Stuck?

"You have to do what you love to do, not get stuck in that comfort zone of a regular job. Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is it." ~Lucinda Basset

I am stuck... and there, I have said it. Career-wise I have no clue. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know why I want to do it. Perhaps I need a counsellor? A career coach? Ergh.

I need to be doing something that will allow me to have the same (or higher) salary as I do now (I've got bills to pay... *sigh*). Something that is helpful but fun. Something that lets me not sit by a desk all day.

I don't really know what that something is.

Dammit.

Apart from that though... I'm doing alright. Went to the second Trinidad and Tobago World Peace Festival last Saturday. No photos this time around cuz I felt somewhat claustrophobic... too many people... I'm glad that people are interested and were taking part but... I do not like crowds. Went on a Treasure Queen Cruise with the cute guy... I believe it was done to raise funds for Paddle for the Planet. There is so much going on in T&T that it annoys me somewhat when people say there's nothing to do.

The mother is looking somewhat frail these days - there isn't much I can do that I'm not doing. I don't actually know what else I should be doing. I feel slightly guilty about that. The father is talking retirement and a house in Mayaro and us (my brother and I) taking on more responsibilities... I'm already paying most of the bills and buying most of the groceries and other miscellaneous whatevers... Ergh... and hello? Exactly how am I supposed to have a life of my own when I'm taking care of things that I'm not quite sure I'm supposed to be taking care of? I'm kinda waiting to see what happens with the brother and his search for... a career... or something that will provide funds.

I feel somewhat grumpy... and moody... and claustrophobic is the best word that comes to mind... as though the walls are closing in and there's no way out of the space I find myself in.

*sigh*

Going out with the cute guy later though... and some of the girl ppl... and some of the photowalkers... sushi date - which is a funny thing when I don't eat seafood.

Must psych self into better mood.

Happy Tuesday all.

peace,

Ren