The last day - MMXII

It's a weird day where I feel claustrophobic but don't want to move out of my space... or see people... or get dressed... or whatever. It's actually been a weird month in that respect. Almost back out to work for me... end of the year is also equal to end of vacation. End of vacation is equal to end of lazing around time with family and with the cute guy though I find that I haven't really done much of either... perhaps they find so as well. 

It's been an interesting year... ups and downs - the highest up being the cute guy, the lowest down being the health of my mom. The in-between mix of friendship and career and life purpose. In 2013 I shall be 30... I'm not sure I've accomplished what I want to accomplish by the time I'm 30 but then I've never really known what I want to accomplish. Perhaps I need to figure out that vision instead of waiting for things to fall into place - things will happen as they may, events will unfold as they will... I think I may have inklings of the direction I'd like them to follow. 

What do you wish for in 2013? What do you let go of from 2012? What do you want to remain? What have you learnt? 

It's a period of questioning for me. 

Some things that I've looked at recently that have made me thoughtful, made me laugh and filled me with...wonder:

• The 15 most popular Letters of Note of 2012
• The Best New and Short Webcomics of 2012
• A history of the universe in 127 seconds
• The Best of Open Culture 2012

Enjoy the rest of 2012! All the best for 2013!

peace,

Ren 

& the Universe responds...

"When you live your life with an appreciation of coincidences and their meanings, you connect with the underlying field of infinite possibilities." ~Deepak Chopra

I've been dying since yesterday... and that's Renspeak for "I've had the most awful headache since yesterday"... Ow. Really Ow. I think I've mentioned before just how much I don't like headaches... But then, just when I've hit my most pitiful moment ... when I feel like holding my head and just bursting into tears (because really... OW!)... I get an email. It's from Care2 and has as its very first listed article: 'Mind Tricks for Relieving Pain'...

Ah Universe - your reminders come at the most appropriate times. Bless you.

peace,

Ren 

Tidbit Thursday...

Time: 2:38 am

Mood: alert

There are days when I take my time with waking up but that requires conscious decision that.. No. I do not need to get up just yet... Usually I go from asleep to awake in under 2 minutes.

I awake today to the sound of rain pounding on the roof. I lie awake listening to it for some minutes but then the thought crosses my mind - maybe I should take a video? - so I can share with the non-tropical world what a thunderstorm really sounds like... Alas, I'm too lazy at this hour to put on my light and get out my camera - just know world that it sounds like a muted roar sorta like what you'd think 40 nights and days or rain would sound like. Occasional flashes of lightening and I wait for the thunder but maybe it's too far away to hear it?

I wish I could lie here but I'm not built like that - must check to see that all is well before I can allow myself that luxury. I find myself hovering outside my brother's closed bedroom door - is all well? How can one tell through a closed door? No sound from inside and one must go on faith... Make my way on silent feet to my mom's room - I can walk silently if I have to though now all footsteps or soft sounds are drowned out by the falling rain. Hover by my mom's bedside and wait to see the comforting rise and fall of her chest as she sleeps - I've done this more times with her than other family members... Just because. One more to check on but first a detour to look through the windows at the pouring rain. Turning around am almost shocked by the sight of another person - no worries, just dad - and now you know I'm not the only one that does these checks (I imagine it must be frustrating for him now that my brother and I close our bedroom doors to sleep).

We go to look out the back windows... Can't see the river in the dark... Quick prayer that it's not on the rise though the rain has been falling heavily for some time. Soft discussion about the quantity of water coming through the spouting - our drains weren't built to hold so much water...travelling plans for the day...general plans for the day. I see the curtains move in the house across the street - we're not the only ones awake. It's mildly ironic that our weatherman said there was only 10% chance of bad weather... The national hurricane has us ready for storm watch but the weatherman wasn't sure why...

Time to go back to bed and I think I'll leave my door open for the rest of the night...just because.

-----***-----

Time: 3:36 pm

Mood: drowsy

Perhaps I need a siesta? Am at work - as I have been since 8: 10 this am... As soon as I got here I was ready to go back home. There was flood and traffic and was just really glad I wasn't the one driving. Got dropped to work by my dad cuz my brother has to carry mum for radiation. Ergh.

Am not sure how I feel about that. Strong tests by the Universe for all of us I guess. I just want her to be well. I think unless persons have been in similar situations they won't know all the drama that comes with having a family member with a serious (considered serious) illness. There's a lot of up and down emotions happening for me which I'm trying to level off. Positive thoughts needed.

I wanna go home. My computer at work is not working (I'm on someone else's right now) but yet I have so much work to do! It's an additional hassle that is not needed. Buck up IT... have spare parts... Geez. My head hurts.

Am being kidnapped after work though am a willing victim. Am bumming a ride you see (don't have my car remember?) and so we're going to have either indian or thai or chinese food after work. Yay! food! lol...

