Almost a new year...

"Sit, be still and listen, because you're drunk and we're at the edge of the roof." ~Rumi

Today is the last day of 2013 and I couldn't let it go without returning here. I have sat down to write many times over the last two weeks but could not quite figure out what I wanted to say. Those posts will have to be written in the new year - reflections of past moments. Today I reflect on this year and years that have gone before. I am quietly contemplative; I suspect that all of us feel this way to some extent. 

This has been a year of change. As I look back, I can somewhat neatly block it off into thirds. During the first three months my mom was on a decline - my time was split between taking care of her and work and life as it is. I think we all knew that it would be her time soon and then she passed away on April 3rd. I blogged every day of that month and I feel that it helped clear my mind and ease my heart. At the end of April I had my 30th birthday. This is still a wonder to me... how have I gotten to be 30 years old? Where has the time gone? 

The second third of the year (May - August) was a time of processing. Raw feelings and figuring out the pieces of my life. At the beginning of August I made a decision - perhaps it was a decision that should have been made many months or years ago but everything has its time and I'm glad that the time came for it. The last third of the year was spent putting plans into motion and setting off on adventures. I quit my job, went travelling with the cute guy and got certified as a Nosara Yoga teacher. 

This last month has been a time of contemplation, questioning, inquiry. Where do I want to go? What do I want to do? Who am I? The cute guy and I are making business plans - I wonder how these would affect our current relationship. For the first time in... ever, I have been thinking about long term career/business goals. I'm planning and thinking that a new moon at the beginning of a New Year is an awesome thing. 

We're coming down to the last half hour of 2013 (here in Trinidad and Tobago). I'm off to meditate... There's been a lot of me-time this year and it's something that I hope to carry into the new year.

Some links that I've loved lately:

• The Best of Brain Pickings 2013 by Maria Popova
• A Revolution in Resolutions: Six steps to calling your deepest desires into life by Marylee Fairbanks
• 2014 New Years' blessings from religious leaders 

And this, because I find it appropriate: 

Wishing you all that you dream of and more...

peace,

Ren

Divali Greetings to you...

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." ~Carl Jung

Holiday in Trinidad and Tobago today as it's Divali (or Diwali... Deepavali...) ... festival of lights... celebration of light over darkness, good over evil... does this sound familiar? It seems as though this is a common tenet for most religions.

There's a new moon in Scorpio as well tonight. It's a time for introspection. Uncovering what is hidden in our thoughts and feelings. Figuring out what we want... setting intentions for the same.

I'm in a bit of a mood. Quiet. Reflective. Over the past week I've had a lot of moments of childhood flashbacks and a lot of wondering about what my future will be like. I've signed up at 750words to write each day... it's a site inspired by Julia Cameron's morning pages - three pages of writing done every day that can be about anything and everything that comes into your head, no editing - it's essentially a brain dump. It's private but the site (magically in my mind) is able to formulate stats based on what you've written (I suspect algorithms of some sort are involved). I signed up three days ago and have since written a total of 2,402 words, at approximately 43 words per minute (this reminds me of typing class... though I can't remember how much my wpm was) and my words have a G rating (I find this amusing). The site also provides charts and graphs and such... it appeals to me.

 

I'm thinking I'll also sign up to blog each day for November. It's been somewhat freeing not having to get to a computer each day to blog but I also think it's a bit of a lack of discipline. 

I guess I'll have to wait and see what the future will bring. 

Shubh Divali all... richest blessings to you... health and prosperity and clear thinking... 

peace,

Ren

Surfacing...

"You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with your dominant thoughts."
Brian Tracy

Return to the blog after a week away. 

Been thinking thoughts about life and what it's about... about work and what people get involved in... about people and what their thoughts are... about relationships and what they are about. It's got me fairly muddled - I should have been writing it out instead of sinking into work and home and the thoughts floating around my head. I've signed up to do NaBloPoMo this month so I'm committing to writing each day this month - something I need to do... and also something that freaks me out a bit. 

Saw 2 and 3/4 movies between when I last posted and now... They were all meaningful in some way - all with points to think about - all worth watching (again and again).

The first - 'Stranger than Fiction'- I only saw about 3/4 of it and it's a movie I really must see again in its entirety. There will be no spoiler alerts here... no writings about the plot line... just an observance that it tied in with my thoughts about death at the time. I'm a believer in things occurring when they need to... that a book/movie/person will appear in your life when you're thinking about/need it. This movie was like that for me. A question that came to mind - if you knew the date/time/event of your death... would you try to change it? 

The second - 'Julie and Julia' - I guess you can tell that I don't see that many films the moment they appear in cinemas... though that's slowly changing thanks to Shoeaholic... I loved it - actually my entire family loved it which is a rarity in itself. It takes a lot of dedication to blog each day ... and further to cook each day and then blog about it though I do know that there are a lot of bloggers out there that do this. To a person like myself who has no stick-to-it-ive-ness it's very admirable. I also loved how she found Julie (and Julia actually) lost herself and found herself. Life is one strange circle. 

The third - 'Becoming Jane' - I love Anne Hathaway and just about all of the movies that I've seen her in. I also love Jane Austen and think her books are a most scrumptious read. I think sometimes that I'd love to live in a period where there are balls which one must get dressed up for, which everyone knew the dances for and attended. Of course I also know that that's not all that went on in those times. Arranged marriages... marrying for wealth and position.. Hmm. My mother met with her girl group today (every woman - no matter how old - should have a girl group)... they're all thinking that it's high time I get married - ergh... and then I saw this movie. I could not marry someone I felt no affection for. I could not marry someone that has no affection for me. How does one know of either set of feelings? Is it an age thing that makes me think of marriage? I was so sure once upon a time that I *never* wanted to be. 

Art imitates life and truly these films are interesting works of art which look at different aspects of life as it is. In some way, though I've not been writing it out, I've been working out my thoughts and feelings. Am hoping that soon I will know exactly what I'd like to attract in my life. 

Saying a prayer and sending out love to you who may also be figuring out your lives.. or may have it all figured out... 

peace,

Ren