Our world has shifted...

"We still do not know one-thousandth of one percent of what nature has revealed to us." ~ Albert Einstein

I haven't blogged since Friday. I have however, spent time with my family, gone to satsang, gone to a tea party (held in honour of my girl cousin's 13th birthday) and gone to Tobago. I've been going about with my own life. In the back of my mind though is the awareness of what is happening in Japan and in the world. The quake which hit Japan on Friday is one of the largest to hit since 1900 (different sites give different stats so I'm not sure whether it's the fourth or fifth largest quake). It has moved the island of Honshu 8 feet to the east and has sped up the earth's rotation by 1.6 microseconds. The tsunamis triggered by this quake has caused damage to Japan, Hawaii and California (am not sure of anywhere else). There is now the threat of a nuclear disaster in Japan. It all boggles the mind. Surreal.

What can one single individual do to help others going through this trauma? I hold you in my thoughts and prayers. I will donate to relief funds. I will talk about what is happening-what has happened-what can still happen in the hopes that persons I talk to can improve on building codes, warning systems, evacuation procedures in my country and elsewhere. I will appreciate what's around me and try to show gratitude and appreiciation just a little bit more.

There is a part of me that wonders if we bring this trauma on ourselves. We have grown so fast, taken up so much space, used up so much resources ... it makes me wonder. Where are we going as a people? What are we meant to do? We cannot expect that everything will remain the same but we can try to ensure that it's somewhat better. This article featured in the Huffington Post speaks about the opportunities that can arise from this devastation. I'm sure there are many persons thinking like the author and hope that they continue to inform and discuss ideas like these. I'm also hopeful that we will try to create these opportunities ourselves - to come up with new ways of doing, creating and living.

peace,

Ren

Family Matters... and oh look! it's February!

"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right." ~Confucius

It's February ... I'm amazed at how quickly and yet how slowly time passes. It seems as though when you're involved in something it takes time but then you pause and already it's a month into 2011. Wow.

I'm back home in Trinidad (& Tobago)... back out to work... in a way it's surreal - and I think I've spoken about this before. One moment you're travelling and living day-by-day, moment-to-moment and then you're at work: stationary, back to the grind. Surreal.

It's a comfort to me being back with my [immediate] family though. I realise that I lost my centre (and my patience :s) whilst staying with my family in California. Too many expectations and preconceived notions of family and how things should be... sadness over drama - It is only on reflection that I realise how I should have related to stuff... hopefully the day will come when realisations occur in the moment and not a week or two after.

Family is a major part of my life - both immediate and [somewhat] extended. I say somewhat because I tend to only focus on the aunts/uncles/first cousins/really-close-relatives... any other pumpkin-vine family I don't consider as much - perhaps because I don't know them. Saturday (after waking up at 10 am due to arriving in Piarco at midnight), I went to church. It occurs to me that that's twice in the same month... something that has not happened in awhile (granted the first visit was to a Mormon church and the second to a Presbyterian). One of my dad's older sisters celebrated her 60th birthday with a thanksgiving...sermon? celebration? event. I'm not as close to my dad's side of the family as my mom's but ultimately - it was good to see everyone. To interact and reminisce. 

If I was to go into greater detail about both experiences I'd have titled this post 'a tale of two carols' because the aunt I visited was my aunty Carol (on my mom's side - d youngest sister of 8) and the aunt celebrating her birthday was my aunty Carol (on my dad's side - I'm not sure where she fits but she's older than my dad).  Family focused for the month of January and I learnt this morning that this year (upcoming Chinese Year of the Metal Rabbit)  favours getting more involved with family. I guess I'm just going along with the flow of the universe, and also with my own thoughts - my to-do list covers family, travel and photo-taking - I've had lots of opportunity for this year so far.  

Be blessed,

Ren

Things I want to write...

"In your garden of dreams many things will blossom" ~ Fortune Cookie (that I got twice ... from separate chinese food places)

Title of this blog post suggested by my cousin... cuz I couldn't think of anything. I'm not even sure what I want to write really. It's been a hectic two days of sightseeing, wedding organising and emotional family drama. I'm still confused with the time/dates (it is Tuesday right?)... and I'm tired yet relaxed... lol...

California - or Orange County, California - is pretty... apparently I brought a warm spell with me cuz it's been rainy/gloomy here till I got here - good thing for me cuz otherwise I'd have frozen. I've been sightseeing a [little] bit... Been down to CDM? Costa del Mar I believe - beach beach baby. I've been to Dana Point (and am going there tomorrow as well) - freezing cold sea water... pretty beach front. I've been to Rogers Gardens (which can totally be compared to any of those garden places seen on HGTV!) and seen flowers and plants and water features. I'm so not into the whole movie-star hunting, Hollywood-visiting tourist thing. I like nature places... and luckily there are a lot here. Californians take care of their spaces. I also visited a memorial park - it's not very far from where I'm staying (my aunt went to exercise - needs to shed a pound or two to fit into the dress she's planning on wearing to the wedding). Apart from this... I now know where the local stores (Target...Marshalls....Michaels...Joanne's... food places) are. 

