Reminiscing...

"Human intelligence is richer and more dynamic than we have been led to believe by formal academic education." ~Sir Ken Robinson

Thought I'd use today's NaBloPoMo writing prompt. Simple question really: 'How did you feel about the start of the school year growing up?' School .. whether it be primary or secondary.. starts back this Monday in Trinidad and Tobago. Teachers have to be at work today.. prepping I guess? Apparently there are meetings and discussions on what will happen during the new school year, how the school would be run and how the children would be managed. It's a Very Big Undertaking I've heard. Children today are not the same as they were ten, five or even three years ago. Resources are limited. The work is changing.

 

I've always viewed school through many different lenses. I was a student. My parents and a few of my aunts were teachers. I have family that were principals and some that still are principals. School played a very big part in my early years.

 

How did I feel about the start of the school year growing up?

 

In preschool and kindergarten it was exciting - though I believe I cried the first few days. In primary school there was always a bit of anxiety... a bit of excitement... a bit of reluctance (who wants to give up holidays) and also curiousity (what has everyone else been up to?). In secondary school there was more anxiety... a bit of excitement... some apathy... I think in all cases I was unhappy that I'd not be home, happy to be with friends, interested/curious (though less so as I got older) about what would happen in the school year.  

The start of the school year was not just about my brother and I being prepared but my parents as well. It was an end to lazy days - getting back into the groove of their work day/our school day. It was reacquainting ourselves with waking up at dawn, getting everyone out the door on time, lunchtimes and recesses and the management of schoolwork and housework.

It was not particularly welcome. It just was. Return of a wave that's gone far out to sea. Now that I'm an adult I miss it. I think that at least there was an idea of what to expect in the year ahead... It's not like that anymore - it's somewhat of a disruption to routine that I'm taking time to get used to. Perhaps it does encourage one to look forward to individual moments .. or to cherish what is in the now.

peace,

Ren

Things that can annoy me at 3 a.m.

"Every failure to cope with a life situation must be laid, in the end, to a restriction of consciousness. Wars and temper tantrums are the makeshifts of ignorance; regrets are illuminations come too late." ~Joseph Campbell 

In no particular order:

• being ill - especially when there's a lot going on right now.
• the family dog - who apparently does not sleep but talks to other dogs in the neighbourhood throughout the night. My mom has told me repeatedly that he's just an animal (and our pet! - there must be love) but... he's not barking outside your bedroom when you're trying to sleep mom. This is why I will forever love cats more than dogs... cats do their own thing in the night... have never been awakened and kept awake by any cat... cats are just quieter.
• mosquitoes - because even when you try to clear out all from the room before bedtime they're still there... and they don't annoy you in groups... they annoy you one at a time... we need to get more mosquito swatters.
• webbing - because webbing in my house = huge xyz spiders... I'm comfortable with tiny little spiders but not huge spiders bigger than my hand. After being awakened by the points above I decided to use the bathroom... I go through the door and there is webbing... across my legs... O_o I hastily back out of there (not gonna turn around - who knows what's in there?!) ... I actually know what's in there - a spider bigger than my hand - I know because I saw it yesterday morning before I left for work and then told my dad to get rid of it - of course he said he couldn't find it (am not sure he even looked!) but... until such time as it is found and removed (I don't care how it is removed) I'll be using my parents' bathroom... because I have seen Arachnophobia and the shower scene was very memorable.
• school-work- because it's on my mind.
• work work - because I'd like to take today off as I'm not feeling well and would like to spend all day in bed but I also want to take two days off next week for the birthday so... hmm.
• the fact that I'm annoyed to start with - I'm a big girl... I know about the world and whatnot... none of these things should bother me yet I am annoyed... and also not sleeping. 

*sigh*

Hope you all have a good day...

peace,

Ren

Trying to avoid some doom-and-gloom feelings...

"No matter what the issue is, don’t try to justify why you don’t feel good. And don’t try to justify why you should feel differently. Don’t try to blame whatever it is you think the reason is that’s keeping you from feeling good. All of that is wasted effort. Just try to feel better right now." ~Abraham-Hicks 

I've been in a gloomy mood for most of this weekend. I've got some final school work to do and that's the main cause... it's a mystery to me my ability to sit and write anything except school work-type-stuff. I can write sensible and most times pretty great reports for work in any kind of time-crunch. I can write blog posts out of a barest hint of an idea. Why, dear Goddess, can I not find the words to finish this school work? Aargh. Hand-in date for this stuff - April 26th - 2 days before my birthday. It really needs to get done. Soon. For my peace of mind and emotional well-being. 

I'm also in a bit of a mood because of my upcoming birthday... it's weird - I'm usually very happy about my birthday. Am not sure what it is but this year seems to be one of great self-evaluation. What do I want for myself (and why - I can't just leave it at the initial question - there must be some sort of rationale). 

My head aches and my eyes ache and it's hot. I am bummy. Bleh. 

On the upside?

