Sick.

"Everything that happens to you is stored and reflected in your body. Your body knows; your body tells. The relationship of yourself to your body is indivisible, inescapable, unavoidable." ~Gabrielle Roth

I have been recovering from the flu... cold... virus? I'm never quite sure what it is - it started off with a sore throat early last week, turned into body aches, sneezing and a slightly scary temperature and is ending up with tired eyes and an overall feeling of almost-but-not-quite-better.

I took today off from work because my eyes would not allow me to leave home. I've mentioned this before on the blog (I think)... my eyes become super-light-sensitive when I'm ill. So much so that the barest hint of sunlight produces streams of tears. I've been in darkness most of this weekend. It may be because of my eyes that I find darkness to be soothing.

The cute guy seems to be in the beginning stages of whatever illness I'm recovering from. Is this part of being in a relationship? Is there a 50-50 rule? If I have an illness, there's a 50-50 possibility that he may or may not get it from me? Healing vibes to him because I know I've been miserable these past few days.

I've been thinking of my grandparents and my parents. As a little girl, whenever I got sick I'd be sent to my grandparents during the day... my sick days form the majority of the memories I have of my grandparents. Been thinking of my mom and how she handled her illness... and of my dad and how he's been handling mine.

I've been dreaming... it hardly ever happens or I rarely remember when I do. When I'm unwell it happens often. Day time dreams and night time dreams; vivid dreams that melt into wisps of dreams when my eyes open. 

It's time for more dreams for me.

Good night world, I've missed talking to you.

peace,

Ren

3 a.m.

I've been waking up around 3 a.m. all week. Side effect of antibiotics? The results of getting enough sleep? I think I've read somewhere that our natural sleeping rhythm is early bedtime then awake for an hour or two or three before another bit of sleeping - we've just evolved out of that due to regular workdays and the evolution of nighttime entertainment. This is perhaps not something I should be concerned about or is perhaps the least of my worries.

Am a bit concerned about this infection - humans should have the built-in abilities to heal themselves... Somewhat like how Christine Feehan's Carpathians can - to become energy and seek out and repair what is wrong with our bodies. Yes, I know one can visualize... It's kinda what I've been doing... But I'd like concrete proof that it's working... I'd really like to start feeling better now.

There is pain in waves that crash over me. Shatter. I am undone. I can't help but wonder if this is a smidgen of what my mom feels everyday. There are conversations and discussions that need to happen soon. Some things are better said in person even though I'd prefer writing. Today I'm supposed to attend a baby shower. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It's a very female weekend I'm going to be having. Trying to keep the spirits up and not worry those around me.

Happy Saturday all... Hope your weekend is blessed.

Peace,

Ren

I have been...

"A traveler am I, and a navigator, and every day I discover a new region within my soul." ~Kahlil Gibran

• Sick - in a dizzy-when-I-stand, world-swirling, fever, chills, coughs and sneezes type of way... I'm almost better now.
• Mostly with my family - though that's nothing new really. My mother likes it when we're all together. I like that too - it is a comfort and we all relate well but... sometimes I feel stifled... which makes me cranky... it's not that I don't love them but that space is needed and sometimes wanting that space makes me feel guilty. Family. Oy.
• Chatting up a guy - cuz he's interesting... and cute. Ergh? I'm kinda freaking myself out over that. Hmm.

Happy Friday all... will write actual paragraphs sometime soon...

all the best for a fabulous weekend!

peace,

Ren