Things I'll be writing about this month:

"The intuitive mind will tell the thinking mind where to look next." ~Jonas Salk

It's the first of April and I'm going to try very hard to write each day. Every day. A post a day! What will I be writing on? Anything that strikes my fancy. This will include:

1. OMG the cute guy and I got engaged! Now we have to get married! And all the drama that happens when planning trying to plan a reception whether you want to have a reception or not. 
2. #100HappyDays - I'm participating in the 100 happy days challenge with a group of friends and also people I don't know. I realise today that this will be deeper and more involved than I expected as I had to google what "happy" meant before deciding on my first post.
3. Death, dying and my thoughts - Sunday 3rd will be 3 years since my mom's passing. We're having a free session at the studio talking about the yogic view of death and have invited someone to talk about palliative care. Death is so much a part of life that I think society needs to think about and talk about it more.
4. Yoga and being a business person. Do they go hand-in-hand? As much as any other occupation I suppose.
5. My CatChile & my parent - they are the two males I currently live with and thus I have many stories about the two.
6. Random other things I think up. 

For now, bedtime. We have an early class in the morning.

Night all!

peace,

Ren

Sequencing the moon

"When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator." ~Mahatma Gandhi

There's a full moon in the sky tonight and so I'm teaching chandra namaskars (moon salutations) in class this evening. I'm currently taking a few moments away from reading up on the postures and planning the sequence that I'll do to write this post. There's a full moon in the sky tonight and a lunar eclipse tomorrow. Take a moment to look at it, revel in the beauty of it. 

There's something about full moons that I've always loved. 

peace,

Ren

Laying the groundwork

"The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today." 

~H. Jackson Brown Jr. 

I've been up since 4 a.m. - had a class with a private client at 5:15. I think it says a lot that I was perfectly happy to be up and about doing yoga at that hour. I taught another class later in the morning. I spoke with the principal of a primary school where I will be teaching classes for primary school students starting next month. I've looked at the curriculum for Physical Education for both primary and secondary students and wondered how I can fuse yoga and phys ed. I'm planning out blog posts in my head... not for this blog but for a future yoga blog that may not be that far off in the future. I'm thinking of retreats, workshops and who I can get to help me in some way. 

I've been busy... but it's been a happy day. There's been no moments of frustration or stress. Just a lightness in my being and the knowledge that for now I'm in a good space. I'm making plans so that this space can be continued. 

It's a lot of excitement.

peace,

Ren

Yoga in the Park tomorrow.

"May I have the courage to show up fully, to be of service to what wants to emerge." ~Kathia Laszlo  

I'm teaching yoga in Palmiste Park tomorrow morning and so I've been spending this evening/night working out my flow. What breathing exercises should I do? What postures will I teach? What will I say exactly?

There is no exactly. I'm not yet very comfortable teaching but it is getting better. So much easier to do my own flow without having to think about how to word it and the sequence of postures. I've never thought it would be easy and I'm right about that but it is getting easier. I think perhaps all I need is more practice. 

Teaching is in its own way a great reward. There's something very fulfilling about getting thoughts and ideas across. Knowing that in some small way one may be helping people to deal with something going on in their lives. Introducing people to a better way to breathe and start their day. 

I've got yoga in Palmiste Park tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to it as it is such a beautiful space to breathe and move in. Hopefully those who come to class will find their own joy in the experience. Hopefully I can guide them into a joyous experience. 

peace,

Ren

Bewilderment and exhilaration

"Time has been transformed and we have changed; it has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration." ~Kahlil Gibran 

The photo I've taken for this week's project 52: 

Project 52: 8/52

It's our first lily of the year and it brings with it much joy with just a hint of sorrow. Joy because I love these flowers... the colour of it and how it blooms around this time of year. Sorrow because last year they bloomed in time and in such profusion for my mom's last month with us. This lily reminds me of how much time has passed, of how much changes I've made in my life, of how easy and yet strange it is to move from one phase to another. 

Last week I started teaching public yoga classes in our new studio space. It is exciting and exhilarating and scary and bewildering. It feels like stretching - my body and mind. I'm not yet quite confident with my teaching style... being in front of a group of people looking to me for direction... but, I will get there and in the meantime these experiences help my own practice. Helps me sink deeper and explore more of what I would like my life to be and what I would like to share. 

Yesterday I taught my first private class and it left both my client and I happy. I find it easier to interact and connect with one person than a group. I'm thinking that I need to hold the feelings that come up with private class in memory when I'm teaching public classes. 