• I'm learning to make jewellery - which is something I've been wanting to do for some time - attended the 2nd class yesterday... go me!
• I got ice-cream - Cheesecake with waffle cone mixed in - bless you Cold Stone Creamery... and bless you mom & M for going with me. 
• Chef Nate Appleman won the Chopped All-Stars competition - yay! 
• Found this site through stumbling - it has amused me. It analyses your past life by using the date you were born in this life... it may be bogus but I am still amused... this is what I got:

"Your past life diagnosis:

---

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern South Japan around the year 1050. Your profession was that of a builder of roads, bridges and docks.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:Person with huge energy, good in planning and supervising. If you were just garbage-man, you were chief garbage-man.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:You are bound to learn to understand other people and to meet all difficulties of life with a joyful heart. You should help others by bringing them a spirit of joy.

---

Do you remember now?"

I must try to remember to help others by bringing them a spirit of joy (um :s .. how?). I've always felt that I was once in Japan. No comment on the chief garbage-man (woman) position... lol 

Trying to be on the happy side. Wishing you a positive week ahead.

peace,

Ren

Kinda.. sorta.. in-between?

"A traveler am I, and a navigator, and every day I discover a new region within my soul." ~Kahlil Gibran

I'm feeling a bit .. hazy. Not quite sure how to describe it. Tomorrow I leave for California - it's an all-day travelling experience from Piarco to Miami to Dallas to Santa Ana. It takes me back 4 hours in time... California is apparently 4 hours behind us. Am excited/thrilled/happy to be travelling and going somewhere new and meeting up with people... at the same time I'm anxious/tired/stressed cuz I'm wondering what's gonna happen here with my family and tired cuz it's been very hectic getting tickets (which increase in price constantly) and organising funds and arranging for leave and stressed cuz it's new... yes I do like meeting new ppl and old ppl that are new cuz I haven't seen them in so long but it's still somewhat stressful to me.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my grandma's death (on my mom's side) - I'd never have remembered if my brother hadn't been grumbling that my mom had been moody all day and then she grumped that well it was the day of her mom's death so she was allowed to be grumpy. I don't remember death days. Birthdays -yes... anniversaries - sometimes... death days? barely. It feels kinda strange to be going to a wedding now of my cousin who was close to my grandparents and not have them be there. Time passes and we forget yet remember.

It's also the 60th anniversary of my secondary school... Holy Faith Convent (Couva) was the first secondary school in Central Trinidad... my mom, her sisters, my cousins and I have gone there... Last night on the news they were showing clips of the school and students and etc. I remember what it was like to go there, the classes and the uniforms and the friendships. I had, I think, a pretty calm school life... very little drama, lots of fun days... When you're in them you think of what's ahead and it's only when it's gone that you wish you'd taken the time to treasure it more.

I'm in a mood. Nostalgic? Hmm.. maybe. Saving up the energy to fully enjoy and appreciate the next two weeks away from work and home. The thing about it is that I would enjoy it just as much if my home ppl were going too. Ah well.

I'm gonna be a bridesmaid ;)

peace,

Ren

Tidbit Thursday...

Time: 2:38 am

Mood: alert

There are days when I take my time with waking up but that requires conscious decision that.. No. I do not need to get up just yet... Usually I go from asleep to awake in under 2 minutes.

I awake today to the sound of rain pounding on the roof. I lie awake listening to it for some minutes but then the thought crosses my mind - maybe I should take a video? - so I can share with the non-tropical world what a thunderstorm really sounds like... Alas, I'm too lazy at this hour to put on my light and get out my camera - just know world that it sounds like a muted roar sorta like what you'd think 40 nights and days or rain would sound like. Occasional flashes of lightening and I wait for the thunder but maybe it's too far away to hear it?

I wish I could lie here but I'm not built like that - must check to see that all is well before I can allow myself that luxury. I find myself hovering outside my brother's closed bedroom door - is all well? How can one tell through a closed door? No sound from inside and one must go on faith... Make my way on silent feet to my mom's room - I can walk silently if I have to though now all footsteps or soft sounds are drowned out by the falling rain. Hover by my mom's bedside and wait to see the comforting rise and fall of her chest as she sleeps - I've done this more times with her than other family members... Just because. One more to check on but first a detour to look through the windows at the pouring rain. Turning around am almost shocked by the sight of another person - no worries, just dad - and now you know I'm not the only one that does these checks (I imagine it must be frustrating for him now that my brother and I close our bedroom doors to sleep).

We go to look out the back windows... Can't see the river in the dark... Quick prayer that it's not on the rise though the rain has been falling heavily for some time. Soft discussion about the quantity of water coming through the spouting - our drains weren't built to hold so much water...travelling plans for the day...general plans for the day. I see the curtains move in the house across the street - we're not the only ones awake. It's mildly ironic that our weatherman said there was only 10% chance of bad weather... The national hurricane has us ready for storm watch but the weatherman wasn't sure why...

Time to go back to bed and I think I'll leave my door open for the rest of the night...just because.

