning and the Lord of new beginnings. I feel that perhaps I need to give some time to honouring those principles. I've been seeing so many elephant related items that I feel the universe has been trying to tell me something. Sometimes there are so many signs nudging us along if we just take the moment to see them.

15/52

Is there anything you need to take notice of?

peace,

Ren

Sequencing the moon

"When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator." ~Mahatma Gandhi

There's a full moon in the sky tonight and so I'm teaching chandra namaskars (moon salutations) in class this evening. I'm currently taking a few moments away from reading up on the postures and planning the sequence that I'll do to write this post. There's a full moon in the sky tonight and a lunar eclipse tomorrow. Take a moment to look at it, revel in the beauty of it. 

There's something about full moons that I've always loved. 

peace,

Ren

Things to do in Trinidad.

"I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun." ~Katherine Hepburn

It always ticks me off, just a little bit, when I hear people say that there's nothing to do in Trinidad (and Tobago). I've said before that I don't understand the 'boredom' any more and so in a similar fashion - I don't understand 'there's nothing to do'. There is always something to do. This weekend I had to remind myself that I can only do a certain number of things, that I can't be everywhere. 

I missed Comicfest yesterday, as well as the Mad Hatter's Tea Party event held on San Fernando Hill... I had a meeting with a guy then went to the opening of a new store, had lunch with my brother, went out to see Captain America with the cute guy. Today I attended the reopening of RCOTT's off road track...

...and then went to Runway Shift 2014 as the assistant to the cute guy (he was hired to do event coverage).

There's always something to do if you just open yourself up to experiences. There's lots to see and do here. Lots of festivals, lots of holidays, lots of people with different interests... and if you don't want to do anything... there's lots of places to just be. To relax and lime. To have fun in whatever way you please.

peace,

Ren

Stories...

"This is all I ever wanted - to help students and artists see myth as a reflection of the one sublime adventure of life, and then to breathe new life into it." ~Joseph Campbell 

Every so often I ask the cute guy to tell me a story, a true story about something that has happened to him or that he has done. We take turns, so sometimes I tell my own stories. It's a good way to find out about each other and the bits and pieces that make up who we are. Sometime in the future I will start asking him to make up stories; spin a tale, weave a yarn. 

I've always been interested in stories and perhaps this is why I'm so much of a bookworm. Books provide never-ending access to all manner of stories. Ideas, thoughts, facts and culture... all these are passed on through story. From parent to child, family to family and onward. 

Today I'm going to see Captain America with the cute guy and his family. I think movies are an interesting way to tell stories - it's different from sinking into a book but just as easy to have one's imagination captured by what unfolds on screen. Then too, some people find it easier to relate to images and sounds than to words. 

I'm thinking about how I can share my own story. This blog is part of it... writing the moments as they come... there is more to be done though and I've been thinking of how to bring it into being. Perhaps not now, perhaps in the future, perhaps as I've been doing - bits and pieces as I go along.

Tell me a story?

peace,

Ren

Laying the groundwork

"The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today." 

~H. Jackson Brown Jr. 

I've been up since 4 a.m. - had a class with a private client at 5:15. I think it says a lot that I was perfectly happy to be up and about doing yoga at that hour. I taught another class later in the morning. I spoke with the principal of a primary school where I will be teaching classes for primary school students starting next month. I've looked at the curriculum for Physical Education for both primary and secondary students and wondered how I can fuse yoga and phys ed. I'm planning out blog posts in my head... not for this blog but for a future yoga blog that may not be that far off in the future. I'm thinking of retreats, workshops and who I can get to help me in some way. 

I've been busy... but it's been a happy day. There's been no moments of frustration or stress. Just a lightness in my being and the knowledge that for now I'm in a good space. I'm making plans so that this space can be continued. 

It's a lot of excitement.

peace,

Ren

On having a (Cat) Child

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." ~Franklin P. Adams

This morning I was in my room doing I can't remember what when I heard loud meows outside my window. Looking out, I saw my Cat sitting on a chair and apparently talking to me... 

He's a very vocal Cat. I am told that I have him very spoilt. I do not know what people are talking about. I don't over feed him - his vet says he is most healthy and definitely not over-weight. I play with him when I can. A lot of times he comes by me to sleep. He likes to cuddle and sit on me. He likes to talk to me. He comes to greet me when I get home. He makes noise outside my window at 5 a.m. because that's when he wants food. He sleeps away most of my waking day.

He is adorable and also a major responsibility. He makes me think of what it would be like to have my own child - a mini me... a tiny person who will grow into a big person who will be dependent on me for at least 18 years. I'm not sure I can manage that. I'm not sure I want to manage that. 

Time will tell I suppose... and in the meantime I shall live and love my Cat Child. 

peace,

Ren

Passing it on

"A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult." ~Melinda Gates

There have been, and continues to be, a lot of strong women in my life. The one with the most impact on my life was my mother and I know that she has made an impact on the lives of others as well. I consider myself lucky that she was able to share herself with me and that her friends now do the same. I'm taking that into my own life and passing it on. 

I have my own groups of girl people. Women who are each amazing in their own right and who are growing from strength to strength each day. We are trying, individually and collectively, to be the best that we can be. It's a process... parts of everyday life that makes up a whole.

Today I had lunch with one of my cousins. She turned 16 this year... I do not know how she's gotten so old so quickly. I've been trying to remember what my thoughts and feelings were at that age. Trying to place myself in her shoes so that I can pass on what I have learnt. How do I let her know that she can be whoever she wants to be? That she will have as much support as she needs? That she is free to make her own choices whether for good or ill and someone will be there always? That she can do much more than she thinks she can.

I'm trying to lead by example. Letting myself be who I want to be. Trusting that all will be well and that there is support whether I need it or not. These are things I've learnt and am continuing to learn. I'm passing it on.

peace,

Ren

The Wedding pt 1 - Shopping for clothes

"The more I know you, the more I want to know you more." ~Roy Lessin

My cousin is getting married in July. It is going to be a weekend of festivities with both Hindu and Christian ceremonies. It is going to be huge. It is going to be fun. We (I've got lots of family - aunts, uncles, cousins and more) are all excited. 

July is not that far away and so I've decided to get a move on with shopping for clothing for The Wedding. The cute guy and I went to look at Indian wear... saris and shalwars and the like. There is a lot of stuff to look at and try on. There should be a lot of haggling... but I'm not great at haggling. The cute guy is a giant and finding stuff in his size is a bit of a challenge. I'm fairly short and finding stuff in my size is a bit of a challenge. It's interesting that we seem to have the same amount of difficulty in finding proper fitting clothing and footwear. 

We did find stuff though. I've bought myself a sari that I now have to carry to a seamstress to get sewn. The cute guy now has a kurta. We didn't go with the intention to buy anything but... since we found stuff that suited both of us we went ahead and bought them. He is fun to shop with and to be with. 

I have a date for The Wedding! We shall be beautifully dressed... at least for the Hindu ceremony... have yet to figure out the other outfit I'll wear.

peace,

Ren