On Friday the cute guy and I celebrate the anniversary of our first date. So much has happened since then and I am grateful for who he is and also for who I am when with him. It is very freeing. 

What is time and how do we measure it? Moment to moment, month to month. We move through our lives, changing with each experience, becoming or not becoming as the case may be. I'm in a good space right now. There are moments of uncertainty, as there will be when starting something new, but when I look at the core of it I find that I'm comfortable in my own skin. I am in a good space.

Wishing you find the same.

peace,

Ren

Svadhyaya ~ Self Study

"Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power." ~Lao Tzu

Who am I? This question keeps coming up. It's one that I have thought about over and over... approached from different angles over the years. As a child I didn't think about it much - I was just aware that there was more; more to me, more to life, more to where we are and when we are. I feel that children are truly more connected to themselves - at least until the everyday world starts pulling them in. 

Perhaps it is just that at this point in my life I really need to give attention to this question? Who am I? A woman who was just going along with the motions until something happened to shake it up? No plan, no rhyme or reason until recently. It feels weird to call myself a woman but, at thirty, 'woman' is more appropriate than 'girl' - even though I still consider myself a girl. 

During my yoga teacher training this question came up. I have it written in my notes, 'the inquiry of yoga begins with the question: who am I?'. We give ourselves permission to inquire into the nature and content of our own experiences. By dedicating ourselves to svadhyaya we reflect; look within and see what inspires us, what moves us and ask the question - who am I? I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one asking this question. 

On my return home I found myself in... limbo? Still didn't have a plan, still trying to figure out what I wanted to be doing. The cute guy was looking for a space for his studio and I was helping... I'm not sure at what point I decided to look for a space for myself as well but somewhere along the way the 'search for a space for him' turned into the 'search for a space we could both use'. In the third week of December I attended a Self-Mastery Intensive Workshop at the Blue Star. It wasn't something I had planned to do but was somewhat tricked by my brother into going. Ergh? Sometimes we need to be tricked into doing things that may be good for us.  The very first line of my notes from that workshop reads: 'I am: a soul having a human experience -> what does that mean for me?' What does that mean for me? I'm still working it out. I feel as though I will forever be working it out.

On the second day of the workshop we talked about recognition of who we are; that the journey never ends and that the moment we find ourselves asking this question - Who am I? - we become the Seeker. What am I seeking? Knowledge, understanding, inner peace? I think I'm currently seeking to know why I'm seeking. Would like to just sit back and let life be but apparently some part of me has shifted and I can't get back to being... complacent?

There are variations to the question. What am I? What is the All that I am? Is there more of me to be experienced? Am I experiencing all that I am? What else am I? What is the More that I am? What exists when the form is taken away?

These are the steps I have written:

Observe (witness without being carried away) -> Be non-judgemental (be open, operate without judgement) -> Be curious (explore each dimension) -> Desire the adventure -> Adventure! (trust in the Universe and know that there is better to come)

I'm trying to keep them in mind.

It's almost the end of January and I find myself preparing a space in which I can teach yoga - asana? meditation? breathing? Yoga. My brother says he is not sure I can teach anyone as he does not think I have been practising enough. What should I be practising more of? I find myself examining even more the Who am I. What do I want to offer people? What is my purpose for establishing this space? 

The word that comes to mind the most is space. Sacred space. Sharing sacred space. A space where people can come for a moment of time and just be. Reconnect. Stretch. Breathe.

I think I'm okay with that.

Who am I? A Seeker... one who does not know how far she has to go but is fine with that.

What am I? In this moment, content... and sleepy.

Good night all.

peace,

Ren

Looking.

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle." ~Steve Jobs

Tomorrow the cute guy and I are going to be signing a rental agreement - we've been looking for a space in which he can have his photography studio and, I'm not quite sure how I got involved but, I'll also be using the space as a yoga studio. We're sharing. It starts tomorrow. It's exciting and scary and... awesome. 

On Friday I had dinner with two women who I worked with at my old job - one moved on to other adventures some time back and one is still there. The conversation was interesting - catching up on where we were and what we're doing. How have we gotten to where we are now? It's something I've been thinking about a lot. When I was 13 we had to choose subjects - I ended up in the Business stream only because of the fact that I wanted to do Information Technology as one of my subjects; it was only offered in the Business stream or the Sciences stream and I definitely was not interested in pursuing strictly Science subjects. One decision that led to a BA in Business Administration, a job in an office and then an MBA because... progression? It served its purpose - I needed a job and I had one and now I'm moving on to find out what I really would love to do. My dad is unhappy because he thinks I'm going about it the wrong way - that I should have stayed at my old job or find a new job (which provides steady income) and pursue this - whatever this is right now - in my spare time. 