-----***-----

Time: 3:36 pm

Mood: drowsy

Perhaps I need a siesta? Am at work - as I have been since 8: 10 this am... As soon as I got here I was ready to go back home. There was flood and traffic and was just really glad I wasn't the one driving. Got dropped to work by my dad cuz my brother has to carry mum for radiation. Ergh.

Am not sure how I feel about that. Strong tests by the Universe for all of us I guess. I just want her to be well. I think unless persons have been in similar situations they won't know all the drama that comes with having a family member with a serious (considered serious) illness. There's a lot of up and down emotions happening for me which I'm trying to level off. Positive thoughts needed.

I wanna go home. My computer at work is not working (I'm on someone else's right now) but yet I have so much work to do! It's an additional hassle that is not needed. Buck up IT... have spare parts... Geez. My head hurts.

Am being kidnapped after work though am a willing victim. Am bumming a ride you see (don't have my car remember?) and so we're going to have either indian or thai or chinese food after work. Yay! food! lol...

It's still not time to leave. Argh! Back to work for me...

-----***-----

Time: 11:38 pm

Mood: Contemplative

I should have gone to bed earlier. Came home and checked on mum. Day 1/5 of radiation treatment for cancer in her spine... day-am-not-sure-what of side effects caused by cancer treatments. One day the cure for cancer shall be simple and pain-free. Hopefully that day will come sooner than later. 

I've got to go to school on Saturday... to find out whether my dissertation proposal has been approved or not. I feel... no enthusiasm... am going through the motions... why am I doing this again? I must remind myself constantly. Personally, I don't think it's worth the hassle. 

Tomorrow is Eid-ul-Fitr - have been invited by one of my girlfriends. I've always found it interesting that the end of the year has so many celebrations... Eid, Divali, Christmas... that's what we've got here... all equally celebrated. It's a spiritual time I think... a coming back to ourselves... reaffirm... realign. 

I need to go to bed. 

Nite all...

peace,

Ren

The things that can happen in 10 days...

"Let us not get so busy or live so fast that we can't listen to the music of the meadow or the symphony that glorifies the forest. Some things in the world are far more important than wealth; one of them is the ability to enjoy simple things." ~Dale Carnegie

A recap of the days that I've not blogged:

• 
  
  Saturday 26th into Sunday 27th: School (E&I class - Yay!, OT class - Boo!), Night of the Bridesmaids (Spartacus + Pizza + Entertainment from male stripper + Late night run to SuperPharm + Dance till morning @ 51 + Swimming Pool fun = Overall Fabulous Girl Time) 
• 
  
  Fully Sunday 27th: Intention Setting - Discussion group based on this talk 
• 
  
  Monday 28th: Bridesmaid shoe bought. Bronze. Sky-high heel. Whoa. Work work work.
• 
  
  Tuesday 29th: Work work work. bleh.
• 
  
  Wednesday 30th: Work work work. Birthday cake + Ice cream @ work. Tassa practice.
• 
  
  Thursday 1st July: Mum's Birthday!!! Age not to be disclosed (if I'm letting ppl know then I must tell them she's 44 - that's not her age though)... much blessings of health and good fortune and love always mum. No work... muahahaha! Happy Canada Day!
• 
  
  Friday 2nd July: Work work work. Tassa practice. Visit from cousins who visiting.
• 
  
  Saturday 3rd July: School: (E&I class - Yay!, OT class - Boo!), Death Anniversary of Relative - Prayers... Prayers food... Germany won their match against Argentina!!!
• 
  
  Sunday 4th July: Free day! no work! no school! be overwhelmed with exhaustion - sleep all day? nah just half... Happy 4th of July!

What have you all been doing?

peace,

Rtr

Manifest...

"I said to my soul, be still, and wait...So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing." ~
T.S. Eliot 

My moment of silence and stillness comes at 4.07 in the morning. I don't get enough time to appreciate it or sit with it or lay down with it I think... Eyes snap open and there is a moment of peace before all that I must do and have to get done for the day rushes in. I manifest a day when I can just lay there and enjoy hearing the dawn break and the world wake up. Or maybe instead of thinking of work I go outside in the cool before the heat and listen to the birds... they're really noisy now. 

It's Good Friday and after all those RI classes and catholic-school attendance... I can't remember what it means... Am trying to find the vision and mission and objectives of an oil service company for a study group meeting today. I don't believe in oil companies or oil service companies ... pretty tough spot to be in when your country's economy is based on oil & gas... Why am I doing this again?

When I was a little girl Good Friday's were for waking up before the sun came up to break an egg...collect the egg white.. put it in a glass of water? I can't remember... What patterns do the sunlight make when it hits the egg white? It'll tell your future for the year... Hopes, dreams, aspirations... maybe a different way of manifesting... does it only work on Good Friday? I'll have to find out. 

Am off to do my school work.. study group meeting at 9 am... 

Manifesting a day of calm nothingness... not today but maybe this weekend? 

peace,

Rtr