It's still not time to leave. Argh! Back to work for me...

-----***-----

Time: 11:38 pm

Mood: Contemplative

I should have gone to bed earlier. Came home and checked on mum. Day 1/5 of radiation treatment for cancer in her spine... day-am-not-sure-what of side effects caused by cancer treatments. One day the cure for cancer shall be simple and pain-free. Hopefully that day will come sooner than later. 

I've got to go to school on Saturday... to find out whether my dissertation proposal has been approved or not. I feel... no enthusiasm... am going through the motions... why am I doing this again? I must remind myself constantly. Personally, I don't think it's worth the hassle. 

Tomorrow is Eid-ul-Fitr - have been invited by one of my girlfriends. I've always found it interesting that the end of the year has so many celebrations... Eid, Divali, Christmas... that's what we've got here... all equally celebrated. It's a spiritual time I think... a coming back to ourselves... reaffirm... realign. 

I need to go to bed. 

Nite all...

peace,

Ren

What’s Calling You? Tips For Listening to Signs from the Universe That Guide Your Path | Owning Pink

"What about you? What’s calling you? What would you do if you took fear out of the equation? If someone handed you a microphone and put you in front of an audience on the last day of your life, what would you say to the world?" ~Lissa Rankin

Just sharing this article:

What’s Calling You? Tips For Listening to Signs from the Universe That Guide Your Path Owning Pink

 

 

peace,

Rtr

Family Dynamics...

"The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to."  ~Dodie Smith

My family... words cannot express how much they mean to me... or how much I love them... or how much they can (individually and combined) drive me crazy.

There are some that say that we don't choose our families... then there are those that say that we do  - that as souls we choose that group of souls where we'd learn whatever lessons we need to before our return to the source... those souls that would help us along in our path. In my heart, I believe in the second view... there are no other persons that can perhaps understand me as much as my family or who can push my buttons as much as they can. 

This time spent together for my brother's graduation has brought this home. I love them, I do. There is to me no stronger bond than blood though perhaps this may change (deepen? expand...) when I find someone I'm willing to share my life with. There is nothing that can get me as worked up as a threat (perceived or real) to any of my close family members... What do you do though when it's those same members fighting (whether they realise it or not) amongst themselves? 

What do you do when you understand where each one is coming from but you  can't make them understand each other? How do you explain your own feelings on the matter without it coming up as emotional word vomit? That's how I get... if it's something close to my heart then there's no way I can be dispassionate. Detachment - something we all must learn... I'm finding it hard where family is concerned. 

We're all spiritual beings having a human experience... all at different stages of our growth... entering young adulthood, entering adulthood, full adults... From this weekend alone I can sense that there's going to be family drama in the future. Adjustments to be made... lessons to be learned... 

Dear Universe, strength needed for times ahead...

peace,

Rtr

Synchronicity...

"Synchronicity is choreographed by a great, pervasive intelligence that lies at the heart of nature, and is manifest in each of us through intuitive knowledge." ~Deepak Chopra

I've been trying to become more aware of all the coincidences in my life... the patterns that play out... the little things that lie on the edge of your mind that if you just become aware of would make life so much simpler, easier or more magical. 

As I've said in a previous post... I sometimes have an idea of what I want to write about... and so sometimes when the idea of what I want to write about sticks with me till I reach the stage where I'm writing - I do background research... lol... just cuz.. reading - one of the things I do best... and like to do best... hmm. 

I'm going off-topic though... am writing about synchronicity and one of the links I came across led to this great paragraph:

"Synchronicities are people, places or events that your soul attracts into your life to help you evolve to higher consciousness or to place emphasis on something going on in your life. The more 'consciously aware' you become of how your soul manifests, the higher your frequency becomes and the faster you manifest positively. Each day your life encounters meaningful coincidences, synchronicities, that you have attracted, on other words created in the grid of your experiences in the physical. Souls create synchronicities, played out in the physical. It is why you are here. It is how our reality works. "

 That pretty much sums up everything I want to say... It's a great principle to think about... become aware of... and sometimes when I think about it the memory that comes to mind is of the homeless man from Bruce Almighty... if you haven't seen the movie... go out and do so now.

And in case, dear reader, you're wondering what got me to thinking bout it today... I'll let you know... I subscribe to Story People's newsletter... got this in my inbox today:

"You carry this much stuff on your back, he said, & see how jolly you get."

And then I came home and as I was passing through our living room I glanced at one of the daily-calendar things we've got sitting on our television: 

It's the one on the far left which says today, April 23rd:

"Knock, knock,  

Who's there? 

Goliath.

Goliath who?

Goliath down, you looketh tired." 

~Clean Laffs

Obviously the Universe is trying to tell me that I'm taking on too much which is making me grumpy and I should go lie down. Obviously. Lol... At least that's my interpretation.

Dear Universe, You Rule!

Going to bed now. 

peace,

Rtr