Pfft. I need to do this my way. Need to figure out, to find, to look for what will satisfy me.

Is it teaching yoga? I'm not sure - but I'm open to the possibility that it might be or, that this will eventually lead me to somewhere I want to be. Is it writing? Perhaps - this is something that's always in my mind and so I'm sure the time will come when I pursue it further. Is it taking one day at a time and enjoying each experience? Yes. 

What will be, will be. I'm looking forward to it.

peace,

Ren

Once more... writing.

"What things there are to write, if one could only write them! My mind is full of gleaming thoughts; gay moods and mysterious, moth-like meditations hover in my imagination, fanning their painted wings. But always the rarest, those streaked with azure and the deepest crimson, flutter away beyond my reach." ~Logan Pearsall Smith

It is almost a month since I've written in this space. It's almost two weeks since I graduated Yoga Teacher Training. There are a lot of thoughts in my head, a lot of things I want to write, a lot of possibilities swirling around. I have been making excuses... I was busy - asana practice and designing my own flow and teaching my first class, I was travelling, my dad was travelling, my house has not been cleaned in what seems like forever, my Cat child needs me! I have not been writing even though there are things that I do want to write to sort out stuff. I have not sent out emails that I've already halfway composed in my head. 

Why is that? I'm not sure. Then, I read this article: 'Move, Meditate, Write: The Yoga of Writing' and found it to be the push that I needed.  

A commitment then... every day for at least a week I shall write something here - I shall write about travelling with the cute guy and travelling by myself, of adventures in new places, of making new friends and discovering or rediscovering parts of myself. I shall write about the ordinary and the extraordinary. I will also send out at least one email (per day) that I've been meaning to send out. 

Hello World, I've missed you.

peace,

Ren 

Now the Inquiry...

"We make our work significant by the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers". ~Carl Sagan

I've been in Costa Rica at the Nosara Yoga Institute for a little over a week. It's slowly sinking in that I'm not home, that I'm not in my comfort space, that I'm not surrounded by people I care about. It's an experience.

Costa Rica is beautiful, there is jungle and beach and friendly people who speak Spanish (whilst I do not). The yoga teacher training is filled with people from around the world. I'm learning a lot about yoga, about myself, about who I want to be and maybe even a little bit about what I want to do. 

I am missing my mom. Grief is still something that I am working through. There is a mother-daughter pair in our yoga classes and I am somewhat envious of the time and the togetherness that they get to spend with each other. 

I am talking every day with my dad... our relationship has deepened since my mom's passing as we try to fill in the spaces. I am talking every day with the cute guy who is still as adorable as I first found him. Luckily travelling with him was a wonderful experience.

I am asking questions and seeking answers in the work I'm doing and in the space I'm in. We shall see what I shall find.

peace,

Ren

Body awareness...

"You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." ~C. S. Lewis

I've been feeling achy lately... in an I've been in this position too long (I'm at a desk most of the day) or I've not stretched much kinda achy. I know that exercise would help. I know that this is what my body wants and really that I should get involved with some sort of discipline... yoga, tai chi, dance - I've been exposed to a lot of stuff but at the moment I'm finding it hard to get going, to start something. Inertia... I'm feeling it myself.

I'm a fan of America's Next Top Model... It's interesting to me to see the poses they can drop into (or have practiced or are coached into). This week one of the models was told that when she's not modelling - not in the photo-shoot moment - she needs to be aware of what her body expresses cuz for models they're judged both on and off camera. It's the same for everyone I think...

In yesterday's talk, Sri Vasudeva speaks about body awareness... it's an interesting talk and the discussion (which I missed most of because I'm at work) was even more interesting... what really stands out to me (and to my mom too apparently) is this paragraph:

"It is therefore extremely important to understand, "What does my physical body truly need to be well and supportive, and to be resilient in the human experience? What does it need from me that it can serve me the best, so that we can co-exist in a harmonious and purposeful relationship?" This requires cultivating physical body awareness in an objective way. In a way that you truly understand the body, its intelligence and its needs, being able to see the difference between its needs and your desires, covering or masking those needs. That is extremely important. Be in touch with your body."

I remember, when I was in secondary school, one day as I climbed the stairs with my friend that she said to me, "Ren, you always have the best posture...". I need to get back to that. Need to stretch, to move, to breathe a little bit more.

Maybe you can encourage me?

peace,

Ren

Kripalu...