Wedding organising is ... interesting? Hectic - there are a lot of little things to get done in a little space of time. My dress (I'm a bridesmaid!) has been carried to a guy to get altered (hemmed - I'm short... *sigh*) - am sure it will be done well - it's a cute old asian guy that's gonna be doing it. I got a new pair of shoes as well... tall-ish... very stable (would not do to wobble or worse during the procession). I got a pedicure with my aunt :) We've also been getting decorations/wedding favours/bridesmaid & groomsmen stuff... weddings are a lot of work. 

Have been thinking about that - my cousin has been waffling - wedding is on - then off - then on. There's a lot of stuff going on that I'm not getting into. It has made me think about my own perspective on marriage and .. mates. I don't think people should get married unless they're sure that they'll be supported and can provide support to their partners. I also think people need to know themselves before they're ready to share themselves with others. Am not sure how many people do this though. It's perhaps why I'm not partnered up with anyone at this time. I like being on my own... and I haven't met anyone that I think will understand/support me in the way that I want. I'm also not sure that I can handle sharing my life at this time either.

I think just being here and involved with this bit of family drama is making me re-evaluate myself - my thoughts on relationships and partnerships. It's perhaps a bit more than expected on this trip but I'm taking it as a learning experience. 

Highlights of trip so far:

• Walking along the beach and freezing my toes in the waters of the Pacific
• Total amazement at the size and awesomeness of Rogers Gardens
• Jacuzzi - need I say more?
• Finding the same fortune - message from the Universe? (playing the numbers in the lottery)
• Finding a memorial to a guy younger than me :S
• Baby yarn :)
• Perfect pair of shoes
• Tiny Asian guy calling me short

peace,

Ren

Travelling Karma - Holy mother I am in California!

"The way is not in the sky, the way is in the heart. For the traveler who knows his direction, there is always a favorable wind." ~Stuart Avery Gold

I have no idea what time it is... while I can look at the clock here and it says it's 9:39 my body clock is off. I'm still working on Trini time (it's 1:39am - already Monday there). 

Travelling is an adventure and I like it :) It may be tiring but it's never frustrating to me... it's a bit of an adrenaline rush. I'm also lucky that I have really good travelling karma... and by that I mean that things flow smoothly for me... I've never had any kinda drama with flight delays or immigration. In fact, when I'm travelling locally (home sweet home) it's fairly easy for me to get taxis or buses or reach where I need to reach on time. I am blessed. Thank you Universe for the gift of good travelling karma. 

Without this gift, I'm not sure how smoothly my trip to California would have been. I was up at 4 am. Left home at 5 am (ok.. really that was the intent - left home at 5.15). Left Trinidad at 7.30 am. After that time got messed up for me. I think Miami is an hour behind due to daylight savings time? Anyway. Miami International Airport? Seriously huge. Whoever built that or is responsible for it needs to figure out a way to move people around quickly. It's a good thing I'm friendly - I made friends with a woman in the seat next to me (I know that she was born in Tobago but has been living in Florida for the past 16 years - this was her first visit back to T&T in that time - I don't however know the woman's name - somehow did not get  around to finding that out). Thank you Lady-Whatever-Your-Name-Was. Not only did she give me a book to read on my other flights (free book!!!) but she helped me figure out the complete craziness that is Miami International Airport. International visitors are required to clear customs and collect baggage and then recheck baggage before getting the connecting flight - this would be easy if the places to do this were within a few feet of each other. Unfortunately, they are miles apart (I swear - MILES). I only had a one hour window to do this as between landing time and boarding time for the next flight was one hour (I think?) ... Thankfully unknown lady helped me figure out where customs was ... where d baggage claim was... that I'd need to race towards my departing gate. Also, thankfully, I had a nice immigrations/customs person who was not in any way disturbed by my frantic bubbly-ness (frantic cuz I wasn't sure about the timing...bubbly-ness cuz he asked what was my purpose for being in the US and I excitedly started talking about wedding & being a bridesmaid & etc... ergh)... anyway luckily this all went smoothly. Where I nearly missed my connecting flight? MIA gates are MILES away from each other. I arrived at my departure gate (huffing and out-of-breath) just as final boarding was being called. Yay. 

Dallas/Fort Worth airport was much easier to handle. Had enough time to get from arrival gate to place with food to departure gate. Santa Ana/John Wayne airport? Even easier! Like I told my mom - MIA=XXX (huge) DFW=XX (not so huge= medium-sized) SNA=X (small - time taken from departing plane to getting baggage and ready to leave airport? 10 mins max). 

The flights themselves? Pretty good... Flying is ok (and pretty - I like looking out of the windows and seeing the clouds below). Taking off and Landing? Not so ok... but manageable. 

