Almost tears and tears.

"I want to cry", said the mother to me earlier today. She was sitting on her bed, all fragile-looking and in no way resembling the very vital woman that is the image I have of her. Cancer, and the toll it can take on one's body, sucks. It is hard seeing her not able to do things that she wants to do... or having conversations and having to wait for her to make the connections that were once so easy for her to make. At times like these I wonder how she has managed to stay with us for so long. She was first diagnosed when I was 13... I'm going to be 30 this year. It's been rough on all of us but, of course, on her most of all. I am unsure if I could do the same. 

I gave her a hug and told her she'd be alright and that if she wanted to cry then she should. She didn't. Just pulled herself together and then we had lunch. 

After lunch I had my own mini-meltdown and burst into tears. Frustration, sadness, tiredness... a bit of vexation due to my dad and brother. There was a time when I wouldn't cry for anything... at all. I'm not sure what changed... it seems that as I get older my emotions run deeper. 

Or something. 

I've realized that it's far easier to cry and release the emotions than it is to let it build and stress me out. 

Do you need to cry today?

peace,

Ren

Cry if you need to...

"Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it." ~Albert Smith

This is my advice to you.

If you're tired or in pain or sad or happy or excited or just don't know what you're feeling... cry if you need to.

Wednesday nights have recently become a major tv-watching time for my mom and I... there's The Middle, then Suburgatory and lastly America's Next Top Model. We are couch potatoes... lazy bums... slaves to the tv gods... anyway. So last night my mom sneaks away to her room after the end of The Middle... I go to find out what's up (aka check up on her)... and find her crying.

Dear cancer (and all the other pain/trauma/drama that you cause), I really dislike you.

My mom doesn't like to cry in front of us... somewhat understandable since I'm not one to cry in front of people (family/friend/acquaintance/stranger) either. Also, if she starts to cry then odds are likely that I'll start to cry as well. She said to me that she just needed to cry a bit and then she'd come back out to watch ANTM... Oh mama, I love you.

If you need to cry at any point then just do it. Forget about what other people think or how your tears may affect them... if the need to cry is great then just do it. Channel the Nike people.

It's my opinion that crying is good for the soul. Cleansing.. like the feel of the day when a thunderstorm has just passed. I'm not the only one that thinks this... being the person that I am I did research (a smidgen but it still counts) and found this article: The Healing Properties of Tears: 7 good reasons to cry your eyes out.

See? Not just one ... seven good reasons.

If you feel that you need permission, if you just can't let go, if you need to be in a safe place.. I'm saying it's ok. Permission granted. Find that space where you can just be.

Cry if you need to.

peace,

Ren