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain 

Today is May 4th... I've been feeling out-of-sorts all day with part of myself remembering the past, part of myself trying to stay focused on the present and part of myself wandering off into the future. What's important about May 4th you ask? 

I started on an adventure. In actuality the complete adventuring process started months before with planning and filling out of forms and talking to people (family, friends, work). The date that I realised I was adventuring though was - May 4th 2009. On that day I became a volunteer at the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health. 

I know that there were a lot of people (family, friends, work.. lol) wondering what the xyz I was doing. I admit... I myself was wondering the same thing... On May 4th 2009 however, I found myself in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts after having taken a flight to NYC and then a bus to Lenox, Massachusetts. These trips did not happen consecutively so there was some time to wonder what I was getting myself into. 

There aren't many people I know that would take a period of no-pay leave to go off to another country and be a volunteer for four months at a Yoga Center. That's what I did... and why did I do it? For me. Cuz I was feeling lost and claustrophobic and wondering if there was nothing more to life than the ordinary. There are many stories about how persons get to Kripalu... or go on any kind of spiritual quest really. In my case it was a longing to experience .. something .. that you know is out there but just haven't had yet. I'd known about the place for .. years. And I knew that I'd get there eventually though I didn't think it would have been as a volunteer. Towards the end of 2008 however I found myself wanting to scream. It felt like I'd been giving and giving of myself with nothing being renewed... and it was then I knew I had to do something or I'd turn into a crazy loon (ok.. maybe a crazy b*tch).  And so, I applied... and I was interviewed... and I was accepted. I don't think I ever told all you who supported me and helped convince me and said of course that's what I should do thanks... so. Thanks. Much love and blessings to you.

The Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health is a nonprofit educational organization dedicated to promoting the art and science of yoga to produce thriving and health in individuals and society. Their volunteer program seeks to cultivate the practice of work as an avenue of self-discovery. It isn't all sunshine and bliss. The volunteers make up a major part of the workforce of the Center - you'll find volunteers working in just about every aspect of the daily running of the Center. It's hard work but at the same time... it's work approached from a different angle. There's a lot of talk about self-inquiry and development. Energy awareness and how is this sitting with you now? Stretch, Breathe, Flow, Release. 

Each person's experience is unique and rightly so as each individual is unique and travelling on their own path. A year from when I began I'm still processing the experience. BRFWA - breathe, relax, feel, watch and allow... How am I feeling in this moment? Thankful... for the experience. Happy... that I went through with it and didn't allow doubts of what am I doing.. where am I going.. why am I here.. to cloud my focus. Grateful... for the community that I was a part of... the friends I made... the people I interacted with. Grown up-Mature in a way that I can't explain. Wistful... cuz it was a whole world apart from the regular world and in some ways is an example of how I'd like the world to be. Calm... what will be will be... que será será.

And so to close this post I leave you with a lil bit ah memories that aren't in any particular order. If you were there... I know you can picture it... If you weren't and you want to see pics - I've got them.. but really... I advise a visit... it doesn't have to be a four-month-as-a-volunteer visit but Kripalu... it's a place you'd want to check out. 

Bus ride. Spilled coffee. Traveller on the Appalachian trail. Lenox. Shuttle rides. Volunteer badges. Hill House. Work schedule. Program choices. Yoga. Breakfast, lunch and dinner oh my! Raw granola. Avocados. Volunteer table. Dance. Blindfold dance. Taking-over-the-Tavern dance. YogaDance. Off-the-Mat. Smudging. Creating. Writing. Om. Walks to Hill House... to Shadowbrook... to Lenox. Baby blue bicycle. Shut down week. Tanglewood. Jacob's Pillow. Coffee. Workroom. True Blood. Elevator convos. Late night convos. Talk talk talk. Feel. Break down. BRFWA. Movie night. Writing workshop. Kombucha. Shiva Rea. Dinabandhu. Birthdays. Cards. Birthday cards. Parties. Kundalini Yoga - I never got there .. oy. Full Moon Fire Ceremony. Monks and nuns. Music. Stretch. Move. Magic Show. YTT. Strawberries. Laughter. Cuddle puddles.

Thanks Universe for guiding me where I need to go. Look out Kripalu - I'll be visiting in two weeks or so. 

love,

Rtr

Edited to add some perspective: I'm linking to posts from two of my fellow volunteers about their experiences at Kripalu. I remember when I was researching it how excited I was to find the blog of someone who had been volunteering there as well... so... if you like this post... check out these as well:

• 
  
  Ready to talk about Mastodons and Elephants. (inspired by weekly share)
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  Spend a year living at a yoga center

peace,

Rtr