Body Awareness...

"It’s also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that’s sitting right here right now…with its aches and its pleasures…is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive." ~Pema Chodron 

It's the week leading up to my birthday... it makes me somewhat contemplative (more so than usual). Spending some time reflecting on the different aspects of myself. I'm going to be 29. Some days I feel very old, some days I feel very young. 

Physically - I feel my years. 

Yesterday, I had a rather epic stumble (yes, epic.. it's an overused word but in this case fairly appropriate). I'm somewhat accustomed to that... steady on my feet is not something I am - though one would think, as a Taurus and as someone who has been doing yoga/tai chi/random other things, I'd be grounded. I blame that on my dad's side of the family for reasons too numerous to mention. Today, my ankle and my knee aches and still I dragged myself went to a Zumba class. 

I bless the moment I decided to attend that first Zumba class. It's very freeing and there is a joy in being able to fully move and use all my limbs. I'm not the most coordinated but... I'm getting there... the moves are coming easier, I feel the difference in my body (muscles! I have muscles again!). Sometimes I try to be aware of each movement of my body (breathe in and out, tense and relax), sometimes I just try to flow with the music. In some ways I think I'm more fit now than I've been at most other times in my life. I am definitely happier with my body than I've been at other points in my life. I've never been very fond of exercise but... there's something to be said of the ability to use one's body as it's meant to be used and I've found that it's a very good way to release any stress I may be feeling.

Giving thanks this week... today I give thanks for my body... that I'm healthy and whole and can get it to do what I want it to do (most times). 

Happy Monday all!

peace,

Ren

Holy possible lawsuit Batman?!

"Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again". ~Joseph Campbell

I really have an issue with naming stuff... blog posts, photos, imaginary people (Bob, any imaginary person shall always be called Bob). Today's blog post title is inspired both by the content of the post and the fact that my brother posted as his FB status: "Holy allergies Batman!", which made me laugh and also made me sad since there is the possibility that he's going to go off to study in foreign again and I will miss his physical presence. 

Anyway. 

A friend expressed concern about the fact that I blog about my mum and her medical... stuff... Talked a bit about consent and confidentiality and the fact that the whole world can read whatever I write here. Was pointed in the direction of the 'Universal Declaration of Human Rights' and also the 'Patient's Charter of Rights'... both of which are very interesting reads. 

I talked to my mum. She's a reader of the blog and perhaps my number one supporter. She's fine with me writing about her medical business. It's up to me to decide how much I would and would not write. 

I think this is how it should be. I view the blog as a sort of sacred space... where I can express my thoughts/ideas/feelings - it's a sharing and a release. I won't write each and every detail but I will write if I'm thoughtful... or bothered in some way. 

Ah well. One day she says I'll write her biography. Maybe one day I'll write an autobiography. I guess we'll see. In the meantime I'm thankful that my family is one where we can talk easily freely about our health and our feelings and life in general.  

I think it's important to have persons to share with... does not necessarily have to be blood-related - but persons that one can be comfortable with.

Hope you have at least one such person.

peace,

Ren

Two informative videos...

"Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." ~Malcolm Forbes

These are related to events happening in the world and in my life. I'm not up to writing about them but I probably will at some point... in the meantime? Videos... yay!

The first: a short documentary explaining what is SOPA and PIPA

If you were on the Internet yesterday you may have come across lots of sites/people talking about this... I'd have liked it if one of our local tech persons had talked about it (maybe someone did and I missed it?)... 

The second: Health at Work... 

I'm thinking the management people at my workplace should look at this video. Still having issues. Stayed home today... staying home tomorrow... looking at job vacancies. Really need to figure out what I'd like to be doing. 

Happy Thursday all...

peace,

Ren

Not going to work tomorrow.

"Re-examine all that you have been told. Dismiss that which insults your soul." ~Walt Whitman 

I called in sick today - whenever I enter my office building, and especially my department, it feels as though I can't breathe. Wasn't up to dealing with that today... especially as I woke up with my chest aching and a sore throat. I was thinking of going tomorrow and leaving early. My dad thinks I should just stay home - both to make a point and to rest/recover. It's a big deal when my dad says to stay home because he's the one that has always insisted on me going to school/work. 

I'm annoyed with my workplace. I'm annoyed with myself for staying at my workplace. Time for a new job definitely.