Today my aunt took me down to the beach for a brief walk (we were on our way to church)... amazingly beautiful and there'll be pics to prove it on my flick account sometime in the future. Was surprised to find out that it's a pretty serious church-going area (today is Sunday - a lot of people were at different churches we passed along the way). Also went down to Chinatown in LA - didn't find what we were looking for really but it was good sight seeing... I like that the US is so huge... strange? idk... it seems like everything goes on forever.

We've been ole-talking too. In a way it's like being with my mom (I'm staying with my mom's youngest sister - her daughter's getting married!!!)... and in a way it isn't. It's when I'm away that I realise just how close I am to my immediate family (mom/dad/brother) cuz I'll find something I want to show/tell them and they're not here to share with. Ah well. 

So. I'm in California... It's amazing so far. :) 

Highlights of trip to date:

• Racing through MIA towards departure gate - comfortable shoes ftw! (stopping to ask airport personnel for help and having them go 'oh u're a trini! yes i'm sure we can get u through the lines faster! bless them cuz otherwise i'd never have made it)
• Broccoli-cheese soup and a fruit plate from TGIF in DFW (cuz of course I must mention food)
• Getting to SNA and realising that from getting off plane to getting baggage = < 10 mins
• Bridesmaid dress that fits like a dream (except that it needs hemming - I be short)
• View of the Pacific ... Oh wow!
• Serene peacefulness in a Mormon church
• Smelling soap at Marshall's
• Dragons painted on the road as crosswalks in Chinatown
• Talking with girl cousin about wedding plans

I totally encourage travelling - even if you have to just cross the road and visit a neighbour - do it. 

peace,

Ren

Ramblings of a tired person - a tale of crying... California... and being cut.

"Here is the test to find whether or not your mission on earth is finished: If you are alive, it isn’t." ~Richard Bach 

It's 12:26 am and I'm blogging. Why? Because I've got ideas of blog posts floating around in my head and the longer I leave it the longer the eventual post will be. As it is now I'll try to keep it short due to the late hour and the fact that I have to be up early to organise breakfast & lunch and [try to] get to work on time.  

I'm coming off of a dark weekend - in the sense that there was a lot of stress and crying and emotional drama - not necessarily all mine though I still felt drawn into it. While experiencing Friday night ,in particular, I kept thinking of the term 'dark night of the soul' - some searching can get you a better idea of what that is if you're curious. My mama was most unwell. If you've been following this blog you'll know she's been doing chemo, if you haven't been - my mom's doing chemo. Cancer sucks people.. as do the side-effects brought on by treatment. If you're healthy now, then really, do your best to stay that way. My mom is a random case - we're vegetarian, she doesn't smoke or do alcohol, she exercises [somewhat] - I guess it's just karma...which in this case is a bitch. Or maybe there's some reason for her having to experience these experiences... whatever it is we don't know. What I do know is that it's hard being a cancer co-survivor (the term given to people that support cancer survivors) though I'm sure it's much harder being a cancer survivor. It is hard to see someone you love in pain and not be able to do something about it.. besides provide what comfort you're capable of. Sometimes just being there is not enough when the person you're being-there-for is crying and in pain and questioning life and what it's about. Add that to the fact that I was *still* working on the dissertation (down-to-the-wire with that - though I've handed it in I'm still not sure it makes sense) and Friday night - seriously energy-draining.

Saturday and Sunday? Not so bad. Though I did have some issues with my dad - am actually not quite sure what's happening with us as we usually get along/understand each other fairly well - it's just that he's aggravating the cheerfulness out of me. Idk what's going on there.

On a happy note though... I'm going to be a bridesmaid! My cousin's getting married! and perhaps it's the fact that I'm female that the thought of a wedding instantly cheers me up some? I've had to wrangle with my supervisor and the HR department (sometimes HR is evil) to get my vacation leave (which is legally mine! not sure why there was wrangling needed in the first place! hmph). I do have leave though.. and so I'm off to California next week. Wedding! It's so much more exciting to find out about flights and transportation and where we'll stay (two of my other cousins are going as well) and what we'll be doing and what we'll wear than to do normal stuff... like work. Though I am trying to do the cleaning of my room thing as part of a yay-I'm-going-to-California! type thing. 

My only anxiety about this event? Strapless bridesmaid dress. I have no muscles. Not even a hint. I distinctly  remember back in 2009 having fabulously defined [but not too defined] muscles. Then...2010...a year filled with office work + working towards an MBA. Can a person get cut in 5 days? Can a person get a hint of muscle tone? *Sigh* I am flab. I shall be the pocket-sized flabby bridesmaid. Ergh. Oh wait..I shall be the pocket-sized flabby bridesmaid with goosebumps... apparently it's about 12 degrees celsius there... 12... I start losing functionality at 17... *sigh* Anyway... I shall be packing clothes for layering - because really...Wedding! In California! With family I haven't seen in ages! - it's funny how you can go without seeing people for years and then when you do you fall back in as if you'd seen them yesterday...

So. Hello adventure! Goodbye drama! I know there'll be some another time again but it's ok... and if you're reading this mom - seriously nothing to be sorry about - I love you. 

peace,

Ren