I'm not going to work tomorrow.

peace,

Ren

A pill a day...

"To keep the body in good health is a duty – otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear." ~Buddha

I have a headache - I've had it since Sunday so today is Day 5 of me-with-a-headache. Constant  pounding pain in my head though today it's down to a dull roar. I fear it still makes me think that I'm dying. I don't do well with headaches... I'd rather any other body part ache but really? my head? OW. ow. ow. ow. I'm also somewhat nauseous... and I admit that the world tilts sometimes when I stand up. By Tuesday (day 3 of me-with-a-headache) I started wondering if something was seriously wrong with me. Pain-nauseau-dizziness sorta indicates non-healthiness.

By yesterday though (day 4!) I figured out what it was. In fact I had an epiphany... what was wrong with me? I came off the pill. Ta da! I'm having withdrawal symptoms I guess. I must say they suck extremely... and it's kinda unfair that it was easy to go on (no side-effects [that I'm aware of] apart from clearer skin - which admittedly is a great side-effect) and now that I've decided to give my body a break and let it get back to regulating itself I'm having issues. Aargh.

I was put on the pill by my doctor... and I'm going to lay the blame for this bit of drama squarely at the feet of this MBA (I'm still not convinced it's worth it). Apparently I was so stressed (and you can probably read about that stress in earlier posts) that my hormones and therefore my cycle went out of whack. What was needed? Pills. Or just one pill a day really. I started in October and now that it's the beginning of April I thought I'd stop... or take a break... or something so. Because the truth of it is that I hate pills / tablets  / syrups / medication. I'm near completion with the MBA... I'm not having sex... it's my birth month... all good reasons in my mind for coming off the birth control pill - cuz that's what this pill is. Yes, there are benefits to the pill... I'm just not sure that the side-effects (listed [by the pill's maker] and non-listed [has there been enough study on the effects of the pill? each woman has a different reaction from what I've heard]) are worth the benefits. Especially not now that my head feels as though it's splitting open. Am going to try to figure out how to manage my hormones, my body, myself without the aid of pills.. patches.. shots.. any other thing that the medical community may come up with. It's not that I don't think medications and the like aren't useful (lord knows right now I can use some painkillers)... just that in this case - this area of taking care of my own health - I'd like to go as natural as possible.

It's World Health Day today - this year's theme focuses on 'Combat Drug Resistance…..No Action Today, No Cure Tomorrow’. So much is happening in the world ... I think that if we focus first on our health then we can focus on the health of our families and communities. I need to remind myself of this at times. This year's theme for the Blue Star's Forty Days is 'Secrets to True Well-Being - Tap into the Transforming Power of Consciousness'. It's something I'm following and speaks to the development of ourselves through development of our consciousness - our spiritual self - of healing from within. Thinking a lot about my health today.  

peace,

Ren

Bad Hair Day...

"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair." ~Audrey Hepburn

I'm having a bit of a bad hair day. My hair does not usually do what I want it to do on any given day and usually I don't give a hoot. Today though, I saw myself in the mirror of our washroom at work and had a moment of "what's going on with my hair?!". It is now currently twirled up into a clip on my head. I know what's up with it of course - it got washed today... the day it's been washed my hair looks frizzy... the day after that it starts to become somewhat-tame... the day after that I can usually get it to do something close to what I want it to do... then the process starts over.

Ah well. I'm not one to fuss over my hair. I get haircuts usually twice a year... I don't like to put stuff in it... I'm a brush-and-go kinda girl. I've only recently tried my hand at using a flat-iron (though I admit to having both a flat-iron and a curling-iron since... forever).

On days like this I remind myself to be grateful for the hair I have... most times I'm happy with it... when I'm not in the Caribbean it [sometimes] looks like movie-star hair (damn you humidity!). I always remember a story I read in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book (I'm not sure which one... it was a long time ago) in which a girl was having a no-hair day - she had alopecia. I think too about my mom who has lost all her hair on more than one occasion due to chemo. I remember the first time it was happening I asked if she wanted me to shave off mine as well - she didn't like the idea... said that she was losing hers but that didn't mean I had to lose mine as well.

Taking the moment now to be thankful for the hair I have... and for being healthy as well.

peace